Numbness had settled over her, finally, when she arrived at her brother’s town house in London. It was early afternoon, too early to retire, yet she left instructions with the staff that she wasn’t to be disturbed and made her way to her bedroom.
She’d spent most of the four-hour trip struggling to push back the emotions that warred within her. Anger, betrayal… but chief among them was embarrassment. Once again she’d allowed herself to be played the fool by a man. Only this time was much worse. She realized now that what she’d once thought was love when she’d married Laughton had been youthful infatuation.
No, there was only one man she loved, one man she’d ever loved. And like her husband, he refused to be honest with her.
The rest of the day dragged, and it was with relief that she crawled between the sheets of her bed that evening. But instead of finding refuge in sleep, she tossed and turned all night. The sun was beginning to rise when exhaustion finally won and she slipped into an uneasy slumber.
It was almost midday when her maid roused her with news that she had a guest.
Expecting that her brother had followed her, she didn’t hold back her huff of annoyance as she cast off her blankets and settled onto the edge of the bed. She wasn’t successful in her attempt not to glare at the hapless woman.
“I told you I wasn’t to be disturbed. If my brother wishes to speak to me, he can wait until later.”
“It isn’t Lord Brantford,” the woman said, moving to the wardrobe to fetch a day dress.
Ellen’s heart began to race as she struggled with the thought that Charles might have followed her. But no, he’d said he’d wait for her to take the next step. The game was over and they’d both lost. He wouldn’t have followed her all the way to London when he’d let her go so easily in the first place.
“Who is it,” she asked, moving to the dressing table while the maid took her place behind Ellen and began combing out her hair.
“Lady Eddings,” she said. “She’s waiting for you in the drawing room.”
Ellen closed her eyes at the news and struggled with her disappointment. While she was relieved there would be no more messy arguments with Charles—no, she must think of him as Castlefield now—she still wanted to maintain her friendship with Jane. And clearly her friend hadn’t been happy to discover Ellen wouldn’t be visiting her in Brighton after all.
Determined not to allow her rift with Castlefield to impact her relationship with Jane, Ellen sat still while her maid finished pinning up her hair before helping her into the pale yellow dress she’d selected.
Ellen had expected to have more time to come to terms with everything that had happened, but it was clear she’d have no reprieve from the affair today.
A quarter of an hour after her maid had woken her, she crossed the threshold into the drawing room. Jane rose swiftly from her seat on the settee. Her expression was clear, but Ellen had seen the frown on her friend’s face when she first entered the room.
Jane drew her into a quick hug before stepping back to examine her face. Ellen knew what she’d see—eyes that were still puffy from the many tears she’d shed in the carriage the previous day. She must have looked worse than she thought, however, for Jane took her by the hand and led her to the settee, drawing her down next to her.
“I’m so sorry,” Jane said. “This is all my fault.”
Ellen frowned, surprised Jane would feel the need to apologize. “You’re not to blame for encouraging a match between your brother and me. But the fact that it will never happen doesn’t have to affect our friendship.”
Jane clasped her hands in her lap. She’d removed her gloves, and Ellen could see that her knuckles were white with how tightly she’d twined her fingers.
Ellen found it difficult to sit still. She wasn’t ready to discuss this with Jane. The hurt was still too new, but she knew the subject couldn’t be avoided, so she vowed to get it over with as quickly as possible. Then she could go about setting her life to rights again.
“Did your brother tell you what happened between him and my husband?”
“If you’re referring to the duel they fought, then yes, I know about it. I’ve known from the beginning.”
To her credit, Jane didn’t look away, but Ellen couldn’t hold her gaze. She closed her eyes as a sense of betrayal washed over her. Jane said nothing, waiting for her to process the information.
“So everyone knew but me?”
Unable to sit still any longer, she rose and crossed the room to look through the front window. Jane’s carriage waited outside, and a shadowy figure could be seen through the carriage window. It must be Lord Eddings. He wouldn’t have wanted his wife to make the trip into town alone. She wondered if he, too, knew about the duel.
“Ellen—”
“It doesn’t bother me that he killed my husband. Heaven knows the day I was freed from my marriage to that man was the happiest day of my life. I’m not proud to admit that, but it’s true nonetheless.”
She turned to face Jane again. “Do you know they fought over a woman? As if it isn’t bad enough that my husband had affairs with heaven only knows how many women, but now I’ve discovered that Charles—” Her voice actually cracked. Giving her head a sharp shake, she took a deep breath and continued. “Now I know Castlefield is the same. That knowledge shouldn’t bother me, but it does.”
“It wasn’t like that—”
Ellen cut off Jane’s attempt to excuse her brother’s behavior. “Of course it was. And to make matters worse, I allowed myself to be taken in by his charm and his lies. Again. When will I ever learn that men can’t be trusted?” She turned away and looked out the window again. “I was beginning to allow myself to believe Castlefield cared for me. That perhaps he might even come to love me. But it was all just a game. Another way to get back at Laughton for whatever rivalry they had. And I know they were rivals. Castlefield made no qualms about hiding how much he hated my husband when he first learned of our betrothal.”
Ellen tried to hold on to her anger, but as the full realization of her error in judgment settled over her, that anger seeped away to be replaced by a bone-deep shame. She returned to the settee and sank onto it, then dropped her head into her hands. “I’m such a fool to have fallen for his lies. Why do I keep allowing myself to be taken in by men?”
“They fought the duel over me.”
Jane’s words were spoken so softly that Ellen almost missed them. She lifted her head and stared at her friend in disbelief. “I know you weren’t lying when you told me you didn’t have an affair with my husband.”
“I didn’t.” Jane took a deep breath before continuing. “Laughton approached me about having an affair and I declined. But what I never told you was that he tried to force himself on me while I was pregnant with Hope. I struggled and fell to the ground.”
There was silence for almost a full minute as Ellen stared at Jane in disbelief. She was still trying to think of what to say when Jane continued. “He only stopped when he saw the blood and I told him I was with child.”
Horror swept through her, and she closed her eyes briefly, finally connecting the reason behind her friend’s precarious pregnancy. And why Jane hadn’t wanted to see her for the past two years. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” she finally managed, knowing the words weren’t enough. “Is that why you didn’t want to see me?” She looked away, her shoulders sagging. “Of course it was. If I hadn’t kept Laughton at a distance, none of this would have happened. How many other women suffered his attentions just so I could remain safe?”
“Of course not.” Jane reached out and placed a hand over Ellen’s. “I never blamed you for your husband’s actions.”
Ellen knew that Jane was speaking the truth. If their situations had been reversed, she certainly wouldn’t have blamed Jane. But it was difficult not to feel responsible. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to tell anyone. Not even my husband knows. I was too afraid of what he would do, and that he’d end up getting himself killed. But my brother found me after it happened, and it was he who called for the doctor. I couldn’t keep the truth from him when I realized he’d seen Laughton leave the room. But you should know Laughton didn’t touch me intimately. He never got that chance.”
“But he did push you.”
“I don’t really know what happened. I was struggling to get away from him at the time. It’s possible he simply released me and, in my attempt to draw away from him, I overbalanced and fell backward.”
Ellen didn’t contradict her friend, but she knew her husband. When Jane had resisted him, he would have had no qualms about throwing her to the ground. If he hadn’t panicked at the sight of the blood his actions had caused… She sent up a silent prayer of thanks that everything had turned out well in the end. Neither Jane nor the baby she’d been carrying at the time had been hurt.
“So your brother fought the duel instead of your husband. And my brother helped him so everyone would think it was a hunting accident.”
“Yes,” Jane said. “I tried to stop Charles from issuing the challenge, to convince him that nothing had actually happened. That Laughton hadn’t violated me. But he was filled with rage and wouldn’t be persuaded otherwise.”
Ellen could only shake her head in disbelief. “Why didn’t he tell me? When I accused him of dueling with Laughton over the affections of another woman, he didn’t deny it. He could easily have told me what had happened.”
Jane’s grip on her hand became stronger. “I made him promise he would never reveal what had happened. I don’t think he even told your brother when he elicited his assistance as his second. Brantford must have guessed and helped in setting up the fiction about the accident. It’s the only reason my husband has never learned about what really happened that day. My brother is a good man. He kept that promise, even when it meant losing you.”
“Laughton almost ruined all of us. He certainly took away any delusions I’d had of living happily ever after with any man. I only thank the heavens that he didn’t cause you to lose your daughter.”
“No, he hasn’t ruined any of us and certainly not you. You still have that chance of a future together with someone who cares about you a great deal.”
Ellen withdrew her hand from her friend’s grasp and looked away. “I was so cold and distant to him before I left. I have no doubt he’s realized his life would be far easier if he found a wife who was more agreeable than me.”
“I’m sure that’s true,” Jane said with a slight smile, “but he doesn’t want anyone else. He’s been trying to forget you since you married Laughton. I didn’t realize it at first since I’m several years younger than the two of you, but he loves you and has done so for years.”
Ellen stared at Jane, unable to hold back the thread of hope that was blossoming within her. But beyond that, she didn’t want to. Her friend was correct. Laughton hadn’t ruined everything, but that would only be true if she didn’t allow his specter to continue hanging over her. She’d allowed his memory, and that of their unhappy marriage, to cloud everything she’d done.
But she’d seen with her own eyes that not all men were as controlling as her deceased husband. That happiness was possible between a man and a woman. Jane was in one such union. Even her brother, who many believed to have ice water running through his veins, was capable of love. And one thing was undeniable. Lucien had seen true evil. He’d never supported her betrothal to Laughton, had never thought the man good enough for her, but she’d dismissed his reservations, ascribing them to the beliefs of an overprotective sibling. It wasn’t until after she was married that she realized her brother had seen something in Laughton that she, and everyone else, had missed.
But Lucien had no such reservations about Castlefield. If there was one certainty in this world, it was that her brother was a good judge of character. If he approved of his friend’s intention to marry her, that was as good a recommendation as one could get.
“Where is he, Jane? I have to go to him.”
Jane smiled and wrapped her friend in a tight embrace before pulling back. “It’s about time.”