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Marvin didn't speak on the drive back to Halifax. Again, his hands were clasped tightly to the door and armrest. As they crossed the bridge, Lincoln looked over. “Where am I taking you?”
Marvin stared straight ahead.
“Marvin, I—”
“Where do you live?”
“Brunswick.”
“Brunswick's fine.”
“I can take you any—”
“Brunswick's perfect.”
Lincoln turned onto Gottingen Street without another word. On Brunswick, he looped his truck around to park in front of his house. Marvin's hands settled on his lap. He looked over. “I lost my head a little there. It happens.” He looked down. “Sometimes.”
Lincoln pushed out a smile. It wavered.
“I wasn't always like this. I used to be ... okay, you know?”
“I'm sure—”
“I was a school teacher. History.”
“Oh yeah?”
Marvin nodded. “My wife was too. The kids loved her. Not just our kids. The students.”
Lincoln tapped the wheel. “She sounds great.”
“She was. Beautiful. Sweet. Perfect.” Marvin let out a little laugh. “Not perfect. Nobody's perfect. But she was perfect to me.”
Lincoln offered a close-lipped smile.
“She taught English and Music. She sang like an angel.” A long pause. “But I was a smoker.”
Lincoln turned to him. “Kali told me. I'm sorry for your—”
“Kali told you? She talked about—”
“Just a bit. Just the gist, you know?”
“Oh, it's okay. I don't mind.” A stronger laugh. “My life is an open book.” His head fell again. “Beatrice would be so disappointed in me. I did my best for the boys. I kept it together as long as I could. As best I could, anyway. And then they jumped in the ocean.” He paused, all signs of the unhinged man who'd paced Kali's apartment gone. “At least I raised me some heroes. That says something, wouldn't you say?”
“Yeah.” Lincoln's heart raced. This man had watched the woman he loved die. Witnessed the day by day victory of a disease. And it destroyed him.
Would Kali's death be similar? Maybe not, maybe not even close. But it'd be hard. Her life would be hard, as would his, if he forced himself into hers.
“I stopped the day she got the diagnosis. The very day. Never picked up another cigarette.”
“Kali told me that too.”
“But it was too late.”
“Where are you staying tonight, Marvin? I have an extra room. Why don't you—”
“No. No.” Marvin opened the truck door and stepped down like a man much older than he was. “Today was my first day in a car in four years. The first time in someone's home too. That's enough.”
Lincoln untied the tarp and pulled Marvin's cart off the truck bed. Marvin grasped the handle as if his life depended on it. “You still want her?”
“Huh?” Lincoln knew exactly what Marvin was asking, but wasn't sure how to answer.
“If you do, make sure you know what that means. If you don't, get lost now. Get lost fast.”
Lincoln grimaced.
“There's programs and such, right? She'll figure it out. Won't end up like me.”
“No. No, she won't.”
Were there programs? And if Lincoln were to walk away, was this man the only person Kali would have?
Marvin pulled his cart to the curb. “Thanks for the ride, son. I hope I see you around.”
Marvin clanked down the street and turned the corner. Once the man was out of sight, Lincoln walked the steps to his apartment's door. The feeling of wanting to flee came back—different this time. He wanted to run away from this place, straight to Kali's building, up her stairs, and bang on her door. He wanted to convince her she wasn't alone, convince her somehow things would be okay, her life would be okay.
Terror coursed through him. At least he had the answer to Marvin's question.
***
KALI WOKE THEO WITH a smile. “How's my brave little man?”
His arms reached out and she cuddled him against her.
“In much pain?”
He shook his head.
She ran a thumb across his forehead. Speak. Just speak. “Hungry?”
A large nod.
“All right. Pick out some clothes and I'll go make you breakfast.”
He grinned.
She stood, then bent down again and kissed his face, her smile on strong. Kali fluffed her hair and jutted out her chin when she stepped outside his room. She could do this. She had no choice but to do this.
What she wanted was to stay in Theo's room, crawl into his bed, and stare at him for hours, memorize him—every curve of his features, every eyelash, every perfect little tooth.
But she couldn't. She had a life to live. The doctor's warning didn't mean anything, or didn't have to mean anything. Not yet. She could still have weeks, days, years until her vision became a real problem ... probably not years, but stranger things had happened. Miracles happened.
It wasn't a Friday, but Kali made pancakes with chocolate chips. Would she be able to do this if she was blind? Would the treatment Dr. Manning referenced work? Would she get it in time?
Most likely, even if her vision left entirely, she could manage to measure out all the ingredients, to locate those ingredients—each item would need its own place—but what about knowing the perfect moment to flip each pancake? How would she know the bubbles had popped?
Kali looked at the clock. Eight-thirty. She should call a cab. Lincoln may not show. Not that she even wanted him to. A cab would be easier. Simpler.
“Hey, baby!”
Theo shuffled into the kitchen. He pointed to his arm.
“It starting to hurt now?”
A nod, with the sweetest little smile.
“Sit there. As soon as the pancakes are ready you can have a pill that'll make it feel so much better.”
He climbed up into his chair, the one Lincoln had made. Kali flipped two pancakes on a plate for Theo and brought it to him. How would she tell him her sight was going? That she had a tumour in her head? How would she make him understand? Be sure he understood?
Kali sat across from Theo. Only when he tapped his plate then pointed at hers did she take a bite. When they'd both finished and Theo had taken his pill, she cleared the plates. 8:48. Lincoln definitely wouldn't show. Kali called a cab.
At 8:55, when the buzzer hadn't rung, Kali held out Theo's backpack and walked to the elevator.
She pushed her way out into the sunshine, one hand grasping Theo's booster seat. Lincoln. Standing against his truck, a smile travelling across his face as he saw them. He walked over, something in his hand, and bent to Theo. “Hey, buddy.” He held up a marker. “Anyone sign it yet?”
Theo looked to Kali, a question on his face, then turned back to Lincoln and shook his head.
“Sweet. Then I'll be the first.” Lincoln drew a big smiley face then wrote: Get better soon. We've got a ball to toss! He read it to Theo and the boy grinned. Lincoln stood, uncertainty on his face. “Morning. How are you?”
“Fine. Thanks.”
Kali opened the back door of the truck and helped Theo in. Lincoln pulled the truck into the street as Kali called the cab company and cancelled. Lincoln looked over but didn't say a word. She started to direct him to Westwood.
“I know where it is.” He kept his eyes on the road. “The main campus?”
Kali glanced at him. “Yeah.” Had he stalked her there, too? She gave herself a mental shake. He grew up in the city. Of course he knew the place. She looked out the window.
With Theo dropped off, the silence in the truck seemed louder. Kali stole glances at Lincoln. He stared straight ahead, his jaw set. Did he regret picking her up? Was he coming up with an excuse not to pick her up after her appointment? Not that she cared. She could take the bus, no problem. So he could give his excuses and it wouldn't matter to her. She could do this on her own. She would. All of it. Handle all of it.
Most likely Dr. Manning would say she was being overly cautious, not driving. Some people drove with one eye. She could drive with reduced peripheral vision. No problem. If it was a problem, her license would be gone.
“Has Theo talked again?”
Anger bubbled. Kali glared at him. “No.”
“Did you look into it? Talk to the therapist?”
“I've been a little preoccupied.”
“Yeah. Right. Of course.” He tossed her a small smile. “You want to talk about it?”
“I'd rather not talk at all.”
Lincoln returned his gaze to the road. Kali leaned her head against the back of the seat and turned toward the window, hiding the tear that escaped down her cheek. She was a bitch. Why was she being such a bitch? She wiped her face. Whatever. If there was a day she had a right to be a bitch, this was that day. Still. She turned to Lincoln, opened her mouth to apologize, looked away again, her gaze focused on the water sloshing in the harbour far below.
What if Lincoln was all she had? What if she needed him? And what if he ran?