Chapter 11 Work, College, and Beyond

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are not “special rights.”

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Many teens enter the work world during high school. For others, college comes first and work and careers are something they plan to address afterward. Either way, if you’re GLBTQ, entering the workforce or choosing a college can present questions straight peers don’t have to consider.

Finding a GLBTQ-Friendly Company

Some teens don’t care if an employer is GLBTQ-friendly. For others, it’s a very important part. Regardless of how you feel, it’s helpful to know where you stand. Increasingly, public and private employers are including sexual orientation in their nondiscrimination policies. Unfortunately, far fewer include gender identity (although this is changing).

Employers tend to be open with prospective and current employees about their human resources policies. You should be able to find out fairly easily whether a nondiscrimination policy is in place. You can search a company’s website or ask one of its representatives. An employee handbook should also contain information about the company’s nondiscrimination policy. Many companies post their policies in lunch or breakrooms, print them on job applications, or hand out copies automatically with any other employment-related paperwork.

The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) is another source of information for GLBTQ issues on the job. The group regularly updates a Corporate Equality Index, which rates employers based on GLBTQ friendliness. HRC also maintains a database of employers that lets you search for companies that include GLBTQ people in their nondiscrimination policies, offer domestic partner/same-sex spouse benefits, or have queer employee groups. Visit HRC’s website (www.hrc.org) to access these features.

According to HRC, 305 of the 590 businesses it surveyed in 2009 achieved top ratings for being GLBTQ-friendly. This is up from 260 businesses just one year prior—a significant gain. These 305 companies collectively employ more than 9 million full-time employees. Workers at these companies are protected from employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression by employers’ policies in areas such as diversity, training, and benefits.

Transgender workers have made major gains since the Corporate Equality Index was first published. In 2002, just 5 percent of rated businesses prohibited discrimination based on gender identity or expression. In 2010, that figure had increased dramatically to 72 percent.

Being GLBTQ in the Workplace: Your Decisions and Your Rights

People approach being GLBTQ in the workplace in many different ways. Some prefer to remain private about being queer, not addressing it unless it happens to come up. Others feel it’s important to have coworkers know they are queer. There’s no right or wrong way to address this issue. Do what you feel comfortable doing for the specific situation you are in.

Should I Tell a Prospective Employer I’m GLBTQ?

Often queer people wonder whether they should come out to a potential employer during an interview. That’s really a personal decision. Especially for teens, many believe that telling others they’re GLBTQ should be on a “need to know” basis. If it somehow relates to the job (like applying for a position at a GLBTQ organization), then it could be appropriate to share.

Some people who are completely out prefer to be open about who they are from the beginning to make sure their gender identity or sexual orientation won’t be a problem in the workplace. But telling an employer that you’re GLBTQ during an interview can create an uncomfortable situation for you both. Whether you’re GLBTQ or straight doesn’t have anything to do with how well you can do your job, but coming out in an interview might give that impression. The focus is really on finding out whether the job is a good match for you. You can also try to figure out whether the company is GLBTQ-friendly, but you don’t have to come out to do that.

Here are questions you can ask to determine whether a company is queer-friendly:

Ask about the company’s policies. “Do you have an employment nondiscrimination policy? Who does it cover?” or “Does your employment nondiscrimination policy cover GLBTQ people?” If you’re concerned about expressing that level of detail, you could just ask to see a copy of the policy.

Ask, “How is this workplace environment for GLBTQ employees?” This gives an obvious indication that you’re GLBTQ, so it’s up to you to decide if you’re comfortable with that.

Some transgender people choose to come out during an interview, especially if they dress as the opposite anatomical sex. Unfortunately, some degree of workplace discrimination against trans people is not uncommon. (The companies that scored 100 percent in HRC’s Corporate Equality Index all include gender identity in their nondiscrimination policies.)

Should I Come Out to My Coworkers?

Coming out to coworkers can be a great experience because it can result in a more open and supportive work environment, one where you feel free to be yourself. But remember, people you work with don’t have to be your best friends. It’s up to you how much personal information you want them to know.

As you spend more time in the working world, you’ll come across people whose religious, political, and social beliefs are very different from yours, and not necessarily in a good way. Sometimes these encounters can be stressful or annoying. But, for some of the people you’re exposed to, you might be the first person they know to be queer. You could have a positive influence on their beliefs.

For those who prefer not to come out as GLBTQ at work, that’s okay. It’s important to do what you’re comfortable with. And that could change over time.

What Are My Rights?

Currently, no federal antidiscrimination law fully protecting GLBTQ people from job discrimination exists, so queer rights in the workplace vary by employer and geographic location. Some states—but not all—have enacted laws that cover job discrimination. At least for now, your rights depend largely on where you live or work.

Been There:

“I think that the quality of life for GLBTQ people in this country is getting better, but it certainly isn’t great. There are a lot of benefits and rights that GLBTQ people are not allowed to receive. Being gay didn’t really affect me negatively until I started to witness the hatred and bigotry in this world. But once I started to get out and see that other gay people have made it through, I started to feel much better about being a gay person in this country.”
—Bengie, 15

More progressive companies have added phrases like “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” to their nondiscrimination policies, so while their home states might not have protections in place for queer people, the company does.

Civil rights and GLBTQ activists are currently lobbying hard to get the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) passed. If passed, ENDA would be a federal law that provides basic protections against discrimination in the workplace based on sexual orientation, as well as gender identity or expression. It would be illegal to fire, deny employment, or harass someone because of his or her actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. Many major corporations have endorsed the bill.

I Am Being Discriminated Against in My Workplace, What Should I Do?

Discrimination can take many forms. Sexual harassment, off-color remarks, and passing up someone for a promotion because he is GLBTQ are all forms of discrimination. Queer people do sometimes face workplace discrimination, but you should neither expect it nor accept it.

Here are some tips for what to do if you think you are being discriminated against by an employer:

1. Stop and think. Think carefully about the situation. Are you sure you’re being discriminated against because you’re GLBTQ? You might be. It’s also possible that you’re misreading the situation. Stop and assess it. Does your employer have a history of anti-GLBTQ behavior? Could you have misunderstood something that was said? If you have a trusted coworker, ask for her advice. Tell her what was said to you or what you overheard and ask for her opinion. The human resources department should also be able to help (though discrimination could also come from HR).

2. Write it down. If you suspect (or know) you’re being discriminated against because you’re GLBTQ, write down the incident and include names of anyone else who might have witnessed it. If several incidents occur, keep track of all of them. Keep a record of any interactions you have with your employer regarding the matter and include her responses. This record will be very useful if the issue is not resolved and you decide to take further action. Most human resources representatives will tell you that documenting these incidents is the first step in enabling them to investigate.

3. Come up with a plan. If you have a human resources representative helping you, he will help you formulate a plan or, more likely, will have a pre-determined set of actions to follow. These generally follow legal regulations and guidelines.

If you’re handling it on your own because you don’t have access to human resources help, plan what you will say to your employer or coworker and approach her calmly and rationally. Ask to speak with her and then sit down and explain the situation and why you feel you were discriminated against.

Then—and this step is critical—listen to her response. She might offer an explanation that puts your concerns to rest, so give her that opportunity. She might confess to the discrimination or she might deny it completely. Regardless of her response, try to stay calm. You’re more likely to be taken seriously if you can remain professional.

4. If her response is negative, decide your course of action. You have several options. You can go back to work and ignore it, you can quit your job, or you can try to address the issue in another way. There isn’t one right way to deal with the situation, just what’s right for you. You might not have the time, energy, or money (in the case of a legal response) to address the issue. You might really need the job. Or you might feel like the situation is one you just can’t live with.

If your issue is with a coworker or direct supervisor, it might be time to go to his boss. Again, remember step three—stay calm and rational. Keep your comments to facts and not opinions.

If you decide to pursue the matter, HRC and Lambda Legal are two groups that can counsel you about your rights according to your state’s laws. They also can refer you to lawyers in your area, if necessary.

Discrimination can be demeaning and frustrating. Regardless of how you decide to deal with it, be sure to remind yourself that discrimination is a result of ignorance. It has nothing to do with you as a person.

A Perfect Match: Finding the Right School

If you’re going to college, picking the right one (or technical or vocational school) can be challenging. First you have to go through what every other college-bound teen goes through: deciding on a state school or a private college; choosing a liberal arts program or something more specialized; figuring out what you can afford; applying for scholarships or financial aid. But once you’ve narrowed it down, how can you be sure you’ll be going into an environment that’s supportive of GLBTQ people?

Tips for Finding a GLBTQ-Friendly College

If you’re interested in finding a GLBTQ-friendly college, it’s not as hard as you might think. Here are some ideas that can help.

Search the Internet. Using a search engine, look for schools using terms like “gay-friendly colleges.” Many queer websites and publications have articles about queer-friendly colleges. Some even poll their readers to find out what’s what.

You also can use the Internet to take a closer look at the colleges you’re interested in. You might be able to find out a lot of information before you consider going for a visit. You can look up nondiscrimination policies, peruse majors and course listings, find out about student groups (including whether there’s one for GLBTQ people), and learn more about the areas where the colleges are located.

Check out a “best colleges” guide. One of the best-known is the U.S. News and World Best Colleges guide. The Advocate College Guide for LGBT Students is a queer-specific guide that offers a list of the 100 best schools in the country for queer students.

Perhaps the most up-to-date and easily accessible resource is the online Campus Climate Index (www.campusclimateindex.org). This site is operated by Campus Pride, a national nonprofit group for student leaders and campus groups that works to create more GLBTQ-friendly environments at colleges and universities. The Campus Climate Index includes reviews and ratings of colleges, ranking how GLBTQ-friendly they are. It also includes information on size, degree offerings, tuition, and financial aid resources for GLBTQ students.

Investigate your colleges of choice. What if you have your heart set on a school that doesn’t have high marks for being GLBTQ-friendly? Just because a school hasn’t earned an official queer-friendly designation doesn’t mean it isn’t good for GLBTQ students. Here are some ways to find out if the schools you’re interested in are queer-friendly.

Get a copy of the school’s nondiscrimination policy. All colleges should have one. Look in the student handbook or an admissions guidebook. It might even be posted at the website. If you see “sexual orientation” and (hopefully) “gender identity” as categories protected from discrimination, that’s a good sign. If those words aren’t there, you might not have any recourse if you become a victim of harassment or discrimination by the college or its students.

Been There:

“I was out to my closest friends from home. As a college freshman, I was re-closeted. I didn’t have anyone to talk to and just felt lost. I finally found the on-campus Alliance and have been active ever since. This year I am the copresident—I’m out to my whole campus now.”
—Cathy, 20

Investigate the campus climate. Does the campus have a GLBTQ student group? Is it active? Some campuses even have queer resource or community centers.
Talk to students. If a GLBTQ group or GSA is on campus, contact the organization to talk with one or more of the students. Most of these groups are happy to help.
Check out the curriculum. If a school includes queer studies or similar curriculum, or even a few courses such as gender anthropology or gay and lesbian history, chances are it’s a pretty friendly place (at least academically). Although entire queer studies programs or majors aren’t commonplace yet, many schools have one or more classes on topics like queer theory or gender in society. Departments like English, political science, sociology, and theater also are frequently home to courses on queer topics. A lot of the class information should be available online. You can also call the school and ask to speak with someone in a particular department or in an academic administrator’s office.

It helps to remember that the college that’s right for you includes many factors, not the least of which is academics. If a college doesn’t have the courses you’re interested in or the major you want, it’s not going to be a great match for you even if it does appear to be queer-friendly or have an “official” queer-friendly designation.

Check out the surrounding area. When you leave for college, unless you’re sticking close to home, you’re also moving to another community. You’ll want to do some investigating into that area to find out if it’s GLBTQ-friendly. You don’t have to go to school in a city to be in a queer-friendly area. Many schools in suburban and rural areas are friendly, too.

Visit the schools you’re most interested in. If you can, visit the schools you’re most interested in attending. You can learn a lot on a campus visit that guidebooks, college materials, and guidance counselors don’t cover. This might be a good time to explore the GLBTQ resource or community center or meet people in the school’s queer group. Even if you can’t do that, simple things like eating in a dining hall, reading the flyers on campus bulletin boards, and looking through the campus newspaper (which may also be online) can tell you a lot about a school’s culture and quality of life. Pay attention to how you feel being on campus. Do you feel comfortable, or are certain things making you nervous? This is all information you can use when it comes time to decide where you’re going to college.

Fraternities and Sororities

Many GLBTQ people are members of a sorority or fraternity. In fact, Delta Lambda Phi is a fraternity that bills itself as being “for gay, bisexual, and progressive men.” You can visit the website of this organization (www.dlp.org) for more information. Other Greek organizations bill themselves as queer-friendly, although some of this depends on the particular campus more than the parent organization. The Lambda 10 Project is a group for GLBTQ Greek organizations and addresses a variety of issues that can be part of being Greek and queer. Its website (www.lambda10.org) also features news and resources and hosts a bulletin board and chat room for GLBTQ Greeks. Information on how to help your campus organizations become more queer-friendly also is available. The point is, if you dream of being a sorority chick or a frat daddy, you don’t have to give that up because you’re queer.

Been There:

“Some friends and I at the University of Virginia felt that, while there are a number of GLBTQ groups on campus, there weren’t enough options for GLBTQ students in terms of fraternities and sororities. There are several national gay fraternities and a handful of lesbian sororities, but neither had any local chapters. So we decided to start our own fraternity—Sigma Omicron Rho (SOR). To the best of my knowledge, SOR is the only gender-neutral queer fraternal collegiate organization in the country.

“We seek to provide a semi-traditional Greek experience and the camaraderie that comes with it for queer, allied, and gender nonconforming students who otherwise would not feel comfortable pledging a fraternity or sorority. We never ask any of our members to identify in any way—we are totally inclusive regardless of whether you’re GLBTQ or straight. It’s amazing because we truly feel that all of our members value and care for one another on a personal level. I was literally moved to tears at an event last semester when I looked around and realized that the very existence of SOR had touched people’s lives in a very real way.”
—Meredith, 21

Going with the Flow: Some Thoughts on Getting Older

Leaving high school is a big transition for all teens. For GLBTQ teens, it can be the gateway to a whole new world. With increased independence, you’ll most likely have greater access to other GLBTQ people, especially if you move to an urban area. You may discover a completely different social world, which can be exhilarating, frightening, and a big relief. You’ll finally have more control over your environment than you did when you were in high school.

You might find that all of the experiences you had up through high school—even the really difficult ones—helped make you a pretty strong and amazing person.

All of this change and transition makes for an exciting time. It can be tempting to do everything you weren’t able to do before, like spend most of your time socializing, dating, and going out. With the sudden increase in access to a whole new community, it can be easy to get carried away. The same instincts that helped you take care of yourself and keep it together until graduation are still valuable to you.

Trust yourself to make the decisions that are best for you. Even though the scenery and the people might have changed, your instincts haven’t. So explore and discover new ideas and people, and most of all, enjoy yourself and your life. You deserve it.

Been There:

“The best thing about being GLBTQ is that there is so much diversity in the community. There is so much more than being GLBTQ that makes us who we are, it’s just one thing that brings us together. We know how not to be judgmental of others and we grow together. When one person in this community does something positive it affects everyone, and that is important. We always move one step forward, together.”
—Yvonne, 20