The record I had framed wasn’t ready for her birthday but it is today. I’m kind of glad it wasn’t ready because I think yesterday ended up perfect as it was. There is definitely something more there now than there ever has been. She was just Ambri. The Ambri I’ve known since I was sixteen years old, making up ridiculous nicknames and laughing at life. I realized when I saw her face last night that she’s definitely still my person. The way she looked at me as I made a complete fool of myself in front of the entire room for her was the only thing I saw. I was a nervous wreck, until I saw her smile.
We danced for hours last night. Laughed, talked, and laughed some more. Nothing clouded the air around us and for a little while we just were. I can’t let her go again.
I call her number, turning my desk chair towards the windows behind me and staring into the city streets. Please answer, Ambri.
‘Hi.’ Hearing her voice makes my insides swirl.
‘Hey. So… I have a late birthday gift for you.’
‘You don’t have to get me anything else, Henry. What you did last night was totally enough. Trust me.’ I can practically hear her smile.
‘I know I don’t have to, but I think you’ll love this.’ I hesitate before my next request. Only because of what happened last time. We are a couple days late to do the whole Rory remembrance thing at the Rose Garden, but I know she loves it there and it’s about time we made a new memory to replace the last time we were there.
‘I was thinking of going to the Rose Garden tonight. I know how much you love it there and I haven’t been since I’ve been back – maybe you want to meet me there?’ I hold my breath as her end of the phone is silent.
‘Sure,’ she says with hesitation in her voice. ‘Six?’
‘I’ll see you there.’
‘I can’t wait.’
I end the call, leaning my head back against my chair and trying to breathe. She can’t wait. Me either. This is the beginning of the rest of my plan and even if there is a chance I might not be who she wants, I have to risk it. She deserves to at least know exactly how I feel.
*
She’s there when I pull in. Sitting on the bench at the edge of the garden alone, staring out into the city as the sun sets. I watch her pull her hair over her right shoulder as she leans back, closing her eyes for a moment. How did I not see her like this before?
I take a deep breath, grabbing the record from the passenger seat and making my way through the garden towards her.
‘Hey…’ I say as I am close enough for her to hear me. I hold the framed record out for her. She smiles.
‘That’s what Claire wanted it for.’ She takes it from me, staring into the glass and running her fingers over Brad’s signature. ‘I’m sorry I sent it back. I… It was easier for me to pretend you never existed.’
I nod, sitting down next to her. ‘I know exactly what you mean.’
She sits the record on the ground next to her, leaning it against the leg of the bench. ‘I never could forget you, though. You were always here.’ She puts her hand over her heart. ‘Just under the surface.’
‘So, the same place you were for me?’ I clear my throat, getting more nervous by the second to be sitting next to her again.
She smiles. ‘Thank you again for last night. You made yesterday…’ she hesitates ‘… perfect.’
‘You make every day perfect for me. You always have. That was the us I remember.’
‘I know.’ She smiles and her entire face lights up. Actually, my entire world lights up. ‘You know, I still come here, every month, but not on the fifteenth.’
I sit back on the bench, staring out at the city with her next to me. ‘Well, I promise not to lose it like the last time.’ I can feel her glance to me. ‘That was a hard day, Ambri. I think I’ve finally let her go, though. I’ll never forget her, but I’m not letting her run my life anymore.’ I look over at her. ‘I’m sorry she did for so long.’
‘You’re talking to the one person who actually gets it.’ She nervously laughs. ‘You might have run from her, but I never could. I had to deal with it.’ She sighs, looking back out at the city below us. ‘I feel better about things now that it’s been a few years. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll never forget her. She’s my sister for life. She’s in every sunset I look at.’ She looks over at me with a hesitant smile before looking back out at the setting sun. ‘I always wonder if she’s with me like she said she would be. You know?’
‘I’ve no doubt she is.’
She nods, biting her lip to keep away the tears.
‘You’re not a reminder of her.’
‘What?’ She looks at me, confused.
‘I said that that before I left. That you might have sometimes been a constant reminder of everything. You’re not. When I see you, I see the girl I’ve spent my whole life with. The woman who’s been to every important event in my life and even the small ones. You’re the woman who’s always somehow known the right thing to say when I needed to hear it the most. You make me laugh and laugh at my jokes no matter how lame they are.’ She takes a sudden breath. ‘I don’t even mind that you’ve forced me to every Infusion concert ever. I’ve missed that, actually. You’ve always made me smile, Ambri, even when I didn’t want to.’ I look out at the sunset. ‘If I could do things over again, I’d have never left. I’d have told you all these things that night I had the chance. There’s only one part of that night I’d never change and that’s the part I never want to forget.’
I watch as she bites her lip, staring over at me, her hands under her knees and her toes barely touching the ground in front of her.
‘I think about that last day with you a lot.’ She sighs as if these next words are hard for her to say. ‘I used to wonder what I did wrong to cause you to want to leave and never look back.’ She glances over at me. ‘It wasn’t completely your fault we ended up the way we did. I mean, mostly it was.’ She laughs under her breath. ‘It took me a long time to realize that I was to blame too, at least a little bit.’ She turns on the bench to face me. ‘I should have stopped you that day. I should have told you how I felt about you sooner. I know ultimately you made the decision to leave but I could have done more than I did and I’m sorry I didn’t.’
I stare over at her. ‘How did you feel about me?’
A smile hesitates at the corner of her lips. ‘I was falling for you too.’
Damn. If I could kiss her right now, this would be my moment. But she’s not mine. She’s Noah’s. I take a breath, leaning back against the bench, resting my arms across the back. ‘Look, I know you’re with Noah now, but I have to ask, is there any way you might feel that way again? About me? Is there any way that last night might have been our last dance as just friends?’
She sighs, staring back out at the city. She nods, finally looks over at me after a minute of silence. ‘Possibly. I need some time to work some things out.’
I breathe a sigh of relief that her answer wasn’t no. I’ll take any possibility.
She scoots closer to me, leaning her head against my shoulder, sending a jolt of electricity through my entire body. I hesitantly put my arm around her, allowing her to relax into me. My heart is racing through my chest, but I know this is as far as things can go right now.
‘Please don’t run away again before I can figure things out,’ she says quietly, looking up at me with pleading eyes. ‘I don’t want to lose you again.’
‘This is the only place I want to be.’