“You—you disappeared!” Yadriel stared at Julian, afraid to blink in case he vanished again. “Where did you go?!”
Julian leaped from the bed. “I—I don’t know!” he stammered. He twisted left and right, patting himself down and inspecting his limbs.
“You were bleeding.” Panic tightened his voice, and Yadriel hated how frightened he sounded, how frightened he felt.
Julian pressed his hand to his chest and winced, like he could still feel it. “But why? What happened?” he demanded.
Yadriel racked his brain, trying to remember everything he knew about spirits, but it was hard to focus. He kept seeing Julian’s contorted face and bleeding chest flash in his mind over and over again.
“When—when spirits have been in the world of the living for too long, when they start going maligno, sometimes they’ll relive their death,” Yadriel said.
“Did someone stab me?” Julian asked, his ghostly face deathly pale. “Did I get shot?”
“But you only died yesterday,” Yadriel reasoned. He pushed his hands through his hair, trying to think. Some spirits turned maligno faster than others, but it had only been a day. “It shouldn’t be happening this quickly.”
Julian sat down heavily on the edge of the bed and winced. “Whatever it is, I don’t want it to ever happen again.”
“This isn’t good.”
Julian’s worried eyes met his. “What does it mean?”
“It means,” Yadriel said, “we’re running out of time.”
Sleep was impossible.
Yadriel lay perched on the edge of his bed, curled up on his side so he could see where Julian lay on the floor. Purrcaso curled up behind his knees. Julian’s back was to him, but there was no way he could be sleeping, either, was there? Every time Yadriel started to drift off, his body would jerk him back awake. He kept seeing Julian lying there, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, the blood seeping from the wound that must’ve killed him.
What the hell was he supposed to do? Yadriel had only heard about spirits reliving their deaths the closer they got to turning maligno; he’d never witnessed it himself. His parents had always shielded him from that. When spirits in their cemetery went maligno, skilled brujos were dispatched to deal with it as quickly and humanely as possible.
Yadriel had hundreds of questions, but no way of finding out. Brujx history relied on oral traditions, so it wasn’t like there was an encyclopedia where he could look up the answers. And he couldn’t ask someone why a spirit would turn so quickly without them getting suspicious.
No, there was no one who he could turn to. They’d just have to get through it.
The thought of forcibly releasing Julian to the other side, like he’d threatened that first night, was unthinkable now. Julian needed to hold on a little longer.
If they could find his body, hopefully they could find Miguel and the others who had gone missing. If Yadriel could prove himself to the brujx, then they would have to let him be part of the aquelarre. Their deadline of Día de Muertos was looming. Halloween was the day after tomorrow, and at midnight, the first day of Día de Muertos would begin.
When his alarm went off in the morning, Yadriel was already awake. He waited, watching as Julian sat up. “How’d you sleep?” he asked.
“I’m starting to think ghosts don’t sleep,” Julian replied with a wry smile. He looked tired, of course, but there was something more to it. A glazed look cast over his eyes. An intense vigilance. Julian eyed Yadriel as he crawled out of bed and dragged himself to the closet. “I guess brujos don’t, either.”
Yadriel grumbled unintelligibly. When he came back from taking a shower, he found Julian sitting at the foot of his bed. He wrung his hands together, digging his thumb into his palm. Worry caught in every line of his face.
“Am I going to have to talk you into letting me go to school with you again?” Julian asked with an anxious laugh.
“No,” Yadriel said, toying with the St. Jude pendant around his neck. “This time I want you to come.”
He was more worried about Julian disappearing and reliving his death again. By the look on his face, Yadriel was pretty certain Julian was worried about the same thing. If he couldn’t stop it from happening, then he would at least make sure Julian wasn’t alone when it did. Yadriel didn’t want to come home and find the Julian he knew had vanished, leaving nothing but a horrifying apparition in his place.
Julian’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”
Yadriel nodded, then shrugged, as if it didn’t matter to him. “You can take it or leave it,” he said as he combed pomade through his hair.
“Take!” Julian jumped to his feet. The worry was gone, and that electric grin was back. “Definitely take!”
Julian waited impatiently by the door as Yadriel grabbed his stuff. He opened his backpack to take out his portaje and stash it while they were at school, but as he grabbed hold of the hilt, he hesitated.
Again, the image of Julian convulsing and flickering haunted him. If it was a sign that Julian was slipping away, what if he lost his grip on himself while they were at school?
Yadriel looked at Julian, an uneasy feeling churning his stomach.
“Are you ready or what?” Julian huffed. He caught sight of the dagger in Yadriel’s hand and raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were worried about getting caught with that thing at school?”
If Julian went maligno, Yadriel would be forced to cut his tether and release his spirit before he hurt someone.
“Better safe than sorry, right?” Yadriel said.
Julian stared at him for a second, then shrugged. “Just don’t get caught, I don’t wanna spend the night with you in jail,” he told him.
Yadriel tucked his portaje and its sheath into the waist of his jeans and pulled on his backpack.
He listened carefully at the door and paused every couple of steps going down the stairs, but the house was silent and empty. That was odd, considering Lita was usually busy in the kitchen by now. He opened the front door, and Julian made a run for it.
“FREEDOM!” he whooped, bounding down the front steps.
Yadriel laughed and shook his head. Julian was in great spirits. Yadriel hesitated in the doorway and pulled his dagger out again. Did he really need it? Was it bad luck to assume the worst? Was he just welcoming something to go wrong by taking it to school? Maybe he should leave it—
Before he could make a decision, the door to the garage opened and Lita walked into the kitchen.
“I’ll make some food,” Lita said as she went to the stove.
Tío Catriz and his dad walked into view, each of them carrying a large box. Yadriel froze, panic cementing his feet to the floor. The voice in his head screamed at him to make a run for it, but it was like his body was short-circuiting, refusing to budge.
“Where should we put this?” his dad asked, his back to Yadriel.
Tío Catriz turned and immediately locked eyes with Yadriel over Enrique’s shoulder.
Tío Catriz’s face went from surprise to confusion. Before Yadriel could react, his gaze went to the portaje gripped in Yadriel’s hand.
Yadriel’s heart dropped to the floor.
Catriz had seen the dagger in his hand. He would recognize it as a portaje immediately.
For a split second, his tío’s expression went blank as he stared at the blade, but then—
Then he smiled.
“Put them in the living room,” Lita instructed, waving a hand as she put a pan on the stove.
Enrique started to turn toward the living room, where Yadriel remained rooted in the doorway, clutching his portaje.
Yadriel was doomed. His dad was going to see him with his portaje, caught red-handed.
A loud crash made everyone jump.
The box Tío Catriz was holding had toppled out of his arms, spilling prayer candles and copal incense all over the kitchen floor.
“Aye!” Lita gasped, clutching her chest.
“Careful of the glass!” Yadriel’s dad warned as broken shards crunched under their shoes.
“I’ll grab the broom!” Lita rushed to the garage.
“Ah, lo siento, hermano,” Tío Catriz said as he and Yadriel’s dad bent down to pick up the larger pieces.
“Don’t worry, we have plenty more,” Enrique reassured him.
Snapping out of it, Yadriel quickly slipped his portaje back into its sheath.
Tío Catriz caught his eye over his dad’s shoulder and gave him a small wink.
Relief and gratitude flooded Yadriel. His tío had just saved his ass, and he didn’t even seem mad that Yadriel had a portaje. He looked—well, he looked proud, which was a sentiment Yadriel hadn’t been gifted in a very long time.
He should’ve known that Tío Catriz would be on his side. He wanted to tell him everything, but right now wasn’t the time.
As they picked up the broken pieces, Yadriel slipped out the front door and ran to the gate, where Julian and Maritza waited.
“There you are,” Maritza sighed, pushing herself up from where she had been leaning against the gate. She wore a black puffy jacket and tight jeans, her hair pulled back in two short French braids.
“Jesus, how are you so slow?!” Julian demanded, throwing his hands up. “I thought you were— Hey, what’s with the smile?”
A huge grin plastered across Yadriel’s face, his head swimming. His heart felt ready to burst, and it hammered in his chest.
“My family showed up,” Yadriel blurted out. “Tío saw my portaje—”
Maritza’s eyes bulged. “What?”
“Uh-oh,” Julian said, glancing back toward the house.
“No, no, it’s okay!” Yadriel rushed to add, delirious laughter bubbling through his words. “I didn’t get in trouble! He even distracted Lita and my dad so I could get away without them seeing me!”
Maritza shook her head in disbelief.
Meanwhile, Julian grinned. “Awesome!”
“He was seriously chill about it?” Maritza asked, frowning. “Do you think he’s going to tell your dad?”
“No, I don’t think so, he wouldn’t out me like that,” Yadriel said. Julian beamed back at him, but Maritza was uncharacteristically worried. “Seriously, Itza,” he said. “My tío gets me, he’s the only one who does—”
Hurt flashed across her face.
“Aside from you, of course!” he added quickly, giving her an affectionate nudge.
“Are you going to tell him everything?” Maritza pressed, her delicately lined eyebrows tense with worry.
“I mean, yeah, probably.” Yadriel shrugged. It’d be good to have an adult on his side. When it came time to reveal everything to his dad and Lita, it would be good to have his tío standing in his corner. “Obviously, not right now,” he added. “We need to get to school and then see Rio.” Yadriel started to walk down the street, gesturing for them to follow. His smile was so big, it was hurting his cheeks.
Julian bounded after him, but Maritza stood there for a moment frowning, her arms crossed over her chest.
“I guess,” she finally sighed before following after them.
“See? Everything’s working out!” Julian said, dimples flashing as he grinned over at Yadriel.
“It is,” he agreed, heart racing. It was one more step in the right direction. One step closer to becoming a brujo. One step closer to being himself.
He was still riding the adrenaline rush when he got to his first class. He was in a great mood, and Julian was in an even better one. Yadriel didn’t even mind when Julian, after immediately becoming bored in math class, got into some light mischief.
Julian waited for Ms. Costanzo to write math problems up on the whiteboard and then once people stopped paying attention, which didn’t take long, he would erase a random number when Ms. Costanzo wasn’t looking. Three times she had to reference her notes, a confused look on her face as she tried to figure out where the mistake was.
Julian perched on the edge of his desk and cackled. Yadriel had to stuff his fist against his mouth to keep himself from laughing out loud.
During lunch, Maritza joined them behind the bleachers. She helped Julian practice his ghost skills by flicking a triangle of paper back and forth, lining up their fingers like goal posts to aim for.
Yadriel sat back, eating a dry cheeseburger from the cafeteria. He liked watching Julian when he was focused in on something. His heavy brow got all scrunched up, eyes sharp as he caught the very tip of his tongue between his teeth. He was so animated. When he made a goal, he’d punch the air and let out an excited whoop. When he missed, he’d throw his hands up and dramatically flop onto his back in the grass. Yadriel caught Maritza eyeing him more than once. Each time, he tried to force the stupid grin off his face, but it always came right back.
By the end of the day, exhaustion was starting to win out. After two nights of very restless sleep, it was a miracle he’d made it that long. To make matters worse, the last class of the day was history, and Mr. Guerrero was the absolute worst. He spoke in a monotone completely devoid of inflection.
Slowly, Yadriel sank in his seat until his textbook was functioning as a pillow, chin propped on his folded arms. Keeping his eyes open took effort, and his hoodie was warm and soft, clearly working against him as it tried to lure him into taking a nap right on his desk.
“Hey! Wake up!”
Julian had wandered back from poking around in students’ backpacks.
Yadriel let out a dismissive rmph in reply.
Julian dropped into a squat in front of him. He gripped the edge of the desk and rested his chin on his fingers, bringing himself to eye level with Yadriel, their noses a few inches apart. “Can we go on a walk? Let’s go on a walk. Doesn’t that sound nice?” he asked, a barely contained ball of energy shoved into the body of a teenager boy.
Yadriel focused on the dark eyes staring at him expectantly. He gave Julian an unamused look. He wasn’t going to ditch class, especially not this close to the end of the day. He just needed to survive a little while longer.
“Just a quick one!” Julian argued, as if reading his mind. “Around the school?”
When Yadriel blinked slowly at him, Julian amended it to “Okay, okay, okay, just down the hall and back?” He drummed his fingers on the desk and bounced on the balls of his feet.
Yadriel hated to admit it, but that did sound appealing. If he could get up and move around, maybe it’d wake him up a bit. It wasn’t like he’d be able to rest any time soon.
Yadriel huffed a big sigh and sat up. “Mr. Guerrero?” he asked, raising his hand. “Can I use the restroom?”
“Yes!” Julian was on his feet and out the door before Mr. Guerrero could hand over a hall pass.
Yadriel stretched his hands over his head, twisting his back this way and that as they walked down the empty hallway.
“Good Lord, how do you sit through that every day?” Julian demanded with a mystified shake of his head.
“It’s not that bad, usually,” Yadriel said through a yawn. “When I’m more awake, it’s downright tolerable.”
“I would die,” Julian told him. “Like, again.”
Yadriel chuckled.
“You’re really into this school stuff, huh?” Julian asked with an amused grin.
Yadriel shrugged, rubbing his fist against his eye. “I want to get into a good college, get a good job, help support my family, be successful.”
Julian cut him a cross look. “Tch, you don’t have to be good in school to be successful,” he told him, annoyed.
“No, you’re right,” Yadriel backpedaled, suddenly much more awake. “I just meant—”
“Carlos—the guy my dad opened his mechanic shop with?—he didn’t even finish high school!” Julian went on. “He got an appendixship—”
“Apprenticeship—”
“Got a job right off the bat, learned all the tricks of the trade, made hella money,” Julian continued, punching his fist into his palm for emphasis. “Eventually opened his own shop and did it all without a degree and zero student-loan debt.” Chin tilted proudly, he gave Yadriel a challenging look.
For a second, Yadriel didn’t know how to respond. He was a little caught off guard by Julian’s very valid observation, and felt ashamed of himself for saying something so obviously classist.
Maritza would be ashamed of him.
“You’re totally right, I apologize,” Yadriel said, holding his hands up in surrender. “I just meant—”
Julian stopped. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, I missed it, what was that?” he asked, holding his hand up to his ear with feigned confusion.
“Oh my God,” Yadriel groaned.
“Something about me being right?” Julian preened.
The hallway ended, and Yadriel stopped. “You’re insufferable,” he said, glancing around.
“Yeah, but I think you’re kinda into it,” Julian replied with a casual shrug.
Yadriel chose to ignore him.
There was a water fountain and restrooms on either side. Yadriel headed for the girls’.
“What are you doing?” Julian asked with a critical arch of an eyebrow.
“Using the bathroom,” he said.
Julian hooked his thumb toward the door to the boys’ restroom. “Uh, wrong one, dude.”
Yadriel hesitated. “Uh … I haven’t ever actually used the boys’ bathroom,” he confessed, face growing hot.
“What?” Julian frowned. “Why?”
Sometimes, Julian surprised Yadriel by how knowledgeable he was.
Other times, not so much.
“Several reasons,” Yadriel said, crossing his arms. “Including, but not limited to: people harassing me, calling me names, pushing me around, general humiliation,” he listed off. Truthfully, he’d never worked up the nerve to use the boys’ bathroom. In public, he always tried to find a gender-neutral stall, which was difficult. They didn’t have those at school, so Yadriel just held it for as long as he could before forcing himself to use the girls’, and only during class, when it was less likely he’d run into someone.
“Oh.” Julian expression softened for a moment, which Yadriel hated, but then it contorted into anger, which was much less humiliating. “People are assholes.”
A surprised laugh leaped in Yadriel’s throat. “People are assholes,” he agreed.
“Well, there’s no one around right now,” Julian pointed out. He went up to the metal door to the boys’ bathroom and literally stuck his head through it, earning another laugh from Yadriel. “And nobody inside!” Julian’s voice echoed from inside. He straightened and turned to Yadriel. “I mean, if you wanna see what all the fuss is about, now’s your chance,” he said with a grin.
Yadriel scoffed, not sure if Julian was making fun of him, but … his humor did make the whole thing less … scary. He would make himself an anxious mess, loitering outside the boys’ bathroom and trying to work up the nerve to go inside, and he always ended up flaking out.
But Julian’s bad jokes, easy smile, and nonchalance seemed to suck all the stress out of the situation. Or at the very least, dilute it.
“Fine,” Yadriel huffed, as if he were doing Julian a favor. He headed for the bathroom, and Julian moved to follow him. “What are you doing?” Yadriel demanded.
“What?”
“You can’t go in there with me!” Yadriel balked.
“It’s not like I’m gonna watch you!”
Yadriel spluttered. “I—I have a shy bladder!”
Julian threw his head back, letting out a deep belly laugh. “Oh my God!”
“I can’t go if I know you can hear me!”
“Okay, okay, okay!” Julian laughed, a big grin on his face. “I’ll stand guard,” he said, tapping two fingers to his temple like a salute. “Should I cover my ears? Sing a song?”
“Shut up!” With that, Yadriel stomped inside before he could change his mind.
And suddenly, he was standing in the boys’ bathroom for the first time in his life. Yadriel looked around. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but after all the buildup it was a little … lackluster. And smelly.
But he was a boy, and if this was what their bathrooms were like, then he’d get used to it.
When Yadriel walked back out, Julian was leaning against the wall, still looking far too amused.
“You’re not covering your ears.” Yadriel glared. “And I didn’t hear you singing.”
“My singing voice is too sexy,” Julian said with a solemn shake of his head. “You’d fall in love with me, like, immediately.”
Yadriel rolled his eyes and started back toward class.
Julian fell into step next to him. “Was it everything you’d dreamed it would be?” he asked.
“Truly magical,” Yadriel drawled in response, but he was grinning, despite his best efforts. Excitement tingled up and down his arms. He’d officially used the men’s restroom for the first time, and at school! Sure, there wasn’t anyone else around, other than Julian, but it still felt like a huge step closer to being himself. Yadriel glanced to Julian from the corner of his eye. “Thanks.”
Julian smiled. “Any time, patrón.”
When school was over, they met Maritza by the parking lot before heading to the cemetery.
“That was the most fun I’ve ever had at school, ever,” Julian said, walking backward down the sidewalk.
“Oh, really?” Maritza asked, patting at her braids and wincing. “Did you learn a lot?”
Julian laughed. “No, but there was other stuff to keep me occupied,” he said, before twisting around and heading down the street.
“Uh-huh,” Maritza hummed, looking over at Yadriel with a smirk. “I’m sure there was.”
Yadriel scowled, hating how hot his cheeks felt. “Shut up,” he hissed under his breath.
Luckily, Julian was up ahead and out of earshot, yanking leaves off bushes as he walked by.
“Hey, I’m not hating,” Maritza said, at least having the decency to keep her voice down. “I mean, having a ghost boyfriend might be kinda hot.” Her knowing smile was obnoxious.
He shoved her and, great, now his armpits were actually sweating. “Itza!”
She laughed, very pointedly looking Julian up and down from behind. “He has been practicing his ghost moves, maybe—”
“Oh my God, stop!” Yadriel said sharply, unable to take the teasing anymore. “It’s not like that!” he huffed. “It can’t be like that.” His eyes trailed off to Julian, watching as he hopped up onto a short brick wall surrounding someone’s house and walked along it.
Yadriel tried to stomp down the fluttery, twisty feeling, the low rush in his stomach.
“I mean, might as well enjoy it while he’s around,” Maritza whispered, giving him a little nudge with her elbow.
“He might not be around for much longer,” Yadriel snapped. The butterflies were quickly replaced with queasy churning. “Especially not after last night.”
Maritza frowned. “What happened last night?”
Keeping his voice down, Yadriel told her about Julian’s unbecoming the night before. How he’d writhed in pain. The blood on his shirt. The way he’d disappeared. The memories turned the blood in his veins icy.
When he finished, Maritza’s teasing smile and knowing looks were gone, replaced with one of pure alarm. “That’s so creepy.”
Yadriel shivered. “Yeah, no kidding.”
“I don’t think he should stay with you anymore.”
It was so unexpected, Yadriel came to a halt. “Wait, what?”
“Maybe we should leave him somewhere during the night, like back in the old church?” she suggested, her eyes trained on Julian’s back.
Yadriel frowned at her, suddenly feeling both defensive and protective of Julian. Exhaustion and frayed nerves did not help his mood. “What are you talking about?”
Maritza made a frustrated sound at the back of her throat. “What if he loses it and goes all dark spirit on you in the middle of the night?”
Yadriel shook his head. “Julian wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Julian wouldn’t,” she said. “But if he goes maligno, he’s not Julian anymore.”
Yadriel turned away from Maritza’s knowing look. “Let’s just get through today, okay?” Yadriel said. “Luca said he’d meet us right after school.”
Maritza sighed but didn’t argue further.
Yadriel watched as Julian dragged his fingers along a chain-link fence. He squinted in the sunlight, grinning as a cherry-red muscle car drove by, cumbia blaring from the speakers. Julian was happy in the city, Yadriel could see that. He liked the noise and the bustle and the people. It suited him. It was where he belonged. Not dead and in the afterlife, no matter how nice it was.
For the first time, it struck him how terribly unfair this all was. He hadn’t really thought about what it meant, when all of this was over, after he released Julian’s spirit and he was gone.
He didn’t deserve death. He didn’t deserve any of this. Julian had literally died protecting his friends. And Yadriel was quite certain he didn’t deserve Julian. There was no reason for Julian to help him find Miguel, but he did it anyway, and there was no way Yadriel could ever repay him.
He gave everything and expected nothing in return.
Yadriel’s heart ached.
No, none of them deserved Julian Diaz.