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“Kali.” Lincoln kept his feet firmly planted. He stared at the ground, wanting her to un-ask the question, change the subject, not make this night worse by digging into the past.
“Something happened. This hasn't always been your life.”
Her words flung him back to reality. They weren't friends or lovers sharing an intimate moment after a mutual loss; they were strangers, thrust together only until they'd be thrust apart.
“And you were right when you said our lives should be separate.”
Kali looked away. “They will be. I promise that. But tonight—” She met his gaze, her eyes shaded by lashes he could hardly believe were real. “Fine. I'll answer a question you asked me. His name's Marvin. My husband's father.” She leaned her head against her hand. “Even when I first met him he was a little off. He still had a home then, but not a job. He'd lost it a few years earlier. A few years after he lost his wife.” She hesitated. “I say home, but he lived in an apartment. He'd sold the home the boys grew up in. Couldn't afford it.” She wore a wistful smile. “He blames it all on himself—his wife's death, the boys growing up without a mother. She died when Derek was sixteen, but she'd been sick years earlier. Marvin was the smoker but all he got was a gravelly voice. That, and watching the woman he'd loved since he was twelve years old die of lung cancer.”
Lincoln grasped at the one thing he could think to say. “Boys? He has another son. Wouldn't he hel—”
“He jumped in the ocean after Derek.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah. Whoa.” Kali closed her eyes. “After that, Marvin fully lost it. Moved out of his apartment. I didn't see him for months. He didn't show up at the funeral. I still don't know where he was or what happened during that time. I thought he had died, maybe killed himself.” She stopped, her gaze on the hardwood. “Then one day I saw him. I tried to get him to move in with me. If he cleaned himself up, cleaned his mind up, he could find a job again.”
“That's not so easy.”
“No.” She shook her head. “It's as if he doesn't believe he deserves a home—him smoking inside, insisting on smoking inside, is what killed her. I guess in the early years she’d asked him not to, said she hated the stink. He thinks he's a failure as a husband, a failure as a father, a failure as a man. But he raised good men. Kind, generous men. That means something.” Kali paused. “There. I answered one of your questions.”
“Not a question about you.”
She bit her lip. “True. He's why I'm here, though, why I haven't tried to start over somewhere else. Theo's the one thing that gives him any joy. The one thing to make him smile.”
“I'm pretty sure you give him joy.”
“What?” She let out a small laugh. “I plague him. Always trying to get him to change his life.”
“I've seen you two together. He doesn't view you as a plague.”
“You're some stalker.” She smiled. A light, easy, comfortable smile.
“I'm observant. Not the same thing.” Lincoln stood. He couldn't see that smile again. Not tonight. “Congrats on the job.” He paused, offered a half smile. “Really.” Another pause. “I'm off to bed.”
***
KALI STAYED ON THE couch. He was right. She hadn't told him anything truly personal. She was just hoping for a moment of connection. Just a moment. A moment where, perhaps, she could be strong for someone else instead of always having to be strong for herself. A moment where she could stop thinking about her own life and focus on someone else's.
Kali closed her eyes and let darkness settle over the room. Something was wrong. She knew enough to know that. The headaches. The blurred vision. The nausea. But it didn't mean she had something to worry about. She'd seen dozens, hundreds of patients come into the ER scared about the symptoms she was experiencing. Stress could be the cause. And she was stressed. A vitamin deficiency. Diabetes, perhaps, though she doubted that. Some bug her body was slowly fighting off.
Two and a half more weeks. Then she'd be on Westwood's benefits plan, and if it was something more serious, something she’d need medicine for, she'd have eighty-five-percent coverage. She could get through two more weeks. She opened her eyes to the shadowed room. Even one night away from the books and her vision was sharper. Maybe that's all it was. She hadn't read so much in years.
On Natal Day Kali woke with a smile. No pain. She hadn't worked the night before and wouldn't work today. Not good for her bank account, but good for her boy, for the decision she had to make. Dr. Richards had shown Theo photos and videos of fireworks over the past month, had explained how it worked, and where the noise came from. Had told him maybe he'd get to see them one day.
After every appointment she asked Kali if she'd talked to Theo about the fireworks yet, if she'd made her decision. She hadn't. Maybe, she thought, she'd let Theo stay up. Give him ear plugs. Stand with him at the window. Safe. Protected. Maybe that would be enough.
Kali stretched. The apartment was cool. She crossed the hall and closed the living room window. A glance toward the door told her Lincoln had left. He'd gone to his lot less since Romper went home. Maybe three times in the past week and a half. Yet he was gone every day. Where he went, she didn't know. Boots gone meant the lot. Sneakers gone meant somewhere else. Once, she'd seen him in the library. Once, she'd seen him making his way toward Point Pleasant, the large park on the tip of the peninsula.
Wherever he was, he wasn't home. He was almost never home. Yet, after the night she'd told him about Marvin something shifted. They hadn't gone back to the way things were before she'd yelled at him, but they were easier around each other. Lincoln, when he was home, tried even harder to make Theo laugh or offered to take him to the park. He asked her polite questions about work, and she asked him polite questions about the tree house—which actually sounded like a complex and highly technical endeavour. She wanted to see it but felt weird saying so.
They were roommates. Nothing more, nothing less.
Every now and then, if the wind shifted just right, Kali heard the sound of children laughing, of music. She'd spent the early morning doing a puzzle with Theo, then reading him a book. The city's Natal Day festivities started at ten. Most of the events were at the Commons, but the library was doing something, and the community garden had a face painter. They had options.
But it was 10:24 and still they were in the apartment. Who was more afraid of the noise and the people—Theo or her?
Theo laid stomach-down on the couch, a comic book Lincoln had bought splayed out in front of him. It was far too advanced, but he poured over the pictures.
“Want to see if Cherie would like to go to the park with us?”
Theo looked up, a large smile on his face.
“You could maybe get your face painted. And listen to music.”
The smile remained, shrunk, grew. Theo held both arms up then clenched and unclenched his fingers while puffing out bursts of air with his pursed lips.
Kali inhaled, her smile on tight. “Fireworks?”
He nodded.
“Fireworks happen at night, Sweetie. It's day.”
Theo tilted his head to the side. Blinked. Looked at her like ... like she was the one who didn't get it. He rolled off the couch and marched to the door, collapsed in front of it, and pulled his sneakers on with vigour.
Don't let them tease him. Please, don't let them tease him. Kali pulled on her boots.
She knocked on Mrs. Martin's door. The woman opened it with a huff; the scent of fresh biscuits and baked apples wafted out around her.
“You're not bringing him today. You said you had today off.”
“Oh, I do.” Kali kept Theo in front of her, a hand on each of his shoulders. “We're going to some of the festivities and thought Cherie might like to join.”
“Cherie's off with her parents today.”
“Oh, maybe we'll see them there, then.”
“No, they went to the Valley to visit her father's people. Coming back here tonight for dinner and the fireworks, though.” Theo tugged on Kali's shirt. Mrs. Martin bent down toward Theo. “I'll tell her you were by.”
“Thanks. Thank you.” Kali lingered a moment longer. It smelled so good. Not that she couldn't bake herself. She could. But to sit with a family, to eat food she hadn't prepared. Home-style food, not the fancy stuff Lincoln made.
Mrs. Martin did a lot for her. Too much. She couldn't ask to join her family's celebration. “That's nice. Having them over. Your other grandkids coming too? Your son?”
“Sure are.” Mrs. Martin placed a hand on her hip. “So I better get back to cooking. You two have fun.”
“Thanks.” Kali stepped back from the door, trying not to let her disappointment at the dismissal show. “Enjoy your day.”
“Will do, Sweetie.”
Kali took Theo's hand in hers and led him down the steps. “Face painting!” She grinned at him. “This will be so much fun.”
And it was fun. And not one kid said a nasty word. Not to his face, at least. His lion-painted face. A few friendly kids tried to talk to him and seemed slightly perturbed when he didn't talk back. Several asked their parents about it. Two asked Theo about it. He just smiled his sweet smile. To one, he'd given a silent happy roar.