Moreover it is required in stewards
that one be found faithful.
1 CORINTHIANS 4:1-2
My dad was a terrific father in many ways, carefully teaching me about life and living. And every day I am particularly grateful that he tutored me well in the area of money management, especially when it came to thrift. From as far back as I can remember, my father repeatedly presented me with a proposition: “Whatever you put into a savings account, I will match.”
Even to a kid receiving an allowance of 25 cents a week, this sounded like a good deal. So, week after week, year after year, I faithfully saw my wise father match my meager savings. Keeping his end of the bargain never cost him very much, but his wisdom taught me one of life’s valuable habits—that of thrift. This habit is so ingrained in me that even today, I can’t help but apply it to everything in life that involves money (which doesn’t leave out much!).
This story about my dad brings you and me as husbands after God’s own heart to our next essential role in a marriage relationship—being a wise manager of money.
If you were to ask most marriage counselors what is one of the top, if not the top, causes of conflicts in a marriage, I believe the majority would say it’s money—how it is acquired, how it is spent, and by whom. That’s why as husbands we need to make sure we are giving strong leadership in our marriage in the area of money management. This also means that we may need to exercise a little more self-control when it comes to handling money ourselves. So it’s important to understand what the Bible says about money and the management of money in order to serve as examples of wise stewardship to our wife and family.
Money Matters with God
Would you believe that the topic of money comes up more frequently than many other topics in God’s Word? Obviously money and its use and our attitudes about money matters to God. Now the question is, Does it matter to you? Well-known evangelist Billy Graham believes our attitude about money is critical. He proposes:
If a person gets his attitude toward money straight, it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life.11
Yes, you read it right. Having a correct biblical attitude and understanding about money and its use will positively affect many or most of the other areas of your life—including your marriage. So let’s look now at this important topic and try to grasp some of God’s perspective on money and its management.
Money Management Is a Spiritual Issue
I’ve heard it said that you can tell the spiritual maturity of a man by looking at his checkbook or his credit card statements. Well, how do yours look? What do they reveal about you…and your spiritual maturity? What would another person see if they were allowed a peek at your checkbook? Would they see checks written to missionaries, to your church, to charities? Checks written to cover the necessities of life, the needs of your family, your children’s education? Or would they be staring at a long log of checks written for indulgences, excesses, frivolities, fun… you know, toys?
Money Management Is a Stewardship Issue
Whose money is it in the first place? We must understand that everything we possess—our money, our possessions, our family, everything!—is a gift from God and is on loan from Him to us. The psalmist said, “The earth is the LORD’S, and all its fullness, the world and those who dwell therein” (Psalm 24:1).
So what then is our role? If God is the owner and we are the users, then we are stewards of God’s gifts to us. And the apostle Paul said, “It is required in stewards that one be found faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2). Friend, how faithful are you as a steward of all that God has entrusted to your safekeeping? How well do you manage and care for your wife? Your children? Your time? Your talents? Your physical body? Your spiritual gifts? And (the topic of discussion in this chapter) the making and spending of your money? God has blessed you with all of the above! Now, rate your faithful management of His blessings.
Money Management Is a Contentment Issue
Contentment is a difficult issue in our society. The television ad says, “You need this new car.” The newspaper has a full-page advertisement for a family cruise or vacation to Disneyland. Wouldn’t that be fun for the whole family? What a great time we could have bonding as a family, drawing closer together, etc., etc. The only problem is…what if you don’t have the money? Then you would have to go into debt in order to fulfill this dream-vacation for you and your family.
If you don’t have money, you do have other options. For instance, maybe this year you can take your family to a favorite camping spot. Or you could stay at home and take local “mini trips” each day. In other words, be content with living within your means. Contentment is a key element in managing your money.
Can you remember a time when it was extremely hard to manage your money because there was more month than money? Every penny…and then some(!), was spoken for. Perhaps that’s still true for you now. I know I have a few of those memories, especially when Elizabeth and I were first married and in college and living on $200 a month. Those were tough times for us.
Perhaps the tough times are behind you and your family. But if they’re not, it may be because of a lack of contentment. Our sinful nature fights against contentment and is prone to the “wants” of life. The apostle Paul reported that he had to learn contentment (Philippians 4:11), and we should as well. If you don’t learn the lesson of contentment, it will be very hard to manage your money well.
Learning to be content with what God gives you as a family will provide great freedom for you as the provider and for your wife as the co-manager. And, as a bonus, your children, as impressionable observers, will see the fallacy of society’s delusion that wealth and possessions are a means of happiness. Contentment, then, is a significant key to not only good money management, but also to the spiritual health and well-being of your family.
Money Management Is a Giving Issue
God doesn’t want or need your money. Why? Because the Bible says that God owns all the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10)! But what God does desire is an attitude of selflessness and selfless giving. When it comes to giving, “God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7). God loves and blesses the one who gives out of a heart of love, not out of the size of his bank account. J. Oswald Sanders, famed missionary statesman, put it this way:
The basic question is not how much of our money we should give to God, but how much of God’s money we should keep for ourselves.12
So money management—the managing of God’s money—should start with following God’s guidelines for giving. This concept of freewill giving can best be summed up by looking at the example of a group of Christians who lived in an area called Macedonia (now part of modern-day Greece). These saints were poor and afflicted, but they were rich in love and obedience. They gave selflessly and generously to God for the needs of others (2 Corinthians 8:1-6). From their hearts we learn how we should approach giving.
1. Giving is to be appropriate. The Macedonian Christians gave “according to their ability” (2 Corinthians 8:3). God affixes no percentages or amounts to what we give. However, He does expect us to give according to how we have prospered, according to our earnings (1 Corinthians 16:2). This was a very difficult concept to implement in my marriage when Elizabeth and I became a Christian couple. I had a good-paying job, and we had enough money to buy lots of toys such as a camper, a motorcycle, and so on. We had prospered, but we were spending every penny on ourselves! How were we to give appropriately?
I realized we had to begin choosing whether to give money to God or to continue to use that money on our own pleasures. It was a new struggle, but with God’s help I chose to start giving back to God. We stopped eating out so much. We stopped traveling so much. We gave up worldly things in order to give as God had prospered us. It was a painful learning experience, because, as you know, you can easily get used to the excesses of “the good life”!
Now, let me quickly say two things. First, I’m not trying to set myself up as the standard. No, God has set the standard through the example of the dear Macedonian Christians. It is your and my privilege and joy to follow that standard. And second, it would take another entire book to even begin to share with you the many spiritual blessings our family has received as we have given of our God-given resources! My mother had always told me, “It’s impossible to out-give God,” and I have seen this to be true!
2. Giving is to be sacrificial. The poor Macedonians gave “according to their ability” (2 Corinthians 8:3). They gave appropriately. But they also gave “beyond their ability” (verse 3), teaching us that our “acceptable sacrifice” is “well pleasing to God” (Philippians 4:18). Again, for me and Elizabeth, giving started out as a sacrifice. Why? Because we initially started out with a budget that looked like this: Jim and Elizabeth 100 percent; God 0 percent. As you can see, our pleasure-seeking lifestyle had left nothing budgeted for God.
Maybe it’s different for you…and I hope so! Maybe you are already giving to the Lord’s work. If so, I commend you for your faithful obedience. But maybe you need to prayerfully consider giving more. Giving is a part of our worship to God, and giving sacrificially is an essential part of that worship. Has God blessed your life? I know He has, and so do you. Then why not show your love and appreciation by giving even more sacrificially? You cannot out-give God.
3. Giving is to be voluntary. Christianity is an amazing religion. Salvation is freely offered to us through the grace of God and cannot be earned (Ephesians 2:8-9). We also cannot buy our salvation because it has already been bought for us through the death of Jesus (Ephesians 1:7). Therefore, like the Macedonians, we are to be “freely willing” in our giving (2 Corinthians 8:3). We are to give voluntarily because we want to give. We are to give willingly out of a heart that is overflowing with love for and gratitude to our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.
As I’m sure you can see, the wise management of your money is a vital discipline for you and me as husbands. Why? I repeat, because the way you manage God’s money—the way it is spent and how it is given—is an indicator of your spiritual maturity. And the level of your spiritual maturity will critically affect the spiritual maturity of your wife and children. Now that we’ve reaffirmed this, let’s look at a few reasons why money and its management should matter in your marriage.
Money Matters in Marriage
If Dr. Billy Graham is correct about the importance of having a right attitude toward money, then it’s also true that our attitude toward money can have a pivotal effect on our marriage. Unfortunately, the world and our own sinful nature often produces some rather wrong attitudes when it comes to money. These attitudes are what often create tension and conflict in a marriage. For instance:
Covetousness—means to have a strong desire to possess something that belongs to someone else. The Bible says that your conduct should be “without covetousness” and that you should “be content with such things as you have” (Hebrews 13:5). (There’s contentment again!) If you and I are content with what we have, we will not be discontent with what we don’t have.
Take your neighbor Joe’s new boat, for example. You shouldn’t want his boat. Why? First, because it is sin to covet someone else’s property. And second, buying a boat might not be good money management on your part. I live in the state of Washington, and the standing joke is that the two happiest days in a man’s life are #1—the day he buys his boat, and #2—the day he sells it. And what happens in between day 1 and day 2? Another Washingtonian saying goes into effect: Owning a boat is like shoveling your money into a black hole!
All this to say, don’t covet Joe’s boat! And remember, God’s cure for covetousness is contentment.
Idolatry—is putting someone or something else ahead of God. When you trust in money rather than or more than you trust in God, you are committing idolatry. Paul warned those who were rich not to “trust in uncertain riches but in the living God” (1 Timothy 6:17). Therefore a man after God’s own heart trusts in God. Why? Because God is the one “who gives us richly all things to enjoy” (verse 17). Money is a false god and, as the apostle Paul said, the “love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” (verse 10). Asking yourself these questions will surface any hint of idolatry in your attitude about money:
Do you think and worry about money frequently?
Do you give up family priorities to make more money?
Do you spend a large amount of your time caring for your things?
Is it hard for you to give money for the Lord’s work?
Brother, loving money can do nothing for you. And loving money will surely affect your relationship with God. Jesus said, “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon [riches]” (Matthew 6:24). Serving money can only harm you and your loved ones. So whether you have resources or not, don’t lust for money or for more of it. Work hard for your means, and trust God to provide for the needs of your family. Put your faith and trust in the one person who can help you in this world and also in the next—the Lord Jesus Christ.
Worldliness—is akin to materialism, and goes a step further to become an overly flirtatious desire for possessions and pleasure. We as Christians are in this world but we are not to be consumed with the things of this world (1 John 2:15). That’s worldliness. We are merely sojourners and pilgrims who are passing through this world (1 Peter 2:11). We are citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20), and we are to be eagerly awaiting the return of our King. When it comes to worldliness, you and I can easily recognize when we’ve become worldly because along with worldliness usually comes a trail of debt! But in our worldliness, we don’t always recognize debt’s danger signals. Check these danger signals and see if any apply to your family’s financial condition.
A large share—20 percent or more—of your take-home pay goes toward debt payments.
Your debt payments are being stretched over longer periods of time.
You are adding new debt before paying off old ones.
You are paying off debt with debt.
You are often delinquent on payments.
One sure solution to worldliness is to follow the apostle Paul’s admonition to “set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2). This one piece of advice will set us in the right direction, away from the lures of worldliness.
By now I’m guessing you can see why money is such a “hot button” for couples. You and your wife came into your marriage with certain habits and disciplines concerning money that must now become God’s habits and disciplines—the kind we’ve been addressing in this chapter. So please, determine that you will not be a husband who has a covetous eye, an idolatrous spirit, or a worldly attitude. As a husband after God’s own heart, you need to take an active role in leading your wife and family in the area of financial responsibility. Managing money wisely matters to God…and it should matter to you.
Money Management Should Matter to You
So far we’ve considered some pretty serious truths and facts about money. Having a proper attitude toward money and exercising diligence in managing it is a great responsibility that you and I must shoulder as husbands. Money management is not our wife’s responsibility. Oh, she may help with the management and bill-paying. But money management is a function of leadership—our leadership as husbands. Therefore you and I as men and husbands need to step up to the plate when it comes to the finances of our home. It’s not enough to just make the money. We must also actively manage it.
Those of us who are “managers” at whatever level in whatever enterprise know that managing isn’t always a one-person arrangement. We know we don’t always need to personally do it ourselves. We can delegate some of the work to others. Well, that same principle applies to managing the household budget. You and I don’t always have to be the only one involved with the family’s money.
Here’s how I’ve applied this principle in my marriage over the years. As long as there was enough money in our family bank accounts for my wife Elizabeth to pay the bills without getting an ulcer from having to decide who would get paid and who would have to wait, I welcomed her assistance with the bookkeeping and bill-paying. But during those “hard times” earlier in our marriage, the lean times when such agonizing decisions had to be made, then as the leader I made those decisions. As I said, this has been my approach. You might have a different one, and that’s okay. The point is, my wife and I work together as a team to manage the family finances. And hopefully you and your wife are doing the same.
Now, I must make one last comment before we move on. I know there are men who just don’t want to bother with money matters, so they “delegate” that responsibility to their wife. Other husbands rationalize that because their wife is better with numbers and figures, they may as well entrust the whole sphere of financial management to her. Christian man, whether you want to or not, or whether your wife is better at finances or record-keeping or not, don’t abdicate your role as a L-E-A-D-E-R in the area of money management. Take on a greater leadership role in your family finances. How?
Look to those who can give you wise financial counsel
Embrace your leadership role in money management
Attend seminars or courses on family finances
Determine to grow wise in your money management
Establish the roles you and your wife play in money matters
Read books on money management
The Windows of Heaven
Husband, I hope you understand by now the importance of faithfulness in the area of money management. Yes, it takes work, but consider just a few of the many blessings that will be yours! Being a faithful steward of God’s money will result in God being glorified. Your wife will be blessed as you model self-control when it comes to the stuff of this world. Your children will be blessed and influenced by your financial leadership (just as my dad’s leadership impacted me). And you will be blessed by your obedience. And as a result of your obedience and stewardship, there will be the added blessing of seeing God, who has blessed you, use His money to bless others through your generous giving.
Talk about “compounded interest”! You’ll experience “compounded blessings” as you are obedient to the Lord in just this one area of your life and marriage! God challenges you and me with this invitation:
“Try Me now in this,” says the LORD of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it” (Malachi 3:10).
Man, oh man! Now this is what I want to be a part of! How about you?
1. Give to God first.
In the Old Testament, God’s people were commanded to offer the first portion of their crops to God as a tribute to His abundant provision. In the New Testament, too, we are to give according to how we “prosper” (1 Corinthians 16:2). But the principle of “giving off the top”—the firstfruits—is a good way you and your wife can acknowledge your trust in God’s provision for you and your family, not only today but also for the future. (And, considering the weakness and selfishness of man-kind, there probably won’t be anything left to give God from the “bottom”!) So give to God first. Then trust that “God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8).
2. Have a budget.
Most financial experts say the starting point for money management is having a budget. Without a budget, you and your wife will probably buy things that are not essential. A plan for saving and spending gives the two of you boundaries and defines what’s important. Just purchase a standard “Household Budget” workbook and start following the directions. But the real key to a budget is making it together with your wife and being in agreement as to what’s in and what’s not in your budget. Then you can hold each other accountable and celebrate and enjoy the benefits that having—and sticking to—a budget brings your way.
3. Pray over major purchases.
Since the money you are to manage is really God’s money, shouldn’t He be consulted as to how you spend it? Hopefully you and your wife have already committed your budget to the Lord. The two of you have prayed about what should be included in your monetary plan. Therefore, if something is in the budget, you don’t necessarily need to pray about it again (although that’s a good practice). So this point of praying over major purchases has to do with non-budgeted purchases. You and your wife will want to pray for answers to questions like, How will this purchase impact our budget? Can the purchase of a newer car be delayed by fixing the “clunker” just one more time? These are the kinds of prayers and questions that are necessary when making decisions about major purchases.
4. Get organized.
Finances are complicated, even with the simplest of incomes. You and your wife should institute a financial filing system to keep track of important documents and financial statements. So purchase an accordion file folder with slots for each month of the year. Then drop your bills into the month they are due. As the bills are paid, drop in the receipts. At the end of the year you have everything handy in one place that you need for tax purposes.
5. Declare a “day of fasting” from spending money.
In Bible times, fasting usually applied to food and was a religious exercise. Because those who fasted were not eating, their interests were diverted from the physical realm to the spiritual life. Similarly, when you implement a money-fast, you allow your interests to be turned from the “stuff” of life to the “staff of life.” And, as an added benefit, you and your wife come one day closer to staying within your budget. Now, that’s a praise! So take calendar in hand, pick a day, and proclaim it “a day of fasting.”
6. Make a list of ways to cut expenses.
You and your wife should realize that your finances are a reflection of your spiritual condition. Isn’t self-control a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:23)? And aren’t you a steward of God’s money? Whether you have enough money or not, cutting expenses will do you good. If you don’t have enough money, trimming your costs will give you back some of what you need. To get started, take your new budget in hand and together see what you and your wife can lop off and live without. If you have a sufficiency of money, cutting expenses to give more to God will help you and your wife to “set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2).