Chapter Two

 

 

Filipe hadn’t been sure it was her at first.

When the operations assistant manager had introduced the aquarium’s head keeper as Celeste Ferreira, Filipe had paused, as he usually did whenever he heard the name Celeste. His friend Celeste Quintano had meant so much to him that the name had always affected him strongly, even when he’d tried to forget how much it did.

This woman was blonde and curvier than the Celeste of his past, but hair color could easily be changed, and teenage girls eventually matured into adult women.

She’d left the room quickly just after he’d been introduced, and when she returned, he paid more attention to her, especially to the way she avoided looking at him.

But after António called her and she approached, he remembered her light-brown eyes. How could he not have recognized those eyes immediately?

Of course she’d changed. Twelve years was a long time. She’d been seventeen, almost eighteen, the last time he’d seen her at her brother’s funeral. She didn’t even go by Quintano anymore, which meant she was married.

And the way she looked. The old attraction stirred inside him, the power of it taking him by surprise. After all this time and still so strong. At seventeen, she’d been pretty, but at twenty-nine she was gorgeous, even in a stained apron and old galoshes.

No, he couldn’t think of her that way. She was completely off-limits for a long list of reasons, and especially now that she worked for him.

The guilt and shame of what he’d done so long ago crashed over him in a sudden wave, as fresh and raw as if it had happened yesterday instead of all those years ago. Heat filled his chest and crept up his neck, and the oppression of it stole his breath for a brief moment.

Filipe fisted his hands then released his fingers, willing it all way. The regret had lived with him for so long until it had become part of him, inevitable and inescapable, just something else he couldn’t change about himself like the color of his eyes. He’d learned to cope with until it became bearable, and now, with one look at her, it was all back.

How could he ever atone for what he’d done? How could she ever forgive him?

She finally looked at him straight on. “Yes, it’s me.” Her face remained impassive and expressionless with no hint whatsoever that anything had bothered her. Maybe it didn’t matter to her anymore as much as it mattered to him.

“You’ve changed,” he said lamely.

“So have you,” she retorted. “The beard.”

Filipe passed a hand over his facial hair. “I just arrived from a trip this morning. It’s not usually this long. You’re blonde now.”

Her hair had been a lighter shade of brown, with even brighter highlights in the summer, but it was a lot lighter now.

“What kind of questions do you have? About the aquarium,” she added.

That’s what he was there for, to find out more about the aquarium. There could never be anything personal between them. As awkward as the situation was, he was the boss. Celeste was employed here, and the purchase of the resort had included the aquarium.

And she was still his best friend’s little sister, even if Eduardo had passed away in a motorcycle accident. She’d been off-limits before and was even more so now.

It still made sense to sell the aquarium, as the financial analysts had advised, and he’d known the sale would affect the aquarium’s employees, but now it felt more personal. Someone who’d meant a great deal to him at one point in his life worked here. What would she do if she lost this job? How would that affect her family? How many children did she have, and what did her husband do?

But he didn’t have a right to ask any questions. Not personal ones.

“How many people work here full time?” he asked.

She stopped under the shade of a tree, careful to stay at arm’s length. “Alice is not here today. She’s the assistant director. You’ve met António, the operations assistant manager. I’m the head keeper, and Marco, Heitor, Luís, and Joana are the assistant keepers you just met. Senhor Taveira is the only one left from the janitorial staff, and Pascoal is the groundskeeper. A lot of other employees arranged transfers when Senhor Xavier announced the downsizing, and since the closing to visitors there hasn’t been a need for more staff.”

Filipe nodded. It made sense, of course. The fewer animals in the exhibits, the less work all around.

He followed her around the grounds, to the pond and aviary enclosure, and listened to her as she talked about the birds, which were mostly ducks, geese, and swans who shared the pond waters with small decorative fish of various sizes and colors. Filipe and Celeste crossed the bridge, then made their way back to the main building.

She walked ahead and unlocked the double doors, then held one open for him, not even giving him the chance to do it for her. Was it to emphasize her employee status, to make sure he didn’t forget he was there to talk business? As if he could muster the courage to mention anything else.

The building opened to a wide room with two-story-high ceilings, with a small gift shop to the right, which was now closed. In the center, a wide, waist-high enclosure full of water contained smaller fish, small stingrays, and other aquatic animals.

She gestured towards it. “That’s our salt water petting pool. It was very popular with children. We’ll come back to it on the way out.”

Filipe nodded.

“This is the way to the large exhibits,” Celeste said as she walked down a hallway.

As they emerged, the echo of her voice reverberated off the tanks, some empty and some full.

“The three seals were the first to go to a zoo in southern Spain.” Celeste kept walking. “We still have a few small penguins and a couple of otters.”

The room passed into a hallway leading to the reptile exhibits. Celeste kept talking about the animals they still had at the aquarium. He half listened to her, half thought about the times he and Celeste and Eduardo had spent together. The three of them had been practically inseparable at one time.

Celeste and Eduardo were only fifteen months apart in age. They moved into the neighborhood one summer and Filipe met them when he and Eduardo were in tenth grade and Celeste in ninth. Filipe was close to this cousins Matias and Tiago, but he mainly saw them for school breaks and summer vacations. Gaining friends that lived so close had been a high point for Filipe.

Life had been so simple back then, so much easier.

“So you’re the new owner,” Celeste said, bringing him back to the present.

He nodded.

“Are you going to sell the aquarium?”

“That was the plan. The main focus has always been the renovation of the hotel and resort. I was away for a while, and I’d expected it to be sold already.”

“Well, you can’t sell without a renewed license, and you can’t get a license until you pass the inspection,” Celeste said. “We’ve been in bureaucratic limbo for months. You’ll have to talk to Alice. I know there have been some problems with licensing after we flunked the first inspection. Senhor Xavier had been working on it, but that’s all I know.” She paused and glanced at him. “Is there any chance you’ll change your mind?”

“About what?”

They exited the main building and stood outside in the afternoon shine. He was desperate for something to ground him, something to focus on and lead him away from the crazy memories about Celeste swirling around in his head. A breeze from the ocean ruffled the foliage on the trees, and the scent calmed Filipe.

“About selling the aquarium,” Celeste replied. “It wasn’t always like this. With some investment and dedication, it could be brought back. In any case, we’ll need to pass the inspection to get the new license. After that, we could open the aquarium to visitors and school trips again.” Her voice was hopeful and her expression expectant.

The location had a lot of charm, and he could almost imagine how it must have been at its best. “It doesn’t really fit with the plans for the resort.” The newly painted walls were only a cosmetic fix, temporary and barely scratching the surface. From what he’d seen on the tour, the aquarium needed major renovations.

“No, it doesn’t fit with the resort.” Celeste squared her shoulders, and her face hardened. “It was never meant to. The aquarium was built first. The hotel came a decade later.” She reached behind her back and untied her apron, then balled it in her hands. “Do you have any other questions?”

“Actually, I wanted to ask if—” He stopped as he watched her walk back to the employee building, not waiting for him.

That probably meant no more questions for now.

Filipe rubbed the back of his neck and blew out a long breath.

He couldn’t blame her for leaving. It had been too great of a shock for both of them, meeting like this.

But there was nothing he could do about it—he was her boss, and she was off-limits. He’d repeat that in his mind until he knew it by heart.

* * *

 

Celeste hung the broom behind the kitchen door and looked around. She’d spent her Saturday morning cleaning and doing laundry, as she usually did every Saturday, and she was finally done. The feeling of accomplishment flashed for a moment. As small as it was, she would enjoy it while it lasted. She approached the open window and leaned on the sill, letting her thoughts catch up with her.

The two-bedroom apartment was tiny but adequate for her and Lucas. To the front, there was a galley kitchen, and a combination dining/living room with a balcony spanned the width; the bathroom and a closet stood in the middle, with two bedrooms to the back. It was as modest as the two-story building from the nineties, in a village barely large enough to be called such. Renting in Peniche, the closest town, was out of the question since, it had become too expensive after being discovered as a prime surfing location.

After lunch, a run to the store was long overdue. She’d planned to go on Friday after work, but with Hugo’s phone call and the shock of meeting Filipe, the rest of her day had completely derailed.

The night hadn’t gone much better, with anxiety keeping her awake for half of it. By the time she rose from bed in the early morning, she’d resigned herself into accepting there wasn’t much she could do about the situations with either man: Hugo was not likely to change his ways anytime soon, since he’d never done it in the eight years she’d known him, and Filipe owned the aquarium where she worked, whether she liked it or not.

What she could do was to keep taking care of the animals and fish at work and be the best parent she could. Being a good mother did not fill the place of an absent father, but she would do everything in her power to make up for the difference.

Celeste blew out an impatient breath as a slight breeze blew her hair back from her face. She pulled away from the window. Enough with the pity party. It never led anywhere.

She found Lucas on his bedroom floor, playing with toy cars. Sometimes he was so quiet, she almost forgot to check on him while she did the housework. Lucas would start first grade in September, and she feared he wasn’t socially ready for it.

“Are you ready for lunch?” She sat on the floor next to him, legs crossed.

He didn’t reply right away. It always broke her heart to see Lucas so downcast after Hugo canceled on him. How could the man not see what he was missing? He had a son who loved spending time with him, and he didn’t care about it.

“How about we go to the park after the grocery store?” she asked.

“Can we do something else?” he asked, still pushing the car on the rug, back and forth.

Hugo usually took him to the park, so maybe Lucas didn’t want to be reminded of that.

“Sure. What do you have in mind?”

He paused and raised his eyes to her. “Can we feed the swans?”

Celeste smiled at him. “That’s a great idea. I’m sure they’ll love to see you.”

Lucas’s little face brightened, and, for a moment, it was a small victory that she’d engaged his attention and had him looking forward to doing something he liked.

She fixed a quick lunch for them, then packed the reusable shopping bags and set out to Peniche with Lucas in the back seat, praying the whole time the old car wouldn’t break down. When they arrived, the store was full, and it took longer to shop with her list of coupons and items on sale than what she was used to. Lucas hung on to the side of the cart, and Celeste tried to be efficient and patient as they made slow progress at the checkout lane.

When they arrived at the aquarium, she parked under a tree and used her keys to unlock the employee entrance. It spoke of Lucas’s sweet, quiet character that of all the animals he could visit he liked to feed the swans the best.

She retrieved a small bucket from the workroom, then found the bag of feed she kept on hand for such occasions and filled the bucket halfway. Lucas came forward and took it from her, grabbing it with both hands.

Heitor, who worked on weekends, exited the main building and greeted them. “My favorite duck feeder is back,” he said in his bright Brazilian accent, putting up his palm for Lucas. “Tudo bem, Lucas?” Heitor had emigrated from the São Paulo area over ten years ago, but his accent remained untainted.

“Tudo bem, Heitor,” Lucas replied in his best Brazilian accent as part of their usual exchange. He set down the bucket and high-fived Heitor. “I’m feeding the swans, Heitor, not the ducks,” he said, dropping the accent. “You know that.”

Heitor frowned deeply and rubbed his chin, almost comical in the intensity of his expression. “Are you sure the swans are the only ones that come to eat?”

Lucas’s expression bloomed in a wide smile. “I sure hope not,” he replied enthusiastically. He always looked forward to seeing all the birds, not just the swans.

Heitor laughed. “Good luck, young man.”

“Goodbye, old man,” Lucas said, not missing a beat, still smiling as Heitor left with a wink.

Celeste watched, a hand over her chest, wishing she could bring Lucas to the aquarium every day, hoping he could be the carefree boy he was here all the time and everywhere else. But that wouldn’t be realistic. It was the wish of a mother’s heart, to see her child happy and unburdened. Despite his young age, Lucas worried. But here, at the aquarium, he let free of those worries and acted more like the five-year-old she knew he was.

They set out walking toward the pond. “Do you need help?” she asked.

“I can do it, Mamã. You keep forgetting I’m a big boy now,” he said seriously. That was his reply to almost everything since his fifth birthday.

Celeste suppressed a smile. “You’re right. I keep forgetting that.” He was growing too fast and she was not ready for it. One of these days he’d drop the Mamã and would start calling her Mãe. There was nothing wrong with being called Mother, but it would hurt a little for what it represented.

When they arrived, Lucas walked to his favorite spot and set down the bucket. He placed his hands around his mouth and called aloud. “Here, Flip! Here, Bete!”

It amazed her to see the swans responding to a little boy’s voice, gliding through the pond until they stopped in front of Lucas, the ducks and geese following behind and the fish bobbing near the surface.

Lucas laughed out loud and turned to her. “Did you see that, Mamã? They remember me.”

“They do, don’t they?”

He brought a finger to his chin. “Why is Flip so slow today?” He’d noticed it too.

“I’m not sure. I’ll have Dr. Abarca take a look on Tuesday.” The old swan had been eating less and getting slower lately.

Celeste picked up the bucket and dumped it inside the raised bowl at the edge of the pond. With their long necks, the swans easily reached the food, then turned to the water surface and shared with the fish who’d congregated around them.

Lucas clapped. “They are sharing, mamã!”

That was Lucas’s favorite part of feeding the swans, the way the birds fed the fish.

At the sound of steps behind them, Celeste turned to see who approached.

Filipe.

Something inside her stomach coiled, an emotion she couldn’t describe and could barely remember, as he walked toward her and Lucas. He’d trimmed his long beard to a stylish scruff that showed off the angle of his jawline and his high cheek bones, even the shape of his mouth. This face was more familiar than the one she’d seen yesterday. He almost looked like the old Filipe she remembered, only more developed and mature and much more attractive than the memories she had. And his full lips. Why couldn’t she have forgotten the memories she had of those?

“Olá,” Lucas said. He’d turned to see the stranger as well, curiosity shining in his eyes.

“Olá,” Filipe replied. He nodded at Celeste, and she nodded back. “Mind if I join you? I came to see what you’re doing.” He looked from Lucas to her, and she could see all the questions in his gaze.

Lucas’s coloring was darker than hers as he physically resembled his father. Something she had a hard time with.

“Who are you?” Lucas asked.

Celeste resisted the urge to take Lucas’s hand. “He’s the aquarium’s owner.”

At this, Lucas took a step forward, obviously interested. “You are? You own the whole thing?”

“He owns the whole thing,” Celeste replied.

Filipe shrugged, as if owning the aquarium was something he didn’t have any control over. He paused at the edge of the pond, not very far from them.

Lucas wasn’t fazed. “My name is Lucas Eduardo Ferreira, and this is my mom. People call her Celeste. What’s your name?”

If Filipe had doubts about Lucas’s identity, he didn’t anymore. She looked down at Lucas, entirely surprised at his friendliness.

“Hi, Lucas. Hi, Celeste.” He went down on his heels and addressed Lucas, extending his hand. “My name is Filipe. I actually knew your mother a long time ago.”

“You did?” Lucas looked up at her, and she nodded. “And your name is Filipe?” He took Filipe’s hand and gave it one good shake up and down before releasing it quickly. “Guess what? The male swan’s name is Filipe too.” He pointed at the swans. “But I call him Flip. That’s his wife, Bete. Her real name is Elizabete. Do you also have a wife named Elizabete?”

Celeste cringed. “Lucas, we don’t ask questions like that.” She glanced at Filipe. “I’m sorry. He’s not usually like this.” Was this her shy son who never talked to strangers?

“Why not?” Lucas frowned.

“He’s okay,” Filipe interrupted, making eye contact with her, a soft expression on his face. “I don’t mind the questions. No, I don’t have a wife named Elizabete.”

“What’s your wife’s name?”

Goodness, he had so many questions today. Unwilling, her own curiosity surfaced. What was the name of Filipe’s wife?

“I don’t have a wife.” Filipe flicked his eyes in her direction, so quick she almost missed it. “How do you know which is the male and which one is the female?” Filipe asked, settling comfortably beside Lucas.

“That’s easy, silly. The male is the tall one. Do you know why their names are Filipe and Elizabete? Because they’re named after the Queen of England and her husband. These swans came from England. But they understand Portuguese now.” Lucas said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I know a lot about swans.” His little chest puffed up.

“I don’t know anything about swans,” Filipe said. “What can you tell me?”

Lucas tilted his head. “Believe it or not, swans can sleep on land or water.”

“Really?” Filipe asked. “What else do you know?”

“Believe it or not, swans can fly,” Lucas continued in the same tone, parroting one of his favorite television programs about animals and nature.

“Where did you learn so much about swans?” Filipe asked.

“I like to watch educational shows,” Lucas replied. “And we get books from the library and my mom reads to me.”

“You’re a very smart boy, Lucas.”

“Yes, I know,” Lucas said confidently, and Celeste chuckled. “My mom says so all the time.” Lucas beamed at her, and she smiled back.

In a few minutes, he’d talked more with a stranger than he had talked all week. Why? Was Filipe like this with all children? Or did he have more personal experience in dealing with kids? Maybe he didn’t have a wife now, but he could have been married at one time and have children of his own.

Lucas kept talking with Filipe. Celeste hung back, watching them. At a glance, Lucas would more easily pass as Filipe’s son than he would hers.

The thought stopped her as her gaze rested on the two figures, Filipe sitting on the ground next to Lucas, their coloring so similar.

“So what’s your favorite thing about swans?” Filipe asked.

“Believe it or not, swans mate for life,” Lucas replied, his voice almost reverent. “Do you know what that means?”

“What does it mean?” Filipe lowered his voice to match Lucas’s.

“It means that when a male swan and a female swan get married, they stay together for their whole lives.”

“Why do you like that?”

Celeste held her breath for a moment, waiting for Lucas’s reply. When had he paid attention to the mating habits of swans? He was only five.

“I like that because it means that swans don’t get divorced and baby swans can have a mom and a dad with them all the time.”

She stood, shaken by the words. From the corner of her eye, she felt Filipe’s gaze on her, which she avoided at all costs. She would not look at him.

“Lucas,” she said, purposefully calming her voice. “Should we get going? We need to put the groceries away and get started on dinner.”

He straightened his small frame. “Is it pizza night?”

“Yes, it’s pizza night,” she replied, her jumbled emotions beginning to slow down.

Lucas threw his arms in the air. “Yay, pizza night.” Then he turned to Filipe. “Come with us, Filipe. My mom makes the best pizza.”

Her heart jumped in her chest. She looked to Filipe, who’d stood from his spot near the edge of the pond and already watched her with an unreadable expression.

He walked to Lucas and crouched in front of him. “I really appreciate the invitation, Lucas, but today’s not a good day.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow I’m going to Porto to see my family. Maybe some other time, okay?” Filipe stood.

“Okay,” Lucas replied. He picked up the empty bucket and waved at the swans. “Xau, Flip. Xau, Bete. Xau, Filipe,” he added.

“Xau, Lucas. It was nice meeting you,” Filipe said.

Celeste gave Filipe some version of a neutral smile, not knowing what to say or do, then trailed behind her son.

As emotionally hard as yesterday’s meeting with Filipe had been, today’s encounter could only be described as bizarre, what with the friendly exchange between Lucas and him.

And thanks to Lucas’s comments about swans mating for life, Filipe could very well guess her family situation.

Somehow, she had a feeling there was more to come.