The taxi pulled to a stop alongside the dock. The driver jumped out to help his two elderly passengers and one fidgety pseudo-service dog out of the backseat.
“Sure has been a pleasure drivin’ you folks. The wife will really be impressed when I tell her I met some real live famous magicians. Of course I’ve never heard of you, but who cares? If you say you were famous, that’s good enough for me.”
As if to impress the driver, Sterling—ever prepared—did a little sleight-of-hand flourish and pulled a few scarves out of his sleeve.
“Say, you’re pretty quick for an old guy—um, I mean for a distinguished gentleman.”
Sterling smiled and paid the driver, adding a generous tip. “Thanks for buggy ride, young fella.” Waldo strained at his leash reminding Sterling that he had some doggie business to take care of. The oldsters spotted a little patch of grass near the boat ramp and walked Waldo over to a clump of bushes at its border.
“Boy, that Quick Rick was a terrific guy, wasn’t he?” Sterling tightened his grip on the bag containing the new illusion. “Can’t wait to use this baby. I’ll bet the crowd at the Has-Beens will be surprised to see a new trick.”
“I’ll tell you what surprised me—it was the poster on his wall with the picture of that poor girl. It sure sounded like Rick would have liked to get close to her.” Flossie’s voice took on an indignant tone. “It’s a crying shame that a freak accident should snuff out a pretty young thing like that.”
“Sure is. And here we are, a couple of old farts and we’re still kicking.”
As they walked to the ship with the scent of sea air tickling their nostrils, Flossie stopped abruptly. She leaned against a nearby post and flexed her foot. “Hold on. My darned toe’s acting up again.” She slipped off her shoe and massaged her foot for a moment or two. “It’s okay now. What was I about to say? Oh, I know! I was wondering if she could have been saved by checking her charts that day.”
Sterling made no comment, he simply rolled his eyes.
After they boarded the ship, the first stop was the reception desk to see if Goldie and Belle were on board yet.
Waldo’s tail began to wag like a metronome set on 4/4 time when a booming alto voice behind them sang out, “Hey Handsome, I’ve been waiting for you.”
Just before he was enveloped in a crushing bear hug, Sterling’s eyebrows contracted and his mouth formed the words, “Oh no! It’s her.”
Three hundred pound Belle Pepper embraced him like a long-lost love, and for a moment he disappeared into swirls of pink, purple and kelly green polyester. He stared at the large woman in awe. Something had definitely changed since the last time he saw her. He shook his head to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him.
Belle fixed him with a “come hither” look as she patted her coiffure and batted her false eyelashes. “It’s really somethin’ isn’t it?” Amazing streaks of pink, purple and aquamarine hair stuck out in spikes around her chubby face.
Sterling shook his head. “Oh, it’s something all right! Only time I ever saw anything close to that hairdo was when Flossie flipped her wig in Vegas a while back. She had all kinds of colors and moons and stars, looked like some kind of space alien. What is it with you women, anyway?”
Trying to hold in her laughter, Goldie said, “It’s a small world Unk. Would you believe that the guy who owned the shop where Mom had her hair done in Nevada is teaching hair styling to inmates in prison now? As it turns out, his star student, Zeke Zipper, is an ex-con who’s working for Ruby at her beauty shop in Juneau.”
Flossie got a faraway look in her eye. “Oy, I felt like such a glamour puss with that hairdo, but I finally realized it was meant for a much younger woman.” She gave seventy-five year old Belle a wink. “Someone like you, dear.”
Goldie pried Belle off of her uncle’s arm. “Come on, Mama Belle, let’s give Unk a chance to catch his breath.” She winked at the old man as she pecked his cheek. “Man, it’s great to see you two. I’m so glad Red suggested that we meet you here in Vancouver.”
“Yeah, it’s gonna be lots of fun.” Belle’s loud voice resonated throughout the busy reception area. “This handsome Houdini and me have a heap of catching up to do, don’t we Honey?” She gave Sterling a friendly smack on the back that nearly sent the old man to the floor.
As he stumbled forward, Flossie raised an eyebrow, and a giggle escaped. Her knowing look said it all. Her brother-in-law was definitely in for five days of relentless pursuit by Belle Pepper. What a price to pay for a lovely visit with Goldie.
Sterling steadied himself and took a few steps away from the plus-sized coquette. He turned to Goldie. “We’ve been to the Grand Illusions Magic Shop and had a nice visit with Slick Nick’s grandson.”
Flossie added, “Do you remember him? Your father and I took you girls to that shop when you were kids.”
She tapped her chin while searching her memory. “Slick—Nick? Oh, the Canadian guy who built Daddy’s illusions. Of course. I remember having a little crush on him. I thought he was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. So how’s old Nick doing? And what’s his grandson like?”
Flossie answered. “The grandson—calls himself Quick Rick—looks really handsome, just like Nick. And a nice young man, too. He’s got one of our old posters on the wall. It’s a real antique. Guess how much he’s asking for it? Five hundred bucks!”
“Wow.”
“As for Nick, well, I’m afraid he’s doing magic tricks up there.” She raised her eyes and pointed toward heaven. “Dropped dead two years ago, and—”
Sterling looked a little misty. “—and there’ll never be another one like him. Nowadays they use all sorts of fancy electronic geegaws. Not like Nick’s good honest inventions. We saw all sorts of interesting stuff at the magic shop, though. Great poster collection, old ones—new ones, too. He had a big poster of a guy who calls himself Sheik Ali Kazaam. Goldie, you should’ve seen the turban he wears! Green and gold silk with a big fake diamond right in the middle, and lots of colored rhinestones around it. You know how I love stuff like that.”
“Aw, Unk, come on. A turban? Isn’t that a little outdated? Sort of like 1940s theatrics?”
“But that’s what magic’s all about. Theatrics!” He ran his fingers through his unruly gray hair. “Think I could get by with wearing one?” He held his hands up like a director framing a shot. “Mine would have a big green glass emerald. Maybe surrounded by glitzy sapphires.” The old man’s eyes sparkled and his hand swirled in the air. “Black and gold silk—”
Belle reached out and stroked his head. “And cover up this nice head of hair? You gotta be crazy.”
***
The Aurora Borealis pulled out of Vancouver late in the afternoon and headed north. The ship was big, but not big enough for Sterling to escape Belle’s ambush around every corner. While Flossie and Goldie enjoyed their time together, Belle seemed to pop up everywhere Sterling went. Even at Waldo’s potty stop. After cruising the scenic Inside Passage for two days, they finally arrived in Ketchikan, Alaska’s first port where they would spend an entire day.
When they reached the dock in Ketchikan, Sterling was the first one off the ship. He told Flossie, “You girls can stay on the ship if you like, I need to exercise Waldo on terra firma.” He whispered to Flossie, “Maybe I can escape that oversized peacock by ducking into a trinket shop or something.”
As he strolled along Creek Street, looking forward to a few hours away from Belle, Sterling heard the familiar crescendo behind him. “There you are, you naughty boy! You snuck off without me, but I’m sure you want some company. Sightseeing is no fun by yourself.”
Sterling stopped in his tracks. “Waldo needed to stretch his legs. But, you know, I’m getting a little tired now, think I’ll go back to the ship. I’m sure you’ll want to pop into some of these wonderful shops. Don’t let me stop you.”
He made a hasty getaway, checking over his shoulder a few times to make sure Belle wasn’t hot on his trail.
***
The next day, on the way to Wrangell to tour the totem park and tribal house, the gods smiled down on Sterling. As Belle was racing to catch up with him in the solarium, she collided with a wiry little man, half her size, decked out in an immaculate yachting outfit. A fringe of gray hair peeked out from under his snappy white and navy cap.
At the sound of the man falling to the deck, Sterling turned around to see what had happened. After getting back on his feet, the man tipped his hat to Belle. “Pardon me, Madam,” he said, standing just about even with her ample bosom. Then he pulled himself up to his full height and made a little bow while saying, “Windsor Newton the Third at your service. My friends call me Windy.”
Sterling heaved a sigh of relief, hoping Belle had a new target in her crosshairs.
He was right. From the moment Belle Pepper set her hooks into Windy, Sterling was apparently forgotten. She dragged her new quarry around Wrangell, regaling him with tales about the sights that awaited him in Juneau. That evening while Flossie and Sterling were taking Waldo for his nightly walk Flossie said, “What’s happened to Belle? I didn’t see her laying in wait for you today.”
He took a deep breath and a smile lit his face. “I think Belle the Bombshell is finally over me, Flossie. Good thing, too. I’ve tried to tell that woman she doesn’t ‘float my boat.’ Even told her about my committed relationship with Leo The Lion Tamer. But she just didn’t get it—wrote it off as nonsense and kept up the chase. It seems my guardian angels put a single man in her path today in the form of a pipsqueak in a yachting outfit, and now the game is on. Thank God I’m off the hook.”
“Oh, you mean that skinny guy in the ascot, blue blazer and yachting cap? I’ve seen him around but he always looks like he’s hiding from something.”
“That’s the one, Old Girl. Right now I’ll bet he’s hiding from Madame Belle.”