Chapter 11

Cassie and April watched Jacob go. April turned to Cassie and opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. Cassie put her arm around April’s shoulders.

April brushed away the tears on her face with the back of her hand. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph.”

“You can say that again. I guess Jacob can’t deny Kathleen any longer since she spoke directly to him. No wonder he rushed out of here.”

“Where is Shamus?” April turned around in a circle.

“There he is on Sister Mary Lambert’s grave again.”

“Wish you could talk, Shamus.” April attached the dog lead to his collar.

Shamus looked up at her and whined as if to say he was trying to talk to them.

“We better get out of here, April. Let’s go back and turn on the recorder and walk around and see what we pick up tonight.”

“We best wait for a little while to make sure no staff or workers are roaming about. There are a few staff who do still come to the library and archives now and then. The library section is very good, better than the library in the new wing. Never know who will show up there.”

“Oh, I guess you’re right. It might be hard to explain what we were doing walking around with recorders. Not to change the subject, but I wonder what Jacob is thinking?”

“I’ll bet he is feeling terrible about not believing his wife.”

“Oh April, you’re right. I feel bad about being so hard on him before.”

“It’s not your fault, Cassie. You told the truth is all. It was up to him to believe it or not.”

“Still, I hate to see him in pain.”

“Ah, you like him then… I mean you more than like him.”

“Oh wow, are you kidding me? More than liking him, as you put it, is the worst thing I could do. We are worse than Romeo and Juliet. We are doomed to fail. No relationship could survive all we have going against us.”

“Love conquers all, Cassie, or don’t you believe that?”

“No, I don’t believe it, and I’m not even sure I want a relationship. I just got out of one, remember?”

“I know, but…”

“Give it up, April, Miss Romantic. Change of subject.”

They reached the building and climbed the stairs to Cassie’s room, both glancing at the shadows in the gloomy hall.

Cassie unlocked her door, and April and Shamus followed her inside. “I’ll get the professor’s case and we will see if we can operate this equipment while we are waiting out the roving staff and workers.”

They put the case on Cassie’s bed, and were happy to see it was a simple machine to operate, as the professor promised. There was an off and on switch, a volume control, and record and pause buttons.

“Where do we start, across in Lydia’s room?”

“Oh Cassie, I’m not sure we should.”

Cassie played around with the volume control button on the recorder. “I have no idea what level of volume we need. Let’s test it.”

“Okay, ready set, turn it up on high and see if it picks me up from the hall.” April stepped out into the hall and recited a poem while Cassie recorded.”

“All right April, I got you, but what does that tell us? Who knows what sound vibrations this thing is set for. By the way, I rather go to Lydia’s room than the old priest’s quarters.”

“I suppose you are right. Let’s not go there without the professor.”

“You read my mind. Let’s just go across and open the door and take a quick reading to see if we get anything at all. We’ll just keep it set on high. “

Cassie could see April was nervous because she was chewing on her bottom lip again. It was another thing she had learned about her in their time together, she had a nervous habit.

“No need to worry, April. We’ll be quick, in and out, and you can stand in the hall.”

April gave her a nod. “I’ll take Shamus down to my room first.”

“I think he will be comfortable here. He looks calm to me.”

As if to assure them both, Shamus lay down at the foot of the bed, but kept watch.

Cassie hit the red ON button and the machine hummed a low static tune and the monitor came to life. The black needle swung back and forth a couple of times and settled in the zero position. The green lights glowed and she adjusted the volume upward another notch.

April held the door open for Cassie and handed her the flashlight. Cassie put the lantern down a couple of feet inside Lydia’s former bedroom. Though gloomy, it was not entirely dark. No one had replaced the lights in the room but some light came through the window from the outdoor lights. They could see no movement, only shadows, and Cassie walked on farther into the room. The needle on the recorder jumped once from zero to the middle of the gauge. All three green lights started to blink. She heard no sound but she felt icy air settle around her, and then, right before the flashlight went out, she heard April’s sharp intake of breath.

“What is it?”

“Cassie, look at that light.”

What looked like a blob of light, dim and moving, came toward her, and brushed past Cassie, like a little feather on the wind. She didn’t know why she wasn’t more afraid, but she was much more fascinated than afraid. The chilled air surrounded them and a shimmery cloud-like form danced in front of them. It moved past Cassie and out the door, on past April, and then down the stairs.

“Come on, let’s see where she goes.” Cassie carried the recorder and April ran after her. Shamus scratched at Cassie’s bedroom door and they let him out. He ran down the stairs ahead of them.

When they got to the bottom of the stairs the needle and lights went still. There was no sign of anything or anyone. “Look, Shamus wants out. Maybe she went out.”

“Hold on to him, April, and let’s go see.”

April opened the door, and Cassie ran through it clutching the recorder. “Here, April, take the flashlight.”

Shamus pulled on the lead and April ran to keep up. She tried to hold the flashlight high so they all could see, but it was difficult because Shamus was running now. They all stumbled down the path, and there they were again, back in the cemetery. They were met with a vision of a floating cloud-like form there, and it seemed to be waiting for them. The misty form hovered above Sister Mary Lambert’s grave for a few seconds and was gone. Shamus pulled April forward toward the grave.

“We are being told something and we are too dumb to get it, or what?” Cassie shook her head in frustration as she looked down at Shamus, who was sprawled across the grave stone once again.

“But what are we supposed to get? There is no connection to this Sister Lambert with anything or anyone; nothing to do with Kathleen, Maeve, or to Lydia. What are we missing, Cassie?”

“I just don’t know, but somehow Sister Lambert holds the key to finding proof. We need to do more digging about her past. Maybe she is related in some way that we missed.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think so, Cassie. I’ve already gone back for decades checking her out. There was nothing.”

“If what we just saw was really Lydia leading us here, and now Shamus seems to confirm it, it must be important for some reason we don’t yet understand. We have to find the connection, April. Dare we ask Bernadette about Sister Lambert?”

“Hum, might be risky. I can’t think what to ask that won’t make her wonder why we were asking. We aren’t even supposed to be in this cemetery, remember?”

Cassie learned over the grave stone again as if it could tell her something. “You know how Bernadette likes to talk though. Let’s try to think of some way to bring her up in conversation soon. You know her best, and she seems to like you, at least much more than me. You can bring it up when I’m not around.”

April tugged on Shamus’ leash but he wasn’t budging just yet. “I’m more worried about what Rose and Emily think we are doing. I think they are watching us.” April looked around now as if she might find someone lurking in the darkness.

Cassie looked around again too. “Bernadette is watching us too, I feel sure. Who knows who is covering up what. I wonder if Jacob knew Sister Lambert or at least maybe heard something about her he might recall?”

“He has been coming here for years, so maybe. He was so young though, unless he heard his aunt talk about her for some reason. Are you going to ask him?”

“I don’t know, April, I need to give him time to process all of this and see if he comes to me. Then I will know what to do and how to approach him. In the meantime, we proceed as planned, and get our reading to the professor when we can.”

April gave Shamus a little tug. “I think we better go prepare for the writing class tomorrow. I need to put out the writing exercise pages, and also clean the room a bit.”

“I have the lesson plan done but I wanted to go over my lecture notes. Can you take care of the rest without me?”

“Of course, there is not that much to do. I will take Shamus with me for protection.” April laughed and patted his head. Shamus shook himself and led the way back to their rooms.

When Cassie got to her room she found a note taped to her door. Jed called. Oh no, what was this about? She hurried down to the archive room to get an internet connection to check her email. He was flying to Dublin in three days and insisted on seeing her. She replied to his Email…do not come here, I do not want to see you. She went back to her room and pushed him right out of her thoughts, and pulled out her class notes.

As she closed her notebook about an hour later, her thoughts were about Jacob, not Jed. She fought the desire to call him to make sure he was all right. It must have been a shock, and she knew he must be thinking Lydia killed herself at least in part because everyone thought she was insane for talking about Kathleen’s ghost. Jacob did not believe her either, and that must have been a terrible thing for Lydia, and now devastating for Jacob. But no, she couldn’t call him. He must come to her now or there really was no hope for them. She realized the thought of a future for them was still in her head. She was afraid to admit it, even to herself, until now.

When Cassie finally turned out her lights it was after midnight and she dreamed of ghostly girls and whispers in the night. When she woke the next morning, she was ready for whatever the day might bring. She put her fears to rest, and for once in her life, she was going for what she wanted. She wanted to be a good writer, and she wanted to write a book about Kathleen and Maeve. She was determined to do it, no matter what. If Jacob got his feelings hurt in the process, he’d get over it. All the secrets were dangerous, and in the end, devastating to Lydia’s mental health. It was time for the secrets to be told. She wanted justice for the girls and in a way, maybe for Lydia too. If the church was embarrassed and the sale of property to the Center was halted, then so be it. If the secrets were covering up abuse and worse, then the church must be held accountable. She refused to feel guilty and refused to turn back.

Cassie’s exercise in positive thinking and her determination to follow her own dream must have taken root during the night. This morning she felt ready to take on the world. April must have come to a similar way of thinking because she too was clear-eyed and energetic, Cassie noticed. April, done with her Shamus duties, set up the coffee service and snacks for the ladies in the classroom. She smiled at Cassie now and gave a little wave as if to communicate she was in a lets-go-for-it mood too.

By the time they got to the dining room for breakfast, Bernadette had been and gone so they missed the chance to bring up Sister Lambert, but it gave them a chance to plan their next step. Cassie got up to get more coffee just as Jacob entered the room. He headed right for her and she froze. She couldn’t tell by the look on his face whether he was still angry or just exhausted. He looked as if he hadn’t slept at all.

“Cassie, can I have a word?” He put his hand on her arm.

“Yes, yes, of course. Let’s go to the library or maybe step outside.”

Jacob looked around and his eyes went wide as if he was just realizing he was in a room full of other people. “Yes, outside, of course.” He turned and walked away.

Cassie shrugged and gave April a wave, but she avoided looking at the others in the room. She could not even begin to guess what they were thinking.

When they got outside Jacob began to pace back and forth in front of his car. He stopped abruptly, ran his hands through his hair, and put his hand on her arm. “Cassie…I am sorry. I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry I didn’t believe Lydia and I am sorry I didn’t believe you. But you must see how crazy it all sounded?”

“Of course, and I didn’t believe it either at first. You acted like anyone else under the same circumstances. You don’t have anything to be sorry about, Jacob.”

“Thanks for saying so, but not entirely true, Cassie, but I don’t want to talk about how I failed Lydia right now. I do want to tell you something important, I found her journals. I read some of them and there is a lot about the ghost-child, and about what she thought about me, how much pain she was in, and how alone she felt. I wanted to tell you last night, but when I came over, there you were in the cemetery…and she, she was there, and I could only leave. And I am sorry I left you there.”

Cassie was afraid to say too much. He looked as if he might run again. “Jacob, it’s fine, it is.”

As if she hadn’t spoken at all, Jacob returned to his pacing and continued. “I said I read Lydia’s journals, but I didn’t read everything. I have a terrible feeling something horrific is coming in the last chapter and I can’t make myself read it. Will you read it with me?”

“Of course, Jacob, but I have to teach this class this morning. Can we do it after lunch?”

“Yes, of course. I need to go to the bookstore anyway. I haven’t been there in two days. I’ll come back and get you and we will have supper at my house. Can you be ready at six?”

“I’ll be ready. Are you all right to drive?”

“Yes, I’m not as bad as I look. I did sleep a little this morning. I just need some coffee and to be around people and the routine of the bookstore for a few hours while I pull myself together.”

“Why don’t you go inside and have breakfast and coffee here. I will disappear and go teach the class.”

“Thanks for understanding, Cassie. I’ll be back at six.”

They both went into the building but went their separate ways. Cassie felt the hair stand on the back of her neck. She stopped to looked around, and saw no one, but couldn’t shake the feeling someone, or something was near.

April was waiting for her at the door to the classroom. She was all big eyes and worried face, and Cassie wanted nothing more than to hug her. She had become so fond of the girl in such a short period of time, she could hardly remember life without her. She was like the sister she always wished for. Cassie gave her the thumbs up sign and they both went into the classroom.

At the break, April leaned in close and whispered, “I think someone searched my room.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am pretty sure. I put Shamus in the storage shed because I knew they were going to clean the hall carpets and I didn’t want him to bark. But the carpet cleaners didn’t have room keys. Only the senior staff can get the keys. I always keep my rosary on top of my journal and it was beside it. The drawer of my dresser was not closed all the way.”

“I’ll bet they searched mine too then. Who do you think it is?”

“Emily or Rose is my guess. They’ve been watching us. I don’t think Bernadette would do it, but I could be wrong since she could get a key.”

“I’ll go check my room after lunch. If they found the professor’s equipment they must be wondering what it’s for, but otherwise, my notes are on my computer and password protected. There is not much else for them to find, and nothing to tell them what we are doing.” Cassie said.

“What did Jacob say if you don’t mind me asking?”

“He apologized, miracle of miracles. He also found Lydia’s journal and it has hit him hard. He is coming to get me this evening and I am going to his house for dinner. He wants me there when he reads the last chapter in the journal.”

“Oh, Cassie, maybe this is the break we have been waiting for. Will you come tell me as soon as you get home?”

“Yes, but it could be pretty late, April.”

“I don’t care. I have to know.”

“Just remember that when I wake you from a sound sleep.”

“Cassie, if okay with you, I’ll go see Emily tomorrow and tell her about Shamus to see if they will adopt him. We can’t keep hiding him, and he will need to be checked by a vet.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea, and if they won’t keep him, maybe Jacob could use a friend.”

“Oh, a much better idea. Will you ask him tonight, and I won’t ask Emily unless he says no?”

“I will, but let me pick the right time, okay? It might not be tonight.”

“Thanks.” April gave her a hard hug.

Cassie checked her room after class was over but could find no evidence of any disturbance. She was in work mode so left everything in a bit of a mess. It was impossible to tell if anything was moved. She vowed to be aware of how things looked when she left the room in the future. She tried to work a little, but finally gave up and stood out on the balcony looking for a white swish in the distance. She looked out across the land thinking of all the lost and troubled souls who had lived and died there. She shivered and went back inside to get ready for Jacob.

Cassie checked her hair one last time, closed her computer, and picked up her purse. She gave the room another look, and as an extra precaution she put the professor’s recorder under the bed. She took a quick video of her room with her little camera and put the camera in her purse. If anything was moved tonight she could identify it later.

She walked out the doors as the last bells called everyone for supper. Jacob was just turning into the curved drive and Cassie felt her stomach do a little flip. Were her nerves related to being alone with him again, or knowing they might find out what happened to Maeve, at last? Her stomach was telling her it was both.