A moon had passed since White Elk had gone on his Vision Quest. When Golden Fox saw him ride back into the Sister Wolf Band’s camp, although she was on patrol with Blazing Fire, she pressed her leg into Splash’s side and swung the mustang around to race into camp.

Blazing Fire got ahead of her and slowly forced Splash to a halt. “A warrior does not leave her band unprotected. Only a foolish little girl would do this.”

Splash pranced sideways. “White Elk has returned!”

A shrug of indifference fell from Blazing Fire’s shoulders. “Of course, he has returned. This is his home. We knew he would return.”

“But... I have to go see him.” Golden Fox attempted to nudge Splash around Blazing Fire’s fight-trained mustang, but the larger animal easily kept her from moving forward.

Stern lines bracketed the warrior’s mouth. “You have much to do here.”

“I will not be gone long. I promise!”

A sigh slipped past the warrior’s lips. “It does not matter how long you would be gone. You must never leave your people unprotected. If you wish to be a warrior, you can never forget this responsibility, not even if your heart should break. It is your peoples’ hearts that must first be tended. Do you understand what I say, Golden Fox?”

Drawing a shaky breath, she nodded. “I... I am sorry. Again, I have acted as a child.”

“No, you have acted as a young woman whose heart is confused.”

She stared down at the camp as White Elk rubbed his mustang with grass. He picked up his carry-all and his sleeping robe, and walked toward Dances In Storms’ lodge. As he ducked under the flap entrance, Golden Fox had to bite her lip to keep it from quivering. He did not even look toward her family’s lodge, now hers alone.

A gentle hand squeezed her shoulder. “White Elk has returned from a Vision Quest, Golden Fox. He cannot speak to anyone until he goes to sweat with the Holy Woman. You know this.”

“But, maybe, even if Dances In Storms was not a Holy Woman, he would still go to her lodge first.” She hated the way her throat clogged.

“No one can know the heart of another. It does not matter. We must patrol to keep our people safe.”

As Blazing Fire returned to the path they patrolled, Golden Fox gave one last lingering look, then whirled Splash around and followed the warrior.

***

Golden Fox did not return to her lodge until Father Sun had dipped behind the edge of the land. A fire glowed in the lodge’s pit, and the smell of roasted meat filled her nostrils. Tired from a long day of sparring with Blazing Fire, and then patrolling the rim of the canyon, she folded her legs and gratefully sank to the ground.

Deer Woman handed her a steaming bowl of tubers and a slab of elk meat. “Stands His Ground brought us fresh meat. It has been cold, so I told Sky Bird I would come and start your fire and fix you a meal.”

Golden Fox smiled her thanks as she chewed and swallowed the hot food. “Why did Mother not come to join us for this meal?”

“It would be best to speak of this after our stomachs are filled.”

When Golden Fox set aside her food bowl, Deer Woman handed her a hot drink made from plants. The soothing aroma was one of Sky Bird’s special mixes.

Sipping it, she waited for Deer Woman to broach the reason for her presence.

“White Elk returned, and has gone to the sweat lodge with Dances In Storms and Long Sun.” When Golden Fox did not respond, Deer Woman continued. “There is a story I wish to share with you, Golden Fox.”

“I would be honored to listen.” She respectfully bowed her head toward the Elder.

Deer Woman cradled the bowl of warm drink in her hands, and spoke. “As a very young girl, I knew in what way I was different. My mother hoped that once I had my womanhood ceremony, my body would make my heart more open to the relationships between women and men. The ceremony only made me sure that I was a Two-Spirit.”

She sipped her drink as she gathered her thoughts “My parents were not as Sky Bird’s mother and father. I was beaten. Stands His Ground was gone on his travels during this time. When he returned, he put a stop to our parents’ cruelty by taking me to our sister band to live.

“As you know, my parents died in a raid long cycles of seasons ago. I did not weep for them, though I helped Stands His Ground sing them to the campfires in the sky. It was then we came back to this band, the one we grew up in.”

With one hand, she tugged at the fringe along the sides of her leggings. “I had learned to feel shame about the way I was, and hid it, even from your mother, who was my best friend. Stands His Ground never told my secret.”

She set aside her drink and crossed her legs, eyes locked on Golden Fox’s. “I also hid that my heart belonged to your mother. For many cycles of seasons, I watched how Stands His Ground’s face would light up like Father Sun when your mother was near. My brother did not know how I died inside, each time he spoke to me of how he hoped to win Sky Bird as his mate. When she accepted strands of sky beads from him, I was sure that they would join. My heart shattered like ice on a pond.”

“I am sorry you endured so much.” Golden Fox felt the other woman’s pain and clutched her chest.

Deer Woman’s eyes held kindness. “I know that you feel the pain of others, and I do not tell you this to cause you pain. I am happy now. Sky Bird chose me. I tell this story so you might understand that my words do not come from a woman who has never known the hurt of loving someone she may never have.”

“How did you live with such pain for so long, Deer Woman?” Voice hoarse, Golden Fox leaned toward the older woman.

“I learned who I was. I used the love I had for Sky Bird to become a stronger person, a person who lived a life to heal others. If Sky Bird had come to my lodge when I was young, I would have become someone very different. Wrapped up in her like I wrap up in a sleeping robe during the cold season, I would not have become whole. I would not have searched out my gifts and studied how to make them better and stronger.”

She rose and walked around the fire. Kneeling next to Golden Fox, she took the younger woman’s hand between hers. “To make our People stronger, maybe strong enough to survive when the whites come into our land, we must each become all that the Great Mystery has given us to become. We cannot be so wrapped up in another person that we push aside our own gifts, so that we may serve only them. Do you understand what I am saying, Golden Fox?”

“I... I think so.” She slapped at a tear fighting its way down her cheek.

“I have watched you grow, and wished that Sky Bird and I could have raised you in our own lodge. Each cycle of seasons, I have watched your Power grow and reveal itself. In my heart—” She tapped her chest with one hand. “—I know the Great Mystery has given you Power to help our people. If White Elk is to walk beside you, it must be beside you, not in front and not behind. It must be because the gifts you have, and the Power you have, can grow stronger with him in your lodge. But, for this to happen, you must find who you are and become that woman, and he must find who he is and become that man.”

“I do not think I can share him with another, Deer Woman. I... I know it is selfish of me to want to deny Dances In Storms a chance to have a child of her own, but it would break me into many small pieces if he took her to his sleeping robes. It... it would be better for me to stand aside, for he would make her a fine mate.”

Deer Woman embraced her and then stood. The firelight played across her strong cheekbones and firm chin. “That may be the path you must walk, Golden Fox. Go into the canyons and pray to Great Mystery to give you clear eyes, so you might see how you can best serve your people. Remember, our lives are not given to us to use only so we may be happy, but to protect and to nurture and to teach our people.”

***

Father Sun still hid below the horizon when Golden Fox rode Splash through the dark space between the canyon walls, which led into the camp. Not knowing where she should go, she let Splash choose the direction, until they had left the camp behind.

Snow glistened on the ground, the crunch of Splash’s feet loud in the cold, quiet season. A shallow indentation in the wall of the canyon caught her eye. With bow in hand, she carefully approached. The spot was deeper than it first appeared, deep enough to be a good shelter even if snow fell hard. Nearby, a small stream ran beneath a thin crust of ice. Though the grass that rose above the snow was brittle and tan, Splash would not go hungry.

As Father Sun grew closer to the land’s edge, Golden Fox tied Splash’s two front feet loosely together with a soft rope, so she would not wander away. With that done, she hurried to gather wood and set up camp. After a quick meal of pemmican and water next to a small fire, she laid her sleeping robe at the entrance to her camp.

Darkness fell over the canyon, and the campfires in the sky burned brightly. A soft whicker jerked her eyes toward the mustang, her ears flicking forward, though Splash stood with one rear foot cocked, resting. From the shadows slinked a darker shadow, and she reached for her bow just as the wavering flames of her fire caught on the silvery tips of his hair.

“Frost! I am glad to see you.”

The black wolf ambled over to her and threw himself on the ground next to her leg. She buried her fingers in the thick fur around his neck. “Did you follow me, or did you track me, Brother Wolf?”

He rolled over onto his back, his feet dangling in the air.

With a joyful laugh, she scratched his belly.

The campfires in the sky blinked out one by one as clouds gathered. Soon, tiny flakes of snow drifted down. Golden Fox scooted farther into the shallow cave as Splash came and stood in the opening. The mustang’s body blocked the light wind that gusted down the canyon.

Seated cross-legged near the fire, she stared into the blue and red flames.

Frost would tell her if anyone came close to their camp. He rested his chin on his forepaws and gazed outside, even though his back pressed against her leg.

Running her hand back and forth through his fur, she felt the tightness in her shoulders unknot. “This feels nice, Frost. Calm, peaceful.” She leaned close, buried her nose in the back of his neck, and sniffed. “You smell clean. How do you keep yourself this way when I have to bathe in the river?”

“Child, too many words spill from your mouth. Over all that noise, how will you hear what the Spirits have to say?”

Golden Fox jumped to her feet, eyes probing the dark.

Frost rolled over and took the spot she left.

She cocked her head and slowed her breathing. Frost is not worried. Although this thought was true, her heart pounded against her ribs.

Tiredness made her back sag, and she sat back down. Frost groaned and moved over, so she could have more of the sleeping robe she had laid out. Yawning, she lay next to the big wolf, curled against his back, and fell asleep.

***

Father Sun’s fingers pried open her eyes. The campfire had become cold embers. Golden Fox gazed around her. “Frost, where are you?”

Still searching, she walked out of the cave. Birds swooped in an azure sky. Flowers blossomed next to the small stream while a fawn nibbled grass next to a doe.

Mouth agape, she peered around. “This cannot be. It snowed as I fell asleep. It is the cold season, not the season of young animals.”

Frost barked sharply. The sound echoed in the canyon and drew her eyes upward. He stood on the rim above her. With another bark, he demanded she climb.

A narrow, rocky path crossed and re-crossed the steep flank. With her breath rasping and lungs burning, she finally reached the top. A water bladder hung over her shoulder. She shook it. Half-full. She took five swallows, then tied the skin cover with the thin strap that assured no water would leak out.

Sweat trickled down the center of her back and along her cheeks. With the back of her hand, she wiped it from her face.

Frost barked again, and trotted toward the place where Father Sun went to sleep when it was time for Sister Moon to shine.

How long she followed the black wolf, she did not know.

At last, he stopped and lay down in tall grass. A blue fog swirled around him.

Her eyes popped wide as she gazed around. “I must be in the Spirit Land!” Laughter spilled from her lips as she lightly slapped a hand on her forehead. “Why did I not realize this?”

Sister Wind blew gently past her, ruffling her long hair. The coolness chilled her heated body. She reached for the thin deerskin robe rolled and tied and hung behind her shoulders. Her fingers touched emptiness. “Ah! I must have left it in the cave.”

She turned back in that direction, but nothing except flat grasslands flowed toward the distant purple mountains. “Wha... where is the cave? I climbed straight up.”

“Silly one, here, put on your robe.”

Golden Fox whirled at the strange voice.

An elder woman dressed in uneven furs sat beside her. White hair fell below her waist and spread out in a circle.

“Are... are you one of the ancient ones I have heard stories about all my life? But, you speak! In all the stories, it is said none of your people speak, that you only show yourselves and chant in words long ago forgotten.”

Sister Wind’s breath blew colder. She reached out and accepted the robe, and pulled it around her shoulders.

Delight creased the elder’s face as her eyes sparked with mischief. “Ah, the stories. I have heard many over the cycles of seasons. Some say we have no tongue and can only make sounds in our throats.” She stuck her tongue out at Golden Fox. “Do you see a tongue, Child?’”

When Golden Fox nodded, the elder’s smile faded.

“We speak, child. It is only that others do not listen. Shining Light listened and saved his people.”

“Are you here because I must save my people?”

The elder’s laughter vibrated. “You and others who will one day take your place. But first, girl, you must save yourself. You have many questions you have never asked. As a little one, your mind wandered so much, you did not truly hear many of the stories. Sometimes, it is good to stop thinking, to let your mind float, so that it is not so full that thoughts clog your ears.”

“I dream!” Golden Fox touched the elder, felt her furs, her skin. “Yet, you are real.”

“Oh, little one, a smile you have put on my face. I am as real as you. We—both you and I—are Energy. The Energy of all living creates the Web of Life. Listen to Spider. Spider spins her web in silence. Many times she has reached out to you, but your mind was too noisy to hear her.”

“I am confused. How is my mind too noisy?” She pulled the robe tighter. Above her, where no ground existed, Ancients chanted and danced.

“Relax your mind. The more you think, the more it becomes cluttered with thoughts that have no meaning.”

The elder shifted and took Golden Fox’s hand. The air wavered. They rose above the land and floated into a blue mist.

“Here, there is less distraction. We see the color of our Spirits, nothing else. Listen well, young one. One day, you will tell others.”

“Like my children? Will White Elk be their father, and will I share—”

“Shhh. Your mind is not free. Let go of others. They will be who they are to be. It may not always be what you wish for yourself or for them, but it is not your place to use your mind to trap them. They must be free—just as you must be free—to choose their own destiny. Free White Elk, so you may find yourself, and so he may find himself.” A rainbow danced in the elder’s eyes.

Golden Fox lifted her chin. “I am to be a warrior then, and live alone.”

“Young One, you push for answers before the answers are born. The future moves as it must. Do not push the days to find what must yet grow, or you will find only bare ground where flowers could be. Keep your heart open to beauty, and let go of fear that will cause your Spirit to thirst and never be satisfied.”

The ancient one ran her hand through Golden Fox’s hair, then took a golden fox pelt from around her shoulders and placed it in Golden Fox’s lap.

“Every sunrise, go out alone, except for your wolves. They will guard you and guide you. Walk for a span, for you cannot feel our Mother if you ride. Your feet, even covered with footwear, will feel the beat of life. Become the ground, the air, the clouds, and every animal you see. Do not allow your mind to interfere. Dance, if you wish, but become the dance. Do not force it to become you. Free yourself, if you wish to free your people.”

Golden Fox opened her eyes and tried to move, but Frost lay sprawled across her. Her breath puffed in front of her. She rubbed the wolf’s fur until his eyes opened. The gold in his eyes sparkled with flecks of blue.

“The Ancient One said you will guard and guide me.” She scooted out from under him and hugged him. Tears slid down her face. “I have great need of you. You give me courage when my own fails.”

As she released her hold on Frost, she glanced down. Beside her lay the golden fox hide.

***

For three sunrises, Golden Fox walked toward Father Sun. Around her neck rested the golden fox fur. Many times, she ran her hand over the fur, and Energy vibrated through her.

Splash sometimes raced ahead, then circled and returned to her. Other times, she lagged behind before snorting loudly and running to catch up.

Frost left her side only to catch his meals.

Ice-crusted waters gurgled in the streams she walked along. Winter birds chattered and flitted among bare tree branches. A skiff of snow covered the land between the walls of the canyons she wandered.

Father Sun rose the fourth time before she stumbled onto a red, half-circle of sandstone that arched way above her. Mud nests attached to the arch. Four Eagles swooped across the turquoise sky as she stared upward, thoughts flowing through her mind.

What is this? Why is it only half of a circle? Is the rest of the circle under our Mother?

With a vigorous shake, she threw the noisy thoughts from her mind. Instead, she allowed the calm rush of water beneath ice fill her head. Whenever she was sure her mind had stilled, White Elk crept into her heart and threw her into confusion. Questions and hopes and thoughts argued in her head, until she wanted to run away from herself.

Perhaps this will be my last sleep out here, before I return to the Sister Wolf Band. I need Dances In Storms to teach me what I cannot learn on my own.

As Father Sun changed the color of the clouds to bright pink and peach, Golden Fox whistled for Splash, and the mustang trotted to her. Since the first night, she had not had to hobble the animal to keep her near. Now, she unpacked her robe and supplies to set up camp. As she dug out stones to create a fire circle, her stick uncovered a yellowed humpback skull.

“Sweet Mother!” Though the bone was brittle, the horns had remained intact

The wet ground made digging easier. She pulled her tuber stick—with its flat oval slant at one end to make it simpler to pop out the tubers—and worked the ground to see what else made the lumps just beneath the dirt.

By the time she uncovered the seventh skull, horns intact, excitement thrummed in her chest. “Long ago, someone used these in a circle. I will flatten the ground and place them as they were.”

When she had finished, all the skulls made a perfect circle, horns facing inward. Not one skull was charred, so she spread dry grass inside them, added her robe folded in half, and stepped inside the circle. Her body tingled as she sat on the ground.

Frost lay inside the circle in front of her.

She waited, head bent back and staring up at the sky, as Father Sun dipped below the horizon. Tiredness overtook her, and she lay down next to the wolf.

Sunrise warmed her. She rubbed her eyes as she sat up.

Frost must have gone hunting.

She squinted at the skulls surrounding her. “Nothing happened.” She huffed loudly. “Did I expect the Spirits to come simply because I thought they would?”

“Spirits do not come just because you wish them to.”

Golden Fox jerked to her feet.

Eagle Thunder grinned from where he sat on the ground outside the circle, running his hand over a humpback skull. “Old, so old. I wonder if the Ancients left them here.” With a grunt, he got to his feet. “Come, Granddaughter, it is time to eat. I have brought food.”

“Grandfather, how did you get so close to me?” She carefully stepped outside the circle.

“I have seen many cycles of seasons, Granddaughter. Do you think my ears remained deaf and my mind remained empty during those cycles of seasons? That I did not learn how to walk without sounding as a herd of humpbacks?” He chuckled and handed her jerked meat. “Are you ready to return?”

“No. Waking in the middle of the skulls and expecting something to happen have shown me that I have much to learn.”

“Golden Fox, I still learn. Only life’s experiences can teach you. Yes, wandering alone is good. Many of us do this to clear our minds and our hearts. But some new people have come into camp, and it would be good for you to meet them, to hear their words.”

“When you speak of these new people, a chill crawls up my spine. I fear these people mean I am to begin the work I am to do for our people. I am not ready. I do not know enough. I am not strong enough.”

She threw her hands in the air and let them slap down against her thighs. “Grandfather, I am not even strong enough to welcome another woman, a good woman, to share a man with me.”

Eagle Thunder uncrossed his legs and, with a hand flat on the ground, pushed to his feet. “I would rather face a pack of hungry wolves than to try to untangle the feelings of the heart. Yet it is the heart that gives us strength when we think our strength is gone. It is the heart that teaches us to feel what another feels. To love someone special is to deepen the space inside, so it may hold even more love—love that overflows to all living beings.”

He looped his arm around her shoulders and hugged her against his side. “I believe in you, Golden Fox. I believe that you will open your heart and listen to what it whispers. I do not know if you are to become warrior, or healer, or if you are to fill your lodge with little ones. I do not know if you will share White Elk, or if you will find another to share this journey on our Mother. I only know that you will do what is best not only for yourself, but for others, as well.” He chuckled. “I do know we must hurry. Our guests wait, and it is not polite to make them wait so long.”

She began gathering her belongings. “It gives me strength, Grandfather, that you believe in me. I will do my best to always bring honor to you.”