part0011

One month after the Schilling case, Chris was ordered to return to Manila. The Abu Sayyaf, the same radical Islamic group who had taken Schilling, had invaded the Dos Palmas private diving resort and taken twenty hostages. Three of the hostages were Americans: missionary couple Martin and Gracia Burnham, and Guillermo Sobero, a guy who ran a waterproofing firm.

From the start, the Dos Palmas case has been a negotiator’s nightmare. Newly elected President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo publicly declared an “all-out” war against the Abu Sayyaf on the day after the kidnappings.

To aggravate the situation, the Philippine army and the marines had a turf war amid the negotiations, which led to failed raids. The CIA, the FBI, and the U.S. military intelligence were called in because American citizens were involved; they too, bickered among themselves.

When Chris arrived in Mindanao, the Philippine military was engaged in a firefight in a hospital complex where the Abu Sayyaf and their hostages were holed up. The situation made it impossible for Chris to negotiate. The following morning, Chris found out that the kidnappers had escaped, taking their hostages with them.

The ensuing debrief informed Chris that during a cease-fire, a military guy had collected a suitcase from the bad guys in the hospital. Not long after, all the soldiers on the hospital's rear perimeter had been called away for a "meeting." It was about this time when the goons fled.

On the Philippines’ Independence Day, Abu Sabaya announced that he was going to behead “one of the whites,” if the government did not call off its manhunt by noontime.

Chris did not have direct contact with Sabaya because their partners in the Philippine military had given them a go-between who always “forgot” to make sure Chris is present for his phone calls with the kidnappers, and also “forgot” to record their conversations.

Shortly before the deadline set by Sabaya, he and a member of the Philippine presidential cabinet had a conversation through a radio show. The government agreed to Sabaya's demand to name a Malaysian senator as a negotiator; in return, Sabaya agreed not to kill a hostage.

By this time, the entire situation had been bursting with confrontation, lies, and distrust. It seemed that the agreement reached before noon did not materialize and that afternoon, the Abu Sayyaf beheaded Sobero. They also took fifteen more hostages.

Since there was little that Chris’s team could do, they headed back to Washington D.C. Then 9/11 happened.

The Abu Sayyaf was linked to Al-Qaeda. A Philippine TV reporter named Arlyn de la Cruz was given access to the Abu Sayyaf camp and videotaped Sabaya while mocking the missionary couple Martin and Gracia Burnham, who both looked gaunt. When the video hit the U.S. news media, the case became a major U.S. government priority.

Chris was sent back to Manila but was concerned about working with his counterpart’s dysfunctional team.

The first surprise came when the kidnappers had changed negotiators–Sabaya had been replaced. Gary Noesner, Chris’s superior, warned Chris that a change in negotiator almost always meant that the other party was ready to take a harder line.

The U.S. government does not pay ransoms, but a donor provided $300,000. The new negotiator agreed to release the Burnhams. The ransom was paid, but the kidnappers did not release the couple.

Sabaya, who was physically in-charge of the hostages, refused to release them. Unknown to them, Sabaya made his side deal.

Much later, when Chris did a post-mortem, he discovered that apart from his team, a corrupt Philippine politician was negotiating for the couple’s release.

To save face, the new negotiator argued that the ransom money he received was $600 short. No matter how hard Chris’s team tried to push for the couple’s release, they were back to where they started.

Two months later, a team of Philippine Scout Rangers was tipped off by another government agency on the Abu Sayyaf camp's location–information that was never shared with the FBI. Chris never found out the reason why this information was withheld from them.

The Rangers opened fire. Gracia was hit by a bullet on her right thigh, while Martin died from three bullet wounds in the chest. Another hostage, a Filipina nurse, also died in that messed up rescue operations.

For the second time, Chris went home with a heavy heart. Dos Palmas has become Chris’s biggest professional disaster.

Negotiation is not a wrestling match where the opponent is drained into submission. It is persuading, not overcoming; it is collaborating, not defeating. Successful negotiation involves giving your counterpart the illusion of control so that they suggest your solution himself.

A tit-for-tat mentality will not work in negotiation. Under this mindset, if the negotiator asks the other party for something and it is given to them, the negotiator must give the other party something back. In the Dos Palmas incident, when the new negotiator agreed to release the Burnhams, Chris did not ask for proof of life because they did not want to owe the kidnappers. They were also afraid of being embarrassed if they asked and the negotiator turned them down.

Avoid a showdown. Chris wanted the bad guys to see things their way, and the bad guys wanted Chris's team to see it their way. The showdown simply increased the tension between the two parties, which eventually led to the negotiation break down.

Refrain from asking closed-ended questions. Without asking to speak with the hostage, the negotiators asked for a computer-security type of questions that only the hostage can answer, e.g., “What’s Martin’s dad’s middle name?” These are questions that will not give the negotiator a tactical advantage or any helpful information.

Ironically, Chris got one of his important learnings from a drug dealer whose girlfriend was kidnapped by another drug dealer. The drug dealer, who has not been coached, was on the phone with the kidnapper. In the middle of the conversation, the drug dealer blurted out, "Hey, dog, how do I know she is all right?" The kidnapper fell silent for a while, then volunteered to put the girl on the phone.

It was an AHA! moment for Chris. The drug dealer gave the kidnapper an illusion of control and engaged the kidnapper to come up with a solution. A negotiator should not directly persuade the other party to see things his way. Instead, he should gradually lead the other party to his ideas.

Asking an open-ended, calibrated question is a powerful tool in transforming a challenging negotiation event into a joint problem-solving session. This type of question does not have the sting that a confrontational statement or a closed-ended question has. It allows the negotiator to introduce ideas and requests without being aggressive or arrogant. Telling the other party what the problem is may lead to a conflict; asking a calibrated question helps the other party understand what the problem is.

Calibrated questions begin with “what” or “how.” “Why,” although an open-ended question may sound accusatory, so it is best to avoid this. Since the success of a negotiation depends on the amount and quality of information available to a negotiator, a good negotiator must ask calibrated questions early and often.

A well-designed calibrated question implies that the negotiator is asking their counterpart’s help in solving the problem. This approach makes them feel they are in charge, so they become less defensive and less aggressive. They own the solution, not realizing that you framed the conversation to lead into your solution.

Exercise self-control. You cannot calm down an aggressive counterpart if you cannot control your emotion yourself. Avoid impulsive, passionate reactions. Pause to think and check your emotions. When you are attacked verbally, do not retaliate. Instead, ask a calibrated question. Offer an apology, if needed.

In any conversation, the listener has more control than the talker. The talker provides the information, but the listener directs the conversation to his goals using the information that the talker provides. The following lessons will help you use the counterpart’s muscle to work to your advantage:

In a negotiation event, regardless if it is business-related or personal, what questions do you usually ask the other person?