Apply G.U.I.D.E.S. to His Six Desires: C.H.A.I.R.S.
The thing I love about moms is that they hunger for examples. But is it possible to give so many examples that a mother feels overwhelmed? Possibly. So let me say up front, I am providing two templates: G.U.I.D.E.S. and C.H.A.I.R.S. These serve as checklists. G.U.I.D.E.S. is a mother’s side of the equation—the side God calls her to do as a parent. C.H.A.I.R.S. is a son’s side of the equation—the desires God put in her son.
Have you ever watched a pilot as he sits in the cockpit? He goes through a checklist quickly to make sure he has covered the essentials before taxiing out to the runway. G.U.I.D.E.S. and C.H.A.I.R.S. enable you to check yourself and your son—quickly.
How do G.U.I.D.E.S. and C.H.A.I.R.S. interface? G.U.I.D.E.S. is God’s call on mom as a parent that enables her to apply Respect-Talk. C.H.A.I.R.S. is God’s design of boys and the desires He has placed within the DNA of a boy. Let me make some brief comments that explain C.H.A.I.R.S. and how to use Respect-Talk. See this as an appetizer.
As you quickly review these concepts, they should trigger in your mind opportunities to use Respect-Talk with your son as you go about loving him. My hope is that you will become familiar with the basic ideas behind G.U.I.D.E.S. and C.H.A.I.R.S. so that during an episode with your son, you can quickly think about how to respectfully apply Giving, Understanding, Instruction, Discipline, Encouragement, and Supplication to your son’s Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, or Sexuality. Please do not be intimidated. If nothing comes to your mind, do not worry about it. But I believe you’ll be amazed. You will find yourself saying, for example, “Oh, this is an area in which I need to Understand (U) his need for respect related to the Insight (I) he just offered his sister and me about why a bee will not sting unless threatened. I can say, ‘Johnny, I respect your insight on bees. Thanks for sharing.’ ” Simple enough. Or “I need to Encourage (E) him with my respect related to the Conquest (C) he is pursuing in graduate school to find work in Alaska to study the oil pipeline. I can say, ‘Josh, I respect this pursuit and your passion. Few young men have this kind of vision.’ ”
There are as many exciting ways to use Respect-Talk as there are boys, and these two acronyms open up dozens of doors. These serve as keys to the heart of a son. These two checklists provide sufficient information to enable you to apply Respect-Talk to the soul of your son. Remember, he is worth it.
Do not be overwhelmed by this information any more than when you look at a book with thirty-six recipes and feel flooded, as if you are drowning in data. As a book of recipes is a delightful resource to present a lovely meal on any given day, see what you read here as equipping you to feed your son a nourishing comment today and a differing nutritive comment two days from now. Do not feel deluged but delighted with these tasty tidbits. During the tougher moments with your son, see Respect-Talk as a spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.
Let me show you how G.U.I.D.E.S. applies to C.H.A.I.R.S. Enjoy these three dozen morsels. When one of these areas strikes a chord, turn to the chapter where I address that aspect. Presto!
Giving: To show my respect, does my son need me to Give (G) resources related to C.H.A.I.R.S.?
• My Giving related to his Conquest: Can I give something to help him work and achieve?
• My Giving related to his Hierarchy: Can I give something to help him provide and protect?
• My Giving related to his Authority: Can I give something that will help him to be strong and to lead and make decisions?
• My Giving related to his Insight: Can I give something to help him analyze, solve, and counsel?
• My Giving related to his Relationship: Can I give something to help him develop shoulder-to-shoulder friendships?
• My Giving related to his Sexuality: Do I give something to help him know and relate to the opposite sex?
Understanding: To show my respect, does my son need me to Understand (U) his exasperation and anger related to C.H.A.I.R.S.?
• My Understanding related to his Conquest: Do I understand his struggle with working or achieving?
• My Understanding related to his Hierarchy: Do I understand his struggle with providing or protecting?
• My Understanding related to his Authority: Do I understand his struggle with being strong, leading, and making decisions?
• My Understanding related to his Insight: Do I understand his struggle with analyzing, solving, or counseling?
• My Understanding related to his Relationship: Do I understand his struggle with developing shoulder-to-shoulder friendships?
• My Understanding related to his Sexuality: Do I understand his struggle with knowing and relating to the opposite sex?
Instruction: To show my respect, does my son need me to Instruct (I) related to C.H.A.I.R.S.?
• My Instruction related to his Conquest: Can I instruct him on how to work and achieve?
• My Instruction related to his Hierarchy: Can I instruct him on how to provide and protect?
• My Instruction related to his Authority: Can I instruct him on how to be strong and to lead or make good decisions?
• My Instruction related to his Insight: Can I instruct him on how to analyze, solve, or counsel?
• My Instruction related to his Relationship: Can I instruct him on how to learn to develop shoulder-to-shoulder friendships?
• My Instruction related to his Sexuality: Can I instruct him on how to know and relate to the opposite sex?
Discipline: To show my respect, does my son need my Discipline (D) since he is not as disciplined as he ought to be related to C.H.A.I.R.S.?
• My Discipline related to his Conquest: Should I discipline him when he is too inactive or lazy?
• My Discipline related to his Hierarchy: Should I discipline him when he is too uncaring or fearful?
• My Discipline related to Authority: Should I discipline him when he is too unruly or bossy?
• My Discipline related to his Insight: Should I discipline him when he is too unteachable or foolish?
• My Discipline related to his Relationship: Should I discipline him when he is too unfriendly or isolated?
• My Discipline related to his Sexuality: Should I discipline him when he is too knowledgeable of or relates in an unhealthy way to the opposite sex?
Encouragement: To show my respect, does my son need my Encouragement (E) related to C.H.A.I.R.S.?
• My Encouragement related to his Conquest: Can I encourage him to keep on working and achieving?
• My Encouragement related to his Hierarchy: Can I encourage him to keep on providing and protecting?
• My Encouragement related to his Authority: Can I encourage him to keep on being strong, leading, or making good decisions?
• My Encouragement related to his Insight: Can I encourage him to keep on analyzing, solving, or counseling?
• My Encouragement related to his Relationship: Can I encourage him to keep on developing shoulder-to-shoulder friendships?
• My Encouragement related to his Sexuality: Can I encourage him to keep developing knowledge of and relating to the opposite sex?
Supplication: To show my respect, does my son need my Supplication (S) (prayers) related to C.H.A.I.R.S.?
• My Supplication related to his Conquest: Do I pray about his working or achieving?
• My Supplication related to his Hierarchy: Do I pray about his providing or protecting?
• My Supplication related to his Authority: Do I pray about his being strong, leading, or making good decisions?
• My Supplication related to his Insight: Do I pray about his analyzing, solving, or counseling?
• My Supplication related to his Relationship: Do I pray about his developing shoulder-to-shoulder friendships?
• My Supplication related to his Sexuality: Do I pray about his knowing and relating to the opposite sex?