A book like this is read for one main reason: the desire to change and to grow—to create a life of greater meaning, success, and happiness. But it’s not always easy. In fact, it’s almost never easy. If it were, we’d be able to do it with minimal help and at the drop of a hat. In reality, even small changes can take a long time and diligent, dedicated work. You’ve taken the first step; you picked up this book and decided you want to change. Now it’s time to look at the mental blocks that come with change.
Why is it so many of us do the same thing over and over again and expect different results? Many have simply called this insanity. Most of us have been stuck at some point in our lives. We want to feel better, look better, experience more love and connection in relationships, but we don’t change any of our behaviors and end up spinning our wheels. Forget changing others. Nothing changes if we don’t do the work to change ourselves. Sometimes things may get so bad that we feel as if we’ll never emerge from the darkness we’ve created for ourselves; it can be overwhelming. And as painful as our current comfort zone may feel, getting outside of it—taking a leap of faith—can seem excruciating.
So, how do we change? How do we train our brains to build a new groove and pave our life paths with passion and purpose?
You can start by taking a thoughtful look at your life. Study your daily paradigm and compassionately examine the patterns that you have adopted or cemented into habits. Ask yourself:
• Are these habits taking you to the level of livingness that you desire?
• Will you experience the life that you dream of if you stay the present course?
• If you choose to follow your current train of thought and actions, will you fulfill your life purpose and fully realize the gifts that you have been given?
• How do you stop doing the same thing over and over again and start enacting real change?
We love comfort; our brains are literally wired for it. We are wired to stay where we are and seek out what is convenient. We may call this living in the “comfort zone” or “being in a rut,” or even “insanity.” Whatever we label it, it will get us nowhere in life. It takes a big vision, a compelling why to get us to move out of our own way and begin moving toward our highest expression—in spite of feeling uncomfortable!
James’s why: I have found my why to be a combination of things. Spiritually, I am wired to serve—sharing my passion for personal discovery and development, for body and mind performance, and for life transformation. This drives me to set “stretch goals” every day—to learn and be more than the day before and to show up and grow for the people I love the most, my family.
Debra’s why: Similar to James, my why is driven by my desire to serve and show up in life fully alive, energized, optimistic, healthy, and engaged (for myself, my family, and my friends). I am motivated by life itself and by my wish to see, touch, and experience new adventures—to challenge myself mentally and physically and never take for granted my God-given gifts. My two daughters are my most powerful whys. Not because my life is solely focused on them, but because I want to lead by examples so that they witness a life of full engagement, and what they take away from my examples is that they are infinitely capable of creating the life of their dreams.
Many of us want to believe that success can happen overnight, whether that comes through a pill, a lover, or a new pair of shoes. The media and advertising companies take full advantage of this desire. We need to stop the cycle of buying quick-fix products and hoping for a magical cure. As much as we might hate to admit it, we like conformity; most of us are content doing the things that are expected of us, not much more or less. We set our expectations at a certain level and that becomes our acceptable standard.
Powerful and sustainable change—the real, lasting kind—only happens with consistent work on the fundamentals. Doing things well day in and day out creates the new paradigm, laying the foundation for a thriving life. Highly successful and fulfilled people consistently show up for life; they make commitments and they keep them. They manage their time and practice the habits they want to make their own. These are things that usually happen behind the glossy scenes of success. They are not necessarily sexy or glamorous, yet these are the things that are done again and again, creating a life of success, effectiveness, freedom, creativity, and integrity over time. Daily habits become rituals, which are the tenets of success and the basis for peace, power, and purpose. We like to use the idea of “bookending” our days to help set us up for success.
We are surrounded by what appears to be instant gratification, but in truth, anything that is truly magnificent is created by the daily discipline of doing what needs to be done. We have to be willing to move beyond complacency and mediocrity.
This work will ask everything of you. It will ask you to step outside your comfort zone. It will ask you to show up and be present for the life that you are building one choice, one thought, and one action at a time. When you string together a series of good actions and decisions, you will see your life transform and your confidence rise, and you will be on fire with purpose and passion.
Our dear friend, inspirational speaker, hypnotherapist, and officiant at our wedding, Jody Stevenson, recently shared this powerful affirmation at a talk she gave at Mile Hi Church in Denver, Colorado.1 It comes from Tao wisdom. If you like it and it works for you, we suggest you repeat it aloud, in the mirror, every morning and every evening. Otherwise, feel free to come up with your own words of inspiration, or read a quote that brings inspiration to your heart:
I allow greatness.
I am greatness.
Sometimes life will encourage and at other times it will force you to do this tough work—this work that is deep and at times challenging but is always done in the name of love. Each change you try to make can be made more effective when you ask, “Am I coming from love?” or “What would love do now?”
These questions asked silently throughout your daily living will bring clarity, power, and purpose to every action and decision, and bring greater peace to your life. When you come from love, you come from a place of wholeness—a place of service. Here are a few examples: Are you coming from love when you make a comment on someone’s Facebook post? Are you asking yourself What would love do? when your spouse forgets an important item on the grocery list? When we stop and reflect on these questions before we react, everyone benefits.
Ask yourself this question before you choose what you will be eating, for example. When you choose a bag of chips or some other refined food that isn’t good for you, you will know if it is about feeding an emotion; feeding stress; feeding an old, worn-out belief or wound. Ask yourself, Would I eat this if I were coming from love? When we come from love, it slows down the pace of our mind and life to be present; it calls us to stand in integrity!
Similarly, we can ask this question when we are interacting with our friends, spouse, children, and coworkers. Coming from a place of love prior to confronting a potentially uncomfortable situation helps balance the emotions that often go on overdrive and become reactionary during such confrontations.
A powerful way to keep this practice moving in your life is to use every doorway and threshold to remind you to show up heart first, coming from love. Each and every day, you will literally pass through many doorways. For example, the first thing in the morning, you likely pass from your bedroom to the bathroom, then another doorway into your kitchen, and more throughout the day—many times. Use these doorways as reminders to come into each new space from a mindset of love.
The practice of coming from love gives you presence of mind, presence of body, and presence of Spirit. Affirm dozens of times daily: “Come from love.” And experience your happiness growing. Notice how your personal practice will inspire and uplift others.
We are happiest when we are working toward a goal that comes from love—one we deem worthwhile, one that we feel is important enough to dedicate daily discipline to, and one that makes us slightly uncomfortable. We are happier when we stretch ourselves to do things that take us just beyond our comfort zone; comfort just makes us lazy. When we regularly stretch our minds, bodies, and spirits, we invite possibility and inspiration. This represents a great and empowering challenge, as we will need to shift our paradigm in order to become our highest selves. In this daily work lies true and irrevocable happiness.
We are big fans of using the power of beliefs to help support any and all growth initiatives, including making changes. Beliefs can be seen as the windows you look through to see the world. You must believe that making a change is something that will help you; you must believe you will be successful. You must believe that change—no matter how uncomfortable or painful it feels at first—is in your highest interest.
Look at your present existence. Understand that most of the everyday excuses we give for not wanting or fearing change come from old habits, not fear of actual dangers. Once you tame and reprogram these false beliefs that you have about change, and see that change is all about being and having more—more growth, more power, more living—you will know that you are ready to truly begin. Change will become something that you look forward to and embrace.
What changes do you need to make in order to grow? Where could you make an upgrade in your environment to support yourself? What questions can you ask yourself right now to wake up from your self-imposed slumber of mediocrity? Courageously answer these questions in a way that lights a fire in your heart and moves you to do all that is necessary to change, grow, and become all that you came here to be.
Now, look within yourself and discover your why.
1. What makes you excited?
2. Who inspires you?
3. What are three specific areas of your life that you are committed to changing?
4. What are your three most powerful whys related to these areas?
Write your responses to these questions in your notebook or journal so you can reference them later. They will not only deliver awesome and life-changing results, they will also help you align with your why, delivering on the promises that you came here to fulfill: to serve, inspire, create, and leave a legacy of meaning and full-on love and livingness.
Close the Gap to Transform Your Life:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZRIjbZOIJU&list=PLDF26DC5254801299
Genuine motivation is intrinsic in nature. Intrinsic motivation is driven by love (of self and others), self-improvement, self-mastery, purpose, and service; it comes from within and is impelled by a genuine interest in the goal or mission itself. You may find it helpful to think of intrinsic motivation as coming from your heart rather than coming from your ego. The TEMT plan keeps us intrinsically motivated because it is a comprehensive plan that helps balance every aspect of our lives, thus creating lasting change. We created it from a place of intrinsic motivation.
When you are motivated from your own sense of purpose and passion, you will have more energy and be more committed to staying inspired daily. In the business world, it has been shown that employees perform better and sustain long-term motivation when the work has deeper meaning. Most people are more motivated to work harder and reach goals more often for intrinsic safisfaction and meaning than they are for money. The same can be said of any goals that you may have around weight loss, exercise, or eating well. All of these goals are more likely to be actualized when they are connected to something deeply felt and more significant than a new dress size, a number on the scale, or how many oohs and ahhs you get at your high school reunion.
These extrinsic goals, as good as they feel to your ego, tend to be short-lived. That is one of the many reasons that we typically do not stay on our diets and give up our exercise programs. SAD (Standard American Diet) is easy to slide back into because it gives us a false sense of comfort; it’s what we’re used to. After our desire to look good or complete that 5K is fulfilled, our courage to step out of the comfort zone evaporates. To sustain your enthusiasm, connect your goals to making a difference in the life of someone you love. Make your own goals inspire others and appreciate how your loving self-care will likely keep you here on the planet longer for your loved ones. Significant, long-term motivation is an inside job.
Motivation is powerful medicine for the mind that can heal even the most limited beliefs in one’s self. Its power comes from the fact that you have the choice/ability to create it and to allow it to move you to the highest success, happiness, and fulfillment. Where do you look for motivation—books, tapes, friends, family, seminars? All of these can offer motivation; just keep in mind that it is still you who holds the key to your own sustained motivation, and you can use it any and every time you desire to unleash it.
In coaching thousands of people over the last twenty years, we have found that the people who connected their goals, specifically weight-loss goals, to the work of total body and life transformation were the ones who experienced sustained inspiration, which carried them through to their successful outcome and desire. We are moved to make things happen and to do what is necessary—the work, sacrifice, diligence, and discipline—when we know the bigger why behind our movement.
Think of the whys you wrote down earlier. As you get more in touch and aligned with your intrinsic motivators, you become more committed to sharing your time and energy in only positive ways. In this moment, re-examine what intrinsically drives you, and get excited about your great big and compelling why. In these motivators lies the gold—all the fuel you will need on your journey. Allow motivation to come from your essential nature and sustain you for a lifetime.
When you are setting goals and creating intentions, consider what it is that you are looking for. Motivation is more sustainable when we come to the realization that we’re not in this alone; everything we think, do, and say impacts those around us. This is one reason why the TEMT plan is so powerful: when we transform our own lives, we raise the ambitions of those around us, and that creates the space for everyone to come alive and thrive. Authentic happiness and peace of mind is shared and experienced together.
Think about a time when you wanted to achieve a certain goal—maybe a weight loss goal, or perhaps a financial or professional goal. There is a good chance that this goal involved others or affected those around you. Individuals rarely reach a goal when it is purely self-motivated. When you include in your goals the people who will also benefit through your discipline and efforts, you will be more likely to do whatever is necessary to realize it.
People who are change agents are intrinsically motivated: they always come from love! They attach the change they want to make to something bigger than themselves. When you know that your pursuits are not just about your own needs, you will not give up, sell out, or fail to do what needs to be done. The incentive is a deep knowing in your heart that keeps you moving forward and building resilience. This is how James was encouraged to change his unhealthy history and relationship with alcohol. This change inspired and opened him to pursuing a new circle of friends who lived healthier lives. He discovered his love for health and wellness, and it led him to becoming a doctor. Changing this one relationship supported him in transforming his life.
Who we hang out with the most tends to be who we become. Motivational speaker (and one of James’s mentors) Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Because of this, we love the powerful practice of “peopling” our lives with people who inspire us. While there are exceptions to the rule, we believe in the law of averages and the idea that we must consciously place ourselves in environments that support our own growth and well-being. How does this work? It’s really pretty instinctive.
Spend the most time with people who raise you up, not bring you down. Read and watch things that teach and inspire. When you find yourself in a gossipy situation, excuse yourself. If you are hanging out with people who like to party every night and eat unhealthy food, it may be time to find a new tribe. If you live in a community of naysayers, start an optimist group to raise your vibration.
Courageous, committed change is a gateway to making life an amazing and inspiring experience of growth, love, and fulfillment. Intrinsic motivation and peopling our lives with encouraging individuals inspires us to discover our purpose—and then become a source of inspiration for others.
Intrinsic Versus Extrinsic Motivation:
Write down one goal and reflect on why you are motivated to reach it.
My goal is:
My intrinsic motivation is:
When making changes, a personal mission statement clarifies your purpose and gives you a sense of direction. It defines who you are (or want to become) and how you want to live; it is your guiding light—your credo. Though it may take time to develop, as it requires thoughtful consideration, your mission statement is essential to your TEMT foundation.
One of the most important roles of a board of directors is to make sure an organization is staying true to its mission. We can do this same thing in our own lives by creating a personal mission statement and asking friends and family to be “the board” that holds us accountable.
Create a space and time to think about and create your own personal mission statement. Focus on who and what you want to become. Keep it positive. Make it emotional. Infuse it with passion. Then read your mission statement aloud at least once a day.
Here is one that Dr. James wrote:
My mission is to serve the world with passion, integrity, purpose, courage, and love. Through leading-edge ideas, practical life strategies, and world-class service, I seek to encourage the healthy transformation of people and the planet.
And here are a few supportive prompts for your consideration:
My purpose is to express:
My mission is to become:
Successful individuals and organzations have a vision. His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s vision for a free Tibet is: “Future Tibet will be a peace-loving nation, adhering to the principle of ahimsa [nonviolence]. It will have a democratic system of government committed to preserving a clean, healthy, and beautiful environment. Tibet will be a completely demilitarized nation.”4 Successful organizations create a vision for their company, and churches have a vision for their congregation. It makes sense that successful individuals create a vision for their own life.
You my already have a vision for your life. Perhaps your vision involves your life as a mother or father, grandparent, head of a company, entrepreneur, global leader, famous actor, missionary for peace, Ironman triathlete, chef, or healer. No matter where you are in your current life or your current vision, you have the potential to make it even bigger and bolder. Your life’s vision is similar to your mission, but it is more of an out-picturing of your aspirations for yourself and the world. Like your mission, your vision flows forth from your life purpose but applies to the greater whole. Your vision is a description of what you want your life to look life in order to achieve your purpose on the planet. Your vision has color, texture, and feeling; and it is most effectively accessed through the practice of meditation. The process of visioning (creating your visions) is a lot like becoming still and listening to your inner voice or your higher power—call it God, Allah, Buddha, Love, Krishna, the Universe—and allowing the vision to come.
Take some time to get clear about the vision for your life; listen for it, see it. Begin with thinking about what you really want to happen (aka magical thinking). Think about who and what inspires your vision. Your vision is what you want your life to look like in the near future. Write down your vision and read it daily, until you really embody the vision. Your vision is the moment-by-moment legacy that you can live every second of your day. If your mission is your road map, your vision is what your destination looks like.
Have a vision of what you want to be, do, and have in your life. See it to be it. The mind loves to be visually fed. We are wired to picture virtually every thought we have. Visualizing the body, the experiences, the goals completed, and the vitality that you desire is powerful food for the mind. The more you visualize your life vision, the higher the likelihood that it will become your reality.
Visioning is slightly different than visualizing or visualization. Remember, visioning is the process of describing and visualizing what you want your life to look like in order to achieve your purpose on the planet. Visualization is a process that we can do at any given moment. It is a practice where we use our mind and our imagination to picture a desired state either in the present or the future. It is a technique we can use to help reduce stress and tension and increase relaxation. Your vision in this context is an affirmation of what you want your life to look like. It is “the big picture” invoked through deep thought and reflection, and sometimes visualization. Visualization is the act of imagining or picturing certain scenarios in any given moment. When we do this unconsciously, it’s called daydreaming; when we do it with intention, it’s called visualization.
When you use visualization practices, you stimulate the occipital lobe of the brain—the visual processing center. Visualization helps you see your desires in action and can be a strong source of inspiration. Set an intention, and schedule a time to visualize twice daily. Fill your mind with powerful images first thing in the morning and just before bed. Add this to your daily bookends, beginning and ending your day with the images of your desire, so your whole day is centered around building a path to the realization of your goals. Surround yourself with positive images that inspire, whether that be on your desk at work or on your refrigerator or altar. Let the images serve as a reminder of the powerful intentions you have set for yourself and your life’s vision and mission.
Before you begin the process of writing down the answers to some of the questions below, take time for meditation. Sit quietly and think about what your life would be like if you had the power to change it right here, right now. Focus on your gifts and talents. Ask yourself, What do I need to know in this moment? What is it that I came here to do? Remember, it is never too late to reinvent yourself. Here are other life areas where you may ask yourself questions:
My vision for my career:
What is my dream job?
How many hours do I work a day at this job?
What is my income?
Who do I work with?
How does my job make me feel?
My vision for family/relationships:
What are the qualities I desire in a partner?
What are the fun things we do together as a couple?
What are my qualities as a partner?
Do I see myself with children?
Who am I as a parent?
How do my friends describe me? (Remember this is the vision of who you are becoming.)
My vision for health and vitality:
What type of exercise do I do?
How many days a week do I exercise?
What do (and don’t) I eat to stay healthy?
How do I feel physically and emotionally?
How do I support myself emotionally and spiritually?
Where is my ideal place for living?
What type of home do I live in?
How is it decorated?
How often do I take vacation?
Where do I love to travel?
How do I give back to the community through service?
How do I continue to improve my life through learning?
My vision for the planet:
What is my highest vision for the world?
How do I see individuals relating?
What do I wish to see now in the world—the most immediate changes?
From your answers, by choosing the ones that resonate the most, you can create a vision statement. This may be a sentence, a few sentences, or a paragraph. Write down your vision in first person, as if you are writing an autobiography. (You can do this as an individual exercise, with a small group of close friends, or as a family.) Then keep your vision statement somewhere you will look at and read it regularly.
Debra’s vision: I am committed to personal excellence, happiness, optimism, and spiritual growth. I am a positive role model for my daughters, who I love and support unconditionally. I compassionately serve those whose freedom has been restored, and I work tirelessly to help bring awareness and put an end to human trafficking and the devastating effects it has on millions of innocent lives. I am a trustworthy, loving, passionate, and supportive partner for my husband. I support my healthy mind and body with vigorous daily exercise, vital and organic whole foods, daily spiritual practice, and loving self-care. I live in a beautiful mountain community of moderate size with easy access to clean water, natural foods, and true friends. I am a nutrition and lifestyle medicine expert and leader in the field of women’s hormonal health. I am a lover of animals, supporter of the less fortunate, and a loyal and committed friend to my close circle of friends.