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“SO, THAT’S EVERYTHING that happened, Grandpa,” Annie said quietly. “Grandma says you could never be disappointed in me. I know that. But I’m disappointed in myself. I think it’s going to take a bit longer for me to forgive myself.”
She patted the earth around the daylilies she’d helped her grandmother plant in front of Grandpa Andrew’s tombstone. That had been about an hour ago. Her grandmother had gone to visit the Coelho Family plot, leaving Annie alone at her grandfather’s grave.
“Everyone’s been so nice to me,” Annie continued, “but I still feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m working on that. Well, Jake wasn’t so nice to me. In the beginning, anyway. Things are better now. I’m feeling more hopeful about him. Even if we can only be friends, that will have to be enough.” Then she laughed a little. “No. You’re right. I can hear you telling me not to lie. That would never be enough. But I’m not going to force things. You’ll be glad to know that I’m not that demanding, selfish person I used to be. Jake was right about that, you know. About me being kind of selfish. He opened my eyes and made me see that I can’t lose myself in my art so much that I ignore my family and friends. Because the second I stopped listening to your voices and only listened to my demons, inspiration abandoned me.”
She swiped a stray tear from her eye. She’d done most of her crying when she and her grandmother had first arrived at the cemetery. As they walked up the small hill to the McAllister plot, her memories had returned to that awful, hot August day of her grandfather’s funeral. She hadn’t been able to cry that day; she’d been too numb with grief. She remembered now that Jake had stayed by her side at the church service and then at the graveside for the final blessing. But she couldn’t remember speaking with him beyond a few forgotten words. Oh, she wished she’d found the time to be alone with him that day.
“If wishes were horses,” she whispered now, recalling one of her grandmother’s sayings.
“All done?” that woman asked briskly as she approached, Tom Lancaster following a few steps behind.
Annie brushed the dirt from her hands and stood up. “Yes.”
“Sure is a pretty day,” Tom said, gazing around. There were just a few other people in the older section of the cemetery where the McAllister plot was situated. Small, American flags waved from the graves of those who’d served their country, some of the dates on the tombstones going as far back as the Civil War.
Annie looked up at the blue sky and puffy white clouds. “It sure is. I wish I could paint it.”
“But you can,” Zelda remarked stoutly. “And you’d do a much better job of it than Tom or I could.”
Tom laughed. “That’s for sure.”
Conversing amiably, they walked back to Tom’s car. There was a lightness in Annie’s step that reflected the lightness of her heart. She was so glad that she’d come today.
A conversation she’d had with Jessica two days before had something to do with her decision to accompany her grandmother and Tom to the cemetery. Her sister-in-law had come back to the Orchard Retreat on Saturday to help Annie and Gracie apply the second coat of paint. The guys had taken off earlier that day to go fishing on the San Pablo Reservoir, an outing they’d planned a while back. Ethan and Matt returned on Saturday night, but Jake and Nate were camping out until today.
It was while Gracie had gone to make some lunch, and Jessica had been helping Annie paint the bedroom area that Jessica mentioned she and Ethan would be traveling to Texas at the end of June.
“Texas?” Annie asked. “Why?”
“I was born there. I lived there until I was eight years old. My father had a cattle ranch. It’s been in the family for generations. A pretty big spread just below Amarillo.”
“Wow. I didn’t know that. Ethan never said.”
“It’s only been in the last year that I’ve talked about it with anyone. He was the first to hear it. Zelda knows. Now I’m telling you.”
Annie glanced over to where Jessica was painting around the window trim, her face in profile. “Why?”
Her sister-in-law wore a serious expression, seeming intent on her work as she replied, “My father and my older brother, Robby, were killed in a helicopter crash when I was eight. They were doing the fall roundup and there was a malfunction with the engine.”
“Oh, Jessica. I’m so sorry.”
The other woman cleared her throat, still concentrating on her paint brush. “It was a long time ago. But not a day goes by that I don’t think about them. Robby was two years older than me. Sometimes I think about what he’d be doing right now. Probably still working on the ranch with my father. I think I’d still be there too. I loved that ranch. Believe it or not, I was a total tomboy.”
“I don’t believe it,” Annie teased lightly.
“It’s true. I hated wearing dresses, much to my mother’s frustration.” She dipped the brush into the tray and started on another section. “My mother was devastated, naturally. She couldn’t live on the ranch anymore because of the memories. She sold the ranch to a cousin. We moved around a lot. Lived in Europe for a while. When we were visiting San Francisco, my mother met my future stepfather, Blake Mallory.”
“The senator.”
Jessica smiled. “Yes, but he’s not running for re-election at the end of this term. He and my mother are thinking of retiring to Wyoming or Montana. Anyway, the reason Ethan and I are going to Texas is to visit my father and brother’s graves. They were buried in the family plot on the ranch. I haven’t been there since the day of the funeral.”
Annie’s heart ached for her sister-in-law. “Your mother never went back?”
“No. We asked her to come with us on this trip, but she’s still not ready yet. I can understand that. It took me this long to sum up the courage to go myself. Also, I was mad that my mom had sold the ranch to a cousin. I was mad at him too. My cousin. Even though I’d never met him. But Ethan convinced me to call him. Now we email each other almost every week. He’s in his late forties, married with five children.”
“Is he from your father’s side of the family?”
“Yes. They’ve sent pictures. One of the boys looks just like Robby.” Jessica’s voice wavered when she spoke her brother’s name.
“I bet they’re really excited to meet you in person,” Annie said quickly. “How long are you guys staying?”
“A week. We’ll be staying on the ranch.” She laughed a little. “I’m going to make Ethan wear chaps and a ten-gallon hat and put him on a horse.”
Annie laughed softly. “You’d better take pictures.”
They painted in silence for a while, both lost in thought, until Jessica observed, “I’m glad I’m going there before the baby is born. I need the closure, you know?”
“It makes perfect sense,” Annie agreed.
“Even though I know it’ll be hard,” her sister-in-law continued. “But Ethan’s helped me to become brave again, like I was when I lived in Texas.” She patted her belly. “I want my child to be fearless like I was then. He or she isn’t going to let anything stand in their way.”
No fear, Annie thought now as Tom Lancaster brought his car to a stop in front of her grandmother’s house. The only thing standing in the way of her becoming the artist she wanted to be was herself.
For the first time in a very long time, she felt the call of the blank canvas and a desire to fill it with color. But practicality compelled her into the kitchen instead to help her grandmother get everything ready for the barbecue.
There were four older couples currently staying at the bed and breakfast, and Zelda had invited them all to the barbecue. Two of the couples declined as they were off to explore the Gold Country for the day. But the other two couples, who had traveled together from England, accepted the invitation. The women, Betty and Rosamunde, offered to help with the food preparation and had refused to take no for an answer.
Their cheerful chatter filled the next hour or so and helped to distract Annie’s thoughts. It wasn’t just the desire to paint that was tugging at her emotions, it was also the anticipation of seeing Jake again. He’d left her with a friendly goodbye at the chicken house on Friday night and had walked back to Lancaster Ranch with his brother and Gracie. It was as though that heart-stopping moment when they’d stared at each other as if they were the only two people in the world had never been.
He’d been very adamant that the chicken house not be referred to as Annie’s home. Why? Why had that seemed so important to him? Or, had it only been her imagination? But he’d emphasized that the studio would just be a place for her to get away from everyone and paint, not a place to actually live permanently. Maybe he was thinking about her five acres of land. That’s where she’d put a real house someday. He couldn’t have been thinking of the house they’d once planned to build together, could he?
Patience, Annie, she reminded herself, ignoring the tiny flame of hope burning deep inside of her. One thing at a time. Fix yourself first. Don’t force things. Besides, there was still Darlene.
Darlene would be at the barbecue. Annie realized that she hadn’t formally met Jake’s girlfriend yet. She’d have to plaster a friendly smile to her face and pretend she didn’t care. At least she was stronger now than she’d been two weeks ago. She felt confident she could get through the afternoon without betraying her true feelings.
“I’m going to go and get ready now, Grandma,” she said out loud, interrupting the conversation between the three older women.
“Wear that pretty green sundress that matches your eyes,” her grandmother suggested.
“She has such pretty eyes,” Annie heard one of the British women remark as she left the kitchen.
Yes, she’d wear the green dress. It was a sleeveless cotton mix that fell just below her knees. Very pretty and feminine and just the thing to reinforce her confidence. And green was Jake’s favorite color.
When she entered the attic room, she burst into laughter. The aforementioned dress was draped across the end of the bed, ready for her to slip on.
“Oh, Grandma,” she said under her breath. “What are you cooking up now?”
On her way back downstairs a half hour later, she paused at the end of the hall on the second floor, something outside catching her eye. Nate and Jake were in the backyard, setting up the picnic tables. They were back from their fishing trip, obviously, and looking freshly groomed. They must’ve stopped at Nate’s new condo to clean up.
Jake was wearing tan shorts and a snug white polo shirt that emphasized his dark hair and sun-bronzed skin. She admired the strength he displayed as he picked up a wood picnic table with ease and set it in the shade of an elm tree. Nate must’ve said something amusing, because Jake suddenly flashed a broad grin, his face creasing in a pleasing way.
Annie released a soft sigh, her heart fluttering.
No man had ever made her feel the way Jake did.
She’d accused him once of taking her for granted. But she’d done the same thing to him. It was only now that he was no longer hers that she fully realized that. Yet she would never heal if she continued to dwell on her regrets.
“One day at a time,” she murmured, pulling her eyes away from the view. “You can do this, Annie.”
For the next twenty minutes or so, she didn’t have time to think unhappy thoughts. The guests arrived all at once, collecting on the back lawn, and there were more of them than Annie had realized. Jo and Hank Atkinson were there of course, Jo reminding Annie that Bert was in Montana with Lindy and Devin. Manuel Gonzales, the farm foreman, was there, along with his wife, Rita, and their two children, Juanita and Victor. Rita’s sister and brother-in-law had come as well, bringing their children, the youngest just a toddler. Tom Lancaster had brought his lady friend, Caryn Stevenson, a sweet woman in her early fifties who taught history at King’s Valley high school. The Lancaster’s stalwart housekeeper, Mina, had come too, her husband, a meek but affable man, in tow. Zelda had also invited Lindy’s older brother, Joe Matthews, and his fiancée, Polly Winslow.
Annie spent several minutes chatting with Joe and Polly after he’d introduced the two women to each other. She’d never known Joe that well; seven years older than Lindy, he’d been a vague figure in the background of her childhood and teenage years. But he’d been a rock to his sister when Lindy had been in a terrible car accident when she was sixteen.
Annie remembered him being a constant, impenetrable presence at the hospital. Co-owner of a computer software company and already very well-off at that time, he’d paid all of his sister’s medical expenses as well as for her year of intense physiotherapy at the rehabilitation center. Lindy had confided to Annie that Joe had recently sold his company and was a billionaire now, but you’d never know it just by looking at him. He was teaching fifth grade at Wilson Elementary, of all things. He was kind and amiable and clearly very much in love with his Polly.
“When are you getting married?” Annie asked them after admiring Polly’s ring.
“A week from Saturday, actually,” Polly replied. “We wanted to wait until school was out. It’ll be a small, intimate wedding in my parents’ backyard, which is what I’ve always wanted.”
Joe smiled down at Polly’s glowing face. “With just one bridesmaid.”
Polly grinned. “My niece, Ellie,” she explained to Annie. “She’s the maid of honor, and she’s very excited that she gets to wear a tiara and a pink dress.”
“I love it,” Annie said. “That’s exactly what I’ve always wanted. A small wedding. No frills or fuss. If it’s a day as nice as today, I’d even go barefoot.”
“Well, why don’t we do that right now?” Polly suggested eagerly. The vivacious redhead kicked off her sandals and made a happy aahing sound as she dug her bare toes into the cushiony grass.
Joe shook his head at his fiancée, his expression one of resigned amusement as he picked up the sandals and tucked them into the deep side pocket of his shorts.
Annie was in the process of undoing the ankle straps of her own sandals when Jake said from behind her, “Going barefoot already? We haven’t even made a dent in the first case of beer yet.”
Annie glanced up to see Joe extending his hand to shake Jake’s. She returned her attention to her sandals as the two men exchanged greetings and then drew Polly into the conversation.
“This is my friend, Darlene Wilson,” Jake said to Polly.
“I know you,” Polly said to Darlene. “You work at King’s Valley Bank, right?”
Darlene said that yes, she did. Annie finished undoing her sandals and slipped out of them. As soon as her bare feet sank into the grass, she felt more stable and connected. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her head and stood upright to face Jake and his girlfriend.
Except, he hadn’t introduced Darlene as his girlfriend. That was odd. Or had she simply misheard?
“I don’t think you two have actually met officially,” Jake said, his keen gaze sweeping over Annie’s placid expression. “Annie, this is Darlene. Darlene, this is my old friend, Annie McAllister.”
Darlene smiled and held out her hand. “Hi, Annie,” she said in a soft, shy voice. “Jake has told me so much about you. I really admire creative people like you. I don’t have an artistic bone in my body.”
Annie shook the other woman’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Darlene,” she responded brightly. “Jake told me you’re taking dance lessons together. That’s kind of an artistic thing to do. How’s that going?”
Darlene made a comical face. She threw Jake a wry look before saying, “Well, after last week’s lesson, we’ve finally agreed that I need to find a better partner. I want to enter some country western dance competitions,” she explained to Polly and Joe, who were listening in. “Jake’s been really sweet helping me so far, but I can tell it’s not really his thing.”
Jake shrugged ruefully. “I gave it my best shot.”
“My Joe is a pretty darn good dancer,” Polly remarked. She shared a secret smile with her fiancé. “But, sorry, he’s taken.”
“Pardon me. Did I hear someone say they’re looking for a dance partner?”
Annie spun around, mouth agape at the sound of a familiar British voice. Lawrence Willard stood there, an inquisitive smile on his attractive face as he observed everyone. He was looking very debonair in cream-colored pants and a cotton dress shirt in a flattering shade of salmon, the top buttons undone. He nodded at Annie. “Hello, Annie.”
“Lawrence! What a nice surprise. My grandmother didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“I’ve been out of town for the past few days. I didn’t get her message until today.” He smiled at everyone. “Hello.”
“This is Lawrence Willard,” Annie said. “He’s opening an art gallery across from the old library.”
“Next to the hospice thrift shop,” Polly chimed in. “It’s opening next week, isn’t it?”
“A week from this Thursday,” Lawrence confirmed.
Polly introduced herself and Joe after which Lawrence turned an inquiring face to Jake, who held out his hand, his expression inscrutable. “Jake Lancaster.” He nodded at Darlene. “This is my friend, Darlene Wilson.”
Friend again, Annie thought. So, she hadn’t misheard. Her heart did a somersault.
Darlene offered her hand to Lawrence, a blush spreading across her cheeks as that man gave her his undivided attention. “A pleasure,” Lawrence said, his accent seeming more pronounced than Annie had ever heard it.
“Are you from England?” Darlene wanted to know.
“Yes. A little town north of London. Have you been to England?”
“No. But I’d love to go there someday.”
“It would be my pleasure to assist you in planning a trip when you decide to go.” He arched one eyebrow. “Did I overhear correctly that you want to enter a dance competition?”
“That’s right.”
“I’m something of a dancer myself. I participated in some ballroom competitions when I was at college.” Lawrence made a bashful face. “My partner and I won the division championship one year. Amateur, of course.”
Darlene’s smile could’ve provided electricity for the entire town. Her shyness appeared to have vanished completely as she stepped closer to Lawrence and touched his arm. “Wow. You must be pretty good then. Are you busy this Wednesday night?”
Annie missed the polite nod Joe gave her before he and Polly strolled away from the group. Her gaze was fixed on Jake’s face. He didn’t appear to be the least bothered by Darlene’s obvious admiration of Lawrence Willard.
Catching Annie’s eye, Jake murmured some excuse that went completely over that couple’s heads and moved closer to her. “Looks like they’ll be occupied for a while. I’m going to help Nate at the grill. Want to join us?”
She gave him a bewildered look as he took her elbow and steered her towards the patio where Nate was manning the barbecue grill, a tranquil Mimi standing nearby. “You don’t mind?”
“That it looks like Darlene’s found a new dance partner? Not at all.”
“It looks like it’s more than that, Jake.”
He smiled. “You think so?”
She stopped in her tracks, scowling up at him. “You’re being deliberately obtuse.”
He stopped too and turned to face her. “I am?”
“Yes. Darlene’s your girlfriend. I can’t believe you’re letting Lawrence make a play for her and not doing anything about it.”
His gaze flicked down to her bare feet then back to her face. His eyes were gleaming. “You left your sandals behind. Don’t lose them. You’ll need them later.”
She made an exasperated sound. “What are you talking about?”
“We’re all going to the tree fort after dinner. You, me, Ethan, Nate, Gracie and Matt. It was Jessica’s idea. She’s going to take a picture of us squeezed in there. Too bad Lindy’s not here. We’ll have to do it again when she is. This’ll be practice.”
“There’s no way all of us are going to fit in the tree fort.”
“Sure there is. You’re such a tiny thing. You won’t take up much room at all.”
She curled one hand into a fist. “Careful, buster. The last time you called me a tiny thing, I almost broke your nose.”
“Almost.” He wrinkled his nose. “I smell something burning. We’d better go and help Nate before he sets the house on fire.”
It was a while later, as everyone was sitting down to eat, that Annie realized how effectively Jake had steered the conversation away from Darlene and Lawrence. Those two were still immersed in conversation, sitting close together at the picnic table beneath the elm tree, seemingly unaware of everyone around them. Jake, sitting beside Annie at another table, didn’t appear to be concerned. With his easygoing charm of old, he commanded the light conversation at their table, even making the dour-faced Mina laugh at some of his jokes.
Annie was confused. And happy. Sitting beside Jake, his arm brushing against hers as he lifted his fork to his mouth or drank from his bottle of beer, his hip and thigh pressed against hers, inhaling the warm masculine scent of his skin, there was nowhere else she wanted to be.
It was just like old times.
Except she couldn’t read his thoughts. His face, even when creased with smiles and laughter, was still a mask to her. She had no idea what he was really thinking or feeling. And, because she was unsure of where exactly things stood with them, she couldn’t find the courage to ask.
After second and, for some, third helpings of the delicious food had been enjoyed, Ethan strolled over to their table, Jessica by his side. “Ready to do this thing?” he asked Jake. “Jess wants to get some good shots before the sun goes down.”
Jake stood up from the bench, bringing Annie up with him. “Let’s do it. Annie needs to put her shoes on first, though. We’ll be right behind you.”
“This is ridiculous,” Annie grumbled as Jake walked her over to where she’d left her sandals.
“Why?” he asked as he crouched down in front of her and held out a sandal.
Placing her hand on his shoulder for balance, she said, “There’s just no way we’re all going to fit inside the tree fort.”
He slipped the sandal onto her foot, his fingers brushing softly against her skin as he fastened the ankle strap. “You said that before.”
She shivered a little. “We’re all heavier now. What if the floor breaks?”
He placed her sandaled foot on the ground and picked up her other foot. This time, his touch seemed to linger as he slowly slid the sandal onto her foot. “Are you actually insulting my craftsmanship?” he accused, but he sounded distracted. “I build things to last, Annie. That fort will still be standing when Jessica’s baby is our age.”
He fastened the strap on the sandal, one finger slipping in between the strap and her skin and tugging a little. “Not too tight?”
“It’s fine,” she mumbled on a shaky breath.
He stood up. “Good. Let’s go.”
“What about Darlene?” she asked, following at a half jog to keep up with his long strides.
“What about her?” he threw over his shoulder.
“Doesn’t she want to watch?”
“I can’t imagine why. Hurry it up, short stuff. They’re waiting for us.”
“Wow, short stuff, huh? You’re really asking for a shiner.”
“Half pint?”
“Jake...” She choked on a delighted laugh. It’d been too long since he’d last teased her like this.
“Pipsqueak?”
“What’s gotten in to you?”
“I don’t know. Must be something in the water, munchkin.”
“Ow.” She suddenly stopped in her tracks, hopping on one foot and wincing.
He swung around. “What’s wrong?”
“I stubbed my toe on a rock.”
Without a word, he strode back to her, picked her up and hauled her over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Then he started walking through the old apple orchard at a fast clip.
“Jake! Put me down!”
“Nope. At the rate you were walking, it’d be midnight before we got to the fort.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” she yelled, pounding her fists against his lower back.
“Stop hitting me.”
“Put me down!”
He slapped her bottom, a light smack but it still stung enough to shock her.
“Ow! Why’d you do that?”
“This is something I should’ve done a long time ago,” he muttered darkly.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m not the old Jake anymore.”
She went slack in his grip, too startled and confused to continue fighting him. “What do you mean?” she asked in a wobbly voice.
“I mean that I failed you by not hogtieing you and taking you away from New York when I should have. I didn’t go with my gut instincts. That won’t happen again.”
She felt like crying. “You didn’t fail me, Jake. I failed me.”
“I was too blind to see what was really going on with you,” he went on as if she hadn’t spoken. “I was too caught up in loving you, pretending that everything was always going to be sunshine and roses with us.”
“Jake?”
“What?” he snapped.
“Can you please put me down?”
Maybe it was the catch in her voice that reached him. He stopped abruptly before bending forward to allow her body to slide off of him. His arm curved around her waist, keeping her close against him as he stared down into her upturned face. “Are you crying?” he asked gruffly.
“No.”
“It sounded like you were.”
“I’m not.” She pounded an ineffectual fist against his chest. It was like hitting a monolith. “Tell me what’s going on. I’m so confused. Is Darlene your girlfriend? Or, isn’t she?”
He exhaled a harsh breath. “She was,” he admitted evenly. “We had a long talk after our dance lesson last week. We agreed it was better to continue as friends.”
Annie’s heart felt like it was ready to spring out of her chest. “Why?”
His arm tightened around her. “Annie,” he said, his tone a mixture of exasperation and something deeper. “Why do you think?”
“Jake! Annie! Where are you guys?”
It was Nate shouting from the next field.
Jake muttered an oath under his breath. “This is too soon anyway,” he said.
“What’s too soon?”
“Oh, Annie.” He brought his palm to her face in a gentle caress before swiftly lowering his head to kiss her, quickly and fiercely, on her parted lips. He released her and stepped back. “Now I’m asking you to give me time and space. Can you do that for me?”
She nodded mutely, her eyes wide and luminous.
“Good. Let’s go.”
Nate, Matt and Gracie were already in the tree fort, poking their heads out of the window and making silly grins as Jake and Annie approached, his hand on her lower back. Ethan stood next to his wife at the bottom of the ladder. “Took you long enough,” he growled. “The daylight’s almost gone.”
“Come on, you guys,” Gracie called down to them. “There’s just enough space for all of us.”
As Annie grasped the sides of the rope ladder, her thoughts returned to the very first time she’d climbed it and all the many times since then. She thought about the last time she stepped onto the wooden rungs, Jake at her back, and how she climbed down alone shortly afterwards, her heart torn in two.
Now, her heart felt like it was almost put back together again. Almost.
“You’ve got it, Annie,” Jake said from behind her. “Just a few more steps to go.”