Chapter Twelve

Jack entered the drawing room in time to see Sabrina adding logs to the fire. He frowned.

‘I could have done that.’

‘No need, I am perfectly capable of tending a fire.’

‘I am well aware of that.’ She glanced up at him, her gaze a mixture of surprise and suspicion. He went on, ‘You are a very capable lady, Sabrina. And yes, before you ask, I am paying you a compliment. I should like to save you the trouble, that is all.’

The shadow of doubt fled from her green eyes, and she even gave him a little smile before turning back to look down at her handiwork. The flames were already beginning to lick around the fresh logs. When she spoke again, her tone was considerably warmer, and Jack was encouraged to think she too was determined to make the best of their situation.

‘There is something very satisfying in keeping a blaze going, is there not? You should come and sit close to the fire, my lord, or you will not feel the benefit.’ She indicated the fine woollen shawl she had thrown around her shoulders. ‘You see that I came prepared for the chill!’

Her friendly tone augured well for the rest of the evening, and he replied in a similar vein.

‘Very well, but first can I bring you a glass of wine, ma’am?’ He walked over to the side table where a decanter and glasses had been placed in readiness.

Sabrina assented, and he filled two glasses and carried them over to where she was sitting, in one of the two armchairs pulled close to the hearth. She seemed distracted as she took the glass. He watched her take a sip.

‘Is anything amiss?’ he enquired. ‘Are you not enjoying your drink?’

‘No, no, there is nothing wrong with the wine,’ she assured him. ‘It is very good.’

‘Then why are you frowning?’

‘I am concerned at how much of Mr Steadmarsh’s fuel we are using. Are we perhaps being a little profligate? This room, for instance. We could not but make use of it this evening, after Jane and Mr Weald went to such a lot of trouble to ensure it was warm enough. However, I think I should tell them to let the fire go out in here. It seems very wasteful to keep this room heated as well as the dining room.’

‘But a lady must have somewhere comfortable where she may withdraw while the gentleman drinks his brandy at the end of a meal.’ His quip did not bring a smile, as he had hoped, and he prompted her. ‘Is that not so?’

Her gaze shifted from his face, and she studied the glass she was holding between her hands.

‘I thought,’ she said slowly, ‘I thought I might remain in the dining room with you tonight.’

Jack stilled. ‘Do you think that would be prudent?’

One hand fluttered. ‘It is a little late for that, I think.’

She peeped up at him through her lashes, a shy glance, half hopeful, and he smiled.

‘I should like that.’

They spoke little over dinner, but Jack thought it was a more comfortable meal than they had enjoyed together yet. Sabrina was far more at ease, and when the meal was over, he poured brandy for himself and Madeira for Sabrina.

‘Unless we have more snow overnight, I shall send one of the men out tomorrow to ascertain if the roads are passable,’

‘We seem to be deep in the country here,’ she replied. ‘The lanes could be blocked for miles.’

‘Possibly, but I learned from Farmer Jessop that the stage passes not a quarter of a mile from the gates of Hare Hall, which will ensure efforts are made to clear that road. All we have to do then is get along the lane. We would have arrived by that route, if we had not missed our way coming here.’

‘I am not sure we should put too much faith in a countryman’s estimation of a quarter of a mile,’ she cautioned him, smiling a little.

‘True, but let us hope the estimate is not wildly inaccurate, and we can reach the road without too much trouble.’

‘I am sure you must be anxious to get back to town, my lord.’

Was he? Jack considered the matter and was surprised to find that part of him would like to stay at Hare Hall forever, locked away from the world in this little bubble. But he had things to attend to. He needed to see his lawyer, and the sooner the better, to sign the final papers that would secure everything and put his tenants’ minds at rest. Until that business was settled, he would be kicking his heels in London, where he would revert to his bachelor ways, visiting his clubs, taking fencing lessons and sparring at the boxing academy. As well as attending parties given by hostesses who would never dream of including the Wicked Widow in their invitation list. As for Sabrina, she must be missing her hectic social round, dancing until dawn and flirting outrageously.

He looked up to find she was regarding him, waiting for his reply.

‘Yes, I want to get back.’ He toyed with the idea of telling her about the business that required his attention, but thought better of it. Such mundane matters as rents and poverty had no place in her lively, sparkling world.

She nodded. ‘Being snowbound is a nuisance, although it has not been quite so bad as I expected. My main concern is young Mary. I will not quit Hare Hall and leave her alone. We may have to take up Mrs Jessop on her offer to take her in, until her father returns.’

‘Very possibly.’

‘The alternative is that I remain here and look after her.’

‘You would do that?’

‘Of course. You can return to town. Indeed, you should, but I am not needed there. Jane and I would easily stay here until the weather clears and enquiries can be set in motion to discover what has happened to Mr Steadmarsh and, if necessary, to seek out relatives who could care for the child.’

‘And you would take that task upon yourself?’

Jack’s question, and the tone of surprise he inadvertently used, put an end to the good accord that had existed between them during dinner. Sabrina flushed and her chin came up.

‘I am not quite so flighty as you imagine, my lord.’

‘I never meant to imply you were,’ he said quickly. ‘It is just that...’

‘Perhaps you mean I am not a fit and proper person to look after Mary,’ she said, sitting very still.

‘No! Not at all. You wilfully misunderstand me, madam.’

She glared at him, then the stormy look faded. ‘Perhaps I do misunderstand you, because I expect you to find fault with me.’

He sighed. ‘It doesn’t work, does it? I thought I could ignore everything that stands between us, but it is not possible. It is there, all the time, waiting for one or other of us to let down our guard.’

‘Yes.’ Sabrina gave a little shrug and rose to her feet. ‘It grows late and I am very tired. I will bid you goodnight, my lord.’

She moved towards the door, but as she passed his chair, Jack’s hand came out to grasp her wrist.

‘I do not think you unfit to look after the girl, Sabrina, however difficult that is for you to believe. But for the past six years I have heard nothing but the rumours concerning you. Surely you can see why I might think that?’

‘Things are not always as they seem, my lord,’ she said coldly, tearing herself free.

Before she could reach the door, he was out of his seat and standing in her way.

‘Then tell me,’ he demanded. ‘Stop this prevaricating and tell me why you have allowed yourself to be perceived in such a scandalous light.’

She waved one imperious hand. ‘What does it matter to you?’

‘Because it prevents us being at ease together, Sabrina! Every time we begin to relax together, something is said and we begin to fight again.’ He caught her shoulders. ‘I want to be friends with you, but until we can be honest and open with one another that cannot happen.’ She looked away from him, her mouth drooping, but he would not stop now. He wanted the truth. He wanted to put to flight his doubts about her once and for all. He said, ‘Tell me that you did not play hostess at your husband’s debauched dinners. Tell me it is all lies, the stories of his cronies playing at cards or dice to win the right to take you to bed!’

A little shudder ran through her, and she closed her eyes. ‘I hosted the dinners, yes, but nothing more.’

‘Hah!’

‘It is true.’ She raised her head and glared at him. ‘If I had not agreed to it, Roderick would have put some, some doxy in my place. But I insisted on leaving once dinner was over. I retired to my room and left them all to carouse as they wished. I was never unfaithful to my husband.’

‘Did you love him?’

‘No.’

‘Yet you married the man, even though his reputation was well known. In heaven’s name, why?’

She waved away his question. ‘That is not important now. What is important is that I kept to my marriage vows. I was faithful to Sir Roderick, faithful unto death. And beyond.’

‘Of course you were.’ He gave a savage laugh and released her. ‘How can you say that, when I have seen the men drooling over you in town?’

‘I cannot stop them looking at me.’

He huffed out a sigh and began to pace back and forth, finally coming back to stand in front of her.

‘Your husband was a libertine. He surrounded himself with all the most debauched of his kind, and you entertained them!’

‘What else would you expect of me, in my husband’s house?’ she retorted, spots of angry colour staining her cheeks. ‘It would be pointless for me to deny the rumours now. Let society think and say what it wishes of me, but I have told you the truth, Jack. I never took a lover while my husband was alive, and I have never been any man’s mistress. I may flirt, but it goes no further than a kiss on the hand.’

‘And you expect me to believe that?’

‘Yes, I do!’ Sabrina threw the words at him, her eyes darting fire.

Her breast was heaving as she fought to control her breath, and Jack stared at her, trying to make sense of her words.

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Is it not plain enough?’ She spread her hands. ‘Sir Roderick managed to consummate our marriage, which made it binding, but not long after that he returned to his mistresses for his...pleasures. I was little more than a trophy. Something to boast of to his acquaintances. I agreed to live with him, and I allowed him and his friends to say whatever they wished. Idle boasts to enhance their conceit. Most of them were so riddled with the pox I doubt they could have performed even if they had wished to! But I never slept in any man’s bed except my husband’s. Until I fell into yours!’

On that parting shot she was gone, hurrying out of the room and shutting the door with a snap behind her. Jack raked one hand through his hair and walked slowly back to the table. With a sigh he sat down to finish his brandy. He wanted to believe her, but if it was true, then it made his own behaviour at Hartland even more deplorable.

He was just draining his glass when he heard a soft knock at the door. He looked up to see Jane Nidd peeping into the room.

‘Oh, I am sorry, my lord. I heard someone on the stairs and thought you had gone up to bed.’

‘Not quite, but come in, Mrs Nidd. I am about to retire.’

As he pushed himself to his feet, she came further into the room.

‘Then I will save you the trouble of fetching the glasses to the kitchen,’ she said. ‘I hope you and my lady had a pleasant evening?’

‘Yes...although I fear she is at odds with me again.’

‘Oh? And why might that be, my lord?’ she prompted him gently.

‘We were discussing what will happen when the roads become passable. If Steadmarsh is not returned, then she planned to ask Mrs Jessop to take Mary in.’

‘Aye, that is correct,’ Jane Nidd replied, coming up to the table. ‘And to my mind it’s a very sensible idea.’

‘Yes. But Lady Massyngham is now considering staying here to look after the girl until her relatives can be contacted. That is quite an undertaking,’ he said, watching her closely. ‘It would be very generous.’

‘My lady is very generous.’

‘But to remain at Hare Hall, so remote. To give up her friends, the balls, the theatre...’ the parties, the flirtations ‘...she will be bored beyond bearing.’

The maid pursed her lips, as if debating whether to speak. Then, ‘You have a very poor opinion of my mistress, do you not, sir?’ She smiled. ‘I have known Miss Sabrina since she was a babe. She loves to dance, it is true, but she could no more abandon that poor child than she could cut off her own hand. I can see you are not convinced, my lord, but I fear you take too much heed of the stories concerning my lady.’

‘Are none of them true, then?’ he asked bluntly.

The maid looked at him for a moment, considering her answer.

‘She has had a great deal to bear.’

‘Oh?’

‘It’s not my place to say any more, but my lady has been much maligned.’

‘Then I fear I have been guilty of jumping to conclusions about your mistress,’ he said ruefully. ‘Will you tell her I am very sorry for it?’

‘No, my lord. I think you should tell her that yourself.’

Jack sighed. ‘I do not think she would believe me. We cannot meet without coming to blows.’ He added, deciding to confide a little more, ‘I have not been...kind to her.’

Jane was looking very solemn now, and he wondered if Sabrina’s loyal maid was going to ring a peal over him. Instead she replied slowly, choosing her words with care.

‘Marrying Sir Roderick was...difficult for my lady. She never said anything to me, but I think it broke her heart.’

‘Then why the devil did she do it?’

‘Tush now, I have said far more than I should!’ She picked up the glasses and turned away from him. ‘I will bid you goodnight, my lord, and finish setting the kitchen to rights, ready for the morning.’

Jack followed Mrs Nidd from the room and made his way to his bedchamber. Going over everything she had said, he was confused about how to think of Sabrina. It was possible Jane was merely trying to elicit his sympathy for her mistress, but he thought not. He could no longer believe Sabrina was quite as bad as rumours painted her, but she had jilted him cruelly, and in the past six years all the hurt and anger had burned deep. Could he forget it all now? More importantly, could Sabrina forgive him for his subsequent treatment of her?

Sabrina sat at the dressing table and brushed out her hair, but her thoughts were very far away. When she had first met Jack Callater, she had been an innocent. In the past six years she had become inured to the gossip and sly innuendo; she had built a shell around her, to prevent anyone seeing the individual behind the glittering pretence that was her life. She had thought herself happy enough, content with her world of parties and entertainment, of falling exhausted into bed after dancing until dawn. Meeting Jack again had shown her what a shallow existence it was. His disapproval had cut through her defences.

How she wished now she had not travelled to Hartland. How she regretted succumbing to the attraction she had felt for Jack. She could not deny she had enjoyed lying with him, exploring his body, giving herself up to him so completely, but how could she now expect him to think her anything other than wanton? Four years of marriage had shown her that men like her husband despised the women who went so easily to their beds, but she had thought Jack different. Honourable, caring.

That was why she had shared with him more information about herself and her marriage than she had told anyone before, but there was still so much she could not say. He thought she had married for money, and how could she deny that? How could she deny the assertion that she was fast when she had thrown herself into his arms almost as soon as meeting him again?

At Hartland she had begged him to take her to his bed and here...her behaviour in the wine cellar had been quite abandoned. She stopped brushing and stared into the looking glass, seeing the honey-coloured hair cascading over her shoulders and the delicate features that men called beautiful. What would happen when the golden tresses lost their sheen and her countenance was ravaged with age? Would Jack still want her then? Or would he move on, and she would be left to endure a loneliness even worse than she had known during her marriage.

A soft knock on the door interrupted these dismal thoughts, and she resumed her brushing, forcing a lightness to her voice as she bade Jane come in.

‘It is not your maid, but I would like a few words, if I may?’

Jack was standing in the open doorway. Sabrina jumped to her feet. She should order him to leave. Could she do so? Would he go, after the intimacy they had shared? She did not know the etiquette prevailing in such situations.

‘I saw the light under your door,’ he said, before she had decided upon a reply. ‘Will you talk with me?’

He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him, and she said quickly, ‘It is very late. And there is no fire in this room.’

He spread his arms. ‘I am still fully dressed, as you see, and you could wrap up in a blanket. It will not take long, I promise you.’

Sabrina had no defence against the hesitant smile or the coaxing voice. She walked over to the bed and pulled off the coverlet to wrap around herself.

‘Very well.’ She went back to the dressing stool and waved one hand towards the only chair in the room, near the empty hearth. ‘Perhaps you would like to sit down.’

He shook his head and stood for a moment, frowning at the floor, then began to pace back and forth, as if trying to find the right words. Sabrina waited patiently. She was not afraid of him, even though her heart was hammering against her ribs. Finally he spoke.

‘There is an old proverb, or a line from the Bible, that you should not let the sun go down upon your anger.’ He stopped walking and stood, looking down at her. ‘I wanted to tell you that I am—was—angry. My pride was hurt at the way you married Massyngham without a word of explanation. How you ignored me, avoided me. I accept now that you had your reasons, even though you will not share them with me. It was wrong of me to believe everything I heard of you, and very foolish of me not to see that Pru would never have invited you to the Hartland Ball if you are as wicked as gossip makes out.’

‘The Duchess has always been most kind to me,’ murmured Sabrina, ‘but she believes the best of everyone.’

‘Aye, and she is generally right! If she had believed a half of the things that were being said about Garrick when they met, it would have turned out very differently for them.’ He shook his head. ‘I should have listened to her, but I wanted to believe the lies, you see. I wanted to think you a mercenary woman, living only for your own pleasure.

‘Confound it, Sabrina, I acted like a rogue, ripping up at you, taking you to my bed and then walking out on you. I was jealous. Jealous of Massyngham for marrying you, and jealous of all those supposed lovers! The more I have come to know you, the more I am convinced that I was wrong. You are kind, Sabrina, and generous, but can you find it in your heart to forgive me for being such a fool, for thinking so badly of you?’

Sabrina stared at him, noting the worried frown, the contrition in his eyes. Of all things, she had not expected this!

‘Of course I can forgive you,’ she said quietly. ‘I do.’

The tension eased from his shoulders. He crossed the room and reached down to take her hands.

‘Then can we start again?’ he asked, drawing her to her feet. ‘There will be no more arguments or recriminations about the past. You have my word.’

‘You think we could be friends?’

‘More than that, Sabrina. I want you to be my wife. I believe we could deal very well together.’

He was smiling down at her, his blue eyes full of warmth that set her heart pitter-pattering so hard it was difficult to breathe. She wanted to believe him, but the ghosts of her past hovered in the shadows.

The coverlet had fallen from her shoulders, but it was not the chill air that made her shiver suddenly. It was the thought of the scandal if it was announced she was to marry Lord John Callater. Every salacious snippet, every old rumour would be brought out and dusted off. She had accepted it, lived with it for years, but it would be different if she married Jack. His reputation, his character would be tarnished. She could imagine now the sly looks, the sniggers. His family would be outraged. His friends would laugh up their sleeves; they might even expect her to share her favours with them, as it was believed she had done with Massyngham’s cronies.

‘Well?’ Jack pulled her into his arms. ‘What do you say? Will you marry me?’

Sabrina knew what she must do. She had learned early on in her marriage how to reject a man’s advances without causing him to lose face. In this instance it should be easy, because there was no disgust and revulsion to be concealed this time. Only her own heartbreak.

She gently disengaged herself from his arms, saying, ‘How kind you are, Jack. And how generous of you to honour me with such a proposal.’ She turned away to scoop up the coverlet and throw it back around her shoulders. ‘I am flattered, and tempted, too, but I do not think it would work, my dear friend. I really am not the marrying kind.’

‘I do not believe that.’

‘Perhaps you should.’ She smiled at him. ‘I was faithful to my last husband, but seeing how easily I fell into your arms, how can we be sure I shall not be tempted again by the charms of some other man, once we are married?’

‘I would make damned certain you are not!’

‘Oh, Jack, how would you do that?’ She laughed up at him, raising a hand to touch his cheek. ‘Would you keep me in an ivory tower? We both love company far too much for that. Even at Lingwood Priory there would always be house parties and assemblies, not to mention the London Season with all its balls, breakfasts and routs.’

She saw surprise and confusion dawning in his eyes and stepped back a little, keeping her smile in place, but all the time she was wondering how much longer she could continue with this superlative performance.

‘I don’t understand,’ he said slowly. ‘You are refusing me?’

‘I am, my friend, I must. For your sake as much as mine. I enjoyed our little dalliance, very much. You introduced me to such delights as I never knew with Massyngham. I shall treasure those memories always, and I hope you will think fondly of them, too. There.’ She held out her hand to him, not by the flicker of an eye betraying how difficult this was for her. ‘I am glad we have cleared the air. Now in future we will be able to meet as friends, will we not?’

She kept her head up and an assured smile curving her mouth so that he could be in no doubt she was dismissing him.

‘Of course.’ He took her hand and bowed over it, his lips brushing her fingers like a butterfly’s wing. ‘Thank you for your time. I shall bid you goodnight, ma’am.’

He turned and went out, closing the door behind him with a quiet, very final click. Sabrina listened to his receding footsteps while her heart splintered into myriad shards, each one piercing her very soul.