The Collected Schizophrenias could not have happened without the assistance of many people and organizations, and I would like to express gratitude for those people and organizations here.
For my best reader and dear friend, who helped to shape the essays inside this book, Miriam Lawrence. Your advice and love have been invaluable to me. For Andi Winnette, who jumped right in when this book needing the jumping. Thank you for your brilliance. Thank you to Quince Mountain for going through the manuscript with me in the home stretch—you are one of the wisest people I know. Porochista Khakpour—thank you for your solidarity and friendship, as well as your keen eye; ilysm.
For the encouragement, friendship, and unwavering support of Anna North, Laura Turner, Caille Millner, Reese Kwon, Andi and Colin Winnette, Anisse Gross, Dyana Valentine, Rachel Khong, and Aaron Silberstein. For the everyday cheerleading of the SDC: thank you.
For the editors with whom I worked on several of these essays, including Andi Winnette, Karolina Waclawiak, Mensah Demary, Anna North, Willie Osterweil, Haley Cullingham, and Bethany Rose Lamont. For Nicole Cliffe, who was the first person to enthusiastically accept one of these essays for publication—it took a while for “Perdition Days” to find its home, and I’m thankful that it was with you.
For my healing team, with a special thanks to Grace and Dr. McInnes.
For Hedgebrook, Yaddo, the Whiting Foundation, and Granta.
For Lana Del Rey and the album Ultraviolence.
For the researchers, authors, and scientists whose work I refer to in these pages, and for the people who generously allowed me to interview them for this book. For the Mental Health Association of San Francisco.
For my incredible agent and advocate, Jin Auh, and to the Wylie Agency as a whole.
For my kind and savvy editor, Steve Woodward, as well as Ethan Nosowsky, Fiona McCrae, and the rest of the pack at Graywolf Press, who embraced this book and its author with enthusiasm. Special thanks to Brigid Hughes, who selected my manuscript for the Graywolf Press Nonfiction Prize: I am humbled by this astonishing opportunity.
For my family: Mom, Dad, Allen, Claudia, and Kerrigan.
For Daphne.
Finally, for Chris, my dearest darling, to whom this book is dedicated, and who has been there for me in too many ways to recount. I love you.