THERE ARE MANY overweight or obese people who don’t think they actually have a weight problem. They have no desire or intention of changing their lifestyle. They might actually be happy in their overweight state; however, most are not. They will make excuses like “I’m too busy to lose weight” or “My husband loves me just the way I am.” But the truth is that most overweight people also have or will develop health issues that jeopardize their chance of a long, prosperous life.
Many overweight people can live in fat denial for years before something causes them to realize that they are overweight and that they have to do something about it. The National Weight Control Registry began a study in 1994 to track successful weight-losers, whom they call Weight Loss Masters. Weight Loss Masters are those who have lost at least 30 pounds or more and have kept it off for a year or more. One finding was that nearly 80 percent of Weight Loss Masters began their weight-loss journey due to a triggering event. A triggering event is a situation, event, or may even be a comment that makes you think about something differently. The triggering event is what is needed to get out of fat denial and on to taking action. Fat denial for me happened when I would wear slacks and just unbutton the top button or wear stretchy leggings and big sweatshirts. This was my attempt to deny the fact of my excess weight.
To move on to the next phase, we have to come out of fat denial and realize that we need to do something differently.
Once you realize you are fat, overweight, or obese—whatever you choose to call it—there has to be a clear acknowledgment of the problem. You may not know whether you are eating the wrong foods, struggling with emotional eating, or have hormonal imbalances that are causing weight gain, but you know there is a problem. All real growth happens in life when we acknowledge that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.
Marie had a problem with her weight ever since high school. Food always comforted her, but it also became her “boo.” She got comfort and companionship from food rather than from a mate. She would go on diets in which she would see food as her enemy, but ultimately she would always go back to her first love, food. In her twenties she stopped dieting, and just embraced the love she had for food. When it came to eating, it was all love, all the time. Food was her friend, her companion, her joy, her lover.
One day, Marie went to the movies alone and, as usual, brought her own food—cakes and cookies were her favorites. She saw Jennifer Aniston on the screen and thought she was so small and cute. I wish I could look like that, she thought, as she stuffed another cookie in her mouth. She didn’t acknowledge that she had a problem that needed to be addressed. She didn’t acknowledge that she was fat and needed to do something about it. She just wore baggy sweaters and leggings and made herself as comfortable as possible.
Then one day, she was walking through the mall and caught a glimpse of a woman in the mirror who made her think Wow, that lady is so big! She also noticed that this lady was wearing the same outfit she had put on that day. So she stopped and looked more closely. She quickly realized she was walking toward a mirror and that woman was her! That was her triggering event, the turning point that motivated her to see she was fat and to embrace the fact that she needed to lose weight. At that moment, she knew she needed to get real and do something about her weight.
I coach thousands of folks in my private weight-loss coaching group, and one benefit of it is that folks can learn from the success others are having at losing weight. As discussed above, 80% of Weight Loss Masters, those who have lost at least 30 pounds or more and have kept it off for a year or more, began their weight-loss journey due to a triggering event. The triggering event is what is needed to get out of fat denial and on to taking action.
Sometimes, when you gain a lot of weight, you really don’t see it. You may feel it when your thighs rub together or your knees ache, but you can’t see it in a mirror. Others often see it before you do. Be grateful if you have a relative who will let you know that you’ve picked up a few pounds.
Looking at recent photos and not recognizing yourself is another potential trigger. All of your beautiful curves are gone because you have become so rotund.
Once you get out of fat denial, you can face the reality of the work that is necessary to lose weight and keep it off.
So many people realize that they have been fat the majority of their life. Even when they look back at photos of themselves, they can’t find a single photo where they weren’t chubby or overweight.
Others gained weight after they went to college. First, there is the “freshman 15”—the 15 pounds many students gain during the freshman year of college. Most college students gain about 25 pounds total during their college years. Many assume it’s due to the high-starch cafeteria foods.
Another time of significant weight gain is once a person gets married. Women, in particular, do great to keep themselves up when they’re trying to get a husband, but after they get one, they let themselves go. They feel secure in the fact that they have found someone to love them for life. Also, during marriage we cook more frequently, care for others more often and, as a result, have a tendency to neglect ourselves. Consequently, the weight starts to pile on.
A married girlfriend of mine came to me one day and said she needed my help to lose weight. She had a sense of urgency, and I asked her why. She’d been carrying the extra weight for years. She said her husband had told her he wasn’t physically attracted to her anymore. She said, “I first got mad, but then I realized I had a choice. I could stay overweight and risk him finding someone else, or get it together and be the woman he married!” She had chosen the latter. She did lose the weight, and today they are still happily married. So, while it may have initially hurt to have had a family member be honest with her, it was ultimately helpful.
Many women gain weight after having their first child. It is perfectly normal to gain weight in pregnancy, but many women struggle to get their body back and find it hard to lose the “baby weight.” Some women who have more than one child keep gaining more and more weight with each one.
No matter what the reason is for the weight gain, there must be some acknowledgment that you are overweight before you can decide to do something about it. When you have acknowledged that you are overweight but haven’t done anything about it, it can be a very painful place to be. But it’s a necessary first step. As the expression goes, it’s always darkest before the dawn.
Don’t be afraid, go ahead and get on the scale. Write the number down. Take photos, take your measurements. Come out of denial with power and courage. For your weight is truly about to change.
Now that you have made the decision to lose weight, you will have enough motivation to begin this journey. Coming out of fat denial frees you up to use your mental energy to focus on losing weight and getting healthy as opposed to using it to defend being overweight. Living in truth will set you free.
All the Weight Loss Masters went through this stage too and they unanimously report that it’s liberating to go from “I’m fat!” to “I’m ready to make a change!”
In my experience coaching thousands of folks on their weight-loss journey, I have seen that the reasons for losing weight generally fall into one of three categories:
1. VANITY: You don’t like the way you look or you never attract the opposite sex. The pressure could be external, such as you get teased because of your weight. Or internal—you might look in the mirror and simply not like what you see.
2. QUALITY OF LIFE: You want to spend quality time with your family, especially your mate, kids, and grandkids. If you are struggling to run and play with your children, it will only get worse if you don’t address it now.
3. HEALTH: Not only is your health failing, you have no energy to actively participate in life. The doctor may have ordered you to lose weight due to weight-related illnesses such as high blood pressure, diabetes, or high cholesterol. Your body is failing you and your back, knees, and feet hurt all the time due to excess weight.
Be careful of the “I’ll start next week” syndrome. Monday is the most popular start date and the most procrastinated start date as well. How many times have you said, I’ll start my new weight-loss plan next week, on Monday? This might be an excuse to overeat on the weekends and eat everything in sight for a few days. You overeat without feeling guilty, but then when Monday comes and goes and you haven’t started, you end up feeling even worse. This is a set-up for failure. If you make a decision to lose weight, create a game plan today and get started today. There is nothing magical about Monday.
Now you may have already come up with some excuses as to why today is not a good day to start. Well, don’t be fearful about taking action today. This book will give you the mental strategies to stay motivated throughout your weight-loss journey. You don’t need to run out and buy a gym membership or buy any weight-loss pills or foods. You just need to start eating better today.
I know you may be thinking that you have tried so many diets in the past and either couldn’t stick with it or gained all the weight back. You are not alone: the majority of the people who have lost weight and kept it off have tried at least five diets or more. So, that is normal and does not make you a failure. People try low-carb diets, high-protein diets, low-fat diets, all kinds of fad diets, and then still gain the weight back. So, the diet is not the answer. Diets are simply not the most effective way to lose weight permanently. Your goal should be to change your lifestyle, including proper nutrition and getting physically active, as a way to achieve your weight-loss goals. When most people think of dieting, they immediately think of eating less, which is a flawed dieting technique that allows you to lose weight in the short term but rarely allows you to keep the weight off permanently.
Remember, no more excuses. Sure, you may love food. Most people do! No one wants to give up favorite foods entirely. I know I didn’t. To this day, I still love pizza, lasagna, burgers, and fries. And I still get to eat them now and then. I just can’t eat them every day and maintain my weight. So don’t worry about giving up anything. There is a way to include your favorite foods and still be slim and healthy.
Keep a long list of why you want to lose weight and keep it visible so you can see it every day. Refer to it to remind yourself of why you started. On challenging days, you’ll need these reminders to keep going.