| |
Kali nodded.
“You understand, yes? I need to know that you're hearing me, that you comprehend—”
“I understand.” Kali spurted the words. She closed her eyes—Breathe. Just breathe—then opened them wide. How could she ever close her eyes again, knowing one day when she opened them—
“Kali, are you—”
“I’m fine.”
“I know this is so little ... nothing really, but—”
Kali snatched the pamphlets Dr. Pickles placed before her and stuffed them in her satchel.
“I'm sorry.” Dr. Pickles closed the file that held her CT Scan results.
He did look sorry. He looked close to tears. A mound rose in Kali's throat and she swallowed it down.
“This isn't a death sentence. There's no reason to—”
“I know,” she snapped. Kali looked to the desk then took a breath and met Dr. Pickles’ gaze. This man was not her enemy; he’d cared for her, her mother, her son. Kali blinked away a tear and tried again, her voice calm. “I know. Thank you.” She stood. She smiled.
“Next you’ll see the neuro-ophthalmologist. She’ll perform visual field and visual acuity tests, then probably pass you along to neurosurgery, or perhaps radio—” Dr. Pickles cut off. “She’ll be able to tell you more.”
“Next week.” Kali gave a curt nod, the smile still pressed on her face. She clenched her calf and thigh muscles repeatedly, refusing to let herself faint.
***
LINCOLN PACED. HE LOOKED up to the apartment complex. It was new. Five years old at the most. It housed dozens, maybe hundreds. It had to be, what, fifteen floors high? And somewhere within all those rooms sat Kali and Theo.
And what did he want from them? To say hello? To go for a walk? To beg them to come back and live with him? Each option seemed equally ridiculous. He was nothing to them. And they were nothing to him, except for the fact that they were.
Lincoln held two baseball mitts in his hand. One large, one so small it seemed more for a doll than a boy. They were his excuse, his reason for being here: to teach Theo to catch a ball, to improve his throw.
Inside the small enclosed section before the building's foyer, Lincoln scanned a digital list of names. But what would he say when he buzzed? What would she think? If only she'd forgotten something, that could have been his excuse—his legitimate reason. But to show up where she lived, to not even call first, it was weird. Disturbing. That's what she'd see, Lincoln the stalker.
Why hadn't he called? Because he was scared she'd say no. Tell him they'd moved on—both literally and figuratively—and he should too. He had his hand poised to press her buzzer when the foyer door opened. He smiled at the woman exiting and slipped through before the door closed.
Less than a minute later his hand was poised again—this time to knock at apartment 912.
“Lincoln?” Kali pushed the heel of her hand under her right cheek. Her eyes widened then slanted. “What are you doing here?”
“I—” The slant wasn't just from anger or confusion, her eyes were red and rimmed. “Have you been crying? Are you hurt?”
She waved a hand. “What are you doing here?”
He held up the gloves. “I thought I'd see if Theo wanted to play catch.”
Her face twisted. “So you just show up? Why didn't you call?”
Good question. “I was in the area and I thought, well, if you're busy that's fine. If it's a bad time or—”
“How did you even know where I live?”
“Mrs. Martin.”
She stared, then sighed. “I don't know. It's not great, but, come in.”
He walked through the small entryway. Shoes were strewn across the area. Pictures and prints hung on the wall, ones he'd never seen. Theo in various stages of life. An older woman who must be her mother. Kali.
Why hadn't she hung these in his apartment? Should he have asked, offered her the chance to make the place feel like home?
The furniture he recognized, with a few extra additions. They passed through the kitchen and into the living room where Theo lay sprawled across the floor with Kali's laptop in front of him. Some game with bright coloured creatures flashed across the screen. Theo turned and his face exploded in a smile.
Before Lincoln could blink Theo's arms were wrapped around his legs, squeezing.
Lincoln rested a hand on the boy's head and turned to Kali, his heart clenching. “Guess he remembers me.”
Kali stepped back, her arms crossed. “I guess so.”
Lincoln pulled the boy off of him and crouched down, his hands on Theo's shoulders. “You miss me?”
A nod and a grin.
“Good.” Lincoln grinned back. “I missed you too. Like a bear misses honey.”
Theo giggled.
“You been taking care of your mom?”
A huge nod.
“You like your new apartment?”
His head wobbled this time—a bit of a nod, a bit of a shake. He put his hand on Lincoln's chest.
“It looks like a fabulous place to live. And you have your own room?”
This time the nod was ecstatic.
Lincoln stood and looked to Kali, whose hand was on her chest. “Are you okay?”
She shrugged.
He stayed where he stood, scared by the urge to reach out, to draw her to him, to tell her whatever it was, he would help. It would get better. “The place feels so huge without you two.”
“But that's good, right?”
Lincoln inhaled. Now he was the one to shrug.
“Anyway, things with us are wonderful.” She spread an arm to the side. “This apartment is wonderful. The job is wonderful. Life is wonderful.” She bit her bottom lip, halting its tremble. “Thanks, again, you know. For giving us the time I needed to get here.”
Lincoln willed his feet to stay still, his arms to remain at his side. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing.” She snapped, then waved a hand between them. “Nothing big. Just, uh ... been having some trouble sleeping. And the job is wonderful, but a little intense. Settling into a new life, you know. Things are busy.” She looked to Theo. “And he needs time to adjust. You coming here, confusing him, isn't the best thing.”
“I didn't mean to—”
“But it is confusing, right? He loved being at Mrs. Martin's. He, for some reason, loved your place. And now all these new things to get used to and you come here, stepping right into them. What if he thinks he's going back with you? That we're going back with you?”
Theo tugged on Kali's shirt.
Kali looked down at him. “We're not.” Then back to Lincoln. “You see?” Her voice was strained. “Maybe it's best if you don't come around.” She stepped to the island separating the kitchen from the living room and leaned against it, almost as if she needed the support.
“Kali?”
“What? God!” She turned away, one palm pressed hard against the island, the other against her forehead. She looked up with a forced smile. “You should be happy. I know we were a bother. I know we messed up your way of life. So go back to that. How is the house coming, anyway? Lots of improvement?”
“It's coming.” And it was, but that didn't seem to matter right now.
“That's great. That's perfect.”
She was fighting. Tears. Kali was fighting tears. Lincoln stepped toward her. “What is it? What happened?”
“Can you leave? Please. Just—” She was shaking. Literally trembling. Lincoln crossed the space between them and took her in his arms. She clung to him.
“What is it? What—”
“No.” The word came out in a growl and she pushed him away. “Just go. Please. It's nothing. I'm fine. Everything is fine.”
“Kali.”
“Leave my apartment now.”
So he did, with a wave to Theo, whose eyes were wide. He stood outside her door. She was telling him to leave, but did she really mean stay? Should he have, no matter what she meant? For that brief moment, she'd clung to him like a drowning woman. He put his hand on the doorknob to go back inside. It was locked.