Chapter Eleven

Tyler spent Sunday with Kerrianne, the children, and Kerrianne’s mother-in-law. They went to church and took a walk, and after dinner he drove over to UC Berkeley alone. He was tempted to call Savvy but stopped himself at the last moment, not wanting to push his luck. Was it too late for friendship? She seemed to think so. And what about LaNae? He’d called her back, but she hadn’t answered her cell phone. He had the feeling something was really wrong.

He suspected it was mostly him.

There was a small student rally going on at the campus, but nothing more exciting than a protest of high tuition, certainly not something he wanted to write about. Besides, it was Sunday, and he had made it a habit not to write on Sundays. Only the rare breaking news had ever forced him to lump together a few sentences to e-mail to the paper.

On Monday, he drove to Savvy’s apartment at eight o’clock. Lexi was waiting on the stairs for him and ran to the van as he pulled up, swinging her black purse behind her. “Hi,” she said.

“All ready to go?”

She nodded. “Savvy’ll be right down–she’s on the phone. She almost didn’t let me come today. I had a stomachache all yesterday, and she made me stay in bed. I think she was mad ’cause she didn’t get to go to church.”

“How’s the stomach now?”

“Perfect.” She patted it for emphasis. She was wearing the jeans of the night before, but her flamboyant red top was not overly tight, and it hid her stomach well. Tyler bet it was one Savvy had purchased and hoped there hadn’t been too much of a fight to get Lexi to wear it.

“That outfit looks really great,” he said. “The color is wild, the cut really nice, and I think you look older somehow. More mature or something.”

She flushed. “Like a writer?”

“Yeah, like a writer. Except if you were staying home to write, of course. Then you’d have to wear pajamas. It’s sort of a rule.”

She giggled. “I’ll remember that. Oh, here comes Savvy. Hope she doesn’t fall in those high heels.”

Savvy was coming down the stairs, looking sharp in fuchsia capri pants and a matching button-up shirt that she wore as a jacket over a white fitted top. Usually straight, her hair was curled today and swept up in a clip at the crown of her head. The curls waved loosely over the clip and spiraled down to barely graze the back of her neck. Tyler felt a flash of excitement–had she dressed up for him?

Tyler jumped out to walk her around the van. “Good morning,” he said. In fact, the morning was fabulous. The sky was a brilliant blue that matched Savvy’s eyes, and the day was warm and inviting–not nearly as hot as he had expected.

She nodded her agreement.

“You look great,” he said.

“Thanks. Hey, any reports from your friends of a missing child?”

He felt a little deflated. She obviously wasn’t thinking how great he looked this morning. “No, nothing.”

“I guess that’s good. Thanks.”

Tyler was about to kick Lexi out of the front seat, when Savvy reached for the sliding door. “I’ll sit here,” she said. “Wouldn’t want to get in the way of any flying words.”

“But–” he protested.

“This is her outing.” Savvy glanced toward the front seat where Lexi sat behind the closed window. “I’m just tagging along.”

Tyler let her do as she wished; there was no arguing with Savvy when she made up her mind.

“So where are we going first?” Lexi asked when he was back in the van.

Tyler told them his plan to hit the San Francisco Examiner, the San Francisco Chronicle, and the San Francisco Business Times. There were other papers, but they were small or on-line–not what Tyler was looking for.

As Tyler navigated the traffic, he and Lexi chatted. He learned she had a friend named Amber and that she loved rock music. No surprise there. He caught a glimpse of numerous piercings in her ears and wished he could say something, but Kerrianne’s warning of the night before prevented him. Sometimes caring about people meant shutting up–at least temporarily.

Savvy sat in the back, mostly listening but occasionally adding to the conversation. Tyler felt an immense peace having her in the van.

All the newspapers were located minutes apart. After briefly getting lost near the Bay, they started on Battery Street with the Business Times and then went to the Examiner. At both of these Tyler left a resume with an indifferent receptionist, while Lexi and Savvy waited near the door.

Their last stop was the Chronicle, which claimed to be the largest newspaper in the area.

“I like this one,” Lexi said as they entered the reception area. “Feels important.”

Tyler grinned. “Well, here goes,” he said. Lexi gave him a thumbs-up.

He didn’t think he’d be let beyond the front desk–he hadn’t been at the other newspapers–but he had to try. The receptionist was young and blonde and extremely thin. She reminded him of LaNae. “I’m here from out of state,” he told her. “I’d like to talk to someone about a job.”

“You have experience?” she asked, eyes narrowing as they took in his face.

“Yes. One year full time. And a year part time before that.”

“Where?”

“Deseret Morning News.”

She didn’t appear to know the name.

“In Utah,” he added. “Here, I’ve brought a resume.”

“There is an opening, actually,” she said. “I’ll see that they get your resume. They may call you in a few days for an interview.”

“I’m due back in Salt Lake tomorrow. Is there any way I could speak to someone now?”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Just a minute.” Punching in a few numbers on her phone, she made a call and began explaining the situation.

Tyler glanced back at Savvy and Lexi, who had settled on chairs in the waiting room. Lexi was studying her mini dictionary, while Savvy was reading a copy of the Chronicle. Strange how they looked so much alike, given that he had always thought Savvy to be a replica of her mother.

“You’re in luck,” the receptionist said, reclaiming his attention. “Mr. Childs will see you now.” She handed him a clip-on badge. “If you’ll wait by that door over there, he’ll be here soon.”

Tyler had no idea who Mr. Childs was, but he was glad he’d worn dress slacks and a button-down shirt sans tie. He wasn’t dressed up, but he wasn’t too casual, either.

Mr. Childs turned out to be the paper’s human resources director. He was a tall, gray-haired man with weathered cheeks and a paunch that hung generously over his belt. “Good to meet you,” he said, proffering a firm handshake. “Let’s go back to my office.”

They chatted for several minutes about Tyler’s previous experience before Tyler had to tell Mr. Childs about the article and why he’d left the Deseret Morning News. Mr. Childs’ mouth curved into a smile. “I can believe your article ruffled some feathers. But here we don’t mind ruffling a few feathers. In fact, we thrive on it.” He cleared his throat. “As long as it’s all true. Of course, we do have to worry about our advertisers and so forth.”

“Of course.” Tyler was beginning to relax.

Mr. Childs flipped a button on the intercom. “Janie,” he said, “would you bring us a couple coffees?”

Tyler’s stomach sank. Already he would have to defend his beliefs. He’d known it would happen, but so soon? Any other job applicant could have taken up the offer, used the time to build more bridges, but Tyler knew none of that was worth denying his beliefs.

“Uh, no thanks,” he said. “I don’t drink coffee.”

“Mormon, huh?” Mr. Childs asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ve heard of them. Have one or two who work here. Good people.”

Tyler smiled and nodded.

An older woman came in with two mugs of steaming coffee. Mr. Childs waited until she was gone, then he arose and extended his hand. “It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Tyler. I’ll take a look at your resume and get back to you.”

Tyler thanked him, hoping his smile didn’t feel as pasted on as it felt. Despite his refusal of the coffee, he had to believe he was a strong candidate for whatever opening they had available. At the very least, he’d made a contact that might help him freelance a few articles. Of course, working for the Chronicle would be less worrisome than strictly freelancing. At least he’d have a steady income.

Lexi looked up when he reentered the lobby area. She stuffed her mini dictionary into her black purse and pulled it onto her shoulder. “Well?” she asked eagerly, not minding the interested stare of the receptionist.

Savvy stood up next to her. “In the van, okay?”

Lexi darted a glance at the desk. “Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“No problem.” Tyler led the way outside. It was noon now, and his stomach was rumbling. “What do you say we get some lunch?”

“Good idea,” Savvy said. “You hungry, Lexi?”

“Yeah, but what happened?”

Tyler opened Savvy’s door first and then Lexi’s. “Nothing much. I talked to their human resources director. Unfortunately, everything that could go wrong, did.”

Tyler started the van, picked a street at random, and started down it.

“So what went wrong?” Lexi asked.

Tyler met Savvy’s eyes in the rearview mirror, and they shared a smile at Lexi’s eagerness. For a brief moment it was just like old times. “Well, first I told him why I was fired.”

Lexi gaped. “You were fired? I didn’t know that. What else?”

“He offered me coffee.”

This apparently confused Lexi. “So?”

“I’m a Mormon. I don’t drink coffee.”

“Mormons don’t drink coffee?”

He shrugged. “At least he knows where I stand.”

Lexi’s eyes gleamed. “You were unequivocal in your stance.”

“You could say that.” Tyler tilted back his head and laughed.

Lexi’s face scrunched in worry. “Did I use it right?”

“Yes. Exactly right. Now where do you want to eat? McDonald’s?”

“Mickey D’s? Are you kidding? I want to go to In-N-Out.”

“That’s a restaurant?” At her nod, he said, “Okay, In-N-Out it is.”

Lexi grinned. “But you’re going the wrong way. In-N-Out is back there. I saw it when we were looking for the first newspaper.”

“Then why didn’t you say so?” Tyler blew out a breath. Women! They sure started young learning how to annoy a man.

“You didn’t ask.” Lexi blinked her eyes innocently.

From the back seat Savvy laughed. “Good thing you saw it. I’ve never been to the one here. It’s a whole chain of restaurants, you know.”

Lexi nodded. “Amber eats there all time when she comes here on vacation.”

“They don’t have them where you’re from?” Savvy asked.

Lexi’s smile faded. “Maybe.”

“Come on,” Tyler urged, “there’s a lot of places that don’t have any. I’ve never seen one in Utah.”

“Okay, then. No, we don’t. But I’m not going to tell you anything more.” Lexi folded her arms and fell silent.

After a while Tyler said, “You afraid we’d put you on the next plane home if we knew where you were from?”

“Tyler–” Savvy leaned forward, her hand on the seat. Her tone told him he had said something wrong.

Lexi’s face became so pale it was translucent. “Savvy wouldn’t put me on a plane.”

Tyler glanced back at Savvy. “Later,” she mouthed.

“Hey, forget I said anything,” he told Lexi. “Why don’t you look up the word penultimate? I bet that’s one you’ve never heard.”

To his relief, the tense moment passed as Lexi fell willingly to her dictionary.

* * *

Lexi was having a good day. Yes, it would be better if Tyler and Savvy didn’t constantly try to trick her into talking about her home, but the rest was still really good. She felt grown up hanging out with Tyler and Savvy. Especially with Tyler. He was much more polite than the boys she knew at school. He opened doors for her, asked her what she wanted to hear on the radio, and actually seemed to listen to what she had to say. If only her father would listen to her more.

At In-N-Out they ordered cheeseburgers, fries, and strawberry shakes and sat down to eat, chatting about books and plays and movies they’d seen. Lexi decided that Tyler was one of the smartest people she knew.

And the cutest.

No, he was beyond cute. He was a man, after all, and cute wasn’t exactly manly. He was tall and strong, though a little on the lean side. She liked the thick frames on his glasses and the way he flexed his hands when he was thinking. She also liked how his sandy hair was long on top and sort of messy. He had an adorable dimple on his right cheek that threw Lexi’s heart into a rapid beating when he smiled. Which he did a lot. Tyler was a happy person.

Too bad he had a girlfriend. But that was almost hard to believe because yesterday he’d stared at Savvy with an odd look in his eyes, a look that would have done funny things to Lexi’s stomach if he had been staring at her that way. He was doing it again today, but Savvy didn’t seem to notice. In fact, she was more quiet than usual–at least from what Lexi knew of her these past few days. Savvy certainly hadn’t been this quiet with Chris.

When they were finishing up their burgers and fries, Savvy excused herself to use the restroom. Lexi watched her go, wondering about her and Tyler. Her attention was diverted by a woman at the counter with short black hair. She wore skimpy clothing, heavy makeup, and had more body piercings than Lexi had ever seen, even in California. A large tattoo of a black and orange tiger splayed over one bare shoulder. Half in awe, Lexi watched the woman place her order.

Sensing her interest, Tyler glanced around at the woman. He turned back almost immediately, his head shaking. His expression was far from admiring but rather saddened and a little, well, disgusted. Lexi thought it odd that he wouldn’t be at least attracted to the woman’s figure–which was rather extraordinary–but he only averted his eyes and frowned.

Lexi felt uncomfortable, remembering that she herself had nearly chosen a similar outfit that morning. Wanting to impress Tyler, she had put on a halter top, a ruffled mini skirt, and high heels. Savvy had taken one look at her outfit and said flatly, “No way. If you don’t change, you won’t go.”

“I’ll go anyway!” Lexi had insisted. “You can’t stop me.”

Savvy arched a brow. “You think Tyler will take you if I say you can’t go? Believe me, he won’t.”

“Why?” Lexi retorted. “Because you think he’s in love with you?”

An inexplicable hurt showed on Savvy’s face. On her sister’s face–the sister she’d longed for. Lexi felt bad, but she tried to squelch the feeling.

“No,” Savvy said quietly. “Because he’s my friend and a good man. Besides, you’d embarrass him if you dressed like that–especially if he’s job hunting.”

Lexi had stomped back to the bedroom, angered and helpless. No one except her father had challenged her clothing choices for a long time, and she resented it–especially from Savvy. What right did she have to try to control her? After all, until a few days ago Savvy hadn’t even known Lexi existed. She hadn’t cared to find out if she had other siblings. She had never even tried to visit her real father.

Lexi ended up changing. Savvy knew Tyler better than she did, after all, and more than anything at that moment, Lexi didn’t want to embarrass or annoy him.

Now, seeing Tyler’s obvious disapproval and pity for the woman at the counter, Lexi was glad Savvy had forced her to wear her new red shirt. If not, Tyler might have given her that sort of look, instead of the compliments he’d offered earlier.

Even so Lexi felt compelled to challenge his reaction. “Why do you hate that woman?” she asked him, motioning with her chin.

He looked surprised. “I don’t hate her.” Wadding his hamburger wrapper, he tossed it next to Savvy’s uneaten fries. “I feel sorry for her, that’s all. I wish I could go over and tell her who she really is.”

“She’s herself, that’s all.”

“No, Lexi, she’s a child of God–like we are.”

Like we are. The phrase entered Lexi’s heart with arrow-like swiftness, causing her breath to catch in her throat. She swallowed hard. Her mother had talked like that, she remembered. Right before the accident.

Pushing the thought aside, Lexi stole a peek at the woman, who was taking her tray of food. “She doesn’t look like a child of–” She stopped. She was being as judgmental as everyone was of her lately!

He grinned. “See what I mean?”

Savvy returned at that moment, immediately diverting Tyler’s attention. Lexi tried not to feel slighted, reminding herself that the two of them had been friends long before she came into the picture.

The woman with the tattoo was joined by two guys who wore black, baggy clothes trimmed with chains. Both had their ears and noses pierced, and one was wearing makeup. Their laughter could be heard all over the restaurant. Once Lexi would have thought they looked exciting and daring, but now they seemed lost and alone–like Lexi so often felt. Like they really don’t know who they are or where they belong, she thought.

While it wasn’t exactly something she would admit to her friends back home, she was infinitely glad to be with Tyler and Savvy instead of with them.

As they left the restaurant, a man was coming inside–a very familiar man. At the sight of him Lexi stopped walking. Her heart jerked. Dad! she thought.

But the man pushed past her with scarcely a look in her direction.

No, he wasn’t her father. He was about the same height as her father and he moved like him but his hair was white, not blond, and the many wrinkles on his face told her he was much older.

“Did you leave something?” Tyler asked.

“No,” Lexi managed.

Savvy looked at her with concern. “Are you okay?

Lexi nodded, but she wasn’t okay. There was a hole opening in her heart–a huge one large enough to swallow the entire world. Suddenly she wanted to put her hand in Tyler’s. She wanted him to hug her like a father would a favored daughter.

No, she thought, I don’t want him. I want my dad. The hole in her heart grew until her whole chest hurt and she was fighting tears.

“Come on,” Savvy said. Lexi felt Savvy’s arm around her, gently leading her to the van. Tyler jogged ahead to open the door.

When they reached the van, Lexi said, “Would it be okay if I sat in the back? Maybe stretch out on the seats?”

“Do you want me to sit with you?” Savvy’s voice was kind, provoking even more tears.

“No, I’m all right.” Lexi was feeling better now. It had just been such a shock, seeing that man who so resembled her father.

Lexi lay down on the middle seat, facing the back to hide her face from Savvy and Tyler. She wrapped her skinny arms around her body.

Much later, she turned over. Tyler and Savvy were talking and didn’t notice her movements. Then Tyler’s phone rang. He glanced at the number and he handed it to Savvy. “It’s Kerrianne,” he said. “Would you talk to her? I’ve got to find that freeway exit.”

Savvy took the phone. Lexi wasn’t sure, but it seemed as though she was careful not to touch Tyler’s hand.

“Hello? No, it’s Savvy. Yeah, pretty well. He got an interview. I guess we’ll see. What?” She paused, listening. “Okay, I’ll tell him. Thanks.” Closing the phone, Savvy looked at Tyler. “She wants to know if you’ll remember to stop at the store and get those DVDs for tomorrow’s drive home.”

Tyler laughed and said something Lexi didn’t catch. She was too busy watching Savvy set Tyler’s phone down in the catchall between the two seats.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Lexi reached out until the phone was in her hand. She turned around again, hiding it from view. In less than a minute, she figured out how to turn off the ringer. Then she closed the thin, silver case and slipped it into her purse.