Ian Tynan had been a teacher at the school for eighteen years, and he was proud of the fact that he made time to chat to each and every substitute teacher who passed through those hallowed doors, no matter how short a time they were here for. The new guy, the one called Me, was a tall one, with an interesting moustache, and he wore a robe and one of those six-sided hats. He stood in the middle of the staffroom, peering at every teacher who passed.

Ian walked up to him. “Welcome to the madhouse,” he chuckled. “Name’s Ian.”

They shook hands. “Hello, Ian. The name’s Me. Honolulu Me.”

Ian frowned slightly. “That’s quite an unusual name you got there.”

“And yet believable,” said Honolulu. “My parents met in Hawaii, you see. It’s where they fell in love. After a whirlwind romance, they got married, and I was born nine months later, which you’ll find is the customary length of time for a pregnancy to come to full term. They named me Honolulu, after the city that changed their lives. This is not an unusual decision, as many people are named after geographical locations.”

“That’s actually very sweet.”

“Is it?” said Honolulu. “Good. They died soon after in a terrible parasailing accident.”

“Oh. Oh, no. They were sharing the same parasail when it …?”

“No, actually, they were on separate parasail wings, as they’re called, but the boats that were towing them passed too close to each other and, well, I’m sure you can imagine what happened next. Still, at least they died in each other’s arms.”

“That’s … awful.”

“After their sad demise, I was raised in a series of orphanages, in which I had many adventures, and eventually I grew up and became a teacher. That’s the story of my life. Do you have a story of your life, Ian?”

“Not … not one as eventful as yours.”

“Then I thank you for not sharing it with me. Can I ask you a question, though? Have you noticed anything unusual lately?”

“What kind of unusual?”

Honolulu chuckled. “Oh, nothing sinister, I assure you! Just regular levels of unusual. Have you noticed, for instance, somebody acting strangely, or someone seeming drained of energy, or maybe you’ve seen some ghostly apparitions, anything like that?”

“Apparitions?”

“Ghostly apparitions, yes. What about voices? Have you been hearing any voices?”

“You mean apart from yours? No, no voices.”

“Oh, good,” said Honolulu, failing to hide the look of disappointment on his face.

“You’re a strange man, Honolulu.”

“It’s a strange world, Ian.”