“Yes, I’ve been here for four days. That’s long enough.” Beth knew she should move away from Samuel, but his look held her transfixed.
“What are your plans after that?”
The question that she had been avoiding since she had found out about having cancer hung between them. “I don’t know,” she finally answered, chilled by the uncertainty of her future. “I contacted the Christian Mission Institute and told them I couldn’t take the job, but that’s all I’ve done.”
He stepped forward, taking her hand between his. “You haven’t had much time to think about what you’re going to do after you recover. I meant what are you going to do in the next few weeks?”
“Oh.” The warmth of his hands cupping hers flowed through her, taking with it any coldness his question had produced.
“Since school is out in three weeks, you won’t be going back this year, and I know firsthand—” his mouth lifted in a lopsided grin “—how you like to be kept busy.”
“I could help with the auction, and I can still tutor Jane until school is out.”
“She’ll appreciate that and I’m sure Jesse and Zoey will appreciate any help with the auction. But what are you going to do for yourself?”
“I—I…” Beth couldn’t think of anything. She wanted to say it was because Samuel was so close and robbing her of any rational thought, which was partially true. But deep down she knew the reason she couldn’t think of anything was that all her life she had lived for others. The trip to Brazil had been for her, and yet now that wasn’t possible.
“That’s what I was afraid of, Beth. You don’t know how to plan things for yourself. Tell me one thing you would like to do when you feel up to it. Is there some place you would like to go that is within a few hours of here? What do you want to do?”
An idea popped into her mind, and she smiled. “Hot air ballooning.”
“Done.”
“What do you mean, done?”
“I’m giving you a month to get back on your feet physically, and then you and I have a date to go hot air ballooning.”
“But I don’t know of anyone in Sweetwater who has one.”
“That isn’t your problem. Leave everything to me. For once let someone take care of you.” He tugged her toward the door. “I need to say good-night to Allie. Want to come?”
“Love to.”
As she followed Samuel up to the second floor and his youngest daughter’s bedroom, she realized how much she looked forward to saying good-night to Allie. She missed that routine with her siblings. She missed Holly. She missed her two brothers. Tears swelled her throat. Of late she seemed more emotional, and hoped that would settle down soon.
Several books were stacked on Allie’s lap as she sat in her white canopy bed, waiting for her father. “I want you to read this tonight.” She held up a big thick book. “No, I think I want to hear this one.” She put the first story down and selected another one. “Will you read it to me, Beth?”
Beth glanced at Samuel, who nodded. “Sure. I loved Black Beauty.”
“I’m gonna learn to ride like Crystal.”
Alarm rang through Beth’s mind when she thought of the riding accident that had led to Crystal’s being in a wheelchair. Beth’s protective instincts came to the fore. Then she peered at Allie’s eager expression and remembered what it had been like when she’d been Allie’s age and wanted to ride horses. She wasn’t Allie’s mother, and even if she was, she would need to learn to let go. That had been a hard lesson for her while raising her siblings. Even now she still felt responsible for them, still worried about them.
“Do you know how to ride a horse?”
The little girl’s question pulled Beth back to the present. “I rode when I was a teenager. I haven’t since then.”
“Maybe you could take lessons with me.”
Clearing her throat, Beth opened the book. “We’ll see.”
“That always means no when Daddy says that.”
Beth peered at Samuel, who stood by the door watching them, his arms folded over his chest, his shoulder cushioned against the jamb. “But it doesn’t mean no when I say it. I’m just not sure of my plans once I get better. I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep.”
“Okay.” Allie scooted over so that Beth could lean back against the headboard next to her.
Samuel couldn’t take his eyes off Beth. Captivated, he observed her read to his daughter as though Allie was the most important person in Beth’s life. Any lingering reservations about taking off his wedding ring were gone as he took in the picture of Beth and Allie sitting side by side, their heads bent together. His heartbeat sped up. He rubbed his sweaty palms up and down his arms.
He loved Beth Coleman. She would be a perfect mother for his children. She was good for him. She made him realize what was important in life: God, family and friends.
Then he remembered Beth’s dream to travel, to serve the Lord in other parts of the world. How could he deny her that dream if he truly loved her?
* * *
A rough roar from the propane burner pierced the air, then quiet wrapped around Beth as she stared down at Sweetwater below the hot air balloon. A breeze cooled the warm June day, relieving the heat of summer. She saw her house, the church and Samuel’s place, the lake with several boats on it. Jesse stood on her deck with Cindy next to her, waving at them. Beth returned the greeting as Nick came out to put his arm around his wife’s shoulders and pull her close. Nate ran around the side of the house and up the stairs, joining the others.
A lump formed in Beth’s throat. Jesse and Nick were so perfect for each other. Why couldn’t she have found someone when she was younger? Her bout with cancer had only confirmed in her mind that she needed to do something for herself. Soon she should reapply to the Christian Mission Institute. If everything went well, in six weeks her doctor would release her, with a daily pill the only indication she’d had cancer.
The loud rushing sound cut into her thoughts as Samuel shot flames up to heat the air in the balloon. It rose above the lake, the wind stronger. The basket swayed. Beth gripped its rim to steady herself while Samuel came to stand beside her.
She slid her gaze to Samuel. “How did you arrange this?”
“With some help from Nick, who knew someone in Lexington. I told you I wanted to fulfill one of your dreams.”
“You’ve been up in a balloon before?”
He nodded. “Quite a few times. I’m certified to fly one, so don’t worry. You’re safe with me.”
“I’m discovering there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”
“Isn’t that what getting to know a person is all about, discovering those little things? I dated Ruth for three years and was married to her for thirteen, and she still was able to surprise me.” He stepped back to hit the burner so the air in the balloon heated up.
When he returned to her side, Beth looked down at his hands clasping the railing in front of him and noticed that the area on his left finger where his wedding band used to be wasn’t white anymore. In the six weeks since the surgery, she had started to dream something different. Samuel was always there to help her through any rough spots with the cancer treatment. He listened to her, especially when she felt depressed. He and his children had even helped her around the house and in her yard with chores when she had been overly tired. She wondered if, in his mind, she was taking the place of Ruth, since he had never had the chance to do those things for his wife.
After firing the burner again, Samuel stood back and studied her. “I hate to use the cliché, but a penny for your thoughts. You look so serious. This is supposed to be for fun.”
She pushed away the nagging doubt and managed to smile. “I’m having fun. I just started thinking about the past six weeks. I shouldn’t have.”
“Why not?”
She gestured to her face. “Because of that serious expression.”
“I don’t want you ever to feel you can’t say anything to me. I didn’t like you thinking you couldn’t tell me about the cancer. I hope we’ve gone beyond that.”
She nodded, feeling closer to him in that moment than she ever had. “Then I have a question for you. For the past six weeks why have you been there every time I needed someone, sometimes when I didn’t even know it? Does it have anything to do with Ruth and her fight against cancer?”
Samuel sucked in a deep breath, moving back a step and almost absently hitting the burner to keep the balloon in the air. “You don’t pull any punches.”
“Not anymore. You wanted to know what I was thinking.”
He cocked his head to the side and looked beyond her. When he reestablished eye contact with her, he said, “I won’t lie to you. Yes, it has something to do with Ruth.”
Her heart skipped a beat, then began to pound, its sound thundering in her ears.
“And no, it doesn’t have anything really to do with her. I don’t think I can separate it so cleanly. What happened to Ruth has affected me and shaped me into the man I am today.”
Vaguely Beth was aware of the silence, the fresh summer smells carried on the breeze, the warmth of the sun, but all her senses were focused on the man before her.
He covered the small space between them and drew her up against him. “I did all those things because I love you, Beth. You are a caring, compassionate woman who my children adore, who I adore.”
His declaration stole her voice, her thoughts and her breath. When they all returned in a rush, tears filled her eyes and made his image blurry. “I love you, too, Samuel.”
He bent forward and brushed his lips across hers before settling his mouth over hers and winding his arms around her. His kiss rocked her to her soul. Never in her life had she been kissed as though she was the most special woman in the world. Beautiful. Cherished. Loved.
She laid her head against the cushion of his shoulder, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, hearing his heartbeat beneath the thin knit of his shirt. “Where do we go from here?”
He stroked her back, his touch soft, comforting. “I don’t know. I never expected to fall in love again. To tell you the truth, I didn’t want to fall in love again. I never want to experience the pain and devastation that occurred after Ruth died.”
She leaned back and looked into his dark eyes, shining with the love he had expressed only a moment before. But within she also saw uncertainty. “I think we take it slow and easy and see where it leads us. I’d given up on love and moved on with plans that didn’t include it. Then I got cancer and things changed again.”
He cupped her cheek. “I know. We never know what’s really around the next corner.” Rubbing his thumb across her lips, he smiled at her, but there was a sadness in the slight upturn of his mouth.
When he left her alone at the railing while he brought the hot air balloon safely to the ground, Beth closed her eyes for a few minutes, trying to assimilate what had just happened between them. Her mind felt overloaded, and she couldn’t quite figure out what to do. She loved him. She loved his children. But was she prepared to take on a ready-made family…again? Would she be totally happy and content giving up on her dream? Was it fair to put Samuel in the position of going through with her what happened to his first wife? Her prognosis was good, but there was a chance the cancer could return. Massaging the sides of her temples, she realized she didn’t have an answer.
* * *
Beth sat on a red plaid blanket under a large oak tree and watched the young children enjoying the church playground. Allie was swinging next to Cindy, while Sean and Nate were climbing on the jungle gym. Off to the side of the playground a group of teenagers were in the middle of a fierce volleyball game. Jane leaped into the air and smashed the ball across the net at her brother’s feet, scoring a point for her team. Several of the members gave her a high five as Jane’s boyfriend readied himself to serve again.
Another Fourth of July picnic and auction. But this time it was different because of Samuel and his family.
“Jane’s a changed girl because of you, Beth.”
She slanted a look at Zoey, who settled cross-legged on the blanket across from her. “She wanted to change or she wouldn’t have, no matter what I did.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. You were there to help her when she needed it. You had faith in her and her ability. You’re good at doing that, especially for the kids at school. They all missed you at the end of the year.”
“I missed them.”
Beth recalled the party her classes had thrown for her the day after school was out for the summer. Samuel had driven her to school to turn in her grades. When she’d gone to her room to input them into the computer, she had been surprised by many of her students.
“What have you decided to do come August?” Zoey smoothed the blanket in front of her, picking up a leaf and tossing it away.
“I don’t know. I don’t understand why I can’t make a decision.”
Zoey stared at Samuel talking to a group of parishioners near the tables laden with food. “I understand why you can’t. Two opposing dreams are colliding. I know you’ve wanted to do mission work for years and were just waiting until your siblings grew up.”
“Samuel told me last week that he loves me.” Beth found him in the crowd, his hands gesturing as they often did when he talked. She smiled. “He’s such a good man.”
“You don’t have to sell me on that. He’s done an excellent job taking over the ministry. Somewhere in what you’re saying to me I hear a ‘but.’”
“I don’t know if I can raise a family all over again.” Beth glanced at her friend. “I don’t know if he isn’t confusing me with his wife, possibly subconsciously thinking he has a second chance concerning the cancer. He was devastated when he couldn’t help Ruth.” She motioned in Samuel’s direction. “Have you taken a good look at him? He’s handsome while I am…” She let her sentence trail off into the noise around them.
“What? Plain? Are you fishing for compliments, Beth Coleman?”
Beth straightened. “No.”
“Well, I’m going to give them to you anyway. You are beautiful. I bet he’s told you that, too, hasn’t he?”
Beth nodded.
“Especially lately. There’s a glow about you—from a look in your eyes to the way your whole face lights up, especially when Samuel is near. And you’ve finally gotten rid of your drab clothes.” Zoey pointed toward Beth’s red capri pants and red, white and blue T-shirt. “I doubt he’s mixed you up with his dead wife. But as for the other doubt you have, only you can decide if taking on three more children is what you want. It’s a serious, important decision and I don’t envy you that. From the way his children are around you, they wouldn’t mind if you did.”
“We do get along, but being their mother would be different. I would be responsible for them 24/7.”
“Has he asked you to marry him?”
Beth again searched out Samuel in the crowd. “Not in so many words, but we have skirted the issue several times in the past few days. Maybe I’m jumping the gun here.”
Zoey shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’ve seen how he looks at you. He wouldn’t get serious unless he meant marriage.”
Samuel swung around and caught Beth staring at him. Waving, he grinned, the laugh lines at the corners of his dark eyes deep. His mere look affected her in ways she hadn’t thought possible before falling in love.
“It’s almost time for lunch, then the auction,” Zoey said, but her voice sounded as though it came from a distance.
Beth’s total attention homed in on Samuel across the churchyard near the grills where the men were cooking the hamburgers and hot dogs. She wasn’t sure she deserved someone like Samuel. Even when he was struggling with his doubts concerning the Lord, he’d been a good leader of their church, taking his responsibilities seriously, caring for each member of his congregation. Without him, Beth wasn’t sure Tanya would have made it through the divorce proceedings. He stood by Tanya as he had with Beth through the cancer scare and treatment.
Samuel disengaged himself from the group and headed toward her. Beth’s gaze never left him as he made his way over. His stride was full of confidence, his look totally for her.
Zoey rose. “I’d better find my children and gather them for lunch or something.”
Beth flicked a glance toward her friend. “Thanks for listening.”
“That’s what friends are for.”
Samuel greeted Zoey as she walked away, then took up a spot next to Beth on the blanket, one leg bent, his arm resting on his raised knee. “What have you two been chatting about? It looked serious.”
“Zoey was reading me the riot act. I’ve never thought of myself as pretty and she took issue with that.”
“She’s right. You’re strong in so many ways, but when it comes to how others look at you, you don’t see what we do.”
“I’m working on my self-image. Taking care of a sick mother, then raising three siblings, it’s never been about me, but about them.”
Leaning back with his arms propping him up, Samuel scanned the people milling about. “I didn’t realize how big a crowd there would be here today. You kept telling me it was a well-attended event.”
“Every year the auction gets bigger and bigger. Even some people in town who aren’t members of our church attend the auction.”
“And the proceeds go to a worthy cause.”
“Are you excited about the new prison ministry program?”
“You bet. It’ll be a challenge, but then I thrive on challenges.”
“How’s Tom doing?”
“Not good. When he allows me to see him, he refuses to talk about Tanya, Crystal or Sweetwater. It’s as if he’s cut out that part of his life.”
“Maybe that’s the only way he can survive prison.”
A frown slashed across Samuel’s features. “But he won’t be in prison forever. His daughter needs her father.”
“I know. It’s hard when a father abandons his child.”
His attention swerved to Beth. “You never talk about your own father.”
“He walked out on us before Daniel was born, so what’s left to say? He didn’t want the responsibility of raising another child. I don’t know where he is. It’s as though he has vanished from our lives.”
“When your mother died, did you try to find him?”
She shook her head. “I won’t force myself on anyone.”
“But Daniel was a baby.”
“And my responsibility.”
“You were all alone with three children.”
“Ethan was only a few years younger than me, and my father’s uncle helped from time to time. My great-uncle died a couple of years back and some distant relative took over his farm. That’s all the family I have.”
His dark gaze bored into her. “You have me and my family. I love you and when you are ready, I want to marry you.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “Is that a proposal?”
His whole face shone with a smile that reached deep into his eyes. “Yes, it is. I hadn’t really planned to ask at the picnic, but I won’t take the words back.”
“I—” She clamped her mouth shut, not sure what to say.
He touched her lips with his finger. “Don’t answer right now. I know you love me, but marriage is much more than that. I want a family with you, a baby. We’ll talk—”
“Daddy.” Allie threw herself at her father. “It’s time to eat. C’mon!” She pulled back and tugged on Samuel’s hand to get him to stand.
Hovering over Beth, Samuel captured her gaze and said, “We’ll talk later when it’s less public. Right now we’d better eat before all the good food is gone.”
The promise in his words sent a thrill through Beth. Rising, she followed the pair toward the tables lined with all types of salads, side dishes and desserts. As she piled food onto her paper plate, all she could think about was Samuel’s proposal. Marriage. A family. A baby. The decision wasn’t a simple yes or no. She hadn’t told him yet about the offer she’d received yesterday from the Christian Mission Institute.
* * *
Samuel said goodbye to the last members of the cleanup crew as they filed out of the rec hall. When he turned back toward the table where Beth sat, adding up the purchases, he saw Zoey and Jesse join her. Aunt Mae had taken his children home, and he intended to have some quiet time with Beth just as soon as her friends left.
The whole afternoon his thoughts had been filled with his proposal to Beth. He wasn’t even sure he had been too coherent when talking with others. At one point, Joshua had had to ask a question twice before he answered.
The one overriding conclusion he’d come to as the afternoon had progressed was that Beth was the right woman for him and his family. But he wasn’t sure he and his family were right for her. How could he ask her to start her life over, raising a whole new family? And he had probably really frightened her when he had blurted out that he wanted a baby with her. How could he ask her to give up a dream of traveling and doing God’s work? He shouldn’t have been so impulsive and asked her to marry him without thinking of her needs. He didn’t want her to feel obligated to marry him because she loved him and he loved her. He’d seen firsthand as a minister that wasn’t always enough.
With a deep sigh he strode toward Beth, praying to God to show him the way.
“I’m so glad that the auction is over and was a success. See these.” Jesse held up her hands. “I’ve bitten off all my fingernails. They are stubs.”
“You’re a natural organizer, Jesse. We pulled in more money this year than any in the past.” Beth finished the tally of the proceeds and gave the sheet to her friend.
Jesse looked at it, then smiled. “This is wonderful.” She passed it to Samuel. “You’re the reason this was such a success this year, Beth. Zoey and I couldn’t have done it without your guidance and notes. You’ve built the auction up until now practically the whole town turns out.”
Beth laughed. “Hardly. But it was nice to see every space filled with people bidding.”
“Samuel, I hope I can persuade you to build another dollhouse. My daughter was very disappointed I didn’t get it.” Zoey gathered up the sale receipts and checks and placed them in a metal box.
“You’re about the fifth person who has asked me that today.”
Jesse winced. “Sorry, Zoey. Cindy fell in love with the dollhouse.”
“That’s okay. Nick made a hefty donation to our outreach program for that dollhouse and that’s the most important thing. Remember last year when he bought your doll?”
Jesse got a dreamy look on her face. “Yes. Wasn’t that sweet of him? And he told me right after the auction today that he was whisking me away to a secluded island in the Caribbean for a week of R and R. No kids, just the two of us.”
“That’s great!” Beth exclaimed. “A beach, sun and sand. That sounds wonderful after all the time you’ve put in with the auction.”
“After our vacation I’m thinking of taking the kids with us on Nick’s business trip to Europe. I may be away for most of July.”
Samuel watched the wistful expression appear in Beth’s eyes. Serving in the army as a chaplain, he’d done what Beth wanted to do. How could he stand in her way? Not if he truly loved her.
Zoey rose, the metal box in hand. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m tired. It’s been a long day and I still have to deposit the money in the bank.”
“I need to leave, too. I have bags to pack and plans to make.” Jesse grabbed the rest of the paperwork and glanced around. “Looks like the cleanup crew did a great job. See you.”
When Zoey and Jesse left, Samuel faced Beth, taking her hand. “Do you feel up to a walk in the garden?”
She nodded, the usual sparkle in her eyes gone.
“Are you sure you’re not too tired?” Samuel asked.
“No, I’m fine. I was just thinking.”
Samuel headed outside with Beth next to him. “About Jesse’s trip?”
“That and something I need to tell you.”
“That sounds ominous.”
She shrugged. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you I got a letter from the Christian Mission Institute.”
Samuel led Beth to the path that took them to the pond in the garden. “What did they have to say?” The beating of his heart slowed.
She took a seat on the bench, leaving him room next to her if he wanted to sit. “They have a temporary position for me at another mission near Belém in Brazil. It could work itself into a permanent position if I want, but right now a worker needs to come back to the United States for personal reasons at the beginning of August.”
His chest tightened. He inhaled a deep breath, but couldn’t fill his lungs.
“I’m not sure what I should do.”
Again he tried to draw air into his lungs, but the band about his chest constricted his efforts. He turned away as though the goldfish in the pond were the most fascinating creatures he’d seen. Closing his eyes, he quickly asked for strength to do what was right for Beth.
When he looked back at her and saw her worry and concern, he forced a smile and said, “You have to take the position.”
“But what about us? Your proposal?”