I’m just a pigeon with one mile left

That doggy-paddles through this bullshit ocean of death.

CANNIBAL OX, “PIGEON”

PRACTICE

DIE, DIE, MY DARLING

One way to better understand our own being/not being is by experiencing our own deaths. (In practice, not literally of course.) This is a powerful tool for loosening our identification with our bodies and senses. As we do so, we create a space to experience the nondual state of Spirit, God, Stillness, Buddha Mind, Cosmic Christ, Everything Mind, lessening our fears and anxieties around our inevitable death.

At the same time, practicing our own death can help us to deepen our appreciation for the “simpler” things in our lives—family and friends, the latest issue of Thrasher magazine, a sunrise or sunset, the smell of freshly cut grass, a good cup of coffee, an episode of Twin Peaks. We can enjoy it all from a place of greater reverence, with the respect and knowledge that nothing on the material level will last forever.

Please, please, please, understand that I am not saying that death is the answer! Absolutely no way. In fact, this practice may not be suited for those struggling with depression issues. I would never want it to be misunderstood as a glamorization of death, or something that leads someone to believe that death in and of itself is in any way the answer. It is not. If you’re reading this while you’re struggling with depression, yet haven’t talked to someone on a professional level about it (a doctor, psychiatrist, or counselor), please do so, and do so as soon as possible. I speak from firsthand experience that life can, and does, get better, and there is absolutely no need for you to have to live from a place of sadness or hopelessness on a consistent basis. Sometimes we just need a bit of outside help.

With that said, the following practice is my own interpretation of a death meditation taught by Laura Huxley (wife of the brilliant Aldous Huxley). I’ve found it to be extremely beneficial not only in helping me unravel much of my fear surrounding death (though I’d be lying if I said there still wasn’t some fear hanging on in there—practice and not perfection, though, right?) but also in experiencing the nondual state of Everything Mind. So here goes:

       •  In a darkened room, lie down and get comfortable. Begin by letting go of your body, imagining that you’re dead. Imagine that your body is lifeless and, having served its purpose this time around, is no longer “yours.”

       •  Explore this empty and alone sensation of no longer having a body, letting the experience take you wherever it goes—even if this results in screaming, crying, and swearing. No matter how uncomfortable or awkward it may get, just stay with it.

       •  When you feel like you’ve truly connected with the experience of letting your body go, imagine yourself at your funeral, your last grand hoorah! Take time to talk to friends and family who are in attendance. Tell them everything you ever wanted to but, for whatever reason, felt as though you couldn’t before dying. Tell them all your fears, mistakes, suffering, embarrassments, and joys. Let it all out because you no longer have to fear what anyone else thinks. This is your final good-bye, so don’t hold anything back.

       •  After saying everything you’ve felt moved to, make your way over to the casket. Look at your corpse. Allow whatever emotions come up to come up. If you find yourself crying, go ahead and cry . . . cry until there are no more tears left. Allow all the pain, resentment, bitterness, fear, hurt, and sadness buried within your heart to flow out with every tear.

       •  When you’re ready, take the lifeless hand in the casket, raise it to your lips, and with love and reverence, kiss it, saying good-bye. Once you’ve said good-bye, allow the entire room to disappear so all that’s left is your sense of I AMness.

       •  Stay in this place of I AMness for as long as feels right for you, and when you feel ready, gently bring yourself out of this visualization and back to your living body. Cultivate a feeling of loving freedom within yourself, and then allow it to spread from your heart to every single part of you—atoms, molecules, cells, bones, muscle, skin, and tissue—so that it embodies your entire sense of being. As you move forward in your waking life, continue cultivating this feeling of love, respect, and gratitude in every moment, allowing it to emanate through you and into the world for all beings to enjoy.

For some, this practice may be difficult at first. I know when I began working with it, I experienced particular anxiety during the “letting go of my body” part. Our ego hates that shit because all it has is identification with our thoughts and physical being. Yet as we anchor into the place of no body and reach that of Witnessing Awareness (I AMness), the experience becomes much more natural (even if we do find ourselves screaming or crying).

When it comes to death and our fear around it, the Indian philosopher Krishnamurti once said, “We separate death as something horrible, something to be frightened about. And to us, this living, which is misery, we accept. If we didn’t accept this existence as misery, then life and death are the same movement. Like love, death and living are one.”1 Or in the words of Kahlil Gibran, “For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?”² There truly isn’t anything to fear in death, and if we become more intimate with it now, rather than later when its presence is upon us, our transition will be one of peace, grace, and ease—as will our life in the meantime.