WENDY CHANGED INTO jeans and an Anchorage Mercy T-shirt, then went outside to wait for Tom on the sidewalk. The sun was low enough in the sky to cast long shadows and the breeze blowing in off the inlet was cool enough to take the edge off the heat. The temperatures had been unusually warm the past week. She tapped the toe of her flip-flop on the cement, feeling edgy and nervous about the conversation ahead.
He stepped outside a few minutes later, still wearing the same clothes but with sneakers. He slid an arm around her waist and she buried her face in his shoulder and inhaled his good smell. Tom pulled back to kiss her.
Wendy looped her arm through his, leading him down the sidewalk toward Tikishla Park.
He squeezed her closer into his side. “Listen, about earlier...”
Dread clawed through her as they strolled down East Northern Light Boulevard and dusk settled in. No baseball games tonight, it appeared. The Little League ball diamond was dark. Seemed symbolic somehow. They stopped at the corner and he took her hand. “I know you’re afraid, Wendy. I am too. But I love you. Please don’t push me away. We can get through this if you let me in and share with me what you’re feeling.”
Her blood pounded so hard in her ears it drowned out everything else.
Tell him. Get out now, before you can’t.
They walked on a bit farther. The silence between them grew taut.
The white of his T-shirt faded to light gray as the moon peeked out from behind a cloud. Tom looked ethereal, the ends of his blond hair glowing slightly.
They walked on into the park and took a seat on a wooden bench to watch the sunset. Vibrant pinks, purples and golds streaked the sky. Tom put his arm around her shoulders again, pulling her closer, making her yearn for all the things she’d never allowed herself to have. The temperature dropped as twilight descended and he whispered in her ear, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Wendy closed her eyes and forced herself to scoot away from him. “I’m thinking this isn’t a good idea, Tom. Being around you has me confused and distracted and I need time to figure all this out.” Her stomach lurched, the words slicing like raw glass in her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut and made herself continue. “This weekend was great and all, but I never wanted a relationship. I told you that from the start. You said you loved me but I’m a loner. You want honesty? We had a nice couple of nights together. Time to end on a high note.”
He pulled back slightly, deep lines forming between his brows as his frown deepened. “Wait a minute, Wendy. This is more than just sex. I feel it and I think you do too.” When she didn’t respond, he pulled away too, scowling. “You’re doing it again. Shutting me out. Dammit.” He raked a hand through his hair while she stared at her toes. “What about Sam?”
“What about her? Like you said, she and I can continue to meet for our chats. She never has to know about any of this.” If she stayed one more second, she’d end up telling him everything—all her fears, all her dreams, all her feelings for him and for Sam. Energy ricocheted inside her like a pinball. She had to go, had to run. Now. Before it was too late. Wendy stood, hugging her arms around her middle to keep from reaching for him. “Trust me. This is for the best. Let’s just keep things light. Nothing has to change.”
“Things damn well do have to change, Wendy. I just told you that I loved you.” Tom pushed to his feet, anger and hurt shining in his blue eyes. “Doesn’t that mean anything? How the hell can you stand there and tell me what’s best for me and Sam when you don’t even have the courage to face your own fears? People call me a control freak, but you’re the one with the complex here. You think if you ignore what scares you, you’ll be safe, but life doesn’t work that way. I’ve told you how I feel, what I want. I’ve tried to show you I’ll be there for you, tried to hold on, but I’m done. I won’t repeat the same mistakes I did with Nikki.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “This time I’m taking the hint.”
She blanched, tears welling. “I’m sorry but whatever this is, I can’t handle it right now.”
“Goodbye, Wendy.” With that, he turned and walked away, heading back toward his apartment, leaving her there alone with too many feelings, too much regret, only to have a little corgi come around the corner and sniff her feet.
“Oh, hey.” A college kid wearing an Anchorage Anoraks hockey jersey followed, pulling on the dog’s leash. “C’mon, Daisy.” The kid tugged the dog away. “She thinks everyone’s here to see her. Have a good night.”
Wendy headed back toward home as well, the knot in her gut tightening as she spotted Tom up ahead. He’d stopped to pick at a loose thread at the hem of his shirt, his stress habit on full display again.
The tension inside her that had been building since that morning boiled over into anger. She had a right to be controlling about her life, her future, dammit. He had no right to an opinion on her choices. None at all. He might want the last say here, but she didn’t have to give it to him.
“So that’s it, then?” she yelled as she drew closer to him, knowing she should walk away but unable to leave him. Not yet. “You say it’s over and, boom, we’re done? Great. Perfect. That’s pretty damned controlling, Tom.”
“Why do you care?” He backed away, nearing the curb. “You’re a loner, remember? You said you wanted no strings, no commitment. Well, here you go. No, wait.” He snapped his fingers and made a show of having an epiphany. “Once again, I’m handing you exactly what you say you want on a silver platter and what are you doing? Pushing me away. What a shocker!”
“Fine. You’re right. I’m damaged. I’m broken. I’m shoving you away.” She sniffled and brushed her hand across her damp cheek. “But I’m also not yours to fix!”
“I don’t want to fix you, Wendy,” he said, throwing up his hands in a sign of surrender. “I just wanted to love you. That’s it. Sorry that doesn’t fit in with your plans.”
He started across the street, not looking both ways and not looking back either.
Wendy covered her face with her hands. She should let him go. This was what she’d wanted. To be alone. He was right. Right about everything. She had pushed him away...she was avoiding her fears. And if she went after him all her defenses would vanish, and she’d be right back where she’d started.
She couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t do it. No matter how her heart was screaming in agony.
Then a hideous screech of tires ripped through the air, followed by a sickening thud.
Wendy lowered her hands to see Tom lying in the street, his motionless body highlighted by the twin beams of a vehicle’s headlamps. She took off running toward the accident scene, her heart in her throat. “No!”
Sprawled on the warm pavement, blinking up at the starry sky, stunned, Tom couldn’t help wondering when in hell his universe had imploded. He’d been so careful his entire life, following every rule, never straying, being better than the best, proving himself over and over, because he was, after all, the son of an Air Force drill sergeant.
Mind the job, bub.
He’d certainly minded it well this time, hadn’t he? Even when he’d tried not to control everything, he’d still managed to make a mess of it all. Somehow what should have been a fun, carefree weekend with Wendy had gone very wrong. The defensiveness that had made him so righteously indignant and had triggered his anger during their argument now deflated.
Why was he in the road? He remembered walking away, because he refused to go down the same path he had with his ex-wife. He wouldn’t be the one holding on again when all hope was lost, just because of his stupid phobias and fears.
Wendy had taught him to let go. He loved her enough to set her free, if that’s what made her happy. Then...
Bam!
A loud noise.
A hard smack on his left side and the sensation of flying.
His head pounded, and the incessant smell of gasoline and the sound of an engine nearby drowned out the comforting sound of crickets. He tried to raise his left arm, but it didn’t seem to work.
Pain seared along his nerve endings as his memory returned. His pulse raced as adrenaline flooded his system. Sirens wailed in the distance, growing closer by the second. He’d been hit by a car. Him. Mr. Careful. Mr. Always-Look-Twice-Before-You-Leap.
His left shoulder and hip ached too, and his left cheekbone was killing him.
“Tom!” Wendy’s voice washed over him like a balm as she knelt by his side. “Oh, God. Don’t move. Help is on the way. Stay with me.” Her gentle words and sweet fragrance lingered as darkness encroached. “Please stay with me. Please don’t leave me.”
“I didn’t see him, I swear,” an unknown voice said, echoing inside his head. “He walked right out in front of my car without even looking.”
Please don’t leave me...
If Tom hadn’t been in so much agony he would’ve laughed. She’d finally admitted she needed him around at least, and all it had taken was a near-death experience. They were making progress.
His last conscious thoughts were of Wendy and Sam, before the pain turned to oblivion and blissful nothingness overtook him.