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The afternoon was dragging so hard. All she wanted to do was go have dinner with Barnaby, stop at a drug store, and come back to the hotel for some more not-even-remotely-gentle fucking. She hadn’t gotten the chance to get out to the store at their lunch break, since they’d been eating and chatting, and she’d still been reeling at the news from New York.
Now, here she sat, in one of the dullest classes she’d ever attended, her mind wandering to thoughts of Barnaby, his strong hands on her body, his penchant for bringing out her freaky side. There were things she wanted to do with him that she’d never really imagined before. She wore her heels while he fucked her. She let her fingers dig into his shoulders while he pleasured her. He made her feel wanton and needy. She imagined those big hands of his caressing her body, bringing her blissful abandon. What would it be like if those gentle hands turned a little rougher? He certainly wasn’t the gentlest of lovers, and she enjoyed the hell out of that. What would happen if she pushed that just a little further? Would she like things even rougher? Only one way to find out.
Dawn couldn’t be bothered to listen to this speaker drone about ROI on marketing avenues. Maybe it was a waste of the conference fee for her to not be soaking up every second. But all she could think about was a few more minutes alone with Barnaby.
Even after how awkward things got this morning, she couldn’t stop thinking about him. After she’d explained to him a bit more at lunch that she and Faith were like sisters, and that Faith would never call her at a business conference if it wasn’t urgent, he’d seemed to relax a lot. She didn’t mention her call with Hailey. She wasn’t sure why it was important to her to keep that secret. Maybe because she never liked people to know too much about her. Maybe because she feared he’d run away screaming. It wasn’t like she was waiting for a marriage proposal or anything crazy like that. For some reason, it still mattered to her if he cared that she had a kid. Maybe because the sex was so hot that she didn’t want the fact that she was a mom to diminish the heat, or even because she wasn’t sure how to be both a mom and a sexual being at the same time. She hadn’t really been involved with anyone since Hailey came along. Even just for sex. She wasn’t sure how to reconcile those two halves of herself. Moms shouldn’t be too sexy, right?
Barnaby’s words floated through her head, fuck should.
She wasn’t going to let herself be compared to anyone else’s standard. She’d been fighting against the norms and needs of other people her whole life. Maybe fuck should was her new motto. It was kind of how she’d been living her life right along, she supposed. But somedays she couldn’t ignore the barrage of others’ opinions on how she should look, and dress, and mother, where she should live and how. Somehow, it was always Rhonda’s voice in the back of her head telling her this crap, even if it was never words she had heard from her mother.
Her mom hadn’t exactly been a modern feminist woman, instead pressuring Dawn into the old adage of chastity and all that crap. She’d grown up feeling like shit about herself every time she wanted to go on a date. It took her a long time of fighting against that to realize that it was never about her. Her mother had been trying to stop Dawn from becoming Rhonda. When Dawn’s wild streak had resulted in getting pregnant, she finally realized that she’d fought so hard against her mother’s rules that she’d landed right where her mother was afraid she would end up.
She sighed as she watched the slideshow crawl from one screen to the next. Would this class never end?
She pulled out her phone and texted Faith, something she’d been wanting to do for hours.
So, I kind of slept with some rando last night. She texted with no preamble. Faith hadn’t gotten her any more news from back home, but Dawn needed to talk to someone about Barnaby.
OMG. Get it, gurrrl!
Oh, I got it. She smiled, letting the room dissolve into the background around her. She didn’t even hear the presenter’s obnoxious voice any longer. Her thoughts drifted to Barnaby again, where they’d been straying all day, especially since seeing him in the brightly-decorated bar at lunch break.
Nice. I will expect the full report when you’re home, but give me the quick and dirty deets now. I need the distraction.
So did she.
He’s fine AF. Kind of quiet and sweet on the outside, but a beast in the sheets.
LOL. Damn, chica. Got any pics?
No. It’s just a hook-up. Don’t get too excited.
Where’s he from?
The City, actually, which is why I have no business hittin’ it w/ him, but it just kinda happened.
Girl, I’m proud of you. Seriously. I been nagging you for years to get back out there. So what if it’s just a fling? It’s a start. Be safe. And enjoy.
Oh, I’m not worried about enjoying. But he’s a bit close to home. In fact, he works over at the Marietta.
She hadn’t told Faith that she wanted to leave Hauteman for Marietta. But Faith knew that Dawn wasn’t happy at Hauteman.
Ooh, damn. That is close to home. You gonna break things off before you come home?
That’s the plan.
So why did the thought make her gut feel all wobbly? She shouldn’t want anything to do with Barnaby, yet she hadn’t stopped thinking about him all day. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this obsessed with a guy.
Life, as you know, rarely goes according to plan.
True. I haven’t told him about Hailey. Is that weird?
Not really. I mean, if you went looking for love out in Las Vegas, ready to get hitched by Elvis, that’d be one thing. But you haven’t told him you’re looking for a ring or anything, yeah?
Right.
You don’t really owe him your life story. If you want to bring him home and date him, then, at some point you gotta tell him about Hailey. If you’re just having a fling while you’re away and you’ll never see him again, it doesn’t really matter if he’d date a woman with a kid or not.
That’s true.
If it didn’t really matter in the long run, why was it she feared telling him? Maybe it would be good to use that as a way to extricate herself at the end of the weekend. She didn’t know what she wanted, but she knew what she was supposed to want. She didn’t need to complicate her life with a man.
She’d been on her own so long now, the thought of the drama that could come with a relationship didn’t thrill her. She was used to being on her own. She’d been away at college in the city for a couple of terms when she got pregnant. She’d finished her Associates Degree in Hospitality Management at City Tech by the skin of her nose, taking her finals and walking the stage in her graduation gown at eight months pregnant. Those two years living by herself, she’d learned a lot about who she was as a person, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to give up that semblance of independence.
Rhonda had just assumed she would move home, shrouded in shame, and raise her daughter under Rhonda’s watchful eye. Since that had been Dawn’s idea of pure hell, she’d done whatever she had to so she could stay in New York. The struggle of being a young single parent in the city wasn’t one she would have wanted for herself, but when the alternatives had been either not having Hailey or moving back in with her mom, there was really no contest. Her daughter was worth the struggle, and then some.
Your call, chica. Just understand he may run away as soon as he knows.
How do you balance being a mom and having a sex life? Dawn finally asked. She had been wanting to ask Faith that as soon as she’d texted her, but wasn’t sure what stopped her. Faith had been her rock through all the ups and downs of motherhood. But this was really new territory for her, and Dawn felt like she was floundering. She still felt as if she wasn’t quite with it, as if now that Barnaby had blasted through the walls she’d built up, she was a walking raw nerve ending.
1. Don’t worry so much. Stop giving a shit what people think. Want to be ravished? Get ravished. If you want to be a pre-K teacher 24/7, who never swears and constantly has nursery rhymes stuck in her head, well, you do you. 2. It takes a while to get back to feeling like a woman after your entire defining thing is being a mom first. What you’re feeling is totally normal. Take your time. 3. Remember that you can be sexual and amazing at your job, and successful, and a fantastic mom all at once. They’re not mutually exclusive. I mean, you see me do it all the time.
Dawn chuckled quietly under her breath. Maybe Faith was right, but until she was able to be a bit more comfortable as a mom who was also having really hot sex, she was going to keep the news of Hailey from Barnaby. That might not be fair to him, but like Faith said, if they were just having a fling, and that’s really all this could be, then she didn’t have to share everything about herself with him. Her body would be enough.
****
He was seriously underdressed. As Dawn sat across from him at the table of the restaurant in a stunning red dress, he couldn’t help staring. He was in a suit, so it wasn’t like he was sloppy, but the way that soft crimson fabric hugged her voluptuous curves put his suit to shame. They had shared a quick bite to eat at the hotel’s restaurant earlier, but this felt much more like a true date, and he was delighted.
“You look ravishing, love,” he said.
She beamed at him. “Thanks.” She wore no jewelry except a small pair of silver hoop earrings. Not that she needed any sparkle at all. Her braids were pulled up into an elegant twist atop her head, leaving her neck deliciously bare down the deep v top of the dress. “It’s new.”
Had she gotten it just for tonight? The thought made him wild inside. The idea that she had picked out something just for their date... damn. That was a big deal. When was the last time somebody had dressed up for him? He couldn’t remember. “Well, it’s hot as hell.”
“I’m glad you like it. And I’ve no doubt you’ll really enjoy what I’ve got on underneath.”
His response caught in his throat as the waiter approached from behind Dawn. She chuckled at the face he made.
“How are you this evening, folks?” the waiter asked.
Barnaby had to clear his throat before responding. “Fine, thank you.”
Barnaby tried to give his full attention to the waiter, but he couldn’t stop his gaze from shifting to Dawn every few seconds, admiring the long curve of her shoulder and her toffee-colored skin against the bright red of the fabric. He couldn’t stop himself from imagining what she had on underneath. Something red and lacy? Satin? Black?
“Sir?” The voice of the waiter finally broke through his thoughts, and he tore his gaze away from Dawn.
“I’ll have the New York strip, medium-rare, baked potato, and broccoli, please.” Apparently, he would need his strength tonight.
His balls tightened at the thought. Oh, the things he was going to do to her in that dress.
The waiter left them a moment later, and he knew that he needed to focus on topics of a non-sexual nature, or they’d never make it through dinner without tearing each other’s clothes off. Yesterday, when they’d been flirting and building up the sexual tension, he had fantasized about what she would feel like, taste like. Now that he knew, he wouldn’t be able to contain himself if he didn’t keep some semblance of civilized conversation, when all he really wanted to do was to whisper all the naughty things he would to do to her.
“Sorry, that was probably not the best timing for that proclamation, was it?” She quirked her mouth up on one side and glanced down at the table, before looking at him again.
“So it’s your turn for hashtag sorry, not sorry?”
“Oh, God. Aren’t we a little old to be talking in hashtags?”
“Probably.”
“But yes, sorry, not sorry is the appropriate one for this situation. I saw that flash of heat in your eyes as I said it. I like knowing I put it there. And I’m really going to enjoy it when you figure out the answer.”
A shiver traveled down his spine as she spoke. She reached for her water glass with those long elegant fingers of hers and slowly brought it to her lips. She took a small sip and he watched the muscles of her lips and mouth move, then her throat as she swallowed. How could she make something so basic into something so utterly sexual? He could just sit here and stare at her all night. He may spontaneously combust, or come in his pants, but he didn’t much care about either.
He wanted to spend the night with her again. Spend time getting to know her body as well her mind. Had he overreacted when he heard her telling someone else she loved them? Yeah, probably a lot. It likely wasn’t even what he thought. Not everyone was a cheater like Diane.
He pushed thoughts of his ex away. He didn’t want to think about her. Not now, not here with Dawn. Right now, all he wanted to do was slowly seduce this woman into his bed and spend hours loving her body. If only the chef would hurry up with that steak.
“So, you never did tell me where you work,” he prompted. She was so dodgy about it, and he wanted to know why. He wouldn’t push if she really didn’t want to share. But if she worked for that much of a shark, it would be good to know where.
“I didn’t. I told you, I couldn’t. Not after all that shit I talked about my boss.”
“It’s not like it would go anywhere.”
“Yeah, I know, Scout’s honor, and all that.”
He adjusted his glasses. Something he hadn’t done much the past day while with her. He didn’t think he’d touched them once during lunch. Or while teaching a short seminar later that afternoon that she’d attended. “Okay, so would it help if I told you that we call our boss the Dragon Lady?”
She laughed so loud the woman at the table behind her looked over and rolled her eyes.
He cocked his head to the blonde behind Dawn as if to say, Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Not that he wanted to throw down with some lady in a restaurant, but the disdain on the woman’s face was virulent, and directed right at the back of Dawn’s head. He wasn’t going to just sit there and let it go unchecked.
The woman schooled her face a moment later and went back to her meal.
“Wow, the Dragon Lady, huh? I’ll have to look up who your boss is, then.”
She knew where he worked. He’d introduced himself with the title and hotel clear as day on his first presentation. Working at The Marietta came with prestige. He hadn’t named Ms. Morgan, and didn’t intend to, but if Dawn was as resourceful as she looked, he was sure she would have no trouble at all figuring out who it was they called the Dragon Lady.
“Well, then,” she said, “I guess since I now have that to blackmail you with forever if you share what a jerkoff I work for, I’m at the Hauteman.”
“Ah, now I understand why you were so reluctant to share.”
She shrugged one shoulder. “Yeah. Didn’t want you to hide any trade secrets from your biggest competitor.”
“Hey, a rising tide carries all boats,” he said.
She rolled her eyes.
“What? It does. I’ve always believed there’s too much competition in our industry. Particularly in a tourist mecca like New York. How often do you think hotels go vacant or close down because they can’t get enough business? Not the roach motels, obviously, but the places that provide the same level of service as we do. We’re not in competition for a limited number of guests. Some people travel because they have to, obviously, but a lot of them do so because they like the hotel experience, because they need somewhere they can trust to stay when they’re visiting. If we are all so focused on beating one another out for the same guests, then it’s the guests who suffer, and we all end up losing in the long run.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone speak so passionately about what we do. I mean I like helping people, don’t get me wrong, but for you, it’s more than that. It goes deeper.”
He’d always talked like this about his job. He’d never had someone notice that it was about so much more for him.
“I was homeless for about eighteen months when I was a teenager,” he blurted. He hadn’t meant to say it, but there it was now. Out in the open.
He expected to see pity on her face. Expected her to shame him for something that had never been his fault. Instead, after a quick blink of surprise, she smiled. “That definitely explains it, then.”
He was so surprised by complete acceptance, without any hint of shame or pity, that for a few minutes, he didn’t speak. When he went to open his mouth again, the waiter appeared with their meals. She’d ordered a braised lamb shank with mashed potatoes and squash, and he was almost jealous until he caught the smell of his steak. They thanked the waiter for the food, and he finally got brave enough to ask, “Explains what?”
“Why you love managing the hotel. You get to provide for people what you never had, even if only temporarily. A home. A safe place for them to stay, even if only for one night.”
He nodded. Damn. She really did get it. He wasn’t used to being so transparent. “It’s not something I talk about much. Most people don’t understand. In fact, so many of them wonder what the hell I did wrong to become homeless or why I wasn’t taken away from my parents.” His throat threatened to close up a bit as he talked, and he took a few sips of cold water.
“I’m sure it’s not easy to talk about. What helped you get from there to where you are today?”
He finally started cutting his steak, and she began eating as well. After couple bites, he gave her a little rundown of what it had been like for him. “My mom wasn’t a great woman. She and my dad argued a lot. She wouldn’t stay around, always out finding the next best thing, and when she finally left him for her second husband, and decided to move back to the UK, he kept me and my brother. She hadn’t really ever wanted much to do with us, frankly. I don’t think she ever wanted kids. I think she had us to try to keep my dad around. He was an investment banker when they first married, and we lived pretty large, shall we say.”
She ate quietly as she listened, giving him her full attention, and when he took a break from speaking to eat a bit, she asked, “So she was only really with him for the lifestyle?”
“Yeah. And when the market crashed after the Towers came down, he found himself out of a job. We’re lucky he wasn’t at work that day. He was, by some miraculous fluke, taking me to have my wisdom teeth removed.” It was the easiest thing to sit here and talk to her about some of his deepest, darkest memories. Like they had known each other decades instead of days.
“Wow.” He could see the shared memories in her eyes of that tragedy. “I can’t believe you could have lost your dad like that. How awful.”
“We were lucky. My dad called me his little miracle from that day forward. He actually asked the doc if he could keep the teeth as a souvenir. Gross, I know, but even later, when he lost his job, and mom left, and we were living on the streets for those months or bouncing around shelters, he never lost those teeth.” He drank some water to help his parched throat, and then cleared I, before asking, “You said you’ve lived in New York your whole life, were you in the city at that point?”
“I actually grew up in a small town in Upstate. Well, you would call it Upstate, since anything that isn’t Manhattan is Upstate New York to you people, but it’s really in the Hudson Valley. I was in elementary school, and even though I was young, that morning is one of my earliest memories. I remember exactly what we were learning: counting money, dimes and pennies. Mrs. Morton was going through the lesson when the classroom phone rang. Watching her try so hard not to show us how scared she was will be forever etched in my mind. She had a daughter who worked right down the street on West Broadway who she wasn’t able to get in touch with until days later. She was a wreck that morning, obviously. But she soldiered on, gave us lots of hugs and sang lots of songs that day.” She smiled sadly at the memory.
“I think that was the time I realized I loved the city I’d never seen. I remember sneaking peeks at the news coverage of the aftermath, hiding from my mom because she didn’t want me watching that kind of crap, and just thinking, God, look at these people helping each other. Look at them risking their lives for their neighbors. I grew up in the small town that always treated the city like it was this big dangerous place, but that day, and in the days following, I saw a very different New York than the one I’d been taught. And from that day forward, I knew I’d live there one day.” Her gaze had been far-away in memory, and she blinked, refocusing on him. “Wow, sorry. That was a bit more of an overshare than I needed to have.”
“That’s okay. For me too, ya know? I wasn’t exactly planning on pouring out my darkest secrets to you, though it’s kind of nice to be able to talk about real stuff with a woman. You’d be shocked at how many people look at me differently after I tell them about being homeless when I was younger. Like I’m somehow less of a man.” But she didn’t. Now that her gaze was on his once more, it was the same comfortable no-bullshit expression she’d been giving him all along. It was like he could feel the lines of connection growing stronger between them. The sex had been amazing from go, but the more time he spent with her talking, really talking, about things that mattered, not just work or banter, the more he felt the link between them growing. Could she feel it, too?
“I’m fairly positive that your manhood is not in question,” she said, her voice wry, her brows lifted.
“Well, perhaps not. Though I suppose I’ve officially become a cradle-robber seeing as how you were learning to count dimes and nickels when I was having my wisdom teeth removed.”
She lowered her head, “Yeah, I guess. I’m a bit younger than I look and act. That’s kind of how it’s been my whole life.”
“Mmhmm, I see. So, you’re not worried about screwing around with an old man?” He’d almost said dating an old man, but he’d pulled back at the last second. He didn’t want to push this into something it wasn’t; though he felt a deep connection, they hadn’t talked about what they were doing outside of eating food together and having great sex.
“Nope. I can handle it if you can,” she said, her voice a blatant challenge.
“Mmhmm. I see. Well, after last night I can’t say as I disagree with that. Maybe we’ll have to put that youthful stamina of yours to good use.”