“Emma, I’m glad that you decided to have dinner with me tonight. I really hope that you will listen to me and remain open-minded during this conversation.”
“I’m always open-minded, Jason. But what I want to know is, why have you been avoiding me and my calls ever since we came back from Vegas?”
“I told you after I dropped you off at home that I needed time and space to sort out some things. My question to you is why didn’t you think enough of me to give me that time?”
She sat quietly for a moment, trying to think of a reasonable response. She couldn’t come up with one. I now saw her with clarity; she was a young and immature spoiled brat. She wasn’t the type of woman that a man like me needed in my life.
She was no good for me and I was no good for her. If she was truly meant for me, I wouldn’t be having these damn feelings for Serenity. If Emma-Jay was my destiny, she would wipe Serenity clear from my existence, mind, and heart.
I wasn’t willing to commit my heart and soul to a woman until she was capable of doing just that. Honestly, I didn’t think such a woman existed besides Serenity Champagne, the woman that my brother loved with his whole heart.
“Jason, is this dinner about you breaking up with me?” Emma asked, cutting into my tumulus thoughts. “Because if it is, you could have done it over the phone,” she added in a hurtful tone.
“Darling, listen to me,” I said as gently as I could. “We are just not working out. You’ll find someone who will love you like you are meant to be loved one day. You’re young, smart, and beautiful. I just happen to not be the man that you need.”
Her blue eyes became cold and calculating. “You are not breaking up with me, Jason. I will not let you walk away from me because of your brother’s fat cow. How stupid do you think I am? I see how much you want her. Tell me, what do you see in her anyway?”
“Do you truly really want me to tell you what I see in Serenity?”
“Yes, because for the life of me, I can’t see why you would drop perfection for her flawed existence.”
“You are as shallow as anyone can be, Emma. True beauty comes from the within. I don’t care how beautiful someone is on the outside; if they are rotten and ugly to the core, it cancels out the beauty that you see in the mirror each day. Serenity is just as beautiful inside as she is on the outside. The curves that you detest that she has are just extra meat to give a man more to hold on to. It gives us more to love.
Some men can’t handle a woman like that. Some women are threatened by that type of woman,” I said, giving her a pointed look. I was on a roll and breaking down the facts of life to her since she’d asked. She tried to cut in but I held up my hand to silence her. She wouldn’t be demeaning Serenity, or any other woman that didn’t look like a Barbie doll, if I had anything to do with it.
Women of all races, creeds or backgrounds, no matter the size, were meant to be respected in my book. I had no time for women’s petty jealousy issues over each other. I always have and would detest such childish behavior. Women were meant to be loved and celebrated from all walks of life, I mused to myself.
“Serenity is everything that you are not, Emma-Jay. You could actually learn from her if you gave her half the chance. You just might be surprised,” I finished my tirade as gently as I could.
“How dare you spout off all of her so-called attributes to me? I guarantee she wouldn’t do for you all the things that I do for you in bed. Oh, I forgot, because she is probably doing them to your brother instead,” she shot her dagger of words that went straight to its target… my heart.
I breathed through the hurt and anger that her words caused. I didn’t react the way she wanted me to. I smirked and hid my pain well. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing me in pain. The thought of Serenity making love to my brother was not a picture that I wanted burned on my brain. I tried not to think of them being together like that at all costs. Rage burned through me at the very thought of her and my brother making love. It didn’t matter how much I loved my brother. I wanted Serenity for myself in every way.
I wanted to be the one that laid between her succulent thighs every night. I wanted her to be the one that I rushed home to after a long, tedious day at work. I wanted her to be the first face I saw every morning when I awoke, and the last person I saw at night when I closed my eyes.
“Jason, are you hearing anything that I’m saying to you?” she questioned.
I was so lost in my thoughts I had forgotten that Emma was still at the table in the restaurant. Our food lay untouched and cold on our plates. She looked at me with pain-riddled eyes before rising and dashing the remnants of her half-finished wine into my face.
I deserved it and I accepted it for what it was. “I am sorry, Emma. I’m truly sorry,” I said, rising from the table as well. The waiter saw what happened and hurried over with a cloth napkin for me to wipe my face. I accepted it with appreciation and handed him my gold card to swipe. I even added in a generous tip.
Emma stood and impatiently waited for the transaction to be made. Since I brought her to the restaurant, she expected me to take her home. I would be less of a gentleman if I didn’t. We exited the building with no other words between us.
The valet brought my car around immediately. Her lips were pinched together in a tight line the whole ride to her house. If she only knew, it took from her attractiveness. I kept those thoughts to myself. I even tried to apologize again, but she wasn’t trying to hear any of my apologies. I respected her wishes and remained quiet for the rest of the journey ,and walked her to her door to make sure she was safely inside before heading home.
I put in my CD by Tyrese and blasted my favorite song all the way home. “Sweet Lady” played on repeat with thoughts of Sweet Serenity on my mind.
The road ahead of me had many exits and detours just like my inner demons of fighting my love for Serenity. I knew my dreams would be filled that night, just like every other night, with my guilty pleasure of making love to a woman that would never be mine.