He invited me for cake on my birthday in a place we used to love to come and watch people. On a day that has turned into some kind of weird non-birthday over the last few years. I was kind of hoping the walk here would wear down some of the giddiness I’m feeling over seeing him again. I don’t even know why I feel like this. I’m not sixteen. I’m not on a date, and I’ve seen him a million times over the years. Yet this time feels different.
Maybe he wants to talk about the website? Then again, he is bringing cake, but then again, it’s my birthday today so cake makes sense. See… continue the thought process, solve the problem. Or create an entirely new one.
He’s standing near the steps when I see him, a giant smile on his face as I approach, wearing a ridiculous bright blue birthday hat on his head. I laugh, shaking my head as I approach him.
‘Happy birthday.’ He reaches down to the paper bag on the step near him. ’Don’t even think you’re getting away without wearing one.’ He pulls another hat from the bag, taking the couple steps down to me and securing it on my head. ‘I might have even bought your favorite kind of cakes.’
‘Cakes, as in plural?’ I ask with a smile I can no longer contain. He did not buy the same cakes I used to when I’d drag him down here for cake, did he?
‘As in carrot and chocolate. I even got milk.’
He hates milk. I bite my lip. We’ve done this before. More than once. Never on my birthday though.
‘You are absolutely crazy.’
He nods. ‘Probably.’
‘Well, what are we waiting for?’ I ask with a laugh, sitting on the step by the cake boxes, him sitting down next to me.
‘This one first.’ He opens the chocolate-cake box, the number two piped in icing on top, handing it to me. ‘And the seven.’ He pops open the box on the carrot cake with the number seven on top.
‘You didn’t have to do this, you know.’
‘I know I didn’t have to.’ He hands me a fork and a bottle of milk. ‘I wanted to. I’ve missed a couple of your birthdays and I completely ruined another, so trust me when I say this is the least I could do.’
I smile, nudging him with my shoulder.
‘You first.’ He nods at the chocolate cake.
I take a bite, closing my eyes as I do. ‘Still. So. Freaking. Good.’
‘Still the dream wedding cake?’
I glance over at him. ‘Um…’ I won’t overthink this. He’s referring to the conversation we once had about this. I nod. ‘I’m not in a very weddingy place right now but maybe someday?’ I grab a bite of the carrot cake still in his lap. ‘And this one is still yours.’
‘Someday…’ He nods. ‘You know, when I finally catch that rainbow.’ He winks.
‘Right.’ I laugh, remembering when I said exactly that so long ago. ‘How you coming along on that venture? Funny and thinks you’re funny…’ I shake my head with a giggle. ‘Plus, you kind of forgot the rest of your requirement list. She’s gotta be tall, blonde, successful, and picture perfect.’
‘Uh, I think you’ve added a few things.’ He laughs. ‘You know…’ he leans back on the step behind him ‘… I’m not so sold on the tall blondes anymore.’
‘All your girlfriends are tall and blonde.’ I take another bite of cake.
‘Exactly, none of them have worked out either. Maybe it’s time for a change?’
‘Huh.’ I lean back with him, staring out at the busy sidewalk. ‘Did you have someone in mind? Maybe that girl? PoodleDoodles over there.’ I nod over at a woman sitting on the ground, with six poodles on a leash attached to her waist all surrounding her like they’re having some kind of weird seance.
Henry laughs out loud. ‘No. Definitely not her.’
‘WednesdayAdams?’ I look towards a girl with her skin painted white, her hair long and black as night; she’s dressed all in black except her black and white shoes.
‘Is that a mime?’
‘I don’t think so.’ I laugh.
‘Definitely not her.’
‘Interesting. I guess I’ll never know, then.’ I shrug.
He grins when I look over at him. ‘You might know her, actually. She’s uh—’ He hesitates, laughing to himself. ‘She’s short, foul-mouthed, funny, ballsy, brave, incredibly kind, laughs at my jokes, cannot seem to tell a lie.’ He looks over at me. ‘And she’s more beautiful than anyone I’ve ever laid eyes on.’
I sigh, wishing the butterflies swirling through me would settle the fuck down, so I could think. I can feel myself blushing.
‘She’s pretty perfect, actually.’
‘Lucky girl,’ I say, biting my lip.
He nods. ‘We’ve never really talked about your perfect man, you know.’
‘We haven’t?’ I ask, looking over at him and watching him slowly shake his head. ‘Huh… well, I’ve never been too picky before.’ I laugh nervously. ‘Maybe that’s where I always went wrong.’ I hesitate, second guessing if I want to say what’s going through my head. Not that my mouth will care what my head wants. It seems to be on my heart’s side in all this. ‘There is this one guy I keep thinking about though… especially lately. He was more of a one-night stand, but I – I can’t seem to forget how he made me feel.’ What am I doing? I’m flirting with him. It’s risky, I know it is. But for some reason, I just can’t stop myself. Is Henry who I want?
He nods, a shy smile on his face. ‘I bet one-night stands aren’t really his thing. I’d even bet he felt the same way you did.’
‘You know… I’m starting to hope you’re right.’ For a moment we stare over at each other. The feelings swirling through me make it hard to breathe. Now is that moment that he should kiss me, but he won’t because I’m with Noah and he’s a perfect gentleman. I want him to, though.
‘Here.’ He finally looks away, pulling an envelope out of his jacket pocket, handing it to me.
‘Henry…’ I say with an overwhelmed sigh. I open the envelope, pulling out five tickets to the upcoming Infusion concert. I knew they were coming to town, but I hadn’t bought tickets because I didn’t know if I could see them again without him. It wouldn’t be the same. I’ve never seen them without him.
‘They’re coming to town and I couldn’t not buy them.’ He takes a deep breath, his brow furrowed. ‘I even got one for Noah.’ He looks pained as he says his name.
I look down at the tickets. The Crystal Ballroom written as the venue. I glance over at him. ‘This was really nice. Thank you.’
He’s sitting here, being incredibly nice and a little romantic and yet he bought a ticket, not only for himself and our friends, but for the one guy that, according to Claire, he doesn’t exactly love. My boyfriend.
‘I want you to be happy.’
I nod, glancing down at the tickets again. ‘Seeing Infusion with you again would totally make that happen.’
‘Ditto.’ He nudges me with his shoulder.
I laugh to myself, leaning back on the step and staring out at the people walking by. It might not be much, but this last half-hour has meant more to me than any birthday I’ve had in years. I wish I could say my head and my heart aren’t on the same page, but I think they’re getting closer than I expected.
*
I follow Claire into her room. Passing the room Henry is staying in and trying not to be too obvious when I glance in. Empty. I can’t believe what he did this morning. Even though it was such a small thing, I’m still buzzing from it.
‘Where’s Henry?’ I ask, hoping not to sound too interested. Even though I am. I can’t quit thinking about him.
‘He decided to check into a hotel. He didn’t want to chance witnessing Ben’s threats of a loud evening of sex just one room away.’ She laughs. ‘Like I could have sex with Henry in the next room. Knowing Ben, he probably asked him to leave so he could get laid.’
I laugh. ‘Ben would never admit to anyone, not even Henry, that he wasn’t getting laid.’
‘True.’
‘I saw him this morning,’ I say with a grin I can’t contain.
Claire smiles back at me. ‘Oh yeah?’ She raises an eyebrow.
‘He brought cake, insisted we both wear ridiculously lame birthday hats, and we talked for a while. It was like we were us again.’
‘That’s Henry.’
‘I can’t quit thinking about him, Claire.’
She grins. ‘Is that a good thing?’
‘Yeah.’ I nod, unable to force the smile from my face. ‘I think it is.’
‘This.’ She nods, pointing at the clothing on the bed.
‘What about it?’ I stare down at the outfit, my hands on my hips as I wonder what has gotten into her. ‘You don’t expect me to wear this, do you?’
Since Noah had to sleep all day and work tonight she insisted I come over, so we could get ready together to go out to the movies and then dessert at a place I love with Ben and Noah meeting us there. I swear there are some restaurants in the Portland area that I’m not in love with.
I was already suspicious because we haven’t gotten ready together for anything since we went to prom our senior year of high school. Getting ready for the movies seemed a tad ridiculous.
‘I can’t wear this.’ I’m staring down at her Halloween costume from four years ago. She was Madonna. She rocked an early Madonna like no one’s business. There’s no way I can wear this. People will think I’ve lost my mind.
‘I’ll stand out like a sore thumb. Plus, what’s the point? We’re going to be sitting in a dark theater.’
‘Actually…’ she says as she pulls a bright blue spandex suit from her closet ‘… we’re not going to the movies. We’re going to eighties night. Surprise!’ She throws her free hand in the air as she laughs.
‘Are you serious?’ I laugh, glancing back at the costume that now makes way more sense. A hot pink tulle ruffle skirt, black capri leggings, a tank top, and a shoulder-revealing sweater. Even the chunky jewelry, hair bow, and black fingerless gloves are there. All so I will look completely ridiculous, blending in with the rest of the room, dancing away all the things I’m worried about for a single night.
Eighties night is a dance party held at the Crystal, opened to the public. You pay the cover charge and you can dance the night away to eighties classics. They even play the music videos on giant screens all around the room that MTV started their station to air. People dress up. There’s a bar. It’s tons of fun. I haven’t been since I was in my early twenties. I kind of thought we’d grown out of it.
‘You are seriously the best at finding ways to make this day amazing every year.’ I wrap my arms around her neck. ‘Thank you.’
‘Oh-h…’ Ben walks in. ‘What’s this? A special little surprise for me? Are you guys gonna make out?’ He pulls his phone from his pocket to photograph Claire and I hugging.
‘You’re such a perv,’ I say, turning towards him and bursting out in a laugh. ‘What is that?’ I point to his face.
He strokes a thick mustache he’s now sporting that I can only hope is fake.
‘You like?’ he asks with a creepy smile.
‘Honestly? I didn’t even realize Dr Phil was popular in the eighties.’
It looks awful. Like something cocooning on his upper lip. I can’t believe Claire isn’t grossed out by it. It’s a little less eighties and a little too much seventies porn star.
‘Dr Phil?’ he yells out in a laugh, turning to look at himself in the full-length mirror hanging on their bedroom wall. He pulls a tiny comb from his back pocket and combs through it, which makes me laugh even harder. ‘Man, I’m Tom Selleck. You know, Magnum P.I.?’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘Don’t know it.’
I do know it, actually. My mom used to watch reruns when I was a kid. But having him think I don’t is way more fun.
He looks the part, dressed in a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt and jeans that are far too tight to be worn in public by any self-respecting grown man. Which I’m not sure Ben is anyway, but still.
‘You definitely have his hair.’ I compliment the only thing that’s actually his, his mop of dark wavy hair, with a grin. ‘I’m just thankful you belong to Claire. Who seems to be going as…’ I stare down at the spandex suit. ‘Um… David Bowie?’
She pops her head out of their en-suite bathroom with a glare. ‘Aerobic Barbie. How’d you get David Bowie from that?’
‘I dunno…’ I shrug. ‘I thought he liked spandex?’
Now don’t kill me, but I’ve never been a David Bowie fan. My heart belongs to Billy.
‘I’ll have you know,’ Ben interrupts, finally turning from the mirror and slipping the ridiculous tiny comb back into his pocket, ‘Claire is into the mustache. I might grow one myself.’
‘It doesn’t remind you of your grandfather?’ I ask her with a grimace.
Claire’s grandpa had a thick dark mustache the entire time I knew him. It was always there, like he was born with it. I’m sure back in his prime a mustache was the thing to do, but I just can’t get on board. There’s nothing wrong with them if you’re into that. I can’t seem to not giggle.
Ben and Henry’s senior year of college they both attempted to grow mustaches for graduation. They looked completely ridiculous.
*
‘Oh… Mr Decker, I thought Henry was coming over,’ I say with a giggle as he lets himself into my apartment.
He rolls his eyes. ‘All right, let’s get it all out so we can move on with things.’ He laughs, standing in the middle of my living room, his arms out as if ready to take anything I throw at him.
I’ve been making fun of him since he started growing it. Henry should not have a mustache. A five o’clock shadow, scruff, hell, even a full-out beard would be better than just a mustache.
‘OK.’ I giggle from my spot on the couch as he walks my direction, stopping on the other side of the coffee table. ‘Is that a mustache or have your eyebrows migrated?’ I laugh hysterically as he watches with a ridiculous grin. ‘I think I’m gonna name it your mouthbrow. What do you think?’
He nods, still laughing. ‘Sure. Ya done?’
I tap my chin with my fingers. ‘Not yet. Um… maybe you and Ben could call them your Bro-staches?’ He shakes his head, trying to hold back laughing and rewarding me for actually being funny for once. ‘Lip shadows?’ Shakes his head. ‘Nose neighbor? Flavor saver?’ He drops his head as he nearly snorts a laugh. ‘I got it! I got it. Bristle baton.’
He blows out a breath, walking over and dropping down onto my couch next to me, a bellowing laugh echoing through the room. ‘OK, I’ll admit, some of those were funny. I know it’s ridiculous but it’s metaphorical.’
‘Oh, I see. Pulling the whole abstract thing out on me. What exactly is it a metaphor for?’ I make a face, the sentence not sounding exactly right.
‘Back in the day a mustache was a sign of being a man. We’re graduating college. We’re now grown men.’
‘Well… you might be, but I don’t think Ben will ever be a grown man.’
Henry laughs. ‘I’ll give ya that one.’
‘OK. I promise not to make fun of your ʼstache now that I know it’s part of your journey into manhood. No more jokes about the Manometer.’
‘I’ll believe it when I see it, ya big bully.’ He laughs, shoving me over on the couch as I giggle.
*
Claire pushes Ben away from her when he wraps his arms around her as she comes out of the bathroom. ‘It didn’t remind me of my grandpa until right this second. You’ll have to lose it when we get home, hon.’
‘Last night you liked it…’
‘Ben!’ Claire squeals with a laugh.
‘Ew.’ I cringe. ‘Wait…’ I turn to Ben. ‘Is Noah coming to this?’ I suddenly realize that Ben is probably responsible for whatever he’s wearing too. I’m sure he wouldn’t miss this, it’s too ridiculous. I might actually be mortified by my own date.
‘You know what?’ Ben says, suddenly full of attitude. ‘I’m not gonna tell you.’
‘I’m only worried if you helped him pick an outfit.’
‘Noah!’ Ben yells. ‘He just got here actually, so you can see for yourself.’
I didn’t actually think Noah and I were going to celebrate my birthday until next week when he’s off nights. I’m glad he’s coming tonight, but if he walks in with his hair all Flock of Seagulls I will die.
‘Ladies…’ He pops in, running his hand down the edges of his white jacket.
‘Oh. My. God,’ I say with a grin. ‘Wow.’ I laugh as he walks over, giving me a peck on the lips. White jacket, white slacks, shiny white shoes, a bright blue dress shirt opened one too many buttons and a gold chain around his neck. ‘Don Johnson and Tom Selleck, this is gonna be one hell of a night.’ I laugh.
‘Happy birthday, babe.’
‘I’m glad you came, but if you go to work like this you’re probably gonna get your ass kicked.’
‘Yeah, not a good look when trying to make an arrest, that’s for sure.’ He turns, checking himself out in the mirror.
‘You do look pretty cute. Way better than Tom over there.’
‘Is that so? We can send them away for a few.’ He turns back to me, kissing my neck. Now, normally this move would drive me wild, and he knows it. But tonight, it’s not doing anything at all. I have to tell him.
‘OK. You two can make out at your own apartment.’ Claire leads Ben from the room, grabbing Noah’s arm and pulling him towards the door. ‘You both need to go now, and we’ll meet you there. We’ve gotta get dressed.’
‘I’ll fight the ladies off for ya, baby,’ Ben yells dramatically as he reluctantly leaves the room, combing his mustache again as he backs away.
‘You better,’ Claire says with a roll of her eyes, closing the door as they exit.
If I could ever find a love like these two have, I’d consider myself lucky.
*
Claire and I strut our stuff into the Crystal Ballroom at half past eight. It’s filled with people dressed very similar to ourselves. I glance around the room. A few party poopers who didn’t get the memo that this kind of thing is only fun if you dress the part are spotted throughout the room, but other than that it’s totally eighties in here. The music from the past blasts through the room, making it impossible for the rhythm not to get you, as Gloria Estefan says best.
‘I know I shouldn’t be wondering this…’ I say with only the tiniest bit of hesitation. ‘But is Henry coming?’ I ask Claire as I look around the room, hoping to see him here.
She glances over with a half-smile. ‘He talked about it. I’m not really sure, though. He’s kinda uncomfortable around Noah.’
‘He is? Why?’
Claire lowers her chin, cocking her head. ‘Seriously?’
I nod. I know why. I felt weird around Karmen and I didn’t exactly feel the way I’m feeling right now. I get it.
‘Look.’ Claire points across the room where Ben and Noah are both leaning against the wall as if on an impromptu photo shoot. Ben pointing at Claire, motioning for her to come his way as if he’s pulling her in with a rope.
‘You guys look ridiculous,’ I say as we approach them.
‘Oh, the hairbands! “Is this love”, babydoll?’ Ben grabs Claire’s hand. ‘Let’s go make out.’ Ben winks at Claire as the song begins, grabbing her hand and whisking her onto the dance floor.
The slow songs always remind me of a middle-school dance. I dunno what it is. I know it’s supposed to be all romantic, but it feels forced.
I scrunch my face as I look over at Noah. ‘Ugh… Whitesnake.’
He laughs, nodding in agreeance. ‘I think this is our slow song of the night since I have to leave early.’ He leads me to a spot next to Claire and Ben, Ben singing the words that he shouldn’t even know as well as he does. We both laugh, making our way away from them.
‘Maybe they’ll crown us prom king and queen.’ He laughs.
He feels as ridiculous as I do, dancing in the crowd to a slow song dressed like morons. This is what I like about Noah: he gets me, and I get him. It’s part of what I’ve convinced myself I love about him.
The problem is, when I’m with Noah lately my heart doesn’t seem to be doing the flip-flops it does when I’m around Henry. When it did, though, it can’t even compare.
‘Everything OK?’ he asks after a minute, probably noticing my distraction.
I take a deep breath. ‘Um…’ How do I even say this? I feel like there has to be an easier way than just saying it. A way that won’t make me seem like a flakey asshole for saying yes to begin with.
‘I uh – I don’t want to move in together, Noah.’ I stop dancing and he drops his head for a moment before looking back at me. ‘I’m sorry. I probably should have told you that night we talked about it, but I felt like saying yes was the thing you wanted me to do. I don’t think I’m ready yet.’
‘It’s OK. I shouldn’t have even asked that night. I was asking for the wrong reasons.’
I nod. ‘What reasons?’
He forces a smile. ‘Nothing I want to get into on your birthday, but we should probably talk soon.’
I nod. ‘Yeah.’ He wants to talk. Which means, things aren’t going well, as I suspected. It’s not just me.
‘For tonight we celebrate you. OK?’
‘OK.’
I didn’t tell him about Henry this morning. I didn’t know how. And it sounds like there’s also something he’s not telling me as well.
The next hour goes by in a flash, the tension between us fades a little and as we really start having a good time Noah has to leave to go to work. I stand against the wall after he goes, watching Ben and Claire own the room.
‘No wallflowers tonight.’ She pulls me from my spot. ‘We’ve got something for you.’
‘What?’ I glance around as the music stops, a little worried about what they’ve done.
‘Folks, you’re in for a real treat tonight. This isn’t something we normally do but I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.’ A man on stage is making the announcement into a microphone to the whole room. ‘In honor of Ambri’s twenty-seventh birthday, we brought in her favorite eighties rock star… if everyone can please welcome, Billy Idol!’
‘Shut up!’ I squeal along with the rest of the room. ‘You guys!’ I yell over at them as Ben points to the stage. If they somehow got Billy Idol to perform tonight, I’ll owe them forever.
A machine pumps thick fog onto the stage; as it starts to dissipate only the silhouette of his back to the room is visible. Lights flash around the room before finally landing on their target center stage. He rocks back and forth with the beat of the song before finally turning around.
I stand stunned; my heart feels like it’s stopped completely. Black studded leather jacket, a cross hanging from his ear and his neck, spiked hair, chains draped from his jeans and a microphone in his hand. Only it’s not actually Billy Idol. It’s Henry.
The room roars as he starts to perform, dancing around the stage like nobody’s business, mouthing the words to ‘White Wedding’ as if he’s been doing it his whole life. The entire room dances around me as I stare up at him, unable to move, a goofy smile and tears rolling down my face, completely in shock he would do this.
This is that overdone romantic moment I was talking about at the restaurant. The one towards the end of every romantic comedy movie ever made. Not this exactly but the one women yell at because we’ve fallen in love with the guy that the heroine is still trying not to fall in love with. I now know exactly what that woman is feeling because it’s happening to me right now and my heart can barely take it.
After a minute he makes his way through the room, touching people’s outstretched hands as if he really is some kind of superstar, headed in my direction, handing his mic off to someone along the way and sliding an arm around my waist, pulling me against him and dancing me across the floor.
‘You didn’t actually think I’d miss this, did you?’ He grins.
The fact that he would even go to all this trouble just made me swoon in a way I never have before my entire life.
‘I can’t believe you did this.’ I laugh through the tears.
‘You’re worth it.’ He holds me at arm’s length, looking me up and down with a grin. ‘Madonna, huh?’ He laughs. ‘You look ridiculous.’
‘I should say the same.’ I laugh with him.
‘Yes, you should,’ he glances down at himself with a shake of his head ‘…At least I had a good reason.’
‘And that is?’
‘Well, tonight I broke the barriers I’ve known as my comfort zone. And I did it all to see you smile. Like I’ve said before, I’ll do anything for you, Ambri.’
I grin, the tears finally drying up. ‘I’m beginning to believe that you would.’
He nods, a shy grin on his face. ‘You do this to me, you know.’ He twirls me across the dance floor, dancing better than even I can. ‘And I love it.’
I can’t even remember all the reasons I’d convinced myself to hate Henry right this moment. Whatever they were, he’s somehow worked his way into my heart again, piecing it back together little by little every single time I see him. For now, no one else exists and all I can see is him.