Chapter 3

Jacob made it a point to get to his bookstore early and do all of his paperwork and ordering duties before they opened. He enjoyed being out in the store with his customers as much as possible. In his way of thinking, the paperwork was just a necessary evil to get through. He tried to keep Cassie Malone out of his head as much as possible, but her auburn hair and those sometimes blue, sometimes green eyes, made it difficult. Her face seemed to appear before him at the most inappropriate times. There was no point in falling for an American who was here for a short time he told himself, almost every hour.

“Hello boss, you’re here early.” Tommy came through the back door juggling his motorcycle helmet, keys, and a bag from the bakery.

“Morning, Tom. I wanted to get all of my paperwork done so I could have a lot of time left to harass my employees today.”

Tommy laughed. “You know you are the luckiest man around, and that’s the truth. You have the best staff supervisor, named Tommy, who also happens to be the most handsome bloke in the place by far. You are blessed with a hard working crew who puts up with you without grumbling as icing on your cake. Yes, you are a lucky man.”

Jacob threw him an orange. “Here eat something healthy oh big-headed one.”

“Come on now, I am a vision of health, my big head and all.”

“Yeah a vision now maybe, but if you don’t eat better you will pay for it when you’re older.”

“You sound like my daddy.”

“We old guys know things. I need to ask your young-guy-self something. I’m taking a friend out Saturday night for dinner in Dublin and maybe to one of the clubs after. Do you have any suggestions, maybe places to hear some good music that doesn’t drown out all possibilities of conversation?”

“What’s this now, Jacob Sullivan is back in the dating world?”

“Don’t make a grand thing of it Tommy, just help me out. This is the first real date in years and I am out of practice.”

“All right boss, let me give it a little thought and check around with a mate or two. I won’t let you down. But in return you must tell me about this woman who has made the iceman Jacob return to polite society.”

“She is an American staying at The Haven. She’s a writer.”

“And…go on, is she gorgeous and all?”

“She is that, and more; she is interesting.” Jacob ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’ll say she must be grand because I haven’t seen you this way in a long time. Not since, well, not in a long time.”

“It’s okay to talk about her now; Lydia has been dead almost four years.”

“I’m glad you can talk about it now then too, Jacob. I hope you don’t think I am being too personal, but I’m glad you are getting on with your life, even if it is with a visiting American beauty.” He bit into a huge banana muffin topped with chocolate chips which immediately fell down the front of his shirt.

“I know all of you were worried about me. I’m coming out of the fog a little. As for the American, yes, she is beautiful, but she is also funny, kind, and seems so level-headed. Best of all she seems calm, logical, and practical in the way Americans are. They are more pragmatic than the Irish.”

“Who wants to be pragmatic, man, when one can live in the land of fairies and such?” Tommy patted Jacob on the back and walked away.

Jacob laughed and shook his head. “Fairies and such; amusing, Tommy. Will you never grow up?” He hit the brew button on the coffee machine and found himself humming as he waited for the coffee to drip into his cup. He knew his good mood reflected his time with Cassie, but more than that, he felt ready for new things in his life. He was ready to take some risks. He picked up his coffee mug and walked out into the store to start his day. For the first time in years he felt the clouds part and the sun break through. He felt hopeful; and he realized with some surprise, he was happy, and it started with Cassie Malone.

He wondered how it was possible he could become a wee bit obsessed with a woman he just met. Yet, he seemed to be. When he first looked into her eyes it was like coming home. He felt like a walking cliché because it was as if he had known her forever. The cloud on the horizon of course, was her temporary status, and it loomed large in his mind.

“Jacob, did you say something?” Kelly, his other store manager was standing in front him.

“No, no, sorry, just mumbling to myself, I guess.” Jacob laughed and walked away.

Jacob realized it was risky and a little irrational to be fixated on Cassie Malone when she would be gone in a few months, but it was too late. Somehow, he must regain a little control of his heart and head. He didn’t think he’d survive more drama right now. Slow and easy Jacob, slow and easy.

He forced himself to stay busy and engaged the rest of the day. There was a poker game that night, and it might occupy his mind for a while. Jacob hoped his aunt had not cornered Cassie at the retreat center and told her who knows what kind of stories. He knew his aunt may tell her about Lydia, but what she’d say about her death, he had no idea. He planned to tell Cassie anyway, and there was nothing to do about his aunt.

When he got home he fixed a sandwich and opened a beer, and with time to kill before the poker game, decided to clean out a storage closet to make room for some gardening tools. He pulled a box from the top shelf of the closet. It was one he avoided for years, and marked, Lydia’s stuff. He took a deep breath and opened the lid. Her picture albums, sketches, and pressed flowers along with random pictures torn out of magazines, were all mixed in together in a jumble. He set the albums to the side and threw the rest into a trash bag. The next layer in the box was tidier. He found several journals, a Bible, and some books of poetry. He set those aside with the album for later. The rest were old birthday and Christmas cards and recipes. They went into the trash bag.

Jacob took the albums, books, and journals into the kitchen to go through later, but for now he didn’t want to deal with them. He wanted to hang onto his happy and hopeful mood and not spoil it with bad memories from the past. He put the lid back on the box and shoved it in the top of the storage closet. Out of sight and out of mind at least for a day or two.

Jacob got into the shower and wished for nothing more than to have Cassie Malone in there with him. He could see her creamy white skin, perfect neck, those lips moist, and parted. Get a grip, Jacob. He hurried the shower, dressed, and left for his poker game before he could lapse into another Cassie daydream. What is the matter with me? His dad used to tell the story of the Irish love fairy. She will find you in the night and bite you, and you will fall in love with the next woman you see. You will forever be her slave, and do her bidding, and love her and no other for the rest of your life. He hadn’t thought about that old child’s tale in many years.

Jacob thought of his father and mother and their happy marriage. He smiled because maybe it was all true after all. Maybe he was bitten, and maybe it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Then reality set in. He worried again about allowing himself to get too interested in a woman who was around for a limited time, and a woman who may even have a relationship back in America. Jacob reminded himself he didn’t know her well. He thought of all the reasons to keep away from her, and made a vow to slow down and be more careful. Maybe he still wasn’t ready for another romance after all. Maybe dating a few women from his own village was smart. Then he realized he was doing it again—over thinking it. But it wouldn’t hurt to be careful, though he was so tired of being careful about everything. The thoughts went around and around in his head until he acknowledged what was bothering him deep down. A sense of being unsettled, an unease shadowed him, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it.

When Jacob married Lydia, he thought it was forever, and he learned all too soon nothing is forever, and any plans we make are just that, plans, nothing is guaranteed. Lydia’s illness, almost unbearable, left him feeling helpless, and was the hardest thing to endure. He saw her suffer and there was nothing he could do to help. He was at the mercy of something he didn’t understand. She was at the mercy of something she could not control.

Jacob’s pain turned to sorrow, and after time, it turned again, and settled on his shoulders and in his heart and soul—it was guilt. He buried the hurt down deep and covered it over with a life of work and meaningless activities, anything to avoid being alone with his thoughts. In the end he faced the truth, but even now he wasn’t sure how he was able to survive it. The idea of reading Lydia’s words in her journals was terrifying. Yet somehow, he was feeling a strong urge to do just that.