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Lincoln stood in the library. He didn't want to make the call here. It was part of why he hadn't called last time. The week before, someone had cut the cord of one of the few pay phones left in the neighbourhood. Why someone would do that, he couldn't figure out. He picked up the handset, dialled Kali's number for the first time ever, and pulled the phone as far down the hall as he could without snapping it.
The phone rang. Two, three, four times. He was about to give up when a voice sounded in his ear. “Hello?”
“Kali, hi.”
“Hi.”
“It's Lincoln.”
“I know.”
He swallowed. Why did she sound like that? What was her problem? He kept his voice friendly. “Sorry for showing up like that the other day. I know I should have called.”
“Yeah.”
“It seemed to be a bad time. Are you okay now?”
Silence.
“Kali?”
“Yeah.”
“You're okay?”
“What do you want, Lincoln?”
He stepped back, as if her words, or her tone, rather, had spit in his face. “I just wanted—” He hesitated. “I miss you.”
More silence.
“Both of you, I mean. And Theo. Has—”
“What? Has he asked about you? Has he magically started talking about you? Are you the key to unlocking the mystery?”
It was his turn to be silent. She sighed.
“Look, I'm sorry, okay.” Silence. “He drew you. He ... he misses you too, I guess.”
“Yeah?”
“He doesn't have a lot of men in his life.”
“Well, I was thinking maybe some time, it doesn't have to be today or anything, but maybe sometime this week I could see him? Take him to the park, or to play catch or—”
“Why?”
“I told you.”
“I'm not interested, Lincoln. If that's what this is about. I know there was that one night, but I thought I made it clear—”
“Look, I'm asking to take your son to the park, not to date you. Okay? I wouldn't mind being your friend—and don't go telling me you have more than enough of those because I know you don't—but if you don't want my friendship, at least let me have Theo's.” Lincoln paused. “He's a good kid. And I'm a good man, and as you said, he doesn't have a lot of men in his life.”
“He doesn't need—”
“Maybe he doesn't. Maybe you're enough for him. You probably are. You're amazing. I get that. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve a break from time to time, and that doesn't mean he couldn't benefit from having someone in his life beyond you.”
Her voice came out ragged, almost raspy. “And when you get bored?”
“I won't get bored.”
“Or move out into the woods to live your hobbit life and forget Theo ever existed?”
Lincoln grinned. “My hermit life?”
“What?”
“You said hobbit. I'm not going to shrink.”
“Huh? What? Oh.” She laughed, and it was a like a gift. “Yeah, hermit.”
“I'm already living in the woods.”
“What?”
“For almost the last two weeks. But I have a truck. I come into town.” He hesitated, thinking of the words, of Thoreau's visits, of his visitors. “It’s forty-five minutes. Living out there doesn't mean I have to cut myself off from life or from people. If you want some guarantee I won't drop Theo or get bored, or busy, or forget, I'll give it to you. Once a week. Twice. Whatever you want. I'll make a pact.”
More silence.
“Kali?”
“Why?”
“Why ...?”
“Why are you so interested? Why do you care?”
“Have you met your son?”
He could almost hear her smile in the silence. Hear her giving in. “Okay. How about Monday? Three-thirty to six ... I’ll probably be free far before then, but—” she paused. “That will give you two some time.” A deep breath. “I planned to take him to Mrs. Martin's, but he can hang out with you instead.”
Lincoln hesitated. “No sooner?”
“I just ...” Kali sighed. “That way you’d be helping me out too.”
“You want me to pick him up?”
“You still have your old place?”
“Yeah.”
“I'll drop him off.”
They said their goodbyes and Lincoln put the phone back in its holder. It was a victory. A small one, but a victory nonetheless.
On Monday Lincoln had the baseball gloves out and was waiting on the steps to his apartment ten minutes early. She hadn't mentioned it, but it was likely Theo wouldn't have had dinner when he arrived. They'd toss the ball around at the Commons then get something to eat on Quinpool Road. Maybe that gourmet burger joint. Lincoln could imagine the way Theo's eyes would grow as the server laid down a burger half the size of his head in front him.
Lincoln tossed the ball from hand to hand, amazed at the excitement that surged through him. He'd been weak in Montreal. Weak in letting his life be ruled by others, determined by others. He was done with that. He didn't understand in exactly what capacity, but he knew what he wanted now: a life not ruled by schedules, numbers, and all of society's expectations. A life with Kali and Theo in it, in some capacity at least. Some regular capacity.
Thinking she'd move to the woods was crazy. But weekend trips? Possible—at some point in the future. For now, whatever she was willing to give, he'd take, and adapt his life to make it work. He wasn't willing to give up the woods, the house, the life he'd been dreaming of. Not yet. Not entirely. But he'd figure it out. Somehow, he'd merge their existences.
Every time a car came down the street Lincoln had his eye on it. When at last that car was hers, he stood and waved. Kali pulled up to the curb and turned off the engine. She didn't look at him; she was turned around, saying something to Theo. After a few moments she unbuckled, stepped out of the car, and around to the back passenger side. Theo had undone his booster seat and had one hand up against the glass, the other one waving frantically at Lincoln. When the door opened, Theo bolted across the sidewalk and slammed into Lincoln's legs before Lincoln even had a chance to think about crouching down to catch the boy in a proper hug.
Lincoln pulled Theo away enough to lower down and let the boy wrap his arms around his shoulders instead.
“Let me guess?” he asked when Theo finally pulled away. “You missed me.”
Theo nodded.
“Like this?” Lincoln spread his thumb and forefinger apart about half as far as they'd go.
Theo shook his head and spread his arms so far back his chest popped out.
“Oh, well that's good.” Lincoln laughed. “'Cause I missed you like this.” He imitated Theo's motion. “Times fifty.”
Theo wrapped his arms around Lincoln once more. Lincoln swallowed and raised his gaze to Kali. Her back was against her car, an unreadable expression on her face. Sadness? Wariness? Confusion?
“Hey.”
“Hey.” She reached into the car and pulled out Theo's backpack. “I packed a sandwich for—”
“No,” Lincoln waved a hand, “don't worry about that. We'll have a dinner date.”
“Okay, well.” She passed him the backpack. “A sweater and one of his books. Some water.”
“Great.”
She looked to the car, chewed on the corner of her lip, then turned back to Lincoln. “I'll be back by six.”
“You going to be around here? If not, I could always drop him off. We could throw his booster seat in my truck and—”
“No. I'll be here. Six.” She rubbed her forearm. “You still don't have a phone, do you?”
“No.”
“A watch?”
“I'll ask people.”
“Ridiculous.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. Her throat convulsed as she swallowed.
“Kali?” Lincoln stepped forward. “What's going on?”
“Nothing!” She softened her voice. “Nothing. I'm fine. Come here, Sweetie.” She knelt and motioned for Theo. “Have fun, okay?”
He nodded.
She kissed his forehead. And then she was back in the car. Lincoln watched until the vehicle turned out of sight, then he looked to Theo. “You wanna play ball?”
A nod and a grin.
“Race you to the Commons?”
Another nod and they were off.
***
KALI STEPPED INTO HER car and slammed the door. She closed her eyes then opened them, greedy to see the people passing by, the trees, the cars, everything. Her vision blurred. She wiped her eyes frantically. She didn't have time for this. She needed to get home, see Theo, hold Theo, memorize Theo.
She pulled into traffic. How many more times would she be able to do this? And when she couldn't? Kali indicated and merged into the roundabout on the way to Mrs. Martin's. Every aspect of driving required sight. Good sight. Clear sight.
And what if Theo never spoke? What if she couldn't see the way he tilted his head, each movement meaning something slightly different? The way his eyes widened or squinted, how a smile could mean so many things?
She turned down Cornwallis and waited at the light. Turn. Turn. Turn. She almost hit the gas and then eased off. If she got a ticket now, no one would believe it had nothing to do with her vision. She eased through the intersection then swung right onto Maitland. She took Mrs. Martin's front steps two at a time and banged on the door.
“I'm coming. I'm coming.” A voice hollered from within.
Mrs. Martin appeared, a baby on one hip and a mixing bowl in the other.
“Child.”
“Theo.” Kali looked past the woman. “Theo, come on!”
“Kali?”
“Mrs. Martin, I've got to go. Can you get him?”
“Theo's not here.”
“What?”
“You called me, said you didn't need—”
“Damn.”
“Sweetie.” Mrs. Martin set the bowl on a door-side table and grasped Kali's arm as she tried to turn around. “What's going on?”
“I just forgot ... I ... sorry.”
“You know where he is?”
“Yes. Yes. He's with Lincoln. I have to—”
“Oh, that nice young man. Odd, but—”
“Mrs. Martin.” Kali looked to her arm.
“You all right, Sweetie?”
“Yes, I—”
“You're not. Kali, what—”
Kali pulled out of the woman's grasp. “I've got to go. I'm sorry. I—” She turned and held a hand out in parting as she ran back to her car.
Kali ran up the stairs to Lincoln's door and pounded. Waited. Pounded. “Lincoln.” Pounded again. “Lincoln!” Damn.
“Kali?”
Kali turned to see the bottom floor neighbour, Sandy, shuffling out in her house dress. “Kali, is that you? What's going on?”
“Nothing, I—”
“Such noise.”
“I'm sorry.”
“Don't think Lincoln's here.”
“I know. I—”
“If you know, why are you banging on the door?”
Not now. She couldn't handle this right now. “Well, he's not answering, so now I know.”
“Oh.” Sandy shook her head. “Better just come back.”
“Mmhmm.”
“But no more banging.”
“No more banging.”
Kali waited until the woman had shuffled back into her apartment then rifled through her satchel. She pulled out a pen and her notebook. Ended early. Going out to look for you. She paused. And then what? She'd been in and out of the doctor's office so fast it was only quarter to five. She started again. Ended early. Thought I'd head home and get some work done. Please bring Theo home after all.
She ripped off the bottom half of the page and tried to slide it in the door. The paper drifted to the floor. She could leave it there, right in front ... but what if he didn't see it? Damn Lincoln. Who didn't have a phone?
She rifled through her purse again and pulled out a pack of gum. It was gross, but so what? She popped a piece in her mouth and chewed rapidly. Once it seemed pliable enough she pulled out the wad and stuck it on the door. She stared at the note. Guilt bubbled up. Lincoln would have to scrape that off. The building might be a dump, but Lincoln kept his place clean, orderly.
She had to do it. She couldn't just stay here. Just wait. For over an hour. She couldn't be anywhere right now except her own space. She looked up and down the street, hoping, then got back in her car and pulled away.