DANYL CLUTCHED THE glass of whisky in a death grip. He didn’t know whether he wanted to hurl it across his office or crush it between his fingers. She had gone again. Despite all that they had shared in the last day, despite everything that had passed between them...despite his love for her...she had still left.
‘You should probably put that glass down before you hurt yourself.’
‘And you should probably both stop hovering in palace doorways,’ Danyl said to Antonio and Dimitri.
He watched as they gingerly stepped over the threshold into his office.
‘Really? It’s my turn now?’ he asked, seeing their faces grim with determination. ‘Antonio, you got coffee... Dimitri, whisky. What do I get?’
‘Me.’ His mother’s voice cut into the dark swirl of emotions surrounding him.
‘Thank you, gentlemen,’ she said, nodding to Antonio and Dimitri.
‘Your Majesty,’ they murmured in unison as Elizabeth bestowed upon them a beautiful smile, and they retreated from the room.
Danyl was too angry to roll his eyes.
‘You shouldn’t flirt with them. They’re married men, or as good as.’
‘I don’t know what you are talking about,’ his mother said lightly, her tone serving only to aggravate him more.
He put the glass of whisky down, leaving a golden ring on the Prime Minister’s white paper.
‘She has gone?’
‘Yes, she has. Again.’ His mother opened her mouth to say something, but he pushed on, not wanting either questions or hypothetical explanations. ‘Mother, I don’t have time for this. I need to meet with the Prime Minister.’
‘I think that can wait.’
‘Don’t be silly. I won’t make the Prime Minister wait.’
‘Don’t call me silly.’ An icy edge had entered his mother’s tone. The one that always made him sit up and listen. ‘I am not just your mother. I am the Queen, and I have been doing this a lot longer than you, Danyl Nejem Al Arain. Of course you can make him wait. There are some things more important, and there are some things that can wait.’
In spite of all that Danyl felt, a streak of pride cut through him as he saw his mother as the regal, powerful woman she was.
‘Perhaps it’s been a while since I saw you as Queen and not just my mother,’ he said, allowing a small, sad smile to pull at the edges of his mouth.
‘Perhaps it’s been a while since you let me be Queen and not just your mother,’ she said, gesturing for him to take a seat as if this were her office and not his.
He chose to ignore the fact that with him seated, and her perched on the edge of his table, he felt once again like a small child.
‘I want to talk about when you came back from America.’
An ache opened up in his chest, and he was surprised to feel it keenly after all the pains of the last few hours. ‘Not now,’ he ground out.
‘I think now is absolutely the right time, after all these years. I kept my silence back then, and perhaps I shouldn’t have. When you came back from the States, you were not the same boy who had left. You weren’t just changed by age, but by experience.’
‘A lot happened there.’
‘I know,’ she said quietly, solemnly.
‘I don’t think you do.’
‘I do know, Danyl. You’re my son. I am neither blind, nor stupid. And neither are the staff we paid to take care of you and watch over you.’
Shock rippled through Danyl, and as he looked into his mother’s eyes he saw compassion, understanding and grief. ‘I am so sorry about what happened to you. I’m so sorry about what happened to you both. I can’t...’ she said, her eyes bright with the sheen of tears. ‘I can’t begin to understand it. I can imagine... I know what the fear of it feels like. But to lose a child, even so early on—’
Danyl put up a hand to ward off her words, just as Mason had done to him. The sympathy, the simple comfort that his mother was ready to offer... It was almost too much.
‘It must have been devastating for you both. And I’d never take that away from you, I’d never ask you to cover that, or hide it. But what I want—as selfish as it is—is for my son to laugh, to smile and to love. I want to see those things again, the ones I heard through the phone and on Skype before such tragedy stole those abilities, those feelings, that happiness from my child.’
‘I love her.’
‘I know.’
‘And she left. Again.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she fears that I will leave her like her mother did.’
Elizabeth seemed to take this in. Her sigh was just as heavy with the feelings that were crying out in his own chest.
‘Did she say she didn’t love you?’
He paused, for the first time since confronting Mason in the stables. ‘No.’
‘And you allowed her to leave.’
Danyl cursed, out loud. ‘I can’t keep her here against her will, Mother.’
‘Then perhaps she was right to walk away.’
‘How can you say that?’ he demanded, his voice full of a pain he could no longer hide.
‘Danyl, I love you. But when she left you, it took you ten years to put your faith back together. Put your love back together. She was a child when her mother left. What would that have done to her? How long would it take to recover from that?’
The question stalled him, robbed him of breath and thought. His mind careening from one fact to another, but snagging on what seemed like the most unimportant one.
‘How did you know she was a child when her mother left?’
‘I know a lot of things, Danyl.’
‘Clearly.’
‘Mason McAulty is a woman who has led a very different life from ours.’
‘I know. Aussie outback—’
‘That’s not what I’m talking of. How old was she when her mother left?’
‘She was two.’
‘And her father?’
Danyl smiled at the memory of the bluff, hard man who had sent him to his daughter without a tent, on the back of a horse he slapped for good measure.
‘Good. Honest.’
‘Loving?’
‘Yes, in his own way.’
‘A way that is perhaps not so much about talking, and more about showing?’
He looked at his mother. Tried to read between the lines, tried to come to the conclusion she was leading him to.
And finally the question he asked himself... How had he shown her that he loved her? He had expected her to undo a lifetime of hurt in a day. He had expected her to jump at his declaration of love, but when it came down to it he had not shown her that he would stay with her. He hadn’t stayed. He had allowed her to push him away, rather than fight with her, fight for her. Both then and now. Crashing waves of shock beat against his heart. All this time he had blamed her for leaving him, yet in reality he had let her go. He may have fooled himself into thinking that it was what she wanted, but he knew...now he knew that it had been easier for him to let her leave. Images of what might have been—had he argued with her, had he proved to her that he loved her, had he stayed and confronted both their fears—ran through his mind like a movie. It would have been painful, but they would have got through it. Together. All this time... Guilt and pain warred within his chest. For all his words of confronting his grief—honouring it—the one thing he hadn’t honoured, really honoured, was his duty to her...his love for her.
‘I have to leave.’
‘And what about the Prime Minister?’ his mother asked, with the largest smile he’d ever seen.
‘He can wait.’
* * *
It had only been when she’d packed the last of the few things she’d come to Ter’harn with that Mason had realised she wasn’t even sure how to get home. But it seemed that Danyl had thought of her even in her leaving of him. Michaels had knocked on her door, informed her that he would be taking her to the airport and booked her on a first-class flight back to Sydney with transfers back home. He’d swept her up with efficiency and discretion, not ignoring her tear-stained appearance, but not acknowledging it either.
That was how she found herself sitting in yet another lap of luxury she was sure she couldn’t appreciate, trying so very hard not to break down and cry. Her entire body ached from tension, exhaustion and just plain old hurt. He had told her he loved her. And she had left. He had asked her to take a leap of faith, and she hadn’t been able to. And she hated herself for it. Hated that she was so locked in a cycle of fear, hated her mother for leaving such a legacy. She was so very sorry for the small child she had been, and still was in some ways, that was just scared of opening herself up to the possibility of happiness, of love, because if it was taken away again...she just didn’t think that she’d survive.
Mason turned away from the air stewardess, who placed a glass of champagne and one of orange juice on the side table, clearly wary of intruding. Mason closed her eyes, pressed her head back against the seat and wished the plane would just take off.
There had only ever been Danyl. No one before, and no one since. She had been cruel when she’d told him that their relationship was candyfloss, knowing that above all experiences in her life that was the one that really held true. But to think of that time, of those feelings of love...what they had shared was a childish precursor to the way she felt for him now as a man. A man who cared so deeply for his country, a man who had forged bonds of friendship within the Winners’ Circle, and who was so clearly beloved of his parents. A man who, unlike her, had respected his grief, allowed himself to feel it. A man who knew himself so acutely and so strongly he was able to put himself on the line before her, lay himself bare to her. And still she’d rejected him. Danyl was, and always would be, a man who felt duty so acutely. She hadn’t wanted to be a burden to him then, and wouldn’t dream of being a burden to him now. God knew she’d been a burden to people long enough.
Her heart ached and she clenched her hands to try to stop the tremors she knew would be there, but the tears falling down her cheeks betrayed her and she couldn’t do a thing to stop them.
An announcement in Arabic stole the attention of the passengers and their reaction was enough to tell her that there was something wrong. It had just begun in English, when the sounds of sirens coming from outside the plane began to filter through the cabin.
She looked out to see four black, diplomatic estates being escorted by police cars, lights flashing, turning in a wide curve onto the runway.
Shivers took over her body, and she turned to find the air stewardess approaching her. In quiet tones the woman asked her to follow her please. Her cheeks burned as passengers craned their necks to look at her, muttering between themselves.
‘What’s going on? Is everything okay?’ Mason asked the air stewardess as she began to unbuckle her seatbelt.
‘Everything’s fine, ma’am, but if you could come with me...’ She directed Mason to the cabin door, and Mason was surprised to see a set of stairs leading down from the doorway. At the bottom stood Danyl, alone, in a dark, fine woollen coat torn open by the wind. A beautiful crisp blue shirt was flattened against taut stomach muscles and open at the neck.
‘Danyl, what are you doing here? You’re going to cause a scene.’ Mason had still not taken a step down yet, calling to him, instead, from the doorway.
‘I don’t care.’
‘But... I... I left.’
‘No, I don’t think you left. I think I let you go.’
‘What?’ She was confused, not quite sure where this was going, and not particularly enamoured of the fact that there was a whole planeload of people watching them.
‘You didn’t leave me. I just didn’t stay with you.’
Mason’s heart began to pound.
‘Do you love me?’
Mason knew that she couldn’t lie to him. He’d not asked before, but now he had...she just couldn’t do it, because she did. She loved him so much.
* * *
From where he stood on the tarmac, he could see the truth she wouldn’t yet speak. It was in her eyes, on her face and written across her skin. He allowed it to fill him, allowed it to give him the confidence he really did need at that moment.
‘Well, I refuse,’ he said, adopting the most arrogant tone he could, because he knew it would make her smile, he hoped it would make her laugh as she once had. As he once had.
‘Refuse to what?’
‘Leave you,’ he said, taking one step up the stairs. ‘Or allow you to leave me.’
‘Because you’re a prince?’ she asked, her voice trembling.
‘No, not because I’m a prince. But because I love you,’ he said, taking another step up towards her. ‘So I don’t accept your decision to leave. And I won’t allow you to let me go. Because I don’t want to be let go,’ he said, stepping upwards. ‘I’m here to prove that I love you. Not because of the past, not because of a sense of duty, but because you make me laugh even in the midst of my sorrow, you make me hope even in my despair, and love even in my anger. I loved you then and I love you now, and no matter what you decide, choose or feel, nothing will take that away. You made and continue to make me into the man I am, standing here today, telling you that I love you. Hoping that you’ll wear my ring, be my wife and partner, lover and teacher, and the mother of as many children as we can have.’
* * *
There was no stopping the tears now. Mason felt them falling down her cheeks, hurtling towards the ground so very far below her. With every single word he had undone her. He had slipped beneath the bonds that wrapped around her heart, holding it still. But now it was beating, hard and fast and completely for him. He had come back for her. He had refused to allow her to push him away. Refused to allow her to hide from her own feelings, and in doing so given her the strength she needed, to reach for the one thing she had always wanted. He had stopped midway up the stairs, and with shaking legs she took her first step towards him.
‘Oh, Danyl, I love you too,’ she said almost helplessly. ‘Because no matter what I’ve done, how many times I’ve run from you, you’ve always seen to the heart of me. Even when no one else has, you’ve seen the truth and loved me for it—or in spite of it.’ She took one more step closer to him. ‘Because you’ve taken every demand I could possibly make and met it. You’ve always given me what I needed even when I couldn’t see it for myself.’ She stood one step above him, desperate to reach out to him, to hold him to her. ‘I am known by you and am greater for it, and perhaps because of what we’ve shared, love and grief, our love will be stronger for it.’
‘The past hasn’t been and never will be forgotten, Mason. It is the fabric and the strength of our love. And I will spend each and every day proving that to you, if you will let me.’
Mason’s answer was the most exquisite kiss Danyl had ever had. It was the sweetest, most powerful kiss, binding them together in a way that meant no future obstacle, no past hurt, would ever tear them apart. It was a kiss that defined what it was to love and be loved, and one they shared every day for the rest of their lives.