Chapter Eleven

Sabrina took in another deep breath of the icy air. She and Mary had enjoyed a long walk, and Sabrina was sure they both felt the better for it. The sunshine had brought a rosy glow to the young girl’s cheeks, and she had chattered away happily. They had now returned to the front lawn and Sabrina stopped to admire the view.

‘Does it not look beautiful?’ she exclaimed.

The old stone house was bathed in sunlight, and before it lay a thick blanket of snow, untouched and pristine. ‘It is several inches deep at least, one cannot even see the drive.’ She laughed. ‘It is never so pretty in town, you know. The traffic on the streets soon turns any snow to slush, and it is always a very dirty grey.’

‘When Mama was alive we would come outside and build snow statues,’ said Mary, a wistful note in her voice.

‘How wonderful,’ Sabrina replied. ‘We rarely did that.’

She sighed, remembering her childhood winters in London. She would spend her days indoors, reading while Mama went off to help with her charities and her father attended meetings or entertained his political friends.

‘Let us make a statue now,’ she said suddenly.

Mary looked at her, eyes full of surprise, and Sabrina laughed, throwing her arms wide.

‘It is a shame to waste all this lovely snow. What do you say?’

They set to work with a will, dragging and patting the snow into a pile. It was a slow business, their hands struggling to add very much, but eventually their column of snow was almost the same height as Mary. Sabrina took a step back and studied it, her head on one side.

‘It’s not tall enough!’

She jumped as a voice called out from the direction of the house, and turned quickly. Her heart leapt when she saw Jack walking towards them. He was dressed for the cold with his coat, gloves and scarf, although his head was bare, his fair hair gleaming like ripe corn in the sunshine. He looked very cheerful, too, and Sabrina felt her own spirits rise a little more. They had agreed to be friendly, for Mary’s sake, but this felt different. It was as if the constraint of the past few days had no place out here in the sunshine. She greeted him with a smile.

‘Your snowman,’ he said, nodding towards the figure. ‘It is too short.’

‘Who says we are making a snowman?’ she countered playfully.

‘Are you not?’ He came up to them, grinning. ‘Mary, what do you think it is?’

‘I thought we were making a man,’ she replied. ‘But you are right, my lord. It is not tall enough.’

Sabrina laughed. ‘Traitor! Very well, sir, it is up to you to make it taller if you can.’

‘I will. Watch me.’

He began to gather up snow into a ball, rolling it around to make it bigger while Sabrina and Mary continued to build up their pillar of snow, all of them laughing and working together. At last Jack declared himself satisfied with the body and lifted the round head into place.

Mary clapped her hands. ‘Excellent! Thank you, my lord.’

‘Ho!’ cried Sabrina in mock outrage, ‘You would give him all the credit, when we did most of the work?’

‘No, Mary is quite right,’ said Jack, settling the head more firmly on the body. ‘You needed my genius to complete this masterpiece.’

‘Your—’

Sabrina gasped at his audacity. She scooped up a large handful of snow, squeezed it into a ball and hurled it at his broad back. It landed with a satisfying thump squarely between his shoulders. Mary gave a squeal and clapped her hands to her mouth as Jack turned slowly around.

‘What was that for?’ he demanded.

‘Your arrogance,’ she retorted. She had acted without thinking, but she was not prepared to apologise.

‘Very well, then!’

As soon as she saw that he was going to retaliate, Sabrina reacted, but even as she scooped up more snow Jack’s snowball landed on her shoulder. She shrieked as icy shards flew off onto her cheek.

It was an unequal fight. Jack’s aim was far better, and Sabrina found herself being pelted with the soft missiles. She called to Mary to aid her, but the girl was giggling so much she was of little help. Sabrina fired back snowballs as quickly as she could, but most of her efforts missed their mark. Jack was coming closer and that was to her advantage. She tossed a hastily formed ball towards him and by chance it caught him on the chin.

‘So we are aiming for the face now, are we?’

He wiped off the snow and advanced quickly, a fresh white ball balanced menacingly in one hand. Uttering something between a laugh and a scream Sabrina turned and fled, but she had not gone far when Jack made a grab for her arm. In her efforts to pull away, she lost her balance and stumbled, tripping Jack, who was close behind her. They both fell headlong into the snow and lay there, laughing too much to get up.

Jack raised himself on one arm and looked down at her, his eyes dancing with merriment. ‘Are you hurt?’

‘Only my pride,’ she answered cheerfully. ‘Nothing serious.’

He was so close Sabrina could see the laughter lines around his mouth, and she detected the sweet scent of freshly cut wood on his clothes.

‘Good.’ He jumped up and held out his hand. ‘Let me help you up.’

Sabrina allowed him to pull her to her feet. She was smiling, totally at ease. The blood was still fizzing through her veins, and she had not felt so happy and carefree for years. She quite forgot all the harsh words they had exchanged and was quite unconscious of the fact that she was standing with one hand clasped in Jack’s. The other was resting lightly on his chest, and she could feel the beat of his heart against her gloved palm.

Their eyes were locked together, unspoken messages passing between them. Jack’s gaze became more intense as his fingers tightened around her hand, and she caught her breath, gazing up at him. The intervening years fell away as if they had never existed. Sabrina remembered feeling like this when she had first met Lord John Callater. Happy, excited, a little breathless. In love for the first time in her life. The only time.

I still love him. I have always loved him.

‘Oh, my goodness!’ cried Mary, running up to them. ‘You are both covered in snow!’

The glow in Jack’s eyes faded into a rueful gleam, and Sabrina knew the moment was broken. Who knows what they might have said, might have done, if Mary had not been there?

Stifling a sigh, she dragged her eyes away from Jack and addressed the girl.

‘Yes, how careless of us. We should go in.’

‘Not just yet,’ said Jack. ‘We must finish the snowman first. Mary, perhaps you would run inside and ask Mrs Nidd to spare a carrot for his nose and two small lumps of coal for his eyes. Tell her I sent you.’

Sabrina watched the girl run off, then turned back to Jack. He was still looking at her.

He said, ‘I owe you an apology.’

‘That is quite unnecessary, I tripped—’

‘No, not that. For not believing you had been a faithful wife.’

‘You had good reason.’ She gently freed herself from his grasp and stepped away from him. ‘I have made no effort to defend myself from the gossips and rumours. How could you be expected to believe it, when the whole world thinks differently?’ She looked away, gazing off into the distance, trying to find the courage for what must be said. ‘When I met you, all those years ago, I did like you. Very much. I think I knew you were about to make me an offer only...Sir Roderick made his proposal first.’ She exhaled, a long sigh carrying with it years of remorse. ‘It was wrong of me to let you hear of it from others. I should have told you, but I did not know what to say. I am sorry if I caused you pain.’

‘But why?’ His voice was loaded with hurt and confusion. ‘Why take Massyngham rather than me? He was rich as Croesus, to be sure, but I am no pauper. Was my fortune not enough for you?’

More than enough. If it had been up to me, I would have taken you with nothing!

Tears stung her eyes and she fought back the urge to weep, trying to block out all the heartbreak and the memories.

‘It was your father’s doing!’ He ground out the words.

Her eyes flew to his face. He nodded at her, no longer smiling.

‘For all your father’s protestations of liberalism, he sold you to the highest bidder.’

‘No! It was not like that.’

‘What then? What induced you to marry that old libertine?’

Sabrina bit her lip. She wanted so much to tell him, but there was so much she could not say, even now.

He said quietly, ‘Will you not tell me?’

‘I...I cannot do so.’

‘Why?’ He was frowning at her now. ‘What is it that you cannot say to me? Confound it, Sabrina, I need to know. I need to understand.’

She shook her head. ‘Massyngham is dead. That part of my life is over. Is that not enough?’ She tore her gaze away and looked past him. ‘Mary is coming back. Pray, Jack, let’s not spoil her day.’

He stared at her in silence for a moment, then he nodded. ‘Very well. I shall not ask you again, neither will I waste my time in idle conjecture. For me, the matter is closed.’

He turned away to meet Mary, and as the girl ran up, Sabrina saw his charming smile reappear, but it was not for her. Her spirits, so recently in alt, were now as low as could be.

He said, ‘Ah, there you are Mary, and you have a carrot. Well done.’

‘Yes!’ The girl held out her hands. ‘And coal, too.’

‘That is excellent. Now, let us give our man a face.’

He walked off with the little girl and Sabrina hung back to shake out her skirts and regain some measure of composure. The playful interlude was a bittersweet reminder of what might have been, and the conversation between her and Jack had shown it could never be brought back. There were circumstances she was not at liberty to share with him. Things she had sworn she would never tell anyone. Jack would never forgive her for rejecting him in favour of Rogue Massyngham, and that was the price she must pay for her secrets.

They spent a few moments together admiring the snowman before Sabrina suggested they should go indoors. They entered through the garden door, leaving a trail of snowy footprints melting on the flags.

‘Goodness me, look at the state of you!’ declared Jane Nidd when they all trooped into the kitchen. She turned back to the range, where several pots and pans were resting on or near the glowing coals. ‘You’d best sit down and take off your boots before you go up to change out of your wet clothes. You too, Lord John,’ she added, addressing Jack with what Sabrina considered a deplorable lack of formality. ‘There’s a boot jack in the corner.’

‘My dear Mrs Nidd, I cannot possibly use that on my Hessians,’ replied Jack, seemingly aghast at the notion. ‘Weald would never forgive me.’

‘Then you had best call him down to help you,’ came the sharp retort. ‘It looks to me like they’re in a fair way to being ruined as it is, and I don’t want the extra work of having to clean the stairs of your dirt if you wear them up to your room.’

Mary giggled at the exchange, but Sabrina silently sat down to unlace her own boots. Jack had clearly worked his charm on her maid, who now treated him as if he was a favourite member of the family.

She frowned as she tugged off a boot. How dare they all be so cheerful when her own spirits were so low!

‘Off you go, Miss Mary,’ said Jane, shooing the girl out of the kitchen. ‘I will come up to you as soon as I have finished here.’

‘You already have a great deal to do, Jane,’ declared Sabrina. ‘Mary and I can dress each other, and then I will come down and help you to prepare dinner.’

But this Jane would not allow.

‘No need for that, my lady,’ she said. ‘It’s all done and just needs to simmer until it’s ready. And I have closed the curtains in the drawing room, too, so it will be lovely and warm in there for you and my lord to sit and enjoy a glass of wine before your dinner.’

‘Jane, you are an angel,’ declared Jack.

He was grinning at the maid, and Sabrina felt something twist inside her. Her earlier good mood had evaporated, and now she felt tired and dispirited. She did not wish to spend another evening alone with Jack Callater, pretending a civility neither of them felt.

‘Perhaps Mary would like to join us tonight,’ she suggested.

‘No need for that, my lady. She’ll do well enough eating here in the kitchen with me and Mr Weald before we serve dinner to you and His Lordship in the dining room, as is proper.’ Sabrina wanted to argue more, but Jane waved her away. ‘If you two have removed your shoes, then off you go, out of my kitchen. You are very much in the way!’

‘There, that’s telling you,’ murmured Jack.

He winked at Sabrina, who looked away, her heart leaping like a salmon and her cheeks flaming. Was he...could he be flirting with her? Surely he would not do that, not after what he had said this afternoon. And yet he had definitely winked at her. Perhaps he could not help himself. Yes, that would be it. The man’s nature was to flirt with every woman who came within his orbit.

Jack picked up his boots and departed but Sabrina hung back.

‘I think it would do Mary good to sit down to dinner with us, Jane. She is quite old enough to join the adults at table.’

‘Another night, perhaps, but the poor child has been out in the fresh air all day and will be ready for her bed in an hour or so.’

‘Actually, it has been a tiring day,’ agreed Sabrina, clutching at straws. ‘Perhaps I will just take a little supper in my room...’

‘Oh, no, you will not, Miss Sabrina! You need a good meal, and that is best served in the dining room rather than me traipsing up and down stairs with trays! You will dine with His Lordship, as agreed, and there’s an end to it.’ The maid stopped stirring the pot and waved the ladle at her. ‘Now off you go and change before you catch your death of cold in those wet skirts.’

Sabrina knew that when her maid resorted to calling her Miss Sabrina any further argument was futile. She withdrew, but she had an unsettling feeling that her maid was attempting to matchmake. And yet, by the time she had reached her bedroom, her disquiet was fading. She could not forget that wink. There was no doubt Jack Callater could be an entertaining companion, and if he could forget their differences that easily, then why should she not do so, too?

Jack ran quickly up to his bedchamber, feeling remarkably cheerful, his happy mood brought on by the sunshine and that impromptu snowball fight. It had lifted his spirits. There was no doubt he and Sabrina could get on very well, as long as they did not talk about the past. In fact, he thought as he stripped off his wet clothes, it was very easy for them to fall into an easy camaraderie, so why not relax and enjoy their time together at Hare Hall?

He threw the clean shirt over his head. Nothing had been resolved; she still would not tell him the real reason she had married Massyngham. If her father had not pressured her to accept the man, then the only explanation was that she had been dazzled by his wealth. Jack did not want to believe that, but it was most likely the truth, and something that Sabrina would not want to admit.

It gnawed at him that she should be so mercenary. He had thought better of her, but he would not let it worry him while they were stuck at Hare Hall. Once they returned to London, they could go their separate ways and never meet again, but while they were snowbound here, why not enjoy it? He knew Sabrina’s smiles were no more than a masquerade for the child’s sake. True, he would have to guard his heart, but Sabrina was a beautiful and intelligent woman, and as long as he was careful, there was no reason why he should not enjoy her company.

It was only when he moved to the mirror to tie his fresh neckcloth that he realised he was smiling.