Kaia hadn’t seen or talked to Jesse for two days. He’d called, but she’d seen his name on the caller ID and not answered. She didn’t know what to say. He’d made it clear he didn’t want a relationship unless she got rid of her baggage. She wanted to do that, but she didn’t know how.
Sitting on her garden bench with her cat in her lap, she could see the blue expanse of the Pacific over the cliff where her house perched. When she’d looked down on Tûtû kâne’s cottage earlier, she’d seen her mother’s Volvo parked in front. The feelings the sight evoked had not been worthy of a Christian, but she couldn’t help herself. All her mother had to do was come back, and she was suddenly the family darling again.
Hiwa was licking her paws with relish. Kaia ran her hand over the cat’s silky fur. She knew what she should do. The right thing would be to march down the stone steps and see her mother face-to-face. Talk to her.
Kaia rubbed her forehead and put the cat on the ground. Hiwa yowled and shot off toward the palm tree by the fountain. Kaia wished her grandmother were here. Her presence had been as calming as jasmine. Almost lonelier than she could bear, Kaia wished she could lay her head in Tûtû’s lap and feel her grandmother’s fingers in her hair.
A shadow blocked out the sun, and Kaia looked up to see her brother. Bane wasn’t smiling.
“We need to talk,” he said.
She scooted over on the bench. “So talk.”
“I probably should have shown this to you before, but the time never seemed right.” He held out an envelope. Kaia stared at it, not sure she wanted to know what it contained. “Read it,” he urged.
“What is it?” He laid the envelope in her lap, and she stared at it. She recognized the writing. Bane’s name was slashed boldly across the paper in her grandmother’s familiar script.
“Read it and see.”
Her hands trembled and her fingers felt clumsy as she pulled the paper inside free of the envelope. She unfolded it and began to read.
Bane,
I leave you this letter as the eldest. When I’m gone, I pray you will choose the right time to give this to your sister. Your wisdom is great in spite of your youth. You will know when.
My Kaia, though you are dearer to me than I can say, there is a cancer eating up the joy in your heart more ravenous than the disease devouring my body. I fear this bitterness I see growing in you will strangle the joy from your heart as seaweed chokes the lagoon. You have brought us much joy in your growing years. Now you are a wahine, a woman. The Bible says to put away childish things, and I hope as you read this letter, you can do that very thing. Forgiveness is an adult response, and you must take hold of it with the same zest with which you embraced your studies. Do not blame your mother for her mistakes. God says to forgive as He has forgiven us. Let go of it, my Kaia. Let go and let God heal your heart.
Tûtû
Kaia dropped the letter, and it drifted to nest in a bed of mimosa. For a few moments, she was a little girl again, and her tûtû the woman with all the answers. If only her grandmother were here to guide her through these treacherous waters. She didn’t know how to forgive her mother. If only she could forget the past and forge a new future. But it was easier said than done.
“You have to forgive her, Kaia,” Bane said. He squeezed her shoulder and left her.
“Help me, Tûtû,” she whispered. But the only answer was the wind in the palms.
JESSE SAT IN HIS JEEP AND LOOKED AT OKE KOHALA’S COTTAGE. From the vehicles parked around the sandy road and in the driveway, it looked like Kaia’s brothers were here. Though Jesse wasn’t enamored at the thought of baring his heart to the world, it was now or never.
If he had to fight for Kaia, so be it. She hadn’t answered his calls, so this was the next step.
“Are we just going to sit here?” Heidi asked. “I want to go look for Nani. Will you come with me?”
Jesse glanced at his niece. Her blue eyes darted around in fear. He couldn’t blame her for being scared. She’d been through things no child should witness.
“Let’s go.” He got out. Heidi scooted over the seat to get out on his side. She held his hand in a death grip.
“When is Mom coming?”
“As soon as she can get a flight.” Jesse would miss Heidi. Now that the tests were over and he could spend more time with her, he was about to lose her.
“That’s what you said yesterday.” She watched the koa tree grove with suspicious eyes.
Her mother would have been home by now except for her canceled flight. There had been a terrorist scare, and Jillian had been stuck in Italy, much to her dismay. She hoped to get a flight out within a day or two, though Jesse didn’t dare tell Heidi the reason for the delay. She would just worry all the more.
He stopped on the path and squatted to look her in the eye. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore, monkey. The bad guys are locked up. You’re safe.”
Her face contorted. “It was scary, Uncle Jesse.”
“I know. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there to keep you from getting scared. But God was with you. You know that, right? And he kept you safe.”
“I know.” Her face relaxed. “I prayed and prayed for you to find me. And he sent Nani.”
“That’s right.” Jesse smiled.
“Where is Kaia?” Heidi’s voice was plaintive.
“I’m not sure. I’m going to go find her later.” Maybe she was at the lab. She had plenty to keep her busy there now that Curtis had heard the story of how Nani helped rescue his wife. Jesse stood up and took Heidi’s hand. His steps lagged. Man, he didn’t want to have to enlist Kaia’s family’s help, but he didn’t know what else to do. He felt like a kid going to his dad over a problem at school.
The imu pit was heating, and Mano was layering the hot coals with ti leaves. He waved at Jesse and went back to his work.
“Can I watch?” Heidi whispered.
Jesse nodded. “I’ll come get you later and we’ll go to the beach.”
“Okay.” She ran to join Mano, who handed ti leaves to her so she could help him.
Pressing his lips together, Jesse strode to the cottage door and knocked.
“Be right there,” Bane called.
Wonderful scents came through the screen door, and Jesse’s mouth watered. He hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, and the aroma of baking coconut made his stomach rumble. He stepped away from the door as Bane joined him.
“Where have you been hiding?” Bane asked, holding open the screen for Jesse.
“I’ve been busy.”
He followed Bane inside. “It’s about time you showed your face.” He studied Jesse’s face. “You look a little haggard, brah.”
If there was one thing a man hated, it was to let his emotions show on his face. Jesse had thought he was doing a good job of masking his pain. “Kaia isn’t speaking to me. And Faye says she won’t take her calls either. I made the stupid mistake of telling her she needed to forgive her mother before we could pursue our own relationship.”
Bane gave Jesse a good-natured slap on the shoulder. “Smart man. You can’t build anything on rotten ground. My sister can be stubborn. She’s been hurt too many times, but she needs to learn to let it go. I’ve prayed about it, and I’m going to call a ho’oponopono.”
Jesse was familiar with the family therapy session, though he’d never personally attended one. It meant literally “to make things right,” though he suspected even a radical intervention like that would fail to reach Kaia. Still, it was worth a try. She at least had to listen out of respect for her family.
“When?” Jesse asked.
“Tomorrow at sundown. I’ll send our grandfather to fetch her. She can’t refuse the command of the kahuna.” Bane grinned.
NANI WHISTLED AND CLICKED TO KAIA AS SHE SAT AT THE PIER with her feet hung over the side. “Good girl,” she said. The dolphin had said “swim.” Kaia still couldn’t believe they’d breached the wall between the species. Real communication. It was a dream come true.
If only her other dreams would stop hounding her. Every night she went to bed vowing to forget Jesse: the sound of his voice, the scent of his skin, the touch of his hand. And every morning she awoke with a vivid dream of him: the sparks that had flown between them the first time they met, his gentleness with his niece, his commitment to those he loved.
Kaia had fought the dreams by throwing herself into her research. She wanted no time to think or feel. So far she hadn’t succeeded. She felt like she’d been tossed around in the water by a humpback whale. And she couldn’t get her grandmother’s letter out of her mind.
Jenny hurried along the wooden dock. “Reporters are due in about an hour.”
The other woman had been subdued the last few days. At least Jenny hadn’t been involved in the plot to blow up the munitions storage area. And Kaia hoped her heart hadn’t been too badly damaged by the discovery that Kim had murdered Jonah Kapolei. Kim and Nahele weren’t getting out of jail anytime soon.
Was her own bitterness taking her in the same direction Duncan and Nahele had gone? She wanted to be rid of this. She glanced up at Jenny. “Is Curtis handling the interview?”
“He wants you to do it. He thinks the reporters would rather ask him about Duncan than the communication with Nani.”
Kaia winced. Curtis had been hit hard by his younger brother’s arrest and attempt to kill Faye. “I’ll do my best,” she said.
“I’ll stall them until you’re ready.” Jenny touched her on the head and went back to the office.
Kaia glanced up as she left. Her grandfather was here. He stopped to speak to Jenny then continued on toward where Kaia sat on the dock.
“Curtis said you’d be out here,” Tûtû kâne said.
She scrambled to her feet. “Is something wrong?”
Her grandfather was somber, a state she seldom saw him in. “Bane has asked me to call a ho’oponopono for tonight. I want you to be there.”
Kaia brushed the debris from her shorts. “It’s been ten years since you’ve called one of those.” The last time, Bane and Mano had been fighting over the same girl and had refused to speak to one another for two weeks. Kaia gulped. If she had talked to her grandfather about how she was feeling, he might not have resorted to such a drastic measure. Refusal wasn’t an option, though she wanted to ignore the summons.
“Is our mother coming?” she asked cautiously.
“Of course.”
Great. Just great. The ho’oponopono was all about forgiveness and healing breaches. But in spite of her dismay, a thrill ran along her spine. Part of her longed to see her mother again. Her mother—Faye, she corrected herself—had caused too much pain and suffering. She had no idea of the damage she’d left in her wake. How could she? Her parents had never left her. They’d always been around to love and support her. Faye had no frame of reference to even understand what she’d done.
“I can see the wheels turning,” her grandfather said, laughing. “You think too much sometimes, Kaia. You’ll be there.” It was a command, not a question.
“I’ll be there. Even if I don’t want to be.”
“I think I already knew that.” Her grandfather dropped a kiss on her head, then left her by the water.
Kaia glanced down at Nani. She had rolled to her side, and one eye peered up at Kaia as if to judge her temper. “You should be very afraid,” Kaia told the dolphin. “I’m mad enough to bite lava in two.”
Nani bumped against her, and Kaia remembered how lethal her head butt had been to the shark. It was hard to reconcile the loving sea mammal nudging against her with the deadly torpedo that had saved Kaia’s life.
Later, Kaia introduced the reporters to Nani then answered their questions. They snapped what seemed like hundreds of pictures of her with Nani and the other two dolphins. Jenny joined her for several group photos as well. It had all seemed so important once upon a time, but now her personal problems outweighed her joy. By the time the crowd was gone, she was exhausted. How could she face the evening ahead?
She’d wear her new red mu´umu´u, she decided. It would give her courage. She hurried home to shower and change. Hiwa met her at the front door. The cat wore a satisfied expression as she sat on the rug and licked her whiskers.
“What have you been into?” Kaia asked, stepping over her pet. She glanced around. The cat had knocked the picture of her grandmother from the coffee table to the floor. Kaia picked it up and scolded Hiwa, who continued to groom herself without concern.
Kaia left off berating the cat and hurried to change her clothes. Was tonight going to be the beginning of a new phase of her life? She felt on the cusp of something momentous, and part of her wanted to crawl in her closet and hide. Her life had been going along just fine so far. Why did everything have to change? She scrubbed her teeth with particular care.
Hiwa followed her down the stone steps to her grandfather’s cottage. The evening breakers were rolling to shore, the white foam they left soaking into the sand. Her mother’s Volvo was parked in the driveway, and Jesse’s Jeep was just behind it. Why had he been invited to gang up on her? Kaia wanted to turn tail and run back up the steps to the safety of her house. She was about to be bombarded from all sides.
Everyone looked up when she entered the living room. She didn’t know which pair of eyes to gaze back into. She focused on her grandfather’s face. He was safest. She found a seat across from Jesse.
Her grandfather stood. “Let us open with prayer.” Bowing his head, he lifted his hands. “Father God, we your children ask your divine intervention. The power of forgiveness lies in you alone. Give us your love and wisdom today and guide us this day. In Jesus’ holy name. Amen.” He dropped his hands and folded his arms across his chest. “Today, at the request of my grandson, I have called this ho’oponopono to settle a dispute between Paie and her children. Which of you will begin?”
Not her. Kaia couldn’t look at her mother or Jesse.
“I will.” Her mother stood. “I beg the forgiveness of my family for the wrongs I’ve done to them. I offer no excuses for what I did. I was wrong.”
“I give you aloha, Makuahine,” Bane said after a slight pause. “I release any anger and bitterness to God.”
“Say the words of forgiveness, Mano,” their grandfather said.
“I give you aloha, Makuahine.” Mano looked up and met Faye’s gaze.
Her brothers turned to look at Kaia with an expectant expression. If she said the words, would it make them true? She stood and clasped her hands in front of her. “I want to forgive.” Kaia tipped her chin up and stared into Faye’s sorrowful face. “You have no way of knowing what your desertion did to me. How it made me afraid to let a loved one out of my sight. How I seek everyone’s approval and can never seem to have enough of it.”
Kaia’s voice rose until she was almost shouting.
Her mother closed her eyes and sank back against the cushion. “I’m so sorry, Kaia.”
“Calmness, lei aloha,” her grandfather said softly. “Sit down. Breathe deeply and ask God to heal your heart as we talk.”
Kaia sank to her chair and buried her head in her hands. She would like to be rid of this load she carried, she suddenly realized.
“I want to ask you something,” Bane said. “When you sin against God, what do you do?”
“I ask forgiveness.” She thought she knew where he was going with this. “But He’s God. I don’t have His infinite grace and mercy.”
Her brother stared at her a moment, his weathered face impassive. “Do you know how God feels when you hurt Him, Kaia? Do you fully understand what your sin does to Him? And what about Nani? Does she understand what you mean when you pat her and tell her you love her? Do you know if she feels betrayal or pain when you leave her?”
She was beginning to get a glimmer of what he was trying to say. He was right. She had no idea if her sin truly hurt God. Kaia bit her lip. “We are two different species.”
“Exactly. There is no way for her to fully understand you or your emotions. And no way for you to understand her. All you can hope for is a distant echo of meaning and intent to come through. Just as your mother doesn’t know how you felt when she left, so you can’t really understand the pressures that drove her to do what she did. You say you would never do what she did, but we are all human and share a common frailty, Kaia. We all have a weakness, an area where we are most prone to sin. Hers is no worse than yours or mine. As God forgives us, we are to forgive others. Free aloha. No strings attached.”
Kaia shut her eyes as her brother’s words penetrated her heart. Did her willful sin affect God the way her mother’s had hurt her? She’d never considered the fact that God could feel pain. It was so easy to forget Him, so easy to get caught up in life.
“Can you forgive, lei aloha?” her grandfather whispered. “Forgive as God would have us to do?”
“I want to.” Fresh tears leaked from Kaia’s face. She opened her eyes and looked at her mother. She vaguely remembered a somber time in the house when she’d been told her daddy was never coming home again. She’d found her mother looking through a photo album with black streaks of mascara running down her face. Kaia had crawled into her mother’s lap and demanded a story. Her mother had wiped her eyes with a tissue and gotten out a Dr. Seuss book. She’d swallowed back her tears, but Kaia knew now the pain had still been there.
In that moment, Kaia realized how utterly solitary every person is. Who knew what went on in her heart except for God? Like her brother said, all she could grasp were distant echoes of the reality experienced by those she loved.
Her mother’s eyes glistened with tears, and her soft, pink mouth trembled. “Forgive me, Kaia,” she whispered.
Kaia nodded. “I give you aloha, Makuahine. I release the anger I feel to God and ask Him to heal it.” Saying the words brought a rush of tears to her eyes. She was free. The heady knowledge sapped the strength from her knees as she rose.
Her mother stood at her approach. She started to raise her arms then faltered. Kaia opened her own arms, and her mother’s face lit with joy. She rushed to embrace Kaia.
The scent of her mother’s perfume wafted over her in a welcoming rush. She’d never been close enough to Faye to notice the perfume before, but its scent was familiar. Kaia felt the weight she’d carried for years melt away.
She released her mother and stepped back. Her grandfather beamed at her. The approval in his dark eyes lifted Kaia’s spirits even more. Her gaze sought Jesse’s.
“Do you have something to say to me?” he asked.
She nodded. “In private though.” She finally dared to glance into his eyes and look away. The love shining there deepened the blue of his eyes.
“I don’t know. I think I’d like to hear it too,” Bane said. “What about you, Mano?”
She stuck out her tongue at her brothers. “Want me to sing a love song?”
Bane backed away with his hands held out. “Anything but that!”
Oke grinned. “Perhaps my granddaughter should grovel in front of all of us for putting Jesse through so much worry.”
“Not a chance, brahs.” She held out her hand to Jesse. “Let’s go check on Nani.” Jesse grinned. He rose and took her hand. They walked to the lagoon hand in hand.
He stopped by the lagoon and took her in his arms. “I love you, my beautiful mermaid, even if you’re too young for me, even if you can’t carry a tune in a water bucket, even if I have to put boots on to walk through your house. I’d adore you even if you smiled at me with raspberry seeds stuck in your teeth.”
“Eww!” She smiled up at him. Happiness bubbled inside her like a hot lava spring. The unconditional love shining out of his eyes enveloped her in a warm glow. “I love you,” she said softly. “You were right. We couldn’t build a future with so much of the past holding us down. We’ve got time to build it with the right foundation now.”
“But not too much time,” he whispered. “I want to marry you. Soon.”
The endless blue of the sea matched the eternal aloha in Jesse’s eyes. As Nani rose on her tail and danced through the waves, Jesse took her in his arms, and her heart danced with her dolphin.