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I STUMBLE OUT OF THE portal, gripping onto Rowan’s arm so as not to fall.
When he said he’d transport me through a portal, I didn’t expect it to be like that. It was like a soundless, dark tunnel with distorted moving images along the walls. Rowan was very keen on telling me to not touch the walls and to stay close. Based on the rigidness in his shoulders and how hard he gripped my side, I could tell having me in there made him more than just nervous.
When we emerged on the other side, right onto the platform in front of the Weeping Wall, the chaotic rumbling and high speed winds whoosh in my ears, whipping my hair back. It’s a stark contrast to the silent and still tunnel.
I stare up at the Mercurial Spirit, bubbling and gurgling as it desperately reaches out and grabs at the Weeping Wall, breaking off pieces to consume in its depths. It’s already started to partly consume the bricks at the top.
But I feel no fear.
I feel stronger than ever, like I did when I was a young woman and my body was thriving off the effects of the royal jelly. There’s no longer a stiffness in my joints like there’s been all these years. The pain of my body was such a silent burden I vowed to bear alone the moment I arrived back at the castle doorsteps to serve Nasira.
A raging wind blows against Rowan and I, like we’re trapped in the center of a storm. I can barely hear my own thoughts.
I turn to the young man that’s been assisting my girls.
“It’s time for you to go,” I say. He looks at me horrified, then looks up at the Queen Eater.
“A-are you sure?”
I gently smile at him. Oh to be young and brave, and stubborn. For those of us with hearts of warriors and caretakers, it’s hard to fathom that you could leave someone in a dire situation. But the reality is, there’s nothing else here for him to do. And whatever horror’s he thinks he can stop from happening to me, are inevitable.
“This is my journey. You’ve done your part. The rest is my duty. There are more important people who need you right now. And I need you to take care of my girls for me...both of them.”
He looks at me with shame and hurt in his eyes at not being able to save me from my fate, and that makes me trust him even more in taking care of Malala and looking out for Zemira.
“I will.” He finally says. He hesitantly takes a step back, giving me and the Queen Eaer one final look, before his portal appears behind him and swallows him up.
I stand there, gripping the potion in my hands. I almost forgot it was there.
“It’s time.” Comes a strong voice from within the crevices of my mind.
Queen Ramona.
Sharing my body with an ancient Hivena queen isn’t what I thought it would be like. I thought housing such a powerful person would make me feel overwhelmed in my frail body. But her presence is surprisingly calm, and comfortable.
I don’t need to second guess it. I uncork the potion and lift it to my lips, draining the entire bottle. Within seconds it starts to take effect. It makes me feel strange inside. Like there’s a burning and itching underneath my skin and rubbing against my organs. But it’s nothing I can’t handle.
I stare up at the Queen Eater.
So this is how it all ends.
“You are a brave one, Dwarf Queen. Not many people would have taken on such a task. Hivena Queen or not. But I could feel your fiery spirit from miles away.” Queen Ramona remarks. I nod my head.
I wish I could have done more. For myself...for the dwarf queens...I often wonder what my life would have been like if I remained a dwarf queen and fought for the crown. I wonder if I could have protected them more if I was. Maybe I could have protected them from this wicked life all together. Not just from the Queen Eater, but from The People, from Queen Nasira... and from each other.
Flashes of the girls’ young, sweet and joyful faces flood my mind. Memories of Suri and Tempest putting on fashion shows in old queens’ gowns that swallowed them whole come to the surface. Reyna squealing in excitement over new shipments of books being brought to the castle. Braiding Malala’s hair on the bed to keep it out of her face during training. Playing hide and go seek with Zemira and Aidene and pushing little Amara around the gardens in her wheelchair.
Even the lost babies that weren’t given a name. I wish I could have done so much more for all of them in my lifetime...but this will have to be my atonement.
“Yes,” Queen Ramona affirms. “There’s nothing like fighting for our children.”
I can feel the truth in her words. I can almost taste her pain and her happiness, her life’s joys and her life’s regrets as flashes of a lifetime that doesn’t belong to me take root in my mind.
I see fifteen baby girls, so precious and innocent. I feel the excitement and life she lived with them, and the despair she felt when she lost all of them but one. Our pain mirror’s each other.
“It’s time,” she says. I nod in agreement. It’s time to be rid of this Queen Eater and save my girls one last time.
With my shoulders squared and the strength of Queen Ramona fueling my body, we turn towards the Queen Eater and run into its bubbling tendrils. It sucks us in without effort or hesitation.
For a moment, it's soundless.
No rumbling, no booming. The dark clouds drift across my skin, leaving droplets of condensation behind. Then...there’s nothing.
