Present

 

If you feel we left many questions unanswered, or there is a degree of schizophrenia to the story, well life is not as neat and tidy as we often like it to be - sometimes it leaves us with many unanswered questions and a lot of confusion. It certainly did with me.

 

I searched for years for the answer to the BIG question: WHY? Why Angel destroyed everything?In the end I found the answer in the words of Harley Quinn in the movie Suicide Squad:

 

 

"WE ARE BAD PEOPLE - ITS WHAT WE DO”

 

 

At that moment I realised I had been DATING HARLEY QUINN

 

 

 

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I wish I could say that having hit rock bottom, I sprang up and remade myself overnight – but I can’t. When a female histrionic narcissist plays with your life, its far different from any other fast ball that life pitches at you. You don’t bounce back, you splatter, you flat line, you lie in a pool of meaningless existence for month after month and then, finally, you succumb to the truth. The only thing that is going to get you out of this state is time. Only time, effort and patience will help you heal. Each day gets easier, better, brighter and you take joy in each tiny advancement. Walking my dog today I looked up; the sky was BLUE, I’d forgotten the sky was blue.

Here are a few answers to questions you may have.

Jak, the guy who was with me – or more accurately not with me - the night of the attack: All evidence [I’ve seen] would suggest to me that Jak was involved in Sex Trafficking of girls out of Bulgaria to the Ukraine. It believe he’d targeted Angel for trafficking, but I have no idea if the attack on me was related to this. We have been unable to include more details of events involving Jak for legal reasons.

Hanna was not married to Phoenix although he didn’t know it - she was still married to another guy in Hungary. I think her bigamy was simply thrill seeking after an overly cosseted upbringing.

The Etsy business - The LightFantastiK ultimately failed because I was unable to post the orders due to agoraphobia / Postaphobia. I tried everything that I could, up to and including getting blind drunk in order to go to the post office. Going outside was a huge effort but going to the post office was simply impossible. Naturally customers started complaining they were not getting their orders and demanding refunds - my previous 100% ultra-glowing positive feedback was quickly blighted with negative after negative and that was essentially that. The business accrued a negative balance due to refunds that I was unable to pay off - and it closed. It was terribly sad. I tend to think of businesses as if they are a living entity - as if they have an existence of their own in some way and I felt it terribly sad that such a promising little business - that had already survived SO MUCH - should die. I feel the loss for the company, which didn’t deserve such an ignominious end, way more than I feel any personal loss. Strange isn’t it.

I slowly got over my agoraphobia, as my mental health improved but I still have flashes of it even now. I’m nothing like as outgoing or outdoorsy as I used to be. I can go out when I need to and I do go for walks - but I never go very far, I’ve not driven my car since the day I moved into this apartment – it’s been 9 months.

The destruction of me and everything I was, everything I had - by Angel - was at the end, I’d say 97% total.

The success of this book is my ultimate revenge - I know the words she said were only ever said to incite an argument and I doubt she can even remember telling me that I was an utter failure and that I always would be - but on that day, the day I tried to end my life, I made a promise. I promised that no matter WHAT I would rise again and I would succeed. I added “do you know why Angel?” mockingly and with a laugh she said “Oh Why………..?”. My reply “Because I’m BETTER than you Angel…!” She laughed sadistically at me.

Well, guess what Angel - I AM BETTER THAN YOU!

The ultimate possible expression of just HOW MUCH better was not to simply start another busses - no, that was way too easy. No, the ultimate expression of how much better I am was to take all the misery and destruction she gave me, all the hate and scorn - and to create a thing of beauty, a positive force for good and happiness in this world AND a vehicle to financial success. This book!

She may never see these words; she may never know of this book or any success it brings me - but that does not matter to me. You see - unlike Angel, I keep my promises. My word matters, it matters TO ME. THAT is why I’ve written this book - to keep that promise - because at the end of the day, it was a promise to myself not to Angel.

While writing this I’ve lived on $400 a month for over a year, I have no jeans without holes in them, no T Shirts without holes in them. I lived on processed ham sandwiches for 6 months until my sister bought me a slow cooker and I started making vegetable soup’s for $1 a day.

The $1000 Baldadini boots now have holes in the sole and let the water in when I walk my dog Truffle, and her leash is nearly worn through. I have a beard to avoid the expense of razors and brush my teeth with Bicarbonate of Soda to avoid the expense of toothpaste.

Yet despite all this I don’t for one second want this book to sell well for the money – I’ve learned to stop wanting things. I want the book to sell well in order to keep the second part of that promise. A promise made on my knees, in floods of desperate tears, in front of a mocking and evil Goddess; laughing at me through glistening white teeth and perfect mat red lipstick. The promise to rebuild myself financially.

To say I have put my heart and soul into it would be a vast understatement – I’ve invested MY EVERYTHING into this book……………………. and GOD I hoped you liked it. I hope you enjoyed every word. I hope it gave inspiration to those who needed inspiration, solace to those who needed solace and enjoyment to those who simply like a good read.

PLEASE recommend this book to your friends and family, PLEASE recommend it on Facebook, PLEASE Tweet about it, PLEASE tell your co-workers about it, PLEASE……… please help me make this book a success - even I kinda think I deserve it by now :-)

And if you have a comment - feel free to get in touch with me, my email is: author@datingharleyquinn.com - tell me if you liked it, tell me about any typo’s you found - there are bound to be some, tell me anything you want to tell me.

My final words go to Michele - this is my story, I wrote 150,000 words for it, but its Michele that made it a novel. In business it’s way more important to know what your bad at than what your good at - and what I’m bad at is writing novels. Michele is the literary genius who has worked herself half to death turning what was essentially 300 short stories into the novel you've just read - as well as removing about 50,000 swear words in the process. I had a lot of anger to get out LOL.

So from the bottom of my heart thank you Michele. There was not a hope in hell it would have happened without you!

And thank you, dear, precious reader, for buying this book - seriously thank you!

And now, if you will excuse me, a door has just opened that I have a need to go walk through, I have no idea what lies on the other side but with your recommendation it may be a bright future. Regardless I will close it firmly behind me, for this chapter of my life is finally over, the apocalypse has ended, the horsemen can go home and I can rejoin the living once more - it’s been 5 long years since I’ve seen them and we’ve a lot of catching up to do……………….

 

 

—- § —-

 

Id like to dedicate this book to Gia. Tiny, loving, humble Gia. A girl with dreams so modest they would brake your heart. But a girl drop forged from solid Titanium. For all I have gone through I am Plumbium to your Titanium Gia.