13 A Kiss for the Maid

By the fall of 1974 Keith had just about given up on women and made a bet with his friend Billy Smith that neither would marry before age thirty. He resigned himself to his lack of charm and finesse and confined his romantic activities to a little lighthearted flirting. At nineteen, he considered a long-term relationship to be out of the question.

A careless mistake by a short-order cook changed his outlook in less than a week. At the Lariat Barbecue in North Yakima, he met Rose Pernick, a seventeen-year-old high school senior, dark haired, pretty, ninety-nine pounds of personality and charm. She’d been raised in the steel town of East Chicago, Indiana, and retained her Midwestern accent.

The meeting was an accident. “I went to the Lariat about midnight and ordered the large Lariatburger and a chocolate shake. I flirted with Pam, a waitress who would never let me take her out, and then I headed home to Selah. When I bit into the burger I noticed they’d forgotten the meat, so I drove back, but Pam was gone. I asked Pam’s best friend Rose, ‘Hey, could I have a little beef on my burger?’

“She laughed and we talked a while and she seemed interested. I asked her out to a Bighorn concert at the Capitol Theater. At first she said no, but after I came back and asked her a couple more times, she accepted. I couldn’t believe I was going on a real date and it was my own idea.

“Dad lent me his Blazer for the date, and I almost got killed crossing Twin Bridges when a car nearly sideswiped me twice and I ended up in a 360. It gave me a gut feeling that this date might be a mistake. I parked off First Street for about twenty minutes while I tried to decide whether to go through with it, but I went ahead and picked her up because I’d already bought the tickets. I kissed her at the concert and again when I dropped her off.

“I wasn’t allowed to come inside her house for our first five or six dates. Her mother didn’t trust me at all. Mom told me to put off marriage as long as I could, but Dad kept saying that I needed to settle down with a wife. I think he figured that if I married a local girl, I’d be available to work with him.

“Everybody in the family said I was lucky to be engaged. Why couldn’t they tell me the truth? That I was too young, too immature. Why hurry? Why didn’t they tell me to check out other women first? Nobody gave me any advice. I just blundered ahead like I always did. But something kept telling me I was making a mistake.

“Two weeks before the wedding, I said, ‘Dad, I can’t marry Rose. I don’t really love her.’ He says, ‘I’ve already invited the relatives. Don’t disgrace your family, Son.’

“Rose wanted out of her house in the worst way. I was her ticket to freedom from her mother and three brothers. She said we’d be married on her eighteenth birthday. I still didn’t know how to say no. It almost didn’t happen. At the rehearsal at Denny’s restaurant, I was thinking how much I would like to run off with the maid of honor, Rose’s friend Pam, and I gave her a friendly kiss.

“Rose said, ‘Why’d you do that?’I said, ‘She kisses better than you.’ I felt penned in and wanted to get out of there. But it was too late—I was smothered by Rose and my relatives.

“I got pissed off at the rehearsal. Dad had talked me into buying a travel trailer and putting it in our Silver Spur Mobile Park, right behind his house. I thought that Rose and I should sneak over there for a few hours, but her mother took her home. I didn’t expect a bachelor party, and I didn’t get one. That was okay. What was there to celebrate?”