Working in open plan was Crap. And yeah, that was with a capital C. It was two weeks since he’d shifted his stuff back to his originally assigned desk, and Ryan still hadn’t come to terms with it.
It wasn’t the only thing he was struggling with. And compared to the thing that niggled at him day and night, like a toothache that wouldn’t stop throbbing, putting up with the sound of ringing phones, laughter and chatter from outside his booth was a doddle.
Was she ashamed of him?
It was the question that wouldn’t go away. Oh sure, he understood why Sam thought she needed to keep their affair secret. Knowing Damien’s betrayal had been front-page gossip for the whole company must have been brutal for her at a time when she already felt kicked in the teeth.
But was that the real reason she wanted to keep their liaison quiet? Or was she actually, deep down, ashamed of dating a guy who worked for her? Ashamed of dating a guy who wasn’t exactly the life and soul of the place?
Ashamed of dating him?
And considering he knew he’d done things he was ashamed of. Things she didn’t even know about yet.
Yeah, it wasn’t surprising the thought continued to nag at him. Not enough to stop seeing her. No bloody way. The chance to be with a woman as incredible as Sam wasn’t going to come again, that’s for certain. And when they were together? When he turned his brain off and just lived in the moment? Suffice it to say, he’d take what she was offering, for as long as she was offering it.
‘How are you enjoying life out here in the real world?’ Lucas popped his head over the paltry divide. ‘Made any friends yet?’
‘Too busy.’ He gave Lucas a pointed look, but the guy just laughed.
‘How about special friends?’ Lucas bent towards him and whispered. ‘You know, like a certain redhead you’ve got the hots for?’
Ryan froze, guilt making his reply too snappy. ‘I told you before. She’s not interested.’
Lucas frowned. ‘No need to get your boxers in a twist. I’m only being neighbourly.’
‘Sorry. I’m just frustrated with the beta.’ Christ, this sucked. It had been a long time since he’d had a friend he could confide in, and in Lucas he hoped he’d found one. Yet he wasn’t allowed to talk to him about the one thing he desperately wanted advice on.
Worse, he had to lie to the guy. Something that didn’t just make him feel horribly uncomfortable, but he was totally crap at.
The sound of his phone vibrating on the desk cut into the moment and Ryan reached for it gratefully, giving Lucas an apologetic smile. When he glanced at the screen to see who was calling him, though, his heart sank. Erin. Rising to his feet – he wasn’t taking this call where others could overhear him – he waited until he’d walked past the reception desk, on his way out, before pressing answer.
‘What took you so long?’
‘Hi to you, too.’
Erin made an agitated noise. ‘Fine, hello. I’m worried about Mum. She’s been complaining of indigestion on and off all day, and she doesn’t look good.’
Ryan pushed his way out of the heavy door and into the August heat. ‘What do you mean, not good? Does she have a temperature? Is she flushed, pale?’
‘Pale.’ Ryan heard the muffled sound of his mum’s voice in the background. ‘I’ve just felt her forehead and it doesn’t feel hot, but it’s a bit sweaty.’
Shit. Ryan kicked at the wall. ‘You’re right to be worried, I think. Put her on.’
‘Is that please put her on?’
Ryan gritted his teeth. ‘Yes. Erin, please put Mum on the phone.’
A few jarring seconds later, his mum’s voice sounded in his ear, her upbeat tone managing to allay some of his nerves. ‘I told your sister not to call you. I’ve got a bit of heartburn, that’s all. Probably the sausage sandwich I had for lunch from that mobile greasy spoon on the market. Haute cuisine it isn’t. More like haute coli.’
It was relief, more than the joke, that made Ryan laugh out loud. ‘What the hell were you doing eating from there?’
‘It’s cheap.’
Ryan leant back against the wall of the office block and drew a hand down his face. ‘Shit, Mum, if you need more money—’
‘We don’t,’ she interrupted firmly. ‘I should have eaten before I went out, but time ran away from me. I won’t make the same mistake again. Now, aren’t you supposed to be busy?’
‘I am.’ Since Cornwall it had been early starts and late nights for all of them. He knew, they all knew, that time was crucial. While the Privacy 2 app wasn’t out there, customers were leaving to the rival app, Privacy Protect – Lynch’s frigging app. Plus those rumours of yet another similar app in development continued to circulate. Ryan could put his hand up to feeling frazzled. Strung out on caffeine and lack of sleep, his mind was a jangle of codes and algorithms. And Sam, because between their snatched moments in bed, and the secret smile she’d give him in those rare moments she was in the office when nobody else was around, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
‘Then stop mithering me and get back to work.’ His mum’s voice pulled him back to the present.
‘It was Erin who phoned me, because she was concerned about you.’ Once again the worry niggled, because Erin, who hated his guts, wouldn’t have phoned him just for the crack. ‘This indigestion. Is it like the last time, when it turned out to be angina?’
‘You think I don’t know heartburn when I feel it?’
He thought she was good at trying not to worry him. ‘Did you take anything for it?’
‘Of course.’
‘And it’s still there?’
‘It comes and goes. Stubborn bugger.’
‘Okay, let Erin know if it gets any worse. And let me talk to her again.’
‘Fine. But don’t you go hatching any plans to have me airlifted to hospital. I’m telling you now, I’m right as rain.’
‘I promise no helicopters will be involved. Now put Erin on.’
There was another pause, before the sweet sound of his loving sister’s voice. ‘What?’
Ryan forced in a breath. Clung to his control. ‘Are you planning on sticking around tonight?’
‘I’m always around. I live here, remember.’
‘Damn it, Erin.’ He looked skywards, slamming his mouth shut until he was sure the words that came out would be civil. ‘You know what I’m asking. I’m worried about her. It could be indigestion, could be something else. I’d feel happier if I knew you were around to keep an eye on her.’
‘Of course I’m staying in. Unlike you, I won’t abandon my family.’
The barb wedged deep and he clenched his jaw. ‘Let me know if she gets worse. Or if she doesn’t get better.’ He inhaled a ragged breath. ‘Just phone me and let me know how she’s doing. Please.’
He was left listening to the disconnect sound.
Frustration bubbled and he kicked the wall again, though this time more with defeat than with anger. Then he walked back inside.
The morning had been hell. Sam could totally understand why the investors were getting antsy. They had her sympathy, they really did. Just as she was seeing her sales line falling, they were seeing their investments taking a dip, too. But for heaven’s sake, how many times did she have to tell them she had it in hand? Apparently it wasn’t enough that she’d held monthly meetings with them for the last six months, nor that she’d phoned each of them in turn every week with an update. Now she had to go and see them in person. It was exhausting.
It was times like this, she thought as she eased off her shoes – the kitten heels might look cute, but they didn’t half pinch her toes – that she wondered why on earth she’d ever thought running her own company would be fun.
Spending all day soothing the ruffled feathers of stupidly rich men was not her idea of fun.
‘You got a minute?’
Sam’s eyes flew over to the doorway with a start. Ryan. Her heart gave the usual bump at the sight of his tall frame. His dark, magnetic eyes. ‘Sure. Come on in.’
By the time he sat down opposite, her office felt half as big and her senses were on full alert. Why did this man have the ability to send goosebumps racing over her skin just by looking at her?
Leaning forward, he rested his forearms on his thighs. ‘How serious are you about this no fraternising at work rule?’
Where was he going with this? ‘Very. Why?’
‘Because I really want to kiss you right now.’
She felt a flush of heat, along with the goosebumps. ‘That’s …’ She had to clear her throat and start again. ‘That’s good to know.’
His gaze left hers briefly to flick over to the glass wall, with the frosted bottom portion. ‘You could always drop your pencil on the floor. I could help you find it.’
She laughed softly. ‘Tempting, but a little too risky.’ He shot her a look and though his lips were smiling, his eyes weren’t. They were hot, intense and a little bit pissed off. They hadn’t discussed her need to keep their relationship quiet since that morning two weeks ago when he’d agreed to be her, in his words, dirty little secret. She knew he wasn’t happy about lying, especially to Lucas, but so far he’d not complained. At least not verbally. It’s just that every now and again, like now, his brown eyes were like those of a puppy shoved out in the cold. ‘Please, don’t look at me like that. You know why we can’t.’
‘Yeah.’ He glanced down at his clasped hands. ‘One public betrayal is humiliating enough.’ Again those puppy eyes caught hers, filled with hurt and reproach. ‘Kind of assumes I’m going to betray you, doesn’t it?’
Emotion balled in her throat. ‘It’s not that. I don’t want everyone knowing my business. Not again. I feel too vulnerable, too raw.’ At the prickle of tears, she bit into her bottom lip. ‘I explained all of this and you agreed. If you want to change your mind—’
‘About seeing you?’ He gave a sharp shake of his head. ‘Not a cat in hell’s chance.’
Slowly she felt her muscles unclench. ‘Okay then.’ She looked straight into those dark eyes and decided it was time he knew how much he was starting to mean to her. ‘You have no idea how happy that makes me.’
This time his smile reached right into his eyes. ‘Maybe you can show me tonight.’
Her belly fluttered. ‘Maybe I will.’
‘Deal.’ He shifted to sit back in the chair, his eyes falling to the floor before coming back to meet hers. ‘Need a foot massage?’
‘What?’ Suddenly she realised he’d seen she’d taken her shoes off. ‘You weren’t meant to notice my feet.’
He started to laugh. ‘Relax. I’ve seen plenty more of you naked.’ He nodded to the frosted glass. ‘And it’s something I can do without anyone knowing.’
At the thought of having his big warm hands touching them, her feet tingled. Did she dare?
As if he could read her thoughts, he bent suddenly and tugged both of them onto his lap. ‘So, these meetings that keep taking you away from the office.’ He spoke as if his strong fingers weren’t massaging her soles, sending waves of bliss rolling through her. ‘Am I allowed to ask what they’re about?’
‘Umm.’ She wanted to close her eyes and give in to the pleasure.
‘Boss?’ His eyes were alive with mischief.
‘Yes, sorry.’ She shifted, trying to focus on his question. ‘The investors are getting twitchy. I’ve being doing the rounds, trying to allay their fears, which is hard when I’m feeling twitchy myself.’ Some of the pleasure vanished as she recalled the conversation from this morning. ‘Please tell me the beta version will be ready soon. I desperately need something to show them before they start turning words into actions.’
His busy hands stilled. ‘They’re threatening to pull out?’
‘It’s been mentioned by one of them. Maybe just a bluff. Maybe not. I can’t tell.’ She used to be able to read people at will, she thought crossly. Now she doubted her judgement too much to make the call.
Something flickered across his face. Worry? Resignation? ‘It’s not quite there but it can be, if I work on it tonight.’
‘Would you?’ It was hard to keep the hope out of her voice. ‘I know it’s a lot to ask—’
‘Sure.’ He eased her feet back onto the floor. ‘I’d better get back to it.’
‘Wait.’ There was something off with him. He wasn’t Mr Chatty, but this was crazy. ‘You haven’t even told me what you came to see me about.’
He shook his head, eyes not looking at her. ‘Doesn’t matter.’
‘Ryan.’ Her voice pleaded with him. ‘Come on, what is it? Talk to me.’
He smirked then. ‘What do you think I’ve been doing?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘God, you exasperate me sometimes.’
‘Only sometimes? I really must be growing on you.’ As he rose to his feet, his face straightened. ‘The reason I came to see you is no longer important. You need the beta version finishing. I’ll sort it.’
As exceedingly stubborn was one of his more annoying traits, she decided not to push it. ‘Thank you. And for the foot massage, too.’
Those dark eyes held hers. ‘Next time maybe you’ll consider dropping the pencil, after all.’
Though he smiled, his statement held enough of that stubbornness to warn her he hadn’t accepted her argument about keeping their relationship quiet. He was going to keep pushing. Well, she could be stubborn, too, when it was important enough. And right now, with everything going on with the business, protecting herself came under that category. ‘Will I see you later?’
He shook his head, hands slipping into his pockets. ‘It’s going to be a late one. I don’t want to disturb you.’
He wouldn’t if you gave him a key. It stunned her that she was even contemplating it, considering they’d only been officially, albeit secretly, dating for two weeks.
While she was inwardly debating with herself, he quietly let himself out.