The View

It was an awkward feeling for both Michael and Karli as he held her hand to help her as she sat down. Looking around, Karli felt out of place in the house she used to call home. She hadn’t been in her old house in months, and though everything was the same, she felt like a stranger.

Michael could sense Karli’s apprehension as she sat down on the sofa. It was hard to believe that they were celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary as a separated couple. The house didn’t feel like home to him anymore, either. He worked late nights and often traveled for business just so he could avoid this empty nest as long as he could. Without the love that he and Karli had once shared, living inside the house felt more like living in the confines of a prison.

He sat down across from her and soaked in the sight of his beautiful wife. Even at six months pregnant, she was gorgeous beyond belief, and she wore the radiance of pregnancy well. She was a breathtaking sight to behold.

The past few months had been strained, at best. Karli had kept her promise and had stayed at the penthouse, which Michael didn’t care for after learning that it was actually Hudson’s, but at least it wasn’t Hudson’s house. He’d learned to choose his battles. Both men had respected her wishes and had stayed at their respective homes and in their corners. Even the couple of times they’d ended up at her doctor’s appointments together, they’d remained cordial enough to speak or keep their mouths closed. However, there was still a lot in limbo. Since the pregnancy, Karli had ceased the divorce proceedings, and Michael didn’t know if it was solely because of the baby or because of her relationship with Hudson. He also didn’t know where she and Hudson stood. Yet he didn’t concern himself with it. Right now, he was just enjoying the rare opportunity he had received to be in her presence.

“How did you enjoy lunch?” Michael finally asked, breaking the silence of the moment.

Karli smiled at him and flipped her long locks out of her face—the pregnancy had her hair growing long and fast. “Our anniversary lunch was nice.” She yawned a little. “You have to forgive me. I get a little more tired these days.”

He laughed and went into the kitchen. He retrieved a bottle of water for her. She accepted it and drank a few sips to stay perky. “Thank you for the water and for lunch.”

“Thank you for agreeing to have lunch with me. I know that we’re not together, but it is our anniversary, and it just felt inappropriate not to share the day with you.” He sat down at the other end of the sofa.

“I agree,” she mustered up the courage to say. She was at a loss for words. Here was the man she’d loved for five years of her life, and it felt awkward feeling awkward around him.

“I know it feels strange,” Michael said, interrupting her thoughts. “I feel the same way.”

She nodded in embarrassment. “God, Michael, how did we get to this place in our lives?” she blurted.

He scooted close to her and reached out his hand, which she took. Looking into her eyes, he used his free hand to trace her delicate face.

“I’m not sure if it can be attributed to one thing. I’ve searched my soul, and I know that a lot of little things just added up over time. We were happy, but we masked some things, and I think by doing that, we hurt us, because when those things surfaced, we didn’t know how to handle them. We didn’t know how to love each other through it.” He wiped a tear that was streaking down Karli’s face. “It’s okay. I don’t want you to cry. Besides, the baby may get emotional.”

They shared a laugh, and Karli caressed his hands. “Michael, I am sorry about not telling you about the birth control, and I am so sorry I cheated on you.”

Clearing his throat to keep his emotions in check, he nodded. “I accept that. I know you mean that. I also apologize for not putting you first, as I promised. Somewhere along the line, I went from putting you first to putting what I wanted for you and from you first. I know that in a lot of ways that pushed you to lie about your feelings, the birth control, and Hudson.”

Squeezing his hand, Karli nodded. “Thank you. I accept your apology as well.”

Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat, Michael exhaled slowly and looked deep into Karli’s eyes. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“Was Hudson your way out of our marriage? Was he your escape?”

Patting his hand, Karli shook her head. “No, Michael. Hudson began as a tryst, and then it just snowballed. He was always there, and you and I were always fighting or at odds. I hadn’t planned on being with him, but somewhere along the way, we found each other. It became more for us than just a tryst. It became love.”

“Ah, so you do love him,” he said, more as a statement than a question, as he cast his eyes downward.

Karli nodded. “Yes, yes, I do,” she admitted. “I’m sorry if that hurts you.”

Michael waved it off. “It’s the truth, which is all I’ve ever wanted. At least he means something to you. I can tell he loves you too.”

Karli smiled. “Yeah, he does.”

He released her hand and swiped his hand down his face. “So where does that leave us?”

She cleared her throat and eyed him closely. “Let me ask you this, Michael. Where do you stand with me? What are your feelings? Taking into account all that’s happened and is still happening, how do you feel?”

Michael sat forward and rested his arms on his knees. He contemplated her questions for a few moments, then looked at her. “Honestly, I still love you. Hell, I guess I always will. If I’m real with myself, I don’t know if I can trust you again. Not that I don’t forgive you, but I just can’t trust that if we are together, Hudson won’t be a threat, even if the baby is mine. And if I’m being completely honest, my heart couldn’t take being with you if the baby is his. I don’t think that I could raise his child and love his child, even if you are the mother. My heart couldn’t take that.”

Karli reached across and rubbed his thigh. “I understand that, and I wouldn’t want you to extend yourself. We all have our limits, and you’re more than entitled to yours.”

“Yeah, but I feel like I’d be handing you over to Hudson, though. Like I’m giving up on us.”

Karli looked at him with understanding eyes and grabbed his hands reassuringly. “No, Michael, you wouldn’t be doing that at all. Whether or not you decided you wanted to be with me, it still requires my decision. Even if you decided you didn’t want to be with me, that doesn’t mean I’d be with Hudson. It doesn’t even mean that Hudson would want to be with me. The thing is, all three of us have a decision to make, and it shouldn’t be based on what we think the other is going to do. We all should want the person to be there only because they wholeheartedly want to be, not out of guilt or obligation.”

“True,” Michael said, getting choked up. “As much as I would like to know who you decide to be with, I can’t bear to hear it if it’s not me. I just want to enjoy our anniversary. It may be our last one.”

Smiling, Karli caressed his face. Michael peered at her with love in his eyes. After bending forward, he planted a soft kiss on her lips. Together, they touched foreheads, lingering in the moment of the kiss.

“I’ll always love you, Michael.”

“I’ll always love you, Karli. Happy anniversary, baby.”