Grief
Grief is an overwhelming feeling of sadness and sorrow. It can be brought on by the loss or ending of many different things. Grief can lead to shock, anger, guilt, tiredness, and exhaustion, along with aches and pains. Severe grief can also spark anxiety.
Time is one of the best healers for grief, but it is important to remember that grief is not the same for everyone. How long someone grieves depends on the person and the situation. There is no time frame. Take your time and allow healing to happen at the pace it needs to.
Eventually, there will come a point when you want to move forward. Magic can help you learn to move past the grief. I would never suggest that you forget, just that you allow yourself to live and to step into the next part of your journey with hope and happy memories.
In this chapter you will find magical suggestions to help ease your grief. Work with as many of them as you like. Follow your intuition and be guided by it as to what you choose to work with.
Affirmations. Regular positive statements can change the way we think about ourselves and our situations.
Colour Magic. Colour plays an important part in how we feel and can affect our emotions; work with it to boost positive energy.
Herbs. This section will contain my suggestions of herbs to work with in magical spell workings. Pick from my ideas or use your own—be guided by your intuition.
Foods. All foods have magical properties. I have given you some suggestions that can be eaten or used in spell work. I’ve also included a recipe in each chapter.
Herbal Teas. These can be created with herbs and spices that help alleviate negative issues. Work with my suggestions or use your own.
Incense and Oils. Scents can bring up strong emotions. Work with my suggestions to create incense blends or oil blends to use in ritual or spell work. You can also create these blends just because the scent will lift your mood!
Everyday Exercise. In this section you will find easy daily or regular routines to help get your positive energy flowing and get rid of the negative vibes.
Crystals. They hold such power in tiny, easy-to-handle form. Crystals can be worked with in all sorts of ways to help with all kinds of issues.
Meditation. Read through the script or even record it on your phone. Take some time out and work with the meditation for help and guidance.
Spell. You will find spells to help with any issue. Keep it simple and straightforward. If you don’t have the items I have suggested, substitute them with whatever you feel is right. Personalise it; make the spell your own.
Ritual. The rituals included will not be too fancy or complicated. Often, the rituals connect with a deity and the elements to work some magic.
Magic Bundle. In this section you’ll find my suggestions for creating a magic bundle to help you through your situation.
Affirmations for Grief
I will remember that my life is for living.
I will live life to the fullest.
I am allowed to grieve.
My life is precious, and I am important.
Colour Magic for Grief
If you saw grief as a colour, what colour would you see? This will vary from person to person. For any negative emotion or issue that I want to release, I see black as a good colour to work with. White is also good because it is neutral.
Grief for me as a colour would be transparent, empty, and void. There would be no colour at all. To counteract this use all the colours of the rainbow.
Herbs to Combat Grief
These are for magical use, NOT consumption.
• Bergamot
• Carnation
• Cypress
• Hypericum
• Poppy
• Self-heal
• Thyme
• Witch hazel
Foods to Combat Grief
These can be used magically and/or eaten.
• Black pepper
• Cardamom
• Cloves
• Garlic
• Lavender
• Lemon
• Marjoram
• Orange
• Poppy seeds
• Rhubarb
Recipe: Lemon and Poppy Seed Cupcakes
This is a recipe for lemony, lush cupcakes that carry the magic of poppy seeds and lemon, both of which will add a bit of sunshine to your life.
Magic of the Ingredients
• Butter and milk—antidepression, nurturing, love
• Lemons—healing, antidepression, memory, antianxiety, love
• Poppy seeds—calming, peace, protection
• Sugar—to make life sweet!
You can charge or bless the ingredients as you add them to the mix or do so once the cupcakes are made. Hold your hands over them and say:
Cupcakes of lemon and poppy seed
Brighten my day and help me in need
Lemon and Poppy Seed Cupcakes
For the cupcakes:
250 g (9 oz) self-rising flour
250 g (9 oz) sugar
½ teaspoon sodium bicarbonate (baking soda)
1 tablespoon poppy seeds
270 g (9½ oz) butter, softened
4 large eggs
Zest from 4 lemons
1½ tablespoons lemon juice
1½ tablespoons milk
For the icing:
300 g (10½ oz) butter, softened
675 g (24 oz) icing sugar
4 tablespoons lemon juice
Preheat the oven to 190°C (375°F).
Pop all the dry cupcake ingredients into a bowl.
Add in the butter, eggs, lemon zest, and lemon juice and beat together for a minute.
Pour in the milk and beat again until combined.
Fill 18 muffin cases with the mixture and bake for 20 minutes.
Leave to cool on a wire rack.
To make the icing, beat the butter until pale and fluffy.
Sift the icing sugar in gradually and beat well.
Gradually add in the lemon juice and beat again.
Once the cupcakes are cool, ice them.
Herbal Teas for Grief
These are some herbal teas that can be drunk on their own to help soothe grief:
• Black tea
• Cardamom
• Cloves
• Lavender
• Lemon
• Marjoram
• Orange
• Thyme
Try creating your own blends. Here are some of my favourite combinations:
• Black tea bag with a slice of lemon
• Black tea bag with a slice of orange
• Black tea bag with a crushed cardamom and three cloves
• Two teaspoons lavender and a slice of lemon per mug of hot water
• One teaspoon marjoram, one teaspoon thyme, and a slice of lemon per mug of hot water
• Two crushed cardamoms and three cloves simmered in warm milk
• Two teaspoons thyme and a slice of lemon per mug of hot water
Incense and Oil Blends for Grief
Any of these can be used in spells, rituals, body care, anointing, cleansing, and more to help ease your grief. Each one can be used on its own or mixed with others in a blend.
• Bergamot
• Black pepper
• Cardamom
• Carnation
• Cloves
• Cypress
• Lavender
• Lemon
• Marjoram
• Orange
• Thyme
Incense Blends
• One part frankincense resin, two parts carnation, one part black pepper, and one part cypress
• Equal parts lavender, dried lemon peel, dried orange peel, and marjoram
• One part frankincense resin, one part cardamom, one part cloves, and one part black pepper
• One part dried orange peel, one part thyme, one part dried lemon peel, and a few drops bergamot oil
• Equal parts thyme, marjoram, and cloves
• Equal parts lavender, carnation, and dried lemon peel
Essential Oil Blends
• Combine six drops frankincense and ten drops lavender. Use in your bath or on an oil burner/diffuser or mix with a base oil to use on the body.
• Combine three drops lemon, three drops orange, and four drops cypress. Use in your bath or on an oil burner/diffuser or mix with a base oil to use on the body.
• Combine four drops lavender, three drops thyme, and three drops lemon. Use in your bath or on an oil burner/diffuser or mix with a base oil to use on the body.
• Combine four drops bergamot, three drops lemon, and three drops orange. Use in your bath or on an oil burner/diffuser or mix with a base oil to use on the body.
Everyday Exercise for Grief
Keep a nice, big, pretty jar or box somewhere visible. At the end of each day write something on a slip of paper that has made you happy. It doesn’t have to be a big event: it could be finding your favourite cake at the bakery, seeing the first flower of spring, or even just being excited to crawl in bed.
If you have lost someone, write a favourite memory about them that popped into your head that day.
Remember to include positive thoughts about yourself too! Write down when you made someone else happy or did something you were proud of.
If you are having a bad day—or if you want to start the day on a positive note—take one of the memories out and read it, then refold and pop it back in the jar. Refer back to your jar of happiness whenever you need to.
Crystals for Grief
Carry crystals with you, use them in magical spells, or meditate with them. Remember to charge the crystal with your intent before use and cleanse it afterwards. Cleansing suggestions can be found in Chapter Three of this book.
• Amethyst dispels sadness and grief.
• Ametrine combines the soothing of amethyst and the happiness of citrine, helping you to move forward.
• Apache tear gently cleanses grief and brings acceptance.
• Aquamarine can help release grief.
• Azurite heals, transforms, and brings understanding.
• Celestite helps relieve sadness and brings a happy energy with it.
• Fire opal helps heal grief, allowing you to move forward.
• Obsidian is perfect for working through emotions and unpleasant ex-
periences. It brings transformation.
• Lapis lazuli works on a really deep level, helping to heal wounds.
• Larimar brings peace and joy.
• Malachite helps heal the heart and allows you to grieve fully.
• Mangano calcite is all about self-love and acceptance.
• Moonstone soothes and heals.
• Red jasper brings a solid and down-to-earth energy, focusing on the practical things in life.
• Rhodochrosite is a stone of unconditional love and inner peace.
• Rose quartz heals emotions and helps open your heart again.
• Sugilite brings support in times of grief and reminds you to be kind to yourself.
Meditation for Grief
This meditation will help you ease gently through the stages of grief.
Make yourself comfortable in a place where you won’t be disturbed. If you feel drawn to, put on some light music, drumming, or chanting. Light your incense or oil blend if you would like.
As your world around you dissipates, you find yourself standing on the edge of a field. The sky above you is dark but the moon is full and shining above you, spreading a gentle light across the landscape. You stand quietly, soaking up the moonlight and breathing in the fresh, pleasantly warm air.
Taking in your surroundings, you see lush grass spreading out in front of you and what looks to be a circle of standing stones on the other side of the field.
You are drawn to the stones, so you start making your way across the grass toward them. There are a few sheep huddled up together at the edges of the field, and you can hear the bells tinkling that they have hanging around their necks.
As you reach the stone circle you feel an immense energy that is soothing, supporting, and comforting. You reach out a hand and touch the first stone. It is cold to the touch but tingles with energy. You feel encouraged to step between two of the stones and into the centre of the circle.
It is very quiet in the centre. You cannot hear any of the sounds of nature outside: not the sheep or the trees or the grasses swaying in the breeze. All is silent and peaceful.
There is a large, round, low stone in the centre. You walk over and sit down on it. In fact, it is large enough for you to lie down on. You lie on your back and look up at the moon.
She fills you with her soothing energy. Her moonlight rays comfort and support you, ease your raw emotions, and fill you with hope. Lie there until you are ready to get up …
As you start to sit up, you catch motion from the corner of your eye …
A large hare has hopped through the stones and is now staring at you. It does not appear frightened and sits up, cleaning its ears with its paws. All the while, it continues watching you …
It has a message … listen carefully …
The hare jumps quickly and is gone.
As you stand up, your leg brushes against a plant that is growing at the base of the centre stone. You are hit with a waft of delicious, spicy scent.
Bending down to touch the plant, you make a connection. The name “marjoram” enters your mind. The plant encourages you to talk, to release, to let go, and to let out your thoughts and emotions …
When you are finished, the plant gives you some comforting and supportive advice. You listen carefully.
Then the connection is gone and you stand up straight, taking a look around your surroundings again. You notice something small has appeared on the stone you were sitting on. You pick it up; it is a gift for you.
You make your way out between the stones and walk slowly back across the field. The sheep are still huddled up with their bells tinkling gently.
Taking a last look around, know that you can come back to this place at any time.
Slowly and gently come back to this reality, wriggling your fingers and toes.
Open your eyes.
Drink and eat something.
What gift were you given, and what does it mean to you?
Jot down any thoughts or images that came to mind during your meditation. It can be useful to refer back to them later.
Spell to Let Go of Grief
Grieving is very personal, and it can only be done at your own pace. Each person is different and will need a varying amount of time to work through the grieving process. However, if you feel you have done what you need to do and want to release the emotion and move forward, this spell can help.
You will need:
• Plant pot
• A few seeds (flower seeds are lovely; pick something you like)
• Soil
• Water
• Pebble
Take the pebble in your hands and send all your grief into it. Visualise the emotions draining from your body and entering the stone.
Place the pebble at the bottom of the plant pot and say:
My grief is released, I have now let go
The emotions are spent and will now help to grow
Fill the pot with soil.
Once the pot is almost full, sprinkle some seeds over the top of the soil. Cover them with a fine layer of more soil.
Pat the soil down gently and then water, saying:
From my grief, now buried and not shown
Positive flowers from these seeds are now grown
Place the pot in a warm, sunny spot and wait for your seeds to grow. Don’t forget to water them!
Memory Tree Ritual to Release Grief
This ritual is set with the intent of releasing your grief, but it is also about remembrance. Memories are to be treasured.
I have called upon the Greek goddess Persephone for this ritual. She knows all about grief! Persephone understands the cycle of life and death, and she brings light and happiness to the darkest moments.
The spell within this ritual creates a memory tree. When you’re finished with the spell, you can keep the memory tree in your home and add to it if you’d like.
This ritual can be done using the items listed below, or you can sit quietly in your space and just visualise the whole thing.
You will need:
• A spindly branch or several large twigs
• Plant pot or small bucket
• Stones, pebbles, sand, or soil to fill the bucket
• One central candle to represent the goddess Persephone
• Small pieces of coloured ribbon or wool
• Beads
• Photos that hold good memories and include friends, family, and/or loved ones
• Matches or a lighter
• Something to eat and drink
Cast your circle. Walk around in a circle deosil (clockwise) or turn around on the spot if you are limited for space. Visualise a soft, glowing light forming a circle around you. When the circle is complete, visualise the light forming above you and below you to form a globe. As you cast the circle, say:
Circle of light
Circle of peace
Circle of protection
Circle this place
Call the quarters. Turn and face each compass direction, starting with the north and working deosil (clockwise). North is earth, east is air, south is fire, and west is water. As you face each compass direction, say:
Element of earth, bringing stability and grounding
Please join me in this place
Blessings of earth
Element of air, bringing peace and clarity
Please join me in this place
Blessings of air
Element of fire, bringing energy and passion
Please join me in this place
Blessings of fire
Element of water, bringing emotion and calm
Please join me in this place
Blessings of water
As you light the central candle, say:
I call upon the wise, understanding, and strong goddess Persephone
And ask that you bring your strength, guidance, and support
To assist me with this rite
Blessings to you
Now take your plant pot or bucket and fill it with sand, soil, or pebbles.
Then stick your branch or twigs into the pot so they stand up firmly and securely. This may take a bit of fiddling! This is your memory tree.
Now it’s time for the fun part: decorating!
Take pieces of coloured ribbon or wool and tie them onto the branches. String a bead onto some of them if you want. For each ribbon you tie on, remember a good memory.
Tie some small photos of loved ones on the tree. This is about celebrating good memories and loved ones.
The tree should be full of happiness. Do not dwell on sad thoughts. Rejoice and celebrate life.
When you have finished decorating your tree, snuff out the candle.
Take a sip of your drink, raising your glass to Persephone.
Take a few bites of your food.
Then close the ritual. Face the centre and hold your arms wide, saying:
My thanks to you, great goddess Persephone
For your strength, guidance, and wisdom
Please continue to guide and support me
With blessings and thanks
Face each direction in turn, starting with the west. Work widdershins (counterclockwise) and say:
Element of water
My thanks for lending your energy today
Blessings of water
Element of fire
My thanks for lending your energy today
Blessings of fire
Element of air
My thanks for lending your energy today
Blessings of air
Element of earth
My thanks for lending your energy today
Blessings of earth
Then walk the circle widdershins (counterclockwise) and say:
Circle of light
Circle of peace
Circle of protection
Circle this place
This circle is now open but never broken
Pour the rest of your drink and crumble some of your food onto the earth as an offering to Persephone.
If you’d like to keep your tree, it can be placed somewhere in your home and added to whenever you’d like.
Bundle for Grief
To begin, choose a piece of fabric that makes you feel happy. You will need a cord or ribbon to tie it with, or you could use a drawstring pouch.
Your bundle can be filled with anything that you feel drawn to add—with the exception of fresh food or herbs because those would go mouldy! You could add crystals, dried herbs, seeds, dried leaves, twigs, dried flower petals, small tokens, beads, buttons, coins, small ornaments, etc. Trust your intuition.
Sit quietly or meditate to decide which things to add. Reach out to a deity such as Persephone and ask what needs to go in. It might only be one or two items at first—you can add to it over time.
Each item is representative of your journey to remember all of the good things in life. Charge each item individually before you pop it in the pouch. Hold each one in your hand and visualise positive energy entering it, bringing release and positivity and preventing you from hanging on to grief of any kind.
This bundle is all about memories—good ones. This bag should hold memories of the best moments of your life so far. Here are my suggestions:
• Photos, cinema tickets, or shells and pebbles from holidays
• Photos of loved ones
• Items that you have collected over time that remind you of outings, dates, and events
• Herbs and spices that help you alleviate grief (I would suggest poppy seeds, carnation, or thyme)
Keep the bundle on your altar or somewhere that you will see it. Use it when you meditate, either holding it on your lap or opening it up and handling each item in turn. You can also reach for it when you feel the need to let go. Draw upon the energy within to fill your mind and spirit with positive energy.
Mourning is a very personal journey.
Each person deals with grief in their own way and in their own time.
There is no “correct” way to deal with grief.
Take your time and work through things at your own pace.
If you find yourself grieving, refer back to this chapter for magical suggestions that might help.