Lucy could almost feel the coins vibrating from their place in the cellar.
Eileen and Jed were both asleep, and the lantern’s dim glow left shadows dancing in the small room. She cast surreptitious glances at Nate as he sat reading his Bible by the fire. She’d seen his disappointment in her failure to tell him about the coins. How did she make it right? This problem involved events that had happened long before she’d ever met him. He shouldn’t have to shoulder a burden like this. She wanted him to like her—to think she was capable and strong. Asking for his help undermined her competence.
She chewed her lip and sighed. Maybe she needed to bend a little here. Without interrupting him, she went to the back porch and lit a candle. Holding it aloft, she went out the back door and lifted the cellar door.
Descending into the darkness with only a small flame was like walking into a black hole. The dank odor rushed at her and left her feeling off balance. She reached the bottom of the rickety stairs and held up the candle so its puny light pushed back the shadows. The pickle barrel didn’t appear to have been disturbed.
She set the candle on a shelf, then pried off the barrel lid and thrust her hand into the pickles. The pungent aroma filled her nose. For a moment she feared they were missing, then her fingers snagged the oilcloth. She pulled it up and unwrapped the cloth. The coins were all there.
She heard the stairs squeak and whirled. A large shape moved toward her. “Who’s there?”
His figure loomed in the shadows. “It’s me. What are you doing?” Nate’s voice was husky.
“Getting the coins.”
“No need. They’re safe where they are for now.”
The steps groaned one last time, then he was beside her. She held them out to him, but he closed her fingers back over the coins. “You don’t have to give them to me.”
“I want to. I’m sorry if I made you feel I didn’t trust you.” She stared at the money in her hand. “I’m beginning to realize I am much too fond of being in charge.”
“We have a lot of adjusting to do. It’s not going to happen all at once.”
Nate’s presence made the cold air feel warmer. Though the cellar was hardly a romantic spot, Lucy found herself wanting to move closer. To rest her head on his chest. To relinquish her solitude. Was that what becoming one meant? When one bled, the other cried out? Though she loved her siblings, she’d never felt that sense of union.
“Last chance.” She held out the coins.
He gave them a cursory glance. “Put them back. It’s too dark to see them anyway.”
She turned back to the barrel and replaced the coins, then dropped the lid back into place. She wiped the vinegar from her hands on her apron, then took the candle in her right hand.
His warm hand gripped her left one. “Let’s get out of here. There are better places to talk.”
His tone was so prosaic that she couldn’t help the disappointment that shot through her. Did he have no desire to hold her, to brush his lips across hers? “As you wish,” she said, keeping her voice impersonal. She left her hand in his and allowed him to lead her up the stairs. He so unsettled her that she lost her balance until he steadied her.
“Careful.” He gripped her hand. “I need to build new steps. These tilt. I don’t want you to take a tumble with your hands full.”
At least he cared a little. Enough that he didn’t want her hurt. In the yard she tilted her face up to him. “Why don’t you want to at least see the coins? After all, they are worth a fortune.”
The moonlight illuminated his grin. “Maybe I should have looked at them. Jed says they look like regular silver dollars. Nothing that special. I can’t imagine someone paying that kind of money just to put them in a drawer somewhere. That kind of hoarding doesn’t make sense.”
“When does acquiring more and more land translate to hoarding?” she countered. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to snatch them back.
He stiffened and dropped her hand. “Land has a use. We can run more cattle and expand our business.”
“Why?” She tried to ask her question in a genuinely curious tone without any condemnation. “If we have enough to live, why do we need more?”
He opened his mouth, then shut it again. “Good question, Lucy. Pa has always drilled it into my head that the Stanton spread is going to be the biggest cattle ranch in Texas.”
“So it’s all about power?”
“Maybe. More land meant more cattle. More cattle meant more jobs for men and a productive life. I’ve never analyzed it.”
She started to ask him if he didn’t trust God to provide when it struck her that she was the same way. If she was going to talk to him about his trust issues, she needed to work on her own first.
NATE STILL CAUGHT a whiff or two of vinegar from Lucy’s small hands even though she’d washed them the minute they got back inside. He poked at the fire and added two more logs before joining her on the rug in front of the fire. “Why aren’t you in the chair?”
She sat watching the flames with her knees hugged to her chest. “I like to sit on the floor. It feels more homey.” She scooted over to make more room for him.
He stretched out his legs and leaned back on his elbows. The braided rug was rough against his palms. “You miss Indiana?”
The firelight illuminated her pensive expression. “Not really.” She hesitated. “It feels like we belong here. I know that sounds odd when we’re still strangers to the area, but it was like coming home.”
He sat up and scooted around to face her. “You asked me in the cellar why I wanted more land. What are your dreams, Lucy?”
Her eyes widened and she caught her lower lip between her teeth. “I’ve never had time to have a dream. I tried to keep my brother and sister safe from one day to the next, to feed and clothe them and make sure they were content.”
“I think something more than their welfare pushed you to agree to my father’s suggestion. If you dare to uncover it.” He studied her expression as he issued his challenge. So beautiful and yet he still hadn’t learned much about her.
She pulled her knees more tightly to her chest and propped her chin on them. “I want a family,” she said after a long pause. “I love Jed and Eileen, but they will go off on their own someday. I’ve never felt as though I belonged anywhere. I want a family and a home where I belong.”
He absorbed her words. “You’ve never felt you were in a place of permanence?”
Her eyes brightened. “That’s it exactly. I’ve felt that whatever state I’m in is bound to change soon. The very uncertainty has made me long for security. For a place that is all mine. A family I can nurture and love.” She swallowed.
Her words stirred something inside him, a nameless longing for what she talked about. “I’ve only had my father and my brother. Three grumpy men trying to rub along together as best as we could.”
She released her knees and knelt in front of him. “We want the same thing then, Nate. I think we can find it together if we try. We’re both—lonely.”
With a shock, he realized she was right. He’d always had his father around, but there weren’t many moments when he’d felt connected on more than a work level. “I didn’t realize I was lonely until you said it. How did you know?”
“I saw it in your eyes the first time Eileen took your hand,” she said softly.
“She’s too sweet to ignore.”
“You haven’t been around children much, have you?”
He shook his head and glanced toward the little girl, sleeping peacefully on her cot. One small fist was curled under her cheek. His heart contracted. “Only in the most casual way at church or the neighbors’.”
“You’re older than Roger?”
“By a year. We grew up together and were rounding up stray calves by the time we were eight.”
“I was cooking and cleaning like an adult by about that age myself.” She leaned a little closer. “Have you ever seen a real family in action? Both parents, children around the dinner table, everyone supportive of each other?”
It was difficult to think with her so close. He couldn’t look away from the intent expression in her blue eyes. “I don’t believe I have.”
“I saw a touch of it at my aunt’s house today. Though her husband is gone, his presence was felt. And my cousin is so close to her mother. I didn’t want to leave them.”
The O’Briens were his closest neighbors, and Margaret hardly had an ideal relationship with her father. On the other side were the Larsons, and he vaguely remembered going to dinner there when he was a youngster. The table had been full, but conversation had been stilted. The children were expected to keep silent, and they’d eaten quietly, then were shooed outside to play.
“Do you think we can do a better job?” she asked, her voice wistful. “I read Little Women a few years ago, and I realized I wanted a family like that. One that laughed and played together.”
“Little Women? Is that a novel?”
She nodded eagerly. “I brought my copy with me if you’d like to read it. It’s about four sisters during the Civil War. I wanted to be part of that family. Even though they were as poor as me, they were rich in family. And their last name was March. That was close enough to Marsh to make them feel like my own sisters.”
“I’m not much of a reader. Other than the Bible.” He cleared his throat. “Though I’d read it if you’d like me to.”
“We’re going to do this, aren’t we, Nate? Become a family?”
“We are. It won’t be easy though. We’re still strangers. But I want to remedy that.” He glanced toward the table beside her chair. “I’d like us to start by reading the Bible together as a family in the evening.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh, I’d like that! Where shall we start? Proverbs 31?”
He smiled. “I think the Bible has things to teach both of us, not just you. Let’s start in Ephesians.”
“I don’t quite remember what all is there. It’s about families?”
He nodded. “Husbands are told to love their wives. I’d like to learn to love you, Lucy. I don’t think it will be hard to do.”
Her face was only inches away. Her lips parted, and he caught a whiff of her sweet breath. A strong urge to kiss her overtook him. He didn’t realize his arms were on her shoulders until he felt the fabric of her dress under his palms.
He pulled her closer and bent his head. His lips touched hers and he inhaled the scent of lavender that surrounded her. She was soft and warm in his arms, and he drank in the sweetness of her kiss.