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“The Itinerae returned briefly. She took Rikard with her, but I can guarantee neither of them are a threat. They just want to go home after they help the Regnum.” Kato looks around the room and he feels weird speaking as if he’s in charge. He isn’t... and he sure doesn’t want to be. “She said Neginah and Hanigen have the support of the Regnum to rescue us all. Most of them just want their loved ones back, but I’m sure there will be some people out there who believed in what Melior was doing. We’ll have to deal with those people eventually.”
“Eventually might be sooner than we hope,” Riley speaks up. “If they band together —” She meets Kato’s eyes but doesn’t finish that sentence.
Instead, Jasestros finishes it for her. “We could be right back in this situation, again.”
Kato looks over to Az and can tell he’s still wary of new people, but Jase and Tague have proved themselves very useful in the last couple days, and Kato’s kept a close eye on their minds. They truly just want to help.
“Look, there’s nothing we can do about it right now,” Azrian says quietly. “We stick to the plan. We send the prisoners with Hanigen and Neginah and we take everyone else home where they belong. Beyond that, it’s the Regnum’s job to keep Athoze safe — we can politely suggest they utilize Deadrun as a Praediti prison, but it’ll ultimately be up to them to decide whether or not to actually do it. I certainly don’t want to stand guard over it, do you?”
“Shadows, no,” Jasestros hisses. “I’d like to go back to living my life sometime soon.”
Tague looks at him in a way that reminds him of the way Cal used to look at Az, and one look into his mind confirms Kato’s suspicion. Tague wants to go home too, but he doesn’t want Jasestros to be far. He briefly wonders how that will work out for them when he picks up the tail end of Cal’s second kidnapping story.
“— they didn’t even pretend to be good guys anymore. They threatened the twins and gave me a choice. But as far as I know, my family and home are okay, and open if anyone needs a place to stay.”
Kato can’t help but smile at the memory of Cal’s parents, and his short time with Blue and Bash. He would like to see them again. Maybe he’ll finally understand why they find him so funny. “That’s kind. I’m sure someone here will take you up on that. Riley... what do you plan on doing?”
“I’m going back with Hanigen. I still don’t trust the Regnum and it’s not like I have a family, so...” She shrugs, leaning back on her chair until she’s balancing precariously on two wooden legs. “Someone needs to keep getting their hands dirty, might as well be me.”
It’s so unsurprising that Kato simply chuckles, but he admires her for it. “Well, if you ever get tired of being dirty, come visit. Ronan’s grown fond of you... but don’t tell him I told you that.”
She salutes him with a smile. “Yeah, but he’s insisting on going with you two, and I’d rather not stick around for your honeymoon phase. I’ll come visit eventually. You too, Cal.”
Cal snorts a laugh from his seat. “About time. Thought you two would have gray hairs by the time you stopped that dance. Especially you, giant.”
“Maybe it would have happened sooner if you weren’t in the way in the beginning of our journey.” Kato grins, looking at Az from the corner of his eye. He may be pretty clueless sometimes, but he knows he has a bond with Az that is more profound than he’s ever felt with another person. Even in the beginning.
Az blushes and takes a deep breath. “Okay, okay. So, they won’t be back for a few days, do you think we can keep this place running until then?”
“Definitely. There are a few Videre that are helping with electricity and we just have to ration the food, but if it’s only a few days we don’t have to be scarce. They always made sure to have enough food here to last a month.” Kato pushes the thoughts of a honeymoon phase out of his mind to focus on the task at hand, but the conversation that ensues after is much less entertaining.
When they’re finally wrapping up with a concrete plan, Riley stops Kato from leaving with a soft touch to his arm. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
With a nod, he goes back to his seat and watches everyone leave, then turns to her. He could look into her thoughts, but even a Cogitare deserves the privacy of their own mind. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just thought you should know that your brothers are alive. Well, most of them, anyway. I’ve met four, but I’ve heard rumors there are two living down in the southern part of Edros. I wasn’t sure if that was something you wanted everyone knowing.”
“Brothers?” Kato sits up straighter and looks around for Az, but he must’ve gone out with the others. “And... how are they? How’d they get there? Do they know who I am? Or even about me?” He nearly asks a million more questions before she holds up a hand to speak, and even then, it’s hard to fall silent and let her talk.
“They know who you are, but Melior forbade them from talking to you. Maybe now that he’s dead, you can get in touch with them? I don’t know. I’m not good at the whole family thing, I just figured you deserved to know that you have siblings out there.” She smiles awkwardly, patting his shoulder and skirting toward the door. “I’ll tell them to get in touch if I see them.”
“Okay. Thanks.” Kato stays in his seat, staring at the table in front of him. Why would Melior make him forbidden? Did he want Kato to feel isolated and completely alone? Of course he did, Kato realizes all too quickly. He never wanted Kato to feel accepted, all he ever wanted was a blunt instrument... and he always hated that Kato was more.
He gets lost in those thoughts until Azrian comes back in and sits next to him. “Hey, Jellycrai. Dinner’s ready and Ronan’s waiting for us... you okay?”
“No,” he answers honestly, pulling Az into his lap with a sigh. It isn’t until they’re comfortable and Azrian’s touch has calmed him that he finally feels the courage to continue. “Riley’s met my brothers. Not all of them, but four of them, and she said two others live... I don’t even remember where. But they were forbidden to talk to me by Melior. I have family in this world, and he took that from me, too.” Kato doesn’t mean to sound as if he’s whining, but he knows he can trust Az with these feelings.
Az kisses him sweetly and settles in, wrapping his arms around Kato’s back and rubbing soothing circles. “So, we’ll find them. We’ll find all of them and we’ll bring them home... to our home.”
Kato finds that doubtful, but he can’t focus on future what-ifs anymore. They have far too much to do, and he has something far too amazing right here in his lap. “I love you, Azzy. I told you before we were walking into a death trap, and I’m saying it now when we’re free. I love you.”
“And I still think you’re nuts, but... I love you too.” He lifts Kato’s hand and kisses each of his tattooed knuckles. “K8.0, Kato... whoever you are. I think you’re wonderful, and so does Ronan... who is still waiting for us. Are you okay to go eat?”
“You can’t kiss my fingers and then bring up a teenager. You know what that does to me.” Kato chuckles at Az’s flush and kisses him one more time before standing and setting him down. “Yeah, let’s go eat.”
They walk to the cafeteria hand-in-hand, but dinner is already over by the time they arrive. Ronan has two plates ready for them though and smiles widely when they join him at the table by the window. “So, you guys are super sure I can come with you, right? I won’t be any trouble? Did you like my cooking? I’ll cook for you!”
“Rone,” Az says with an amused expression. “We’ve been through this a dozen times in the last couple of days. Of course you’re coming with us.”
Kato ruffles his hair and realizes how long it’s gotten. It makes him wonder if he’s growing it out to be like Azrian. “What he said. I mean, who else is going to cook for us?” he jokes with a grin.
“Pshh, no one,” Ronan beams. “You two would be lost without me.”
Az leans a little closer to Kato and he doesn’t have to peek to know he’s thinking about all the time they survived on their own, but neither of them will say that to Ronan. “We absolutely would. Not to mention, I’ll have to bring backup if I want to convince Rhix to give me my job back. You’ll be pretty handy there; he won’t even need coal anymore.”
“You mean —” Ronan looks around and leans in to whisper “— I can use my powers?”
A familiar darkness spreads across Azrian’s face as he nods. “It’s encouraged. I know you were young when you were brought here, but not everyone is like your mom. You’ll be better off using your powers and people will love you for it.”
“Cool!” He sits up more confidently this time but when he spots Roe across the room, his smile fades. “And your mother? She seems... off.”
Kato’s felt the same; regardless of her trusting Belua, she still can’t seem to look him in the eyes. “Az... I know this is a lot to ask, but do you think your mother would let me look into her mind?”
“No,” Az says instantly. “Not after what happened to her.”
Kato nods, not wanting to push in front of Rone. “Okay.” He busies himself with his food and reaches out to him with his mind. “I think another Cogitare messed with her mind, Azrian. I only want to help.”
“What?” Azrian asks out loud, dropping his fork and staring at him. “So, you think that’s why she’s acting like this? Like she barely knows me, and we were the bad guys here?”
“Do you have a better explanation? I don’t, and I haven’t looked into her mind because I remember how she feels about people like me. She’s your mother and I want her to... like me.” Kato blushes at that and tries to get back on track. “I feel a disconnect, which is something a Cogitare is capable of. You said she hated Praediti before this... now suddenly she’s convinced Belua of all of them is a good person? Something is off. But I won’t look unless I have your permission.” He knows he should be asking Roe for her permission, not Azrian’s — but if she isn’t herself, how could she ever properly consent or even understand that he’s only trying to help?
Ronan quietly excuses himself as Azrian’s breathing kicks up. “Um... yeah, okay. I trust you. I know you won’t hurt her, and if you can help her...”
Kato rubs Az’s back like he did for him only moments ago. “I hope I can. But not here, do you think you could get her to come to our room for a conversation? I don’t want her to feel attacked here in the café.”
“Yeah,” Az says quietly. “I’ll try, but she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me much.” He visibly braces himself and stands, then wraps an arm around Kato’s head to pull him in and kiss his hair. “Meet me there in five.”
Kato nods and watches him walk away. He’s nervous to be in a small space with Roe — even without her thoughts, he can feel her hostility toward him — and the hatred for his golden eyes even more. It makes him wish they were greener... or more human. He’s lost in his thoughts when Tague and Jase join him at his table, but after a quick conversation he realizes he’s about to be late. He jumps up and takes their trays to the back before rushing toward their room, then stops a few feet away and listens to make sure they are at least speaking civilly. The fact that he doesn’t hear yelling is promising. After one more deep breath, he slips inside, instantly suffocating from the tension in the room. “Hi, Roe.”
“I should’ve known,” she says coldly. “Have you come to kill me?”
Azrian’s face crumples as he reaches out to her. “Mom... it’s not like that. I know you’ll probably never forgive me for this, but he wants to help you. We want to help you.”
“Help me?! By trapping me in this room with that... monster?” Roe looks at Kato with pure disgust and her words actually make him flinch.
“I know you don’t have any reason to trust me... but if it means anything to you, I love your son and I want to help his mother. I can really help you. I think someone messed with your mind.”
Roe’s face twists into an expression of rage. “The only one messing with my mind is you!” she screams, but Az grabs her and holds her arms behind her back.
“Please, Kato. Just do it,” Az rushes out with glossy eyes. “Hurry.”
“Let me g—”
Kato shoves his hesitation aside and instantly takes over her mind. He has her sit calmly, and when he’s able to focus on the depths of her mind he hits a wall that was left behind by a much older and more skilled Cogitare than he is. It’s a struggle, but as soon as he pushes past with a pained grunt, he sees exactly why that wall is so strong: they’ve almost completely rewritten Azrian’s mother. She knows her son, but they’ve detached her ability to love him unconditionally and it makes Kato heartbroken for him. He decides then and there to never tell him and works even harder to restore it, instead.
All of it takes much longer than he’d hoped, but he’s able to finally find Azrian’s mother buried under the rubble they’ve left behind after nearly two hours. Blood drips from his nose as he coaxes her out from behind the barriers, and when she snaps out of that daze, the look she gives him makes him nervous that it didn’t work. He psychs himself up to try again right up until she catches sight of Azrian — and suddenly, it’s as if she’s an entirely different woman.
“Azrian?” She holds out a hand and then pulls him in so tightly Kato tenses. “My boy! Where are we? I yelled for you through the smoke and... did you hear me?”
“Sm—” Azrian struggles against her grip to get a better look at her, but his confusion is clear. Kato tells him silently that she won’t remember anything that happened to her after Belua kidnapped him, and after struggling with that information for a moment, Azrian hugs her properly again. “I’m sorry, Ma. No, I... I didn’t hear you.”
“But you’re okay! Thank Cettia.” She hugs him again and looks at Kato with a frown. “Why is he here... and where are we?”
Kato meets Az’s eyes and backs toward the door. “I’ll give you two a moment.” He doesn’t want to go, but he can feel she’ll handle the information better if he’s nowhere in sight. Hopefully, what he just did will help her see he isn’t evil. He isn’t a monster.
He walks awhile around the compound before he decides to go outside. It was never an option before, but now the fake grass inside the court doesn’t help him at all and he hasn’t seen Axis and Nut all day since they refuse to be inside longer than a few minutes at a time.
He doesn’t even have to call out to them before Nut’s chitters can be heard coming closer. “Hey, buddy. I’ve missed you two.” Axis approaches with a nod and plops down next to him on the ground. “Will you guys ever sleep inside with us?”
Axis snorts his response, and Nut yells into his mind. “No! Hate walls. Can’t breathe in walls.”
Kato huffs and lays back on the ground, staring up at the clouds with a small smile on his lips. “You know what... I actually agree.”
~
“SO... THAT’S IT,” AZ finishes, keeping his eyes low. “It’s been a really long trip, but Kato isn’t the enemy, Ma. He saved you, and... well, he saved me, too. He’s coming with us.”
“How would you know? He could have messed with your mind, with all of our minds.” Roe looks as if she wants to believe him, but old habits die hard. “Cogitare take advantage of their darkness.”
Tears threaten to spill all over again as a familiar hopeless feeling washes over him. He can’t — won’t — go anywhere without Kato, but he just got Roe back. “I need you to trust me. I trust him with all of me... and you will too one day. It’s not a trick.” He hugs her again to stop her budding argument, then steps back and clears his throat. “Get some rest, okay? I’ll bring you some food later on, or if you wake up you can just come down to the cafeteria.”
She nods, seemingly too exhausted to attempt to argue and leans on him the entire walk back to her room. Roe touches his face softly and steps inside. “Be careful, Azrian. I’ll see you in the morning sun.”
“In the morning sun,” he echoes with a small smile, then backpedals until she shuts the door. He pivots and wipes the corners of his eyes as he starts to look for Kato, and when he doesn’t find him in the courtyard it becomes pretty obvious where he’s at.
He heads outside and shuffles with his hands in his pockets until he’s collapsing next to Kato and Axis, and for once, he doesn’t even mind Nut scrambling to get between them.
Kato looks over at him and then rolls over to plop his giant leg over his waist and make Nut move. “Hi, Azzy.”
“Hi,” he laughs, squirming a little to get comfortable. “Thank you for what you did in there. Did your nose heal okay?”
“Yeah. I forgot it even happened.” Kato kisses his cheek and lays his head down. “I’m sorry things are still difficult. I can... stay away if that helps you.”
Az nudges him. “Don’t think you’re getting away from me that easy, Jellycrai. She’ll come around eventually... I did.”
“I don’t want to be anywhere else.” He squeezes him a little harder. “I’ll keep showing her I’m not like the Cogitare she met. I wish that never happened to her and although I could have taken the memory away, I felt that was wrong.”
“That’s because you aren’t like that Cogitare, or anyone else. You’re a good person, Kato. And she’ll see it.” He snuggles in, letting the heat from the sun warm him the way it’s supposed to instead of the brutal heat of the Etrian desert, and all of a sudden, he can see their future laid out. A rebuilt house on their old plot of land, Ronan going to school, the occasional vacation that allows them some much-needed alone time. Maybe a beach or a trip to Coldhallow Crest. But above all, he sees happiness in his future — and a definite lack of Videre powers. Kato is finally getting a chance to be his true self, and Az wants the same opportunity. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” Kato touches his face softly and moves him by his chin to look into his eyes, and the contact grounds Azrian.
He takes a steady breath. “You meant it when you said you don’t mind me as a human, right? You’d still want me around if I wasn’t a Videre anymore?”
“Absolutely, Az. I love you for you... you know that, right?”
“Yeah, of course.” The words still solidify his choice whether he already knew it or not, and Az is more grateful than ever that he found someone like Kato. “Just making sure, that’s all.”
“I can see the wheels turning and I’m not even looking into your head. Whatever you do, I support you. Always.” Kato lets his hand slide down Az’s chest and kisses behind his ear. It’s been a couple days since they had some alone time while the sun was still in the sky, and Az isn’t going to waste this opportunity.
He shifts to straddle him and grins, reaching up to tie his own hair back. “I love you too, by the way... now let me show you.”
~
AZ SITS ON THE EDGE of the cliff just outside Deadrun’s main entrance and stares up at Cettia. She seems to be shining a little brighter than normal in the last remaining dregs of darkness, and it brings him comfort — so much so that he nearly stays silent in order to preserve that precious peace. But there are questions still unanswered and a favor he has yet to ask of her, and this seems to be as good of a time as any.
“Cettia...? Do you read me?”
“I wondered how long it would take you, Azrian Mihr.”
The voice in his mind still unsettles him even after all of his practice with Kato. He isn’t exactly sure where to start with the things he yearns to know, but it becomes clear to him quickly which question is pressing most heavily on his heart. “Can you tell me what really happened to my dad?”
“You already know,” she responds. “Ender was a victim of Deadrun. The first of many, as I’m sure you’ve gathered. He couldn’t escape and it cost him his life.”
“So—” Az rubs his chest and tries to breathe, but his lungs feel like they’re about to betray him “— so he didn't want to leave us?”
“No, he did not... but I think you knew that, too.”
Az traces absentminded lines on the rocks with his finger. He knows if he focuses on that for too long, he’ll break — and he’s come too far to let that happen now. It’s time to keep moving. “What about the rest of the Videre? What will happen to us now that Melior and Belua are dead?”
“That’s up to you. I wasn’t able to reach the Videre once they were inside of Deadrun’s walls, but now that the enchantments surrounding it are broken, I have access to you all once more. Do you wish to keep your abilities, Azrian?”
And here it is — the real reason he’s sitting out in the cold talking to the sky when he should be getting everyone organized to finally leave. He wants to be painfully, awfully human again with every ounce of his being, and Cettia is the only one that can make that happen. “No,” he says out loud, but it’s barely any louder to his own ears. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but the thing is... I guess I was pretty great before you gave me powers. I don’t need to be Praediti to be good.”
“You don’t,” she agrees, and Az can swear he hears humor in her tone. “But as you wish, Azrian Mihr. You will no longer have access to your powers. You will be exactly as you were before.”
No, I won’t, he thinks to himself. I’ll be better. “Thank you. That’s all I ask.”
“Enjoy it while it lasts, Azrian. I’ll be calling on you again soon and I expect you to be ready.”
Azrian’s jaw goes slack as the words register, but each subsequent attempt to find out what that means goes unanswered. He’s ready to start screaming at the sky when he spots the ship off in the distance — the ship bringing their salvation.
The boat’s horn startles him even though he’s staring right at it, but it’s such a welcome sound to Azrian that he sprints to the side and down to the rocky edge, beaming and waving like a madman.
He greets Neginah and Hanigen with relieved laughter and tight hugs, then leads them inside as he tries to fill them in on everything that happened — his conversation with Cettia already long forgotten.
They’ve just confirmed their agreement to take the prisoners back to the Regnum with them when Kato comes over, looking nervous.
“Where’s the Itinerae?” he whispers sharply, tugging Azrian away from the others.
Confused, Az follows. “She stayed behind to help the Regnum check the Venandi’s other strongholds, remember? Apparently, this place and the Rostian Ruins weren’t the only ones, and those people need rescuing, too. What’s wrong?”
Kato stands straighter, looking around them with a blush. “I’m not going on that boat.”
“Jellycrai, you have to, unless you think Cal can somehow part the water for you so you can walk back to Edros.”
“Is that possible?” Kato asks, meeting Az’s eyes just a little too hopefully.
Azrian blinks. “No, no it’s not.” He huffs, taking Kato’s hand. “Look, I know you don’t like it. But I’ll be right there with you, and once we hit land, we don’t ever have to go on a boat again, okay?”
“Didn’t we just save the world? Why a damn boat?” Kato runs his hand through his hair with an exasperated sigh. “Fine. But you’re not allowed to leave my side, and if I puke...” His face twists.
“If you puke, you’re on your own, so... better eat light.” Az laughs to show he’s kidding, then plants a few quick kisses on his face. “But don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find ways to keep you distracted. We’ll go straight to Edros. Just think of all the sights you’ll see on the way! Maybe you could draw a few of them after we rebuild the house. You could decorate the walls with your artwork.”
Kato smiles widely. It’s been so long since he’s gotten a chance to draw that he’s nearly forgotten he has the skill, and the fact that Az likes his art enough to hang it on their walls makes his chest tighten. He kisses his nose. “Yeah... I’d like that.”
“See? Then it’ll be fine, we’ll take the boat.”
“And then never again? Promise?” Kato pulls him in and nuzzles into his neck, his body slumping in defeat. “You’re lucky I want to be by you, or I’d just make this place home.”
Az lets out an offended gasp. “Here? Deadrun?” He pulls back, feeling Kato’s forehead with the back of his hand. “Are you sure you’re part Sana? I think that head injury stuck.”
“It did. Carry me or I’m not getting on that boat.” Kato playfully leans some of his weight onto Azrian, but even some is too much, and his knees threaten to give out.
“Kato!” he laughs, shoving him off. “Come on, we need to get everyone on board. I don’t want to spend another night in this place as long as I live.”
Ushering everyone onto the boat is a struggle. Kato isn’t the only one that shares a fear of water, but after an hour, everyone is on board and staring up at Deadrun. “Yeah... I don’t want to spend another night here either,” Kato says from behind Az, wrapping an arm around him and resting his chin on his shoulder. “Let’s go home.”