Hope pulled a pretty, blue dress from its sack and looked at Matt with shining eyes. “You bought this for me?”
“Figured you might like something new to wear tomorrow for your sister’s visit.”
“Oh. Well, thank you,” Hope said listlessly, her delight over the gift overwhelmed by her dread of tomorrow.
Matt saw the result of her deflated spirit on her face and tried to buoy it up again with a smile and a question. “Do you think it will fit?”
“It’ll fit well enough.” Matt’s thoughtfulness had been a thrill, and earlier Hope had worried about how she would look tomorrow. During Matt’s absence, however, she had come to the conclusion that her appearance tomorrow was the last thing that should unnerve her. Kate was probably coming to the ranch with expectations of taking her away, possibly to Kate’s own home, or maybe to an institution for mentally challenged people.
There was nothing wrong with her brain, Hope thought fiercely. She simply couldn’t remember, which was awful in a way she, herself, didn’t quite comprehend, but amnesia was not a contagious disease and she wasn’t going anywhere with anyone!
After hanging the dress in the closet of her bedroom, Hope returned to the kitchen. Matt was taking groceries out of bags and setting the items on the table and counter.
“I thought you might want to put this stuff away so you’d know where it is,” he said when she walked it.
“Makes sense to me. Thanks for thinking of it.”
She’d spoken stiffly, and Matt knew she was still scared and troubled about tomorrow. People and events were starting to come at her from all directions, and it was only going to get worse. Her family was not going to forget about her, even if that was what she preferred. And sooner or later, one of two things was going to happen; either she would regain her memory and want to get on with her old life, or someone—a family member, a doctor—was going to convince her to go to some specialized clinic for treatment.
It could happen tomorrow!
Matt froze at the thought. Holding an empty bag, he stood there and looked at Hope. She was sorting groceries and arranging them in cupboards, the refrigerator and the freezer compartment.
She turned suddenly and looked at him. “You’re staring.”
“I know,” he said softly. “Hope, you’re so beautiful.”
She recalled that he’d given her a much different impression during their initial time together. Had she completely misjudged him? “Do you really think so?” she asked in a startled voice.
“I know so.”
She was silent for a long moment, digesting what to her was the loveliest of compliments. But he’d never said anything that touched her in quite the same way before. She sensed that he truly meant it, and while it moved her emotionally it also caused her concern. He could just be in an on-again mood, she reminded herself, but there was sincerity in his voice and even in his stance that she wanted desperately to believe.
Still, an opposing point of view came to mind. Was he being especially nice because he knew something he hadn’t told her, such as Kate’s true purpose in coming here tomorrow?
“What’s really on your mind?” she asked quietly, and lowering her eyes she began picking at the label on the bottle of rice vinegar in her hand.
Matt hesitated. He’d been worrying himself sick over the possibility of having fallen in love with her, but dared he tell her that? Once she got her memory back, she’d probably laugh herself silly over a hick Texas rancher thinking he was worthy of a Stockwell.
That prospect hurt really bad, which made the decision for Matt; he couldn’t even get near the word love with Hope.
And, God help him, he shouldn’t lay a hand on her ever again. But he wanted her so much he ached, and soon she’d be forever out of reach.
She wasn’t out of reach right now, and she wouldn’t be out of reach tonight. Kate’s visit tomorrow could and probably would change everything.
He finally said in a raspy, unsteady voice, “What’s on my mind is the same thing that’s been there ever since I first laid eyes on you. I think you probably know what that is.”
“The first time you laid eyes on me…or shortly thereafter…you had undressed me and I was naked. When you told me about it afterward when I had regained consciousness you said my nudity hadn’t meant a thing to you.”
“And you believed that a man could undress and bathe a beautiful woman without feeling anything?”
“I wanted to believe it. What did you feel?”
“Hot, aroused and disgusted for having uncontrollable desires. I swear that I did nothing wrong while bathing you but I can’t swear that I didn’t consider doing a whole lot of things. Do you hate me for that?”
“No,” she whispered, and walked over to him. “I told you before that I could never hate you. You want me now, don’t you?”
“Let’s talk about what you want,” he growled.
“This is the first time you’ve gotten angry before we made love,” she said, and seductively slid her hands up his chest to lock together behind his neck. “I’ve come to expect it afterward, but why are you angry now?”
He laid his hands on her buttocks and yanked her forward, where she felt exactly how aroused he was. “Chuck knows I’m back. He’ll be wondering what I’m doing in here.”
She tipped her head back to see his face. “I just figured it out. It’s easier to talk yourself out of something if you’re angry. You don’t want to want me, do you? You’ve never really wanted what keeps happening between us, and right now you despise yourself because you’re hard and aching to make love. Matt, how do you suppose that makes me feel? Between the two of us, have I been the sole seducer?”
He was rapidly losing self-control, and when she snuggled even closer and rubbed her breasts against his chest he simply gave up. Clasping the back of her head, he kissed her hungrily, hotly, and when they came up for air, he swept her off the floor and up into his arms. In seconds they were in his bedroom and tearing off their clothes. Naked, they fell on the bed and took up where they’d left off in the kitchen.
His lips and tongue ravished every inch of her body. By the time he was on the verge of bursting, she was writhing and begging. “Matt…darling…please…I can’t wait any longer. Make love to me…please.”
He thrust into her, locked her hands over her head with his own and watched her face while he pleasured them both. He almost said it. He almost said, “Hope, I’ll love you till my dying day,” but he didn’t. Not out loud, he didn’t. The words repeated in his feverish mind, though, over and over until every cell of his body recognized the irrevocable truth. Whether it was the smartest or the most stupid thing he’d ever done, he had fallen in love with this incredibly sensuous woman. What’s more, she was nothing like Trisha. Comparing the two women was like weighing apples against oranges. Hope was down-to-earth and genuine, not walking ten feet above the commoners who dared to occupy her space. Hope was sweet and loving and…
Just as they both went over the edge Matt’s brain finished that sentence. Hope had no idea of what kind of person she really was, and neither did he!
Groaning in utter anguish, Matt moved to the bed and crooked his arm over his eyes.
Hope raised to her elbow to see him. “Matt? What’s wrong?”
He couldn’t look at her. Jumping out of bed, he snatched up his clothes and strode from the room.
Tears trickled down Hope’s face. She could tell he’d gone into his bathroom to dress, and it was all too obvious that he was angrily remorseful again. Or remorsefully angry. What in God’s name is wrong with that man? He wants me, he doesn’t want me. Which one of us is really the crazy one?
Matt walked up to Chuck. “I take it everything went okay while I was gone.”
“Everything was fine. You sure were in the house a long time. I’ve been out here wondering if I should go in or what.”
“You did the right thing by not going in,” Matt said flatly.
“You and Hope got something going, don’t you?”
Matt looked off across an open field. “Yeah, we do, but I don’t intend to talk about it.”
“Wouldn’t expect you to, but I have to butt in a little. Hope’s a mighty fine woman, and you’d be a darned lucky man to land a wife with a few bucks in her purse. Face it, Matt, you’re on the verge of losing this ranch.”
“Oh, I’ve faced it, Chuck, every damned minute of every damned hour of every damned day,” Matt said bitterly. “But I haven’t sunk so low that I’d marry a woman for her money. Come on, let’s cut the chatter and go find something productive to do.”
That night Matt ate with the men after a bunch of them transported the dinner Hope had cooked from the house to the bunkhouse dining room. Matt couldn’t help laughing when the cowpokes licked the platters clean. They’d never even tasted food this good before, let alone eaten their fill of it, and one of Matt’s thoughts while he enjoyed the meal himself was that even with amnesia and his misguided and undoubtedly selfish attentions, Hope was more than earning her keep.
He sighed heavily. She was the most unique, special woman he’d ever known, and years down the road, when he thought of this particularly eventful October, he would remember Hope with tears in his eyes and love in his heart.
Hope was in bed when Matt came in that night. Even with her bedroom door closed, she could tell that he had stopped just outside it, as though listening hard to hear if she was sleeping or awake. His moods were beginning to anger her, and if he thought for one moment that she was going to melt again just because he said something nice to her, he could think again! In fact, confronting him with that attitude was too appealing to ignore.
Slipping out of bed, she went to the door and abruptly opened it. “Is there something you want?” she asked bluntly.
The old white T-shirt of Matt’s that she was wearing was practically threadbare from being laundered so many times, and the thin fabric left little to the imagination. He stared at her breasts, then at the shadow of dark hair he could see at the juncture of her thighs. Her head of thick hair was provocatively flyaway, and all in all she was so beautiful she took his breath. How would he survive when she was gone?
“How dare you look at me that way?” Hope asked with fire in her eyes.
Matt blinked, as though breaking free of a trance. “I can’t look at you any other way, I guess.”
“You guess. Well, isn’t that great? You know something? I think everything is guesswork for you.”
“Isn’t everything pretty much guesswork for you, too?”
“I have an excuse. You don’t! Why did you stop outside this door?”
“I really don’t know.”
“You damned coward!” She slammed the door in his face, and for good measure, snapped the lock in place.
The next morning Hope was already awake when she heard Matt getting up. She waited until he was dressed and gone before she got up herself, and the first thing she did was go and stand in the shower with her face turned up to the spray. Her eyes were pink and swollen from crying on and off all night, and she hoped a good long shower would make her look better.
She couldn’t imagine anyone paying even a sister a visit at that early hour, so she put on a pair of Matt’s too big, cutoff jeans and another T-shirt. She really couldn’t wear Trisha’s things again, not with all that was going on between her and Matt, she had decided at some point in the night, and she pulled down the stairs to the attic and put everything back where she’d found it. She would, of course, change into her very own, new blue dress later on.
Too nervous to eat much, she prepared a light breakfast for herself and had trouble choking that down. After cleaning the kitchen until it shone, she wandered the house, too on edge to sit still.
She kept going to various windows and looking out. It would have been kind of someone to find out exactly what time Kate planned to be there. Following that thought, Hope tried very hard to visualize her sister, and ended up so tense she felt brittle enough to break into a million pieces.
She tried then to get hold of herself. Obviously, intense concentration did nothing but threaten a breakdown; she’d tried it before with the same frustrating results. Besides, she would know today what her sister looked like and what sort of woman she was. Hope frowned. If only she could stop herself from thinking that Kate’s visit had an ominous reason, such as forcing Hope to leave with her. Regardless of the problems intermingled with her and Matt’s disturbing personal relationship, he was still her lifeline, her safeguard, and she was not going anywhere with anyone.
Matt came in around noon and saw what she was wearing. “I’m sure that Kate will be coming along at anytime. Maybe you should change clothes.”
“Are you really sure or are you just guessing again?”
His face hardened. “You’re not going to let me forget I said that, are you?”
“I won’t forget it, why should you?”
“Well, I won’t forget your calling me a coward, either.”
“Good! Fine! Paint it on a sign and hang it over your bed!”
“I’m not a coward, Hope,” he said with a dark scowl.
“You certainly couldn’t prove it by me,” she said with a toss of her head, immediately followed by a nose-in-the-air exit that made Matt laugh, much to his surprise.
He yelled down the hall, “You’re a terrible actress, so forget that profession.”
She yelled back, “And you’re a terrible rancher!” Immediately she started giggling. It had been a totally inane comeback, which he had to know as well as she did. She wouldn’t be saying such moronic things if she weren’t nervous enough to fly.
Her urge to giggle vanished in the wink of an eye, and with her hands trembling and her insides feeling like a rocking boat, she changed into the blue dress. When she went to get her shoes, the only ones in the house that were really hers and fit her feet, she saw that they were gleaming like a new penny.
“Matt polished my shoes,” she whispered, and sank weakly onto the edge of the bed. Was he the coward she’d called him last night because he kept shying from commitment, or was he the kindest, sweetest man alive?
With a pounding heart and a sensation of choking on her own breath, Hope watched from behind a window curtain as a woman and two men got out of a large, elegant sedan. Who are those men? She thought wildly. Doctors who were going to take her away from Matt and this ranch? If they’d come here with that in mind, they were in for a rude awakening. She would fight them tooth and nail, with every fiber of her being.
She looked at the woman again, who was walking with her two male companions and Matt toward the house, and gasped. It was like looking at herself! Kate had the same dark hair that she did, and from that distance, although Kate was getting closer, her eyes looked pale enough to be blue. Their figures were alike, and Kate appeared to be about her height.
Breathing hard, Hope all but fell onto the nearest chair. Kate really was her sister. She’d been hoping for some sort of miracle. A woman named Kate would arrive, they would have an impersonal discussion and she would leave again. It’s not going to happen that way! Kate’s a busybody, maybe the family spokesperson, and she thinks her mission in life is to save you.
Hope got to her feet when the foursome walked into the living room. She said nothing because she couldn’t. Kate’s eyes got teary—oh, yes, they were indeed blue—and she walked over to Hope.
“Don’t be frightened,” Kate said gently. “I’m so glad to see you, Hope. May I hug you?”
Hope backed up a step and whispered, “Please…no.”
“Darling Hope, don’t you remember me at all?”
“I’m sorry,” Hope mumbled. “But no, I don’t.” Hope was keeping a wary eye on the two strange men. Matt had stayed in the room, although he’d distanced himself from the family group by leaning against a far wall.
“Hope,” Kate said, “would you mind if I introduced my husband to you?”
“I guess not.” Her husband? The younger man, of course. And who was the distinguished-looking older man? Another relative, or was he the doctor she’d been fearing so much, the specialist who would claim to have a guaranteed cure for amnesia but it could only take place in some nightmarish clinic?
“Brett, please come over here,” Kate said with a glance over her shoulder.
Hope took her eyes from the older man and watched Brett coming forward. He was tall and handsome, with dark hair and eyes, a man who struck Hope as being strong, intelligent and capable of doing anything he set his mind to. He had a nice smile, she saw, although she didn’t trust him as far as she could have thrown him. After all, these relatives could be trying to put her off guard with phony pleasantries and smiles.
“Hello, Hope,” Brett said. “It’s good seeing you again.”
“Hello,” she said, giving him nothing but a meaningless word. She was too afraid to give him anything else. She was especially afraid of the older man; his polished demeanor seemed hugely suspicious to her.
“You’re looking well,” Brett said with another warm smile. “Pretty as ever.”
“Yes, she is,” Kate agreed with a smile of her own that quickly evolved into a more serious expression. “Hope, we brought along a friend, Dr. Glenn Heath, who’s a trauma specialist. Glenn is a well-known authority on the subject of amnesia, and Brett and I would so very much appreciate it if you would talk to him for just a few minutes. May I bring him over?”
Oh, God, here it comes! Hope’s frantic eyes darted to Matt. His slouch against the wall was overly casual and struck her as peculiar, since she’d not seen him so seemingly laid-back before. Always, no matter what he might be doing, she’d felt a coiled-spring aura emanating from him. It was one of the things she’d found so attractive about him right from the start, she realized now, but at this particular moment it scared the hell out of her. She’d constantly thought of him as her protector, but did guardians or champions go out of their way to appear loose and uninvolved in the face of the enemy?
But was Kate an enemy? Looking at her sister again, Hope felt a change come over herself. She could not be unkind or rude to Kate, and probably not to Brett, either. In fact, there was no call for rudeness to anyone, Hope decided, but there was nothing wrong with her speaking her mind in a polite and calm manner.
“Thank you for your consideration, Kate, but I already have a doctor,” she said quietly. “I’m sure you’ve read his medical opinion of my condition, which I understand was included with Sheriff Braeburn’s report.”
“Yes, but Hope, Dr. Heath is a specialist. Dr. Pickett is a G.P., a general practitioner.”
“Dr. Pickett is all the doctor I need right now,” Hope said firmly.
Kate sent a helpless look to Matt, a silent plea for assistance. He frowned, because if he put in his two cents right now, he just might get shed of Hope forever. It still hurt that she’d called him a coward, but he was the only person in the whole damned world who understood the fears Hope had to live with. The worst one—simply because she couldn’t remember what had caused such horrible fear in herself—was that someone would force her to leave the only place with which she felt connected. And leaving the ranch would also mean leaving him, and he was the only human being with whom she felt any connection at all.
Besides, if she left today the void in this house and in his life, for that matter, would forever remain deeper than the Grand Canyon. Dear God, I do love her, I do.
“Sorry, Kate,” he said calmly, belying the increased speed of his pulse, “but I won’t try to talk Hope into anything.” Immediately he was at war with himself again. He’d believed ever since Trisha’s defection, which had actually occurred long before her death, that he would never fall in love again, and now he was telling himself that he had? Maybe all he was doing was mixing up lust and love, because one thing required no debate: he definitely was in lust with Hope. A thousand erotic images hit his brain every time he looked at her, and even now, with everyone in the room so somber and serious, uppermost in his mind was the raw passion they had heaped on each other earlier in the day.
Hope had to forcibly stop herself from running across the room and throwing her arms around Matt. But perhaps later, after everyone had gone?
“Hope, please,” Kate pleaded.
Hope shook her head. “No.” She saw the good doctor heading her way, and she stopped him with a look. Then her eyes moved back to Kate. “Will you tell me the absolute truth about something?”
Kate nodded. “Of course I will. What would you like to know?”
“Did you come here today planning to talk me into leaving with you?”
“Hope, you need professional help. Should I be ashamed for worrying about my only sister?”
“No, but should I be ashamed for wanting to stay with the only person I really know?”
Kate turned a little to look more squarely at Matt. He knew then that she had figured out the status quo. Hope, herself, had given it away, although she probably didn’t realize how revealing she’d just sounded. He flushed a bit, but returned Kate’s disapproving look with what he hoped was an expression of denial that she would believe.
Clearly, much to Matt’s relief, Kate was too much of a lady to pursue such a personal topic, because she turned back to Hope and asked, “Would you like to hear about Mother? Or any other member of the family?”
Hope was suddenly paler, Matt saw. He was the only one in the room that knew why she’d lost so much color: She didn’t want to talk about people she should remember and couldn’t. She’s had all of this she can take, he thought, and pushing away from the wall he crossed the room to stand next to her.
“Maybe another time, Kate?” he said, putting his objection in question form and hoping she’d take the hint and cut this visit short. “I can tell Hope is getting very tired.”
“You’re hardly qualified to make that diagnosis,” Dr. Heath said sharply.
Matt sent him a withering look. “Who in hell needs a medical degree to recognize exhaustion? And since you are so qualified, why didn’t you recognize it sooner? Kate, I’m sorry, but I think Hope’s had enough for today.”
“Of course,” Kate murmured. “Hope, may I come back…say sometime next week?”
“Yes,” Hope whispered.
Smiling wistfully, Kate took her husband’s arm. “Until next week, Hope. I’ll call first.”
“Goodbye, Hope,” Brett said.
Dr. Heath grunted something unintelligible. He was obviously put out because Hope had refused his services, which made Matt think the physician was one egotistical SOB. After all, he was probably going to get paid plenty for just making the trip out here.
Matt walked them out and followed them to their car. While the doctor and Kate got in, Brett took Matt aside. “Matt, I think Kate and I better understand Hope’s insistence on remaining here with you, but that kidnapping theory’s got everyone in a tailspin. Do you have enough men to guarantee her safety?”
“She’s safe, Brett. I’d give up my own life before I let anything happen to her.”
Brett nodded. “Glad you feel that way, but we really would like to put some of our own men out here to help. I insist, Matt, and so do Rafe and the rest of the family. We’ve got four good men lined up, and they’ll be here sometime tomorrow.”
Matt couldn’t argue with logic. Hope’s family was deeply concerned, and since she refused to go where they could closely guard her, then the guards would have to come to her.
“Fine,” he said flatly.
“Incidentally,” Brett continued, “the reward the family put up is yours, you know. And I for one feel that you should also be reimbursed for any costs you might have incurred for Hope’s care.”
At the first mention of money, Matt started getting stiff, and when Brett stopped talking, he said coldly, “I did nothing to earn fifty thousand dollars, nor would I take one penny from you or anyone else for Hope’s room and board.”
“Well…you should think about that, Matt.” Brett offered his hand. “I hope we meet again.”
“I’m sure we will. Goodbye.”
Brett was doing the driving, and when they were about a mile from the house Kate said, “Look at the man over there! What’s he doing, Brett?”
Brett took a quick look and saw only the dark pants of a man running into some brush. “He’s probably one of the guards, honey. Matt told me that he has plenty of manpower to ensure Hope’s safety.”
“But you told him we were sending out some of our own, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Brett, do you know any cowpokes who wear baseball caps?”
“No, why?”
“That man I spotted was wearing one, that’s all.”
“Probably the only thing that means is that the man likes baseball caps,” Dr. Heath said dryly from the back seat.
“No doubt,” Kate murmured, although something was making her feel terribly uneasy. Cowboys do not wear baseball caps, at least none that I’ve ever known did.
When Matt returned to the house, Hope was waiting. “Did you notice their clothes? Their car? Matt, I think my relatives have money.”
“Could be,” he hedged. “I’ve got a few phone calls to make.”
“Go ahead,” she murmured. “I’m going to change clothes and take a nap. I didn’t sleep very much last night.”
“I’ll see you later then.”
“Yes, later.”
Matt went to his office and Hope to her bedroom. Seated at his desk, Matt dialed Dr. Pickett’s number and convinced his receptionist that this was an emergency call. After a few minutes Doc came on the line, “Matt? What’s this all about?”
“Kate Stockwell and her husband were just here. They brought a trauma specialist with them, and Hope refused to talk to him. She said she already had a doctor and gave them your name, but I think she wouldn’t talk to Dr. Heath because she was afraid they’d come out here to take her away. Anyhow, I’ve got some questions. She still has no idea who she really is, but after Kate and Brett left Hope mentioned their expensive clothes and car. Doc, can I finally show her that article and tell her what I know of the Stockwells?”
“What specialist did she refuse to see?”
“Dr. Glenn Heath.”
“Matt, he’s one of the best. Hope should have let him examine her.”
“Yeah, well, Hope does pretty much as Hope pleases. And she’s scared, Doc, she’s so damned scared that someone’s going to haul her off against her will that she doesn’t want to talk to anyone new. She did say that Kate could come back next week, so maybe that’s some progress. Anyway, what’s your opinion of telling her everything?”
“I wouldn’t, Matt. Too much too soon could cause emotional damage that just might prove to be irreparable, and we don’t want that. No, just let things happen on their own, Matt. If Kate continues to visit that could be the very best medicine anyone could give Hope.”
“Okay, thanks, Doc.”
“Anytime, Matt. Goodbye.”
Matt put down the phone, then laid his head against the back of his chair and sighed. He couldn’t cure Hope’s amnesia, but he sure could have added to the little knowledge she presently had about herself and her family.
But he would heed Doc’s advice and keep his mouth shut. What choice did he have?