Chapter 2 Homophobia

Hate is not a family value.

chapter-2.indd

Even though we know there have been GLBTQ people since the beginning of time, many history books largely ignore queer individuals. When GLBTQ people are acknowledged, they are sometimes portrayed as immoral or unnatural. This combination of invisibility and misinformation has contributed to widespread ignorance regarding GLBTQ people. That ignorance often reveals itself as homophobia.

Homophobia can put a lot of pressure on you, especially at school. You may be comfortable with being GLBTQ, but classmates, teachers, and even friends might be pretty uncomfortable with it. Some people may even be hateful or violent.

Been There:

“I’m like everyone else. I’m still human and I still have feelings. The hard part is when ignorant people say you choose to be this way and that it’s your fault and it’s wrong. It makes you feel like a target.”
—Shannon, 20

Homophobia can make you feel terrible—all you want to do is be yourself, but no one wants to let you. It can also inspire you to try changing the world. Either way, the absolute most important thing to remember is that homophobia is not about you. It’s about other people and their ignorance. It’s not based on who you really are, but on misconceptions and untruths. Homophobia might cause you problems in life, but it’s not your problem. You didn’t do anything to bring it on or to deserve it.

So where does homophobia come from, and if there’s nothing wrong with GLBTQ people, why doesn’t it just go away?

The 411 on Hate: The Roots of Homophobia

Homophobia is a negative emotion like fear, anger, or suspicion—or a combination of these—toward someone for being GLBTQ. It is rooted in ignorance about GLBTQ people. Homophobia can be overt, like someone shouting “dyke!” or “fag!” in the hall. It can also be subtle, like a teammate quietly avoiding being near you in the locker room.

From Uncomfortable to Hateful: Shades of Homophobia

Although homophobia is never a good thing, it has degrees ranging from mild to severe. People who are ignorant about what it means to be GLBTQ can change their negative ideas when they find out a friend or family member is queer. They begin to understand that we are human beings just like everyone else.

For others, homophobia is more deeply rooted and takes form as hatred of GLBTQ people. These individuals may act out in ways that range from lobbying for anti-queer legislation to bullying and physically hurting GLBTQ people. A lot of homophobic people would never dream of physically hurting another human being. But heartbreaking incidents like Matthew Shepard’s brutal murder in 1998 and widespread occurrences of queer young people committing suicide because of anti-GLBTQ bullying show that a lot of hatred still exists in this world. Such incidents mean that queer people need to think seriously about their safety.

What Makes People Homophobic?

The dictionary defines a phobia as an irrational fear. So, by definition, homophobia is not based on reason.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Sandy Loiterstein, who has worked as a support group coordinator for the Washington, D.C., chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), homophobia can have a variety of sources. “One of these is the perception that being GLBTQ is a choice,” she said in an interview. “Some people get very angry or frustrated with GLBTQ people because they don’t understand why they would make such a choice. There’s also an inability to see GLBTQ people as individuals. Instead, they’re seen through stereotypes. Ancient fears of differentness, probably the major source of homophobia, have been perpetuated by religious and other institutions, including mental health organizations. As recently as 1976, the American Psychiatric Association finally removed their classification of homosexuality as a mental illness.”

In some cases, the historic roots of anti-GLBTQ attitudes don’t have much to do with homosexuality. In some cultures, any sexual contact between two people that could not result in the conception of a child (such as oral sex) was considered sinful or morally wrong regardless of whether it was between people of different sexes or the same one. In some cases, it was the act rather than the biological sex of the people engaged in it that was frowned upon. According to Hidden from History: Reclaiming the Gay & Lesbian Past, some historians believe that in certain cultures and religions the roots of homophobia extend back to such beliefs.

For more information on common fears and myths about GLBTQ people, see Chapter 1.

GLBTQ People Can Be Homophobic, Too

Another kind of homophobia is internalized homophobia. People with internalized homophobia have difficulty accepting that they are GLBTQ. They feel guilty about who they are or believe that being queer means something is wrong with them.

George Weinberg, the psychologist and GLBTQ rights activistwho coined the terms homophobia and internalized homophobia, stated in a 2002 interview in the magazine Gay Today that internalized homophobia is the fear of being different, singled out, punished, or laughed at. Weinberg explained that internalized homophobia decreases as people are able to accept themselves for who they are, regardless of what others might think.

Hollywood has long been famous for playing on people’s fears of GLBTQ people. In The Celluloid Closet: Homosexuality in the Movies, Vito Russo explores the history of GLBTQ people in film. He discusses how the portrayal of GLBTQ people in Hollywood films has run the gamut from invisibility (nope, no queers here) to homophobic stereotypes (queer people are silly or scary). From sissies to psychotic killers, you may be surprised at how long certain negative stereotypes about queer people, that still exist in films today, have been around.

Invisibility as Homophobia

When you’re GLBTQ, sometimes you wish people would just stop acting like it’s a huge deal. Conversely, there are situations when queer people might seem nonexistent. For example, if you’re a guy, it can be frustrating, embarrassing, or nerve-racking when relatives or others continually ask, “Do you have a girlfriend yet?” instead of asking something that makes fewer assumptions, like, “Are you dating anyone special?”

Questions that assume you’re straight are good examples of heterosexism. Heterosexism is the idea that heterosexual people are the norm and that GLBTQ people are somehow abnormal. The assumption that all people are heterosexual or that only heterosexuality is “normal” contributes to homophobia. The disparate marriage rights for homosexual couples and heterosexual couples in the United States are an example of heterosexism.

The Big Bad World? Homophobia in Society and at School

Have you ever heard of mob mentality? It’s when an individual might not normally do something, but because she sees other people doing it, she thinks it must be okay or feels pressure to join in.

One reason homophobia is so common is mob mentality. Mob mentality often plays a role when people gang up on GLBTQ teens and bully them, including in person or online. When a handful of people speak out strongly against GLBTQ people and their ideas go unchallenged, ignorance and hatred can persist.

How common is homophobia? Common enough that GLBTQ activists are fighting against it all over the world. In the United States, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is working to encourage positive, informed portrayals of GLBTQ people in the media. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF) are working to enact social change by getting legislation passed that protects GLBTQ people and their civil rights. Internationally, PFLAG is working to increase understanding of and support for GLBTQ people by changing attitudes about them. These are just some of the many groups working to make the world a better place for GLBTQ people.

Every day people are lobbying legislators to pass queer-friendly laws such as the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which would prohibit workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. California’s Student Safety and Violence Prevention Act states that all California schools have a duty to protect students from discrimination and/or harassment on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. In 2002, student George Loomis, along with a coalition of local groups, PFLAG, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), and the Gay-Straight Alliance Network (GSA Network) used the law as a basis for a successful lawsuit against Loomis’s school district for failing to take actions to protect him from harassment.

In 2009, 14-year-old Jacob Sullivan, with the help of the New York Civil Liberties Union, filed suit against the Mohawk Central School District on the grounds that the school district allegedly failed to protect Jacob against ongoing and relentless harassment, physical abuse, and threats of violence based on Jacob’s sexual orientation and nonconformity with masculine stereotypes. “People always make fun of what they don’t understand, but the school has a responsibility to protect people,” Jacob is quoted as saying in an interview. “I shouldn’t have to fear for my safety at school. No one should.” On March 29, 2010, the court reached a settlement that awarded Jacob $50,000 from the school district. The school district also was required to pay $25,000 in legal fees to the New York Civil Liberties Union and to pay for professional counseling for Jacob.

The National Safe Schools Improvement Act, introduced in the 111th Congress and in the Senate in August 2010, would amend the Safe and Drug-Free Schools and Communities Act (part of the No Child Left Behind Act) to require schools and districts receiving federal funds to adopt codes of conduct that specifically prohibit bullying and harassment, including on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity. The Act would also require states to report data on bullying and harassment to the Department of Education.

Homophobia in the Hallways: Bullying and Harassment at School

If you’ve ever been singled out verbally or physically because you’re GLBTQ (or perceived to be), you’re not alone. According to the “2009 National School Climate Survey” conducted by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), nearly 60 percent of students reported feeling unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation, and more than a third felt unsafe because of their gender identity or gender expression. In addition, 40 percent of GLBTQ students surveyed reported experiencing physical harassment (such as being blocked from walking down the hall), and nearly 19 percent reported being physically assaulted (punched, kicked, etc.) at school in the last year because of their sexual orientation.

The anti-GLBTQ bullying epidemic came to national attention in the fall of 2010 after a series of young gay people committed suicide. In many cases, they had been victims of anti-queer bullying. One of the most publicized deaths was that of Tyler Clementi, a Rutgers University freshman whose roommate posted a video of him in an intimate encounter with another male and sent messages encouraging others to watch. Clementi committed suicide after finding out what his roommate had done. His death drew attention to the skyrocketing rates of bullying and harassment occurring in schools.

Been There:

“When I was in the 11th grade and being harassed constantly, the teacher did nothing. I think that she should have.”
—Brian, 19

Legislators, parents, educators, and various activists continue to debate about whether to provide young people with access to information about GLBTQ people. Advocates suggest that giving students positive and accurate information about GLBTQ issues will reduce bullying and harassment of those who are or who are perceived to be GLBTQ. Opponents claim that these efforts encourage and promote queerness. This belief hearkens back to one of the commonly held myths about GLBTQ people—that we “recruit.” (See “Myths and Generalizations About GLBTQ People” for a list of myths—and the truth—about GLBTQ people.)

Many groups, including GLSEN and PFLAG, have “safe schools” movements where adults and teens work together to make school environments safer for young people who are or who are perceived to be GLBTQ. Often these groups work to institute anti-bullying policies that include harassment based on sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression. In a study commissioned by GLSEN, 80 percent of parents favor expanding existing antiharassment and antidiscrimination policies to include GLBTQ students. The study also showed that 80 percent of parents support teacher sensitivity trainings on tolerance that include instructions on dealing with gay and lesbian harassment in schools, 63 percent favor including positive information about gays and lesbians in middle and high school health and sex education classes, and 60 percent favor including information about transgender people in those forums.

It’s a tough battle, but these efforts have resulted in real accomplishments. Some school boards have added sexual orientation and gender identity to their codes of conduct. That means students, faculty, and staff are barred from discriminating against others who are or who are perceived to be GLBTQ. These rules usually already include descriptors such as race, gender, religious affiliation, disability, and more.

Some schools sponsor assemblies to educate students about GLBTQ people, while others now allow gay pride month displays. Some students form gay-straight alliance clubs (GSAs) to educate others in their schools and work for change.

In 2010, GLBTQ Online High School (www.glbtqonlinehighschool.com) opened its virtual doors. In addition to providing a full online education for students, the school is reaching out to traditional public schools and helping provide information on and tools for creating a more supportive and safer learning environment for GLBTQ students.

A large “safe schools” movement is underway to end bullying and help GLBTQ students feel welcome and secure at school, but if you’re being bullied or otherwise discriminated against now, it might feel like it will be forever until things change at your school. What can you do to advocate for yourself?

Responding to Homophobia

Understanding homophobia and where it comes from is one thing; figuring out what you’re going to do about bullying or harassment is another.

Prejudice can show itself in many ways. A GLBTQ teen might be cut from a sports team or dubbed a “troublemaker” by teachers. An administrator could turn a blind eye to bullying or tell a student that he brought it on himself. There are a number of possible ways to react to such incidents, ranging from ignoring them to confronting the people involved.

How Bullying and Harassment Can Make You Feel

Dealing with ongoing harassment and ignorance can make you feel scared, isolated, depressed, angry, or just plain worn out. Sometimes it may feel like fighting homophobia is an uphill battle, like things will never get better. Even if you feel comfortable with being GLBTQ and good about yourself overall, facing regular harassment can be demoralizing.

Been There:

“Daily, more and more people would use those words—fag, homo, queer, sissy. Eventually things moved from not only words, but also to violence and pranks. The word faggot was written on the locker next to mine because someone made a mistake about my locker number. People put gum in my hair, stuck papers on my back, and threw things at me. There was physical violence and death threats. The school did ‘the best they could do,’ as they put it. In my mind, little was done.”
—Robert, 15

As you’ll see in the sections that follow, you can address homophobia in many ways. Regardless of how you decide to handle it, it’s important to remember that you’re not to blame for the bad treatment you’re receiving, and you’re not alone in experiencing homophobia. Homophobia is not about you—it’s about other people.

Even if you understand that homophobia isn’t your fault, it can still hurt. It’s important to engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Writing, drawing, dancing, working out, or hanging out with friends are all great options. Take time to check in with yourself every so often to make sure that homophobia isn’t hurting your self-esteem. For more information on being healthy and feeling good about who you are, see Chapter 8.

In addressing homophobia, it’s important to understand that you can’t control the words and actions of other people. So focus on what you can control, which is your response to those words and actions. In determining how best to respond, consider several issues.

Assessing the Situation

Safety must be your number one concern. Before you decide how to react to homophobia, assess the situation.

1. Is the person merely being ignorant? Or do they mean to do you some kind of harm? Sometimes it’s hard to tell, sometimes it’s fairly apparent.

2. Is the person aggressive with her words or body language? Is she threatening you, using a threatening tone, or moving closer to you? Don’t discount your gut instinct—it’s usually your best indicator. If you feel even the least bit afraid, proceed with caution.

3. Has this person harassed you before? If so, has there been an escalation in the harassment? (Perhaps a taunt in the hallway has turned into shoving or worse.)

4. Are you alone or do you have friends with you? Is there an adult nearby who could help?

5. Where are you? Can you get away? It’s important to always know where your exits are.

Homophobia stirs up a lot of emotions. Even so, it’s important to look at the situation rather than react based on your feelings. Maybe the girl in your class wasn’t trying to be mean when she made that comment, she just didn’t realize how it sounded. But the bully who throws stuff at you might become increasingly violent in the future.

Been There:

“My parents signed me up for karate a couple years ago because I was getting harassed at school. It was scary at first because I didn’t know much about it, but now I love it. It’s made me more fit and more confident. It’s also helped me be a better judge of when a situation might be dangerous so I can either avoid it entirely or get to safety.”
—Carlos, 16

Options for Responding

The first option is to turn the other cheek. That’s hard to do, because encountering homophobia can be so frustrating. Sometimes what you really feel like doing is lashing out, but try to consider the safest, most productive, and most effective ways to respond.

Some people use humor to help them turn the other cheek or to diffuse the situation. You can also ignore homophobia completely by acting like you didn’t hear the remark or by not reacting to the sign stuck on your backpack; instead, just throw it away. But ignoring and forgiving homophobia can be extremely difficult, and it’s rarely an option if you’re placed in a dangerous situation.

Been There:

“I was just doing my thing at my locker when one of a group of girls looked at me and said, ‘You’re a dyke.’ I looked back at her and smiled and said, ‘You say that like it’s a bad thing.’ She was stunned. She just looked at me for a minute, then turned and walked away.”
—Anna, 17

Speaking Up

Speaking up is another option. Again, consider the situation—responding to homophobia should be limited to situations when it would be, or at least could be, productive. (Sometimes productive simply means it makes you feel better.) If you keep your wits about you, you can sometimes turn a negative situation into a more positive one by speaking up when someone demonstrates homophobia.

If you decide to respond to someone who’s being homophobic, here are a few ground rules that can help achieve a positive result:

1. Don’t match insult for insult. This will only escalate the situation.

2. Try to get the person to name her behavior by asking in a nonconfrontational tone (if you can manage it), “Why would you say something like that?” or “Are you aware that sounds homophobic?” or something similar.

3. State how the comments or actions make you feel instead of something negative about the person who said them. Instead of saying, “You’re only saying that because you’re ignorant,” try, “There are a lot of misconceptions about queer people. We’re all human beings, and it can really hurt to hear those kinds of things.”

4. If a person becomes (or is already) threatening or aggressive, get yourself out of the situation as quickly and calmly as possible.

triangle-icon Coming Together to Fight Homophobia: In 2009, several schools in Maryland were the targets of protests by a religious group from Topeka, Kansas. Students and community members mobilized to counter the protests. At Walt Whitman High School, the group of seven congregants from Kansas protested because the school was named after a gay poet. At the 2:10 dismissal, 500 students lined up and faced the group of seven from Kansas and chanted the name of their high school and “Go home!” Some students wore T-shirts with Walt Whitman’s famous words, “Let your soul stand cool and composed.”

There may be times when it’s appropriate just to turn around and say, “I really didn’t appreciate that comment.” However, if you’re going to respond to homophobia, include something constructive. Tell the person why you don’t appreciate his comments or how the comments or actions make you feel, but keep your cool while you’re doing it. Homophobia is an issue that’s easy to get upset about. A comment you intended to be constructive could escalate into a fight. In the heat of the moment, it can be tough to think of something to say beyond four-letters words.

Been There:

“When I was in tenth grade, a teacher mentioned something about there being gay students at our school and the girl I was sitting next to asked, ‘There are gay people in this school?’ The guy sitting next to her, the girl sitting in front of her, and I all turned and said ‘yes’ at the same time. By my twelfth-grade year, no one would ask that question.”
—Alex, 19

Following are some common homophobic remarks, along with possible responses. Some are humorous, some are not, but all are designed to make people think about what they said. In each case, you can customize responses based on whether someone is addressing your sexual orientation or gender identity.

When someone tells a homophobic joke.

Possible response: “When you tell jokes like that, you give the impression that it’s okay to make fun of GLBTQ people. Is that what you really believe?”

“He’s such a fag,” or “You look like a dyke.”

Possible response: “How would you feel if I called you a ‘breeder’ or a ‘hetero’?” or “What’s with the hate?”

“Ugh, that’s so gay. Oh, you know, I don’t mean it that way. It’s just an expression.”

Possible response: “It’s still hurtful to hear,” or “I understand what you’re saying, but if you don’t mean it that way, maybe another expression that doesn’t insult people would be more appropriate,” or even, “Maybe you don’t mean it that way, but that’s how a lot of people hear it. Are you okay with people thinking you’re homophobic?”

“What do queer people do in bed?”

Possible response: “Sleep. Sometimes we watch TV or read.”

“You don’t look gay.”

Possible response: “That’s because I’m one of our secret agents. It’s such a relief to know the disguise is working,” or “What does gay look like to you?”

To a girl: “You just haven’t met the right guy yet.”

Possible response to another girl: “Maybe you just haven’t met the right girl yet.”

“You’re just going through a phase.”

Possible response: “Is my entire life a phase?” or “I know I’m gay in the same way you know you’re straight.”

“Queer people spread AIDS.”

Possible response: “According to the National Institutes of Health, the highest transmission rates are among heterosexuals.”

“Why do gay people have to flaunt who they are?”

Possible response: “Refusing to hide is not flaunting,” or “I’m just being me.”

“People like you are disgusting.”

Possible response: “Ignorance and hatred are disgusting.” Another option when you hear a homophobic remark or question is to name it. Say, “That comment is homophobic,” or even ask, “What is it about queer people that makes you so afraid?”

Try to Educate Others

Although it can be satisfying to give a cutting reply, it’s not necessarily going to inspire a change in behavior. Another option, which goes hand-in-hand with speaking up, is trying to turn the incident into an educational opportunity. You can address the roots of homophobia by asking something like, “What ideas do you have about gay people that make you say that?”

Realistically, this approach will be more effective with friends and acquaintances than with someone who is threatening to hurt you. Also, people are more likely to engage in a conversation when they’re not surrounded by a group of their friends, who might be egging them on. Use your judgment. Not everyone will be receptive, but even if someone doesn’t react positively right away, down the road she might think about what you said and it might have a more lasting and positive effect.

Some people don’t even realize that things they say are offensive. It can be particularly painful when a friend or family member makes negative comments or jokes about GLBTQ people. Some people ask personal questions that they wouldn’t ask their straight friends, and that can be offensive, too. So sometimes it’s good to engage people about their comment instead of zinging them and walking away. They could learn something.

Fighting Homophobia Through Activism

Like George Loomis, Jacob Sullivan, and other teens who have taken formal action to end harassment and educate others, young people all over are working to create change locally and nationally. Steven Cozza, an Eagle Scout and professional cyclist, took on the entire Boy Scouts of America when he was just 12 years old. Steven’s willingness to speak out against homophobia in Scouting ignited a national movement. His group, Scouting for All, continues to advocate for gay Scouts.

You can make a difference in a lot of ways. Maybe you’ll decide to join or start a GSA or another GLBTQ group at school. Or you might get involved with a local or national organization. Groups like GLSEN, GLAAD, and HRC, to name just a few, are always happy for more volunteers. They also can provide you with ideas about things you can do to make your own area or school a friendlier place for queer people.

Been There:

“One year we organized a National Coming Out Day event, which consisted of putting up posters and handing out rainbow stickers. It was great. There were rainbows all over the school, including on many people’s backpacks who I’d never even met! But best of all, people stopped using ‘gay’ as an all-purpose insult. When people started to realize that they knew gay people and that gay people were being affected by slurs, a lot of people stopped using them.”
—Jan, 19

“I got involved with a group called Lambda . . . which had a speakers’ bureau. We would go to high schools and middle schools and talk to students and teachers about our experiences coming out and answer questions that they had.”
—Nancy, 19

Getting involved and working for change not only can produce a positive result, but it may also help you feel better about yourself and the homophobia you might be facing. Dealing with ignorance again and again can be depressing, frustrating, and isolating; at times, you might even feel helpless against it. Getting involved in GLBTQ causes can empower you to change your world. It’s also a great way to gain support and meet other GLBTQ people and individuals who are open-minded.

Being an activist can be a very consuming experience. Be sure to make time for yourself, your schoolwork, your job, your friends, and any other positive things you have in your life.

Been There:

“We have become part of the ‘post-gay’ era when some people just want to live their lives, maybe not even coming out . . . or not taking part in any activist events because they think they are boring, the events don’t have anything to do with them, or they don’t think anything will be accomplished. I’m not judging this attitude . . . but I feel that if we are not visible we will always be in the shadows. People won’t notice our needs and the prejudice we still face. A bit of participation in a few events will show the world we are not afraid . . . even if we are.”
—Isaac, 20

When Homophobia = Ongoing Harassment

Sometimes homophobia reveals itself in harassment, which can take the form of bullying, either in person, online (cyberbullying), or a combination of the two. Not just a remark here or there (although those remarks can hurt), but constant badgering, escalating teasing, or physical threats. Bullying and harassment are not okay, and you don’t have to live with it.

GLSEN advises students to document incidents of bullying. Write down who did or said what, when, and where. Note anyone who was there and witnessed the incident. And keep it all together in a file or notebook. That way when you report it, you have a written record of exactly what happened. Also keep a written record of who you report the harassment to, what you said, where you talked, and when the meeting happened. This information especially comes in handy if there is no follow-through from the person or people you tell.

So who do you tell about bullying? Reporting it to an approachable teacher, counselor, or administrator are all options. Maybe one of your teachers or a school staff member has witnessed the bullying and will support you if you go to the administration.

It can be very daunting to approach an administrator. Not only are you upset about the incident or incidents, you might also be worried about the administrator’s reaction. It’s even tougher if you aren’t comfortable being GLBTQ or talking about it. For that reason, it’s a good idea to get a parent or another adult to go with you. This person can support you, and her presence can help show the administrator that bullying is a serious matter and won’t be tolerated.

Been There:

“The majority of my attackers were never punished. On one occasion, three boys were suspended for three days. The principal told me they were suspended for the verbal attacks and not the physical one, as the physical one could not be proven. I had several witnesses report it to him, but he just didn’t want to do much about it. Later, I was attacked in the hallway. I do not remember much of it, as my head was hit on the locker several times and I must have blacked out or something. After that, I got a lawyer through the ACLU and a couple of national organizations helped me by talking with school officials. The school has been very supportive recently. Maybe that was because of my influence and pressure on them.”
—Randy, 15

Here are some tips for approaching a school official or other adult:

1. Stay calm. If you present your case in a calm, rational way, it will be harder for the adult to dismiss you as overreacting or being too emotional.

2. Provide an exact account, as detailed as you can remember, about what happened. It’s also helpful if you have witnesses who are willing to back up your story.

3. Explain that your safety is in jeopardy as long as the issue continues unaddressed.

Some school officials will be outraged by the harassment. Others will be reluctant to take action. Some might imply or say outright that GLBTQ students invite harassment by being out. If you are assaulted (the legal definition is a threat of harm) or battered (physically attacked), you can file a report with the police. If no one will help you, you can reach out to a national organization like GLSEN or the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF). There also might be a local group in your area that can help you. Either way, you don’t have to accept harassment, and you don’t have to confront it alone.

The Cyberbullying Epidemic

It has come to light that many of the GLBTQ teens who committed suicide recently were the victims of cyberbullying. The popularity of social media sites and use of text messaging has resulted in an increase of cyberbullying. According to GLSEN’s “2009 National School Climate Survey,” 53 percent of students reported having been victims of cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying can take place via electronic means and forums such as email, chat rooms, social media pages, instant messaging, text messaging, and blogs.

According to the Stop Bullying Now project (www.stopbullying.gov/kids), cyberbullying includes:

Sending mean, vulgar, or threatening messages or images
Posting sensitive, private information and/or lies about another person
Pretending to be someone else in order to make another person look bad
Intentionally excluding someone from an online group

This form of harassment can be particularly tough to deal with because messages communicated electronically often can be quickly and broadly distributed, and it’s not always easy to tell who is sending the messages.

Putting an end to cyberbullying involves many of the same steps as stopping in-person harassment. The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) advises young people to tell a trusted adult about the harassment so she or he can help get the proper authorities involved. In the case of online harassment, the NCPC also encourages you to report the abuse to site administrators and to use online tools to block hurtful messages. In severe cases, changing your email address or phone number is suggested.

If it becomes necessary to involve law enforcement or other officials, you will want a record of the bullying. As much as you might want to delete the offensive messages, it’s a good idea to keep them to document and prove what’s happened. Also, if you are not sure who is harassing you, electronic messages often can be traced back to the source.

The Good News

Although a lot of negativity exists toward GLBTQ people, the world continues to change for the better. Not all (or even most) straight people are anti-gay. Young people are helping to make the biggest difference when it comes to promoting positive attitudes about GLBTQ people. A Gallup poll conducted in May of each year asks Americans about their attitudes toward homosexuality. In 2008, 57 percent of all Americans surveyed said they found homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle, compared with only 34 percent in 1982. Acceptance of GLBTQ people is even higher among younger generations—75 percent of Americans ages 18 to 34 surveyed said they feel homosexuality is acceptable.

While it’s likely you’ll encounter homophobia in your life, you will also—and hopefully far more often—encounter acceptance.

Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN)

(212) 727-0135 • glsen.org

Human Rights Campaign (HRC)

1-800-777-4723 • hrc.org

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF)

(202) 393-5177 • thetaskforce.org

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG)

(202) 467-8180 • pflag.org

It Gets Better Project

itgetsbetterproject.com

Stop Bullying Now

stopbullying.gov/kids

American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)

(212) 549-2500 • aclu.org