Sloane: Finding Christmas Christmas Eve

Dear Sloane,

Merry Christmas Eve! It’s here. And so is Starlite, Star Bright. Did I ever tell you about how, every night when I was deployed, I would look up in the sky for the first star that appeared, and I would think of you, wishing to be near you again, wishing for nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you? Well, I did. I still do. What an adventure this year has been. What an adventure the next year is going to be… But as long as the adventure is with you, I’m always up for it.

All my love,

Adam

I smiled as I looked out the upstairs window and finished tying the bow on the very last present. Caroline had already left to go to Starlite, Star Bright with Wes. Adam and Mom had all the kids, and Vivi was, as per usual, somewhere with Tyler, who she swore had put her in the friend zone. I had my doubts about that.

I leaned back and admired my gifts. A little box for each person in my family. I piled them up in my arms and carried them downstairs, placing them one by one underneath the already-overflowing Christmas tree.

I wasn’t sure how it would feel to leave my childhood home, my safe place. But I had to admit, it felt sort of right. Yes, I was sad about moving, but this way, with my family down the street, it could remain that place of solace and escape, the place where we had visited my grandparents and now would visit my mother. I hadn’t wanted to move, not really. But I knew well that life—and marriage—were about compromise. And this was a small one.

“Sloane!” Jack called.

“In here!” I called back.

I got up off the floor, wiping my hands on my jeans, and turned to smile at him. I would probably never get used to truly thinking of him as my father. But sometimes, in moments like this one, it hit me all at once that he was. “Merry Christmas Eve,” he said. “Thanks for doing this.”

“For doing what?” Mom asked, appearing in the doorway, a case of juice boxes under her arm.

“Sloane and I have a little surprise for you,” Jack said.

More than one, actually, I thought. Mom winced. She was the self-proclaimed poster child for hating surprises. But, well, in a family like this one, the surprises just kept coming. Please, only the good ones this year, I hoped. I mused that, as crazy as the hurricane had made all our lives, the metaphorical storms had mostly been worse.

Mom rolled her eyes. “Please, guys. No surprises.”

“You’re going to like this one,” Jack said.

I started up the stairs, Mom and Jack following behind. I turned to the right, to the beautiful master suite with the stunning view of the water. I was going to miss waking up here every morning. But, well, it was Mom’s house.

I turned to look at Mom and she looked around questioningly. “I’m missing it,” she said. “It’s very clean?”

So, yes, my organizational skills were lacking. Thanks for pointing that out.

“Go open the closet,” I said.

She walked into the bathroom and, a few seconds later, walked back out. “Those are all my clothes in there.”

I nodded.

She looked at Jack. “Ans, Sloane, Adam, and the boys have very graciously agreed to stay in the guesthouse until their new house is built.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

He took her hands. “ ‘The Christmas cookies taste better from my oven,’ ” Jack said. “ ‘I think the bigger tree should go at my house since I have the bigger living room.’ ”

She laughed, and I recognized those as things Mom had said over the past few weeks.

“Ans, I think I know you better than anyone in all the world, and it has been pretty clear to me since we moved in together that you missed this house, that you wanted to come back.”

She looked at me now. “Is this okay with you?”

I laughed. “Mom! It’s your house. Of course it’s okay.”

She looked back at Jack. “But your house. Our house.”

Jack shrugged. “Maybe this was always meant to be our house. We’re the grandparents. We need to have the house where all the kids and grandkids come home to stay. My house will be for overflow.”

“You sure? I really don’t want to sell it…”

He nodded.

She hugged him and then me. “This is the best surprise ever. I have missed this house so much.”

I heard a light tap on the door and then saw Mom hugging Adam. “I hope you didn’t feel pushed out,” she said.

“Never,” he responded graciously. “You have been so generous to us. It’s time for a fresh start for everyone.” He winked at me.

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll let you two get settled in.” Then, to Adam, “Where are the boys?”

“Front yard.” He paused. “I told Kyle we’d watch Carter too so he and Emerson could go to Starlite, Star Bright. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course,” I said, following him down the stairs and out into the front yard. “I actually love watching from Mom’s dock anyway. It feels like we’re right in the middle of things.” He held his arms out and I leaned into them. Despite my biggest fears, he was still that same strong man I had married, still that protector I wanted. He leaned down and kissed me. “Merry Christmas Eve,” he said. Then, smiling, “I got you a present.”

“You did?” I asked, feigning shock. But then I remembered our deal to only give each other homemade gifts. “No! Wait! Aren’t the love letters my present?” I felt a hot panic that he had gone back on our deal and bought me something. I would have been so embarrassed. Although, regardless, I had a feeling my gift to him was going to be hard to beat.

He nodded. “That, and I’m going to get the boys dressed for church.”

I laughed. “That is the best present you could give me.”

He shrugged. “Well, Caroline also said there was a commission that you had to finish tonight upon pain of death.”

I groaned. “Right. I do need to do that.” I might have turned Mom’s house back over to her, but I was going to have to keep my studio here for the time being. I loved the idea that things would eventually go back to the way they once were. The chaos and clutter contained to the guesthouse, the calm, clean, and creative hitting as soon as I opened Mom’s door. It wasn’t a bad arrangement, really.

“I’m sorry we aren’t doing Starlite, Star Bright,” he said. “It’s just too hard to wrangle the kids in canoes and kayaks. It’s too cold to fall in, even with life jackets. And the candles are dangerous. I thought about taking the skiff, but I don’t want to be the jerk that ruins the silence.”

I nodded. “I like watching it from here almost as much,” I said. “I love seeing all those candles light up the darkness.” I felt nervous butterflies welling up just thinking about the gift exchange that would happen later tonight. I couldn’t help but say, “I have a Christmas present for you too.”

“You made it, right?” he asked. “Like we promised?” I could tell he was feeling the same panic I’d had only a few minutes earlier.

I nodded. “Adam, I don’t want to oversell, but it’s the best thing I’ve ever made. And you’re the only person in the world I’d want to give it to.”

He smiled and kissed my forehead. “It’s unfair for homemade gifts to be mandated when my wife is the most talented artist in the world.”

The sweetest part is that I think he really, truly believed that.

As the sun began to set and the boats started to gather all along the waterway, I felt the most tremendous sense of peace wash over me.

The dark descended, and what looked like a thousand blinking fireflies burst out over the water all at once, making Carter say, “Wowwwww.” The voices of hundreds of Peachtree residents singing in harmony was one of the most beautiful, ethereal sounds I had ever heard.

The boys had stopped their playing and were standing beside me while Adam held Carter, all of them in awe of the light in the darkness. And, for the briefest of moments, I imagined what it must have been like to be one of those shepherds who saw that star shining bright in the sky, who knew they had to follow where it led. Because this was something I wanted to be a part of too. Right here, right now. I never wanted to miss a moment like this.

Adam leaned down to kiss me and, as my head pointed up at the sky, I gasped.

“No way,” Adam whispered.

“Snow!” Taylor and AJ screamed almost simultaneously.

I laughed, taking in the smiling faces of the family members around me, memorizing each one, so I could remember this moment forever. Amidst the chaos and the destruction, maybe it had been a little harder for us to find Christmas this year. But Christmas, it seemed, had most certainly found us.