The Fundamentals:
Key Concepts
and Attitudes
Tantra can seem arcane, daunting, and alien to the beginner. Books, magazine articles, websites, and workshops often make grandiose promises: sexual marathons, bigger and better orgasms, deeper intimacy, increased longevity, and even enlightenment, all of which can seem very alluring. But too often, these promises go unfulfilled. Readers and workshop participants may find themselves baffled or without practical skills for achieving such lofty goals. We certainly experienced this in our early explorations, so we think it is important to save you time by providing some basic facts, eliminating some misconceptions, and sharing some of the fundamental principles behind Tantric sexual practice. The principles are quite simple, and you can start using them immediately, with very little effort.
Tantra is a spiritual tradition that is over 1,500 years old. It is diverse, has no central authority, and is generally nondogmatic. It is most commonly associated with the religions of the Indian subcontinent and the Himalayas: Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism, and the Tibetan Buddhist and Bön traditions. Tantric thought may also have influenced some of the more liberal and mystical forms of Islam. In Tantra, the oral tradition and the transmission of knowledge from teacher to student have always been paramount. Texts are useful, but only as adjuncts to oral teachings and what is directly experienced. Because Tantra has a strongly subversive, unorthodox, and even transgressive quality, it was often practiced in secret. Many of the texts themselves are written in what some call “twilight language,” with esoteric (hidden) meanings that are not readily apparent to the uninitiated and that are still the subject of debate, many centuries after the texts were composed. There is thus a long history of secrecy associated with Tantric practices, whether or not they involve sexual activity.2
This history of secrecy continues to manifest itself in the twenty-first century, although in a different form and mostly for different reasons. If the Tantric practitioners of old kept their activities clandestine because they violated cultural norms, secrecy plays a different and somewhat more vexing role today. This is true both in the West and in India; the word secret has been used to sell our work in both parts of the world. The Indian edition of our first book was published under the title Secrets of Sacred Sex, and one of our instructional films was entitled Advanced Tantric Sex Secrets.3 Like sex, secrecy sells.
This modern emphasis on secrecy as a marketing tool affects the way Tantra is taught. In some schools, if you just sign up for the next workshop, you’ll get the secret teachings, the special initiations, and ascend to the next level. There is some validity to this way of sharing information. Education, whether intellectual or practical, depends on starting with the basics. This enables the student to build a strong foundation before learning more advanced techniques, but that is very different from dangling the promise of secret knowledge or even enlightenment for the purpose of making money. We are not suggesting that teachers deserve no compensation for their time and effort in sharing their knowledge; however, if our book inspires you to learn more about Tantra, we encourage you to trust your own wisdom and be very wary of anyone who tells you that great secrets will be revealed as soon as you part with a few hundred or a few thousand more dollars and sign up for the next workshop.
Given this emphasis on secrecy, people sometimes find themselves groping for that great hidden key that will open the world of Tantra, with its promise of bliss, ecstasy, and sexual marathons. Bliss is likely to elude you if you pursue it too avidly. Don’t worry about it, and don’t let the desire for lovemaking marathons get in the way of your enjoyment of where you are right now. Not that there’s anything wrong with trying to improve your sexual encounters, or any aspect of your life, but if you can abandon (or at least reduce) goal-orientation and focus on the immediate experience, the rest will take care of itself. If you go within, you’re likely to arrive at a deeper and more genuine kind of satisfaction.
As is so often the case with great secrets, there really is no great secret. Tantric sex has more to do with your attitude than anything else, so a simple shift in thinking is all it takes. Sex begins in the brain, and becoming familiar with a few important principles can make it easier for this shift to occur. This is also important because it will provide a context for the skills you will learn in later chapters. Understanding these key concepts will not make you an expert on Tantric philosophy (that can take years of study), but it will give you a foundation so that you can make the most of your new knowledge and apply it skillfully.