Introduction
Dealing with the realization that you are or might be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or questioning (GLBTQ) can be a real challenge. And I know just how it feels. By the time I was in high school, I was convinced I was somehow different from everyone else, and not in a good way. But GLBTQ people weren’t visible where I came from, so the idea that I was a lesbian hadn’t taken shape for me. I just hadn’t met the right guy yet—the one who would make me start daydreaming of a perfect wedding like many of my friends were doing.
When I got to college, I finally met some people who were GLBTQ and out. Looking at them was like holding up a mirror to myself. My feelings started to make sense, like I’d finally found the missing piece to a big puzzle. But the thought that I might actually be a lesbian frightened me a lot. What would my family and friends say? How could I live “that kind” of life? Feeling hopeless—terrified to tell anyone what I was going through—I decided the only way to escape the conflict and pain I was experiencing was to end my life.
So one night I took an overdose of pills. But as I looked at myself in the mirror, something happened. From somewhere deep inside me I heard a voice that told me I had to live. That no matter what happened, no matter how hard my life was going to be, it was a life worth living. I asked someone to take me to the hospital and, fortunately, we made it there in time.
Now, nearly a decade later, my life is completely different. I have the love and support of my family. I have a wonderful partner. Life is challenging at times, but I’m grateful to have it. I feel very fortunate when I remember that I could have missed out on all of the incredible experiences I’ve had so far.
The journey from being a confused, scared teen to the out and proud person I am today was a road traveled not by big leaps, but instead by many small steps. As I’ve grown more accepting of myself, I’ve been able to get involved with helping other GLBTQ people and their families learn to love and accept themselves and each other. Through my work with PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and opportunities I’ve had because of this book, I’ve talked to young people terrified about coming out and to parents upset about children who have just told them they’re GLBTQ. It’s been amazing to watch these teens and families go from confusion and anger to acceptance and even joy about who they are.
A Changing World
As a GLBTQ teen, life can sometimes feel pretty lonely. It’s easy to think no one cares about what you’re going through, but people do care. All over the world, GLBTQ people, parents, friends, family members, and politicians are working to promote understanding and acceptance of those who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning. A lot of these efforts are focused on helping teens. PFLAG has made school safety one of its primary concerns. The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) is focused entirely on improving the school environment for GLBTQ students. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is fighting for more positive and accurate messages about queer people in the media.
These are just a few examples. Everyday people at other national and local organizations are making extraordinary progress in fighting for your rights. They’re educating school boards, principals, teachers, and other school staff. They’re holding in-school workshops and lobbying for better legislation at state capitols and in Washington, D.C. Progress is being made gradually. Life for GLBTQ people is getting better.
This book’s first edition was published in 2003. A lot has changed since then—so much so that this revision became necessary. That means there’s been progress. Not only are there many new resources for GLBTQ teens, but a lot of legislation protecting the civil rights of queer people has been created. And forget dancing around the topic “civil unions,” now we’re engaged in a full-on push for marriage rights.
This second edition is fully revised to reflect advances in GLBTQ rights. The sections I was most excited to update, though, are less tangible than facts and figures. They have to do with the changing attitudes among GLBTQ and straight teens.
Today’s queer teens are far more likely to be open-minded and have a broad view of sexuality and gender expression. Many young people choose not to label themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Instead they may identify as “pansexual,” “omnisexual,” “genderqueer,” or just “other.” This change in the way teens refer to themselves reflects an increased openness to nontraditional ideas of sexuality and gender identity.
Perspectives also have changed among straight teens. Overall, they are more accepting of GLBTQ peers (even though sometimes it might not feel like that). The impact of these attitudes on society as young people grow older and, eventually, inherit the world is exciting to contemplate. Communities will become even more accepting of all people—GLBTQ and straight alike.
You might be thinking, “That’s great, but what about right now? What about my school?” It’s easy to say that everything will be okay someday, that this is just part of growing up. But those kinds of reassurances don’t help you very much right now.
That’s why I originally wrote this book. I remember very clearly what it was like—the worries, insecurities, fears. One moment you might be upset about the grade you got on a quiz, the next you’re thinking about big questions like what you want to do with your life. And what if, on top of all that, you suddenly discover you’re attracted to someone of the same sex? Or what if you dread changing for gym class because you’re in the boys’ locker room, but inside you’ve always felt more like a girl?
Discovering that you might be GLBTQ is a big revelation, and accepting it is a process. One thing that can help in that process is information. This book can’t answer all of your questions or counter all of the misinformation and outright lies you may have heard about being GLBTQ. It does, however, have a lot of insight and advice you might not have found anywhere else.
About This Book
What will you find in GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens? For starters, you’ll read information from experts in psychology, sociology, and health care. These authorities offer a lot of insight about what it means to be queer. You’ll also find advice from people who work with national organizations advocating for GLBTQ rights, tips for coming out, ideas for creating a more accepting school environment, and help for a variety of other issues and situations.
This book also features true stories from teens and young adults who’ve been through situations you might be facing. Some of these stories may be very different from your own; others might seem to come from a page right out of your own life. These words from young people can offer support and real-life advice, and so can the books and websites suggested throughout the book.
I wrote this book with all GLBTQ teens in mind. It’s my hope that you’ll find it helpful, whether you’re secure with your sexual orientation or gender identity or just starting to explore these ideas. It’s important to remember that when it comes to questions about being GLBTQ, there aren’t a lot of cut-and-dry answers. Because every GLBTQ person is an individual, it’s difficult to provide answers that are appropriate for everyone. Even in the GLBTQ community there isn’t always agreement on details surrounding certain issues. This book offers commonly accepted answers, as well as suggestions for how you can find answers to your own questions.
GLBTQ is meant to be a handbook—use it as you need it. You might read the book from cover to cover, or you might use the contents and index to guide you to sections addressing just the issues you face. The book is a pressure-free zone. Regardless of where you are in your life, you can read the parts you’re ready for. The goal isn’t to come up with definitive answers, because some answers might lead to other questions. And that’s great. It’s all part of getting to know yourself.
Even if you’re just questioning or curious, that’s okay, too. You never have to pick a label for yourself if you don’t want to. Many people choose to identify as queer, or say, “I don’t identify. I just am who I am.” You may decide you’re just questioning right now, and that’s fine. The purpose of this book is not to make you choose a label, but to help you get to know yourself and be more comfortable with who you are.
GLBTQ people come in all shapes, sizes, and colors: We are African American, Latino, Caucasian, Native American, Asian, Arab American, and Indian. We are Catholic, Protestant, atheist, Buddhist, agnostic, Unitarian, Hindu, and Muslim. We can be teachers, lawyers, doctors, construction workers, executives, athletes, artists, writers, politicians, and any other type of professional you can imagine. And we are parents, friends, partners, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. GLBTQ people are everywhere, and we can be anything we want to be.
Since the first edition of this book was published I’ve heard from readers, both young and old, who have in some way been touched by its contents. Whether you have a question or story of your own to share, I welcome you to contact me. I can be reached via email (help4kids@freespirit.com) or at the following address.
Free Spirit Publishing
217 Fifth Avenue North, Suite 200
Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299
All the best to you,
Kelly Huegel
P.S. Do you want updated information on legislation and issues mentioned in this book? Visit the Facebook page for GLBTQ. I also provide updates on Twitter @GLBTQguide.
While daily life is getting better for GLBTQ people, it can still be incredibly challenging. This can be especially true for young people who may be coming to terms with being queer. If you’re feeling depressed or confused, or if you just want to talk to someone, call The Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386). Trained counselors will listen without judgment and provide advice on GLBTQ issues. The call is free, and it won’t appear on your phone bill. You can call 24 hours a day, any day of the year.