21
I look at the clock… fifteen minutes until we are supposed to have dinner. I can’t even imagine sitting at a table with my mom and Dex right now… not to mention I’ve completely lost my appetite.
I walk over to the window and look outside just as the lights for the pool are turning on. It’s not dark yet, but the sun is low enough in the sky that it’s no longer hitting the pool.
That’s what I should do… I should go for a swim. I change into the swimsuit that Spencer bought me, wrap a towel around myself and head downstairs. I poke my head into the kitchen, where Gina is just getting the table set.
“It’ll be another five minutes or so, Miss Amy, before everything is ready.”
“Oh, actually, I was coming in here to tell you that I’m going for a swim and I’m going to skip dinner…. I’m not feeling that hungry right now.”
She opens her mouth, the look on her face says that she wants to protest, but instead she just nods. I smile at her and head outside.
I drop my towel on one of the chairs and walk over to the edge of the pool. I take a deep breath, knowing that the pool is going to be cold, and dive in. The shock of the cold water passes through my body and renders me paralyzed for a moment before I push my feet off the bottom and fill my lungs with air.
I try to just swim, not worrying about anything else, but it doesn’t work. All I can think about is my mom and Dex. I wonder what I did to deserve this life? I’m starting to regret being in Dex’s movie. I should have known better… my mom is right, I have no acting experience and I should have been able to figure out that he didn’t really want me in his film. There’s really no other explanation for it. How could I be so stupid?
I only swim five laps before I’m overwhelmed by the need to cry my eyes out. I get out and dry myself off, reaching my room just as the first tears roll down my cheek. I can’t do this… I’m starting to feel like I’m going crazy. This can’t be what life is really about.
There’s a knock on my door and I do my best to ignore it. They knock a second and third time, but I still don’t get out of bed. I don’t care who it is, I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.
My phone chirps a few minutes later and I reach for it in the hope that it’s Logan. It’s not… it’s a text from Dex. I don’t care what he has to say, not at this point. I’m starting to feel like maybe I was right about him, the first time when I thought he was just an ass who didn’t care about breaking up my family. My phone chirps a second time, it’s a second text from Dex and I finally read them.
Amy, I’m sorry about how that all went down. I really want to talk to you so that we can set a few things straight.
I really doubt that he’s sorry. If he was sorry, he wouldn’t have seduced my mom and broke up my family. Really if it wasn’t for Dex everything would have been fine… not to mention Dad would still be alive. I’ll never forget that or forgive Dex for what he did. I was momentarily blinded by what I thought was his genuine kindness. I was so wrong. I read the next text, not expecting much.
I get that you might be mad at me, but I want the chance to at least explain myself to you. Please, just give me that. If you’re still mad at me after… well, then I won’t bug you anymore and I’ll charter a flight for you back to Salem tonight. You don’t have to stay here anymore. I’ll deal with your mom, she won’t stop you.
I don’t know what to say. That’s all I wanted all along, so if he’s willing to do that for me… maybe I should just talk to him. It would be amazing if I could get back to Salem and Logan. Not to mention it’s fairly obvious my mom and Dex would both be happier if I wasn’t here. I feel a little bad about Spencer… he’s been nice to me for the most part, but I can’t force myself to be miserable just for his sake.
Fine, I’ll talk to you.
I set my phone down as I wait for a reply. I get up and get my clothes that I brought with me and the bags that I packed them in. I want to be ready to leave as soon as I’m done talking to Dex. I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to be.
As I start to pack there’s a knock on my door. I take a deep breath and try to mentally prepare myself for a talk with Dex. I open the door and Dex is standing there, with a solemn look on his face and car keys in his hand. He looks me up and down and I suddenly realize that I’m standing in front of him wearing just my swimsuit. I quickly close the door and change into the clothes that I wore earlier. Normally I would be freaked out, and embarrassed by that, but at this point I know that I’m leaving tonight and I don’t care.
I open the door and walk into the hall. I don’t see Dex, so I head downstairs. He’s standing by the door to the garage and turns and goes into it when he sees me. I follow him and get into the passenger seat as he starts the car.
“What are we doing?” I say.
“I want to talk to you, but I don’t want your mom around.”
He pulls the car out of the garage, through the gate and takes a left.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
I want to get this done with as soon as possible. I just hope that he keeps to his word about getting me a flight out of here tonight.
“Don’t act so eager. I want you to hear what I have to say… and after that if you still want to leave I’ll call and have a flight waiting for you. I’ll drive you home and by the time we can get your things together the plane will be waiting.”
He looks over at me and I nod.
“There’s some things that I’m not totally clear on, so I want to figure them out first,” he says.
“Alright.”
Dex takes a left turn onto one of the main roads in Beverly Hills and takes a deep breath. I look over and I can see the tormented look on his face. I wonder why it looks like this is eating away at him… it really shouldn’t be… he’s to blame for all of this as far as I’m concerned.
“So… I want to tell you how the events in Greenville went down, according to me. I met your mother, she was standing in the front of one of the crowds for a whole week of shooting before I ever worked up the courage to go talk to her. She was really nice and I thought she was beautiful. I asked her out to dinner and we spent a few afternoons and nights together during the last couple of weeks of shooting. I realized, as we were getting ready to head back here, that I had fallen in love with her and I asked her to come with me. She agreed and never mentioned to me that she was married or that she had a daughter. She never told me she didn’t, but I sort of assumed that she would have said something… but she didn’t. When your dad died… that was… that was the first time I’d heard about him, or you for that matter. I insisted that you should come here even before she felt like she didn’t want the liability of you doing whatever she thought you would be doing.”
Dex pauses as he takes another turn and merges into traffic. I can’t believe what he’s saying. I don’t know whether or not to believe him… it’s hard for me to think he has any reason to lie, but why would my mom do that? Is she really capable of doing that? I look over at Dex and I can see in his face that he’s telling the truth.
“I just found out the truth about all of that earlier tonight… she spilled it when she got mad at me for casting you in the movie.”
It’s so amazing… how could she do that? It’s so messed up. I want to go back to the house and scream at her. All this time, every minute that I’ve been here, I’ve been mad at Dex for breaking up my family, when really she’s the one to blame.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“For what?”
“I… I’ve been rude and inappropriate to you since the moment I got here. I’ve been blaming you for destroying my family, this whole time, and I feel just awful about it. I had no idea that she had been so deceptive and that she’s really the one to blame.”
Dex lets out a deep sigh, pulls the car into an empty spot on the side of the road turns the car off. He looks over at me and takes my hand in his and looks into my eyes.
“I’m very sorry, Amy, I really am. If I had known… I… I would never asked her to come with me. I could never knowingly cause that much trauma to a family.”
He lets go of my hand and wipes a tear from his own cheek. I start to cry, too. He takes a deep breath as he tries to calm himself.
“And… I want you to know that I hired you as my assistant because I thought you would do a good job. When Spencer asked me to let you audition, I tried to talk him out of it because I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on you and I knew already that your mom would freak out because she was already mad about you being my assistant.”
I thought that it was a little crazy that my mom flipped out when she found out about that….
“And… I’m glad that I listened to Spencer and gave you an audition because you are perfect for the role. You’re a thousand times better than Nicole. I’m glad that I let her walk… it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. When I first set out to make this film… I wanted you to be in it, I just hadn’t met you yet. So, no matter what your mom said, you’re perfect for the role and I’m so excited to have you in it.”
I knew in my heart that when he told me he wanted me in his film it was the truth. When my mom suggested otherwise I know why it upset me… not because I believed her, but because I knew deep down that she was wrong and Dex cast me because he wanted me in his movie.
The hatred that I had felt toward Dex, from when I thought he ruined my family, is now directed at my mom. How could she do this? Is this the kind of person that she is? I don’t want to ever see her again. She doesn’t deserve to have a guy like Dex in her life.
“What happens now?” I say.
“That’s up to you. I’ve said everything that I wanted to tell you… now you just need to decide what you want. If you want to go to Salem, I can’t blame you… I’d want to get as far away from her as possible if I were you. I still want you in my film though and the only solace I can offer is that if you stay we can make a truly beautiful piece of cinema together. I know we can.”
I want to run away… run back to Salem and have Logan hold me, but I don’t know. I want to be a part of Dex’s movie… he’s given me such a wonderful opportunity that I feel like I have to take it. It would be a shame to waste that.
I turn to Dex and look into his eyes. I can see the respect he has for me on his face and I can tell that he’s not pleading with me to stay… but allowing me to make the decision on my own. I have a feeling that even though he’s adamant about me being in his movie, he would support whatever I decide to do.
It makes me sad to think that this side of Dex was there since the moment I first met him and I chose to ignore it. I guess there’s no time like the present to embrace what we have.
“I’ll do it. Let’s make movie history. I want people to watch our film and feel how you feel about it. I want to share in your passion.”
A smile crosses his face and he nods. Dex starts the car and makes a U-turn at the next intersection.
“I promise you won’t regret it.”
Usually, I would be skeptical of that kind of promise, but I can hear in his voice that he truly believes what he’s saying and he’s going to do everything in his power to not let me down… and not let himself down.
“What about my mom?”
Dex is silent for the rest of the drive and only speaks as we wait for the gate at the house to open.
“Let me worry about her. She’s going to have to come to terms with the fact that I want you in my film.”
Dex pulls into the garage and turns off the car.
“Thank you,” I say.
“No, thank you for listening to me and helping me with this film. I haven’t been this excited to work since my first day on set.”
He flashes me a smile and winks as we walk inside.
“I’m going to go upstairs and see if I can get some sleep,” I say.
“Good. It’s been a long day, I’m sure you need the rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I walk upstairs and Dex heads into the kitchen. I close my door and sit down on my bed. I have to tell Jess what’s been going on… I can’t wait anymore. I grab my phone to text her, but there’s a text from Logan waiting for me. I feel a wave of relief pass over my body now that I know he’s OK. I was starting to really worry about him.
Stop texting me. I was hoping that we could wait to have this conversation until you were back in Salem… but I can’t take it any longer. We have to take some time off while you figure out what you want. I thought that you were content with being with me, but we both know that’s not the case.
Tears start to roll down my eyes. Is he breaking up with me in a text? Why would Logan do this to me? And what does he mean by we both know that’s not the case? I want to throw my phone across the room and pretend that I never read the text from him. I quickly type a reply and hit send.
I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m so happy to be a part of your life and I thought that you felt the same way. I know we didn’t have much time together, but I thought we had a special connection.
My phone vibrates before I can even start to think about what to do.
I thought so too. And the fact that you had the audacity to ask for my autograph for him… that was just the cherry on top of it all. I can’t believe you. I thought you were different from all the other girls, but now… now I know that you’re the same as the rest of them… as soon as you find a better guy you can’t move on quickly enough. I saw the story, it’s all over YouTube, so don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.
Oh god. Logan saw the video where they showed me out with Spencer and implied that we were dating. I hadn’t even thought about him seeing it.
Please, you have to believe me… it’s not what it looks like. There’s nothing going on between me and Spencer. I swear. Please.
I know what I saw.
Logan, I swear. I don’t have any feelings for him.
If that’s true, then we can talk about it when you come back to school in a couple of weeks. Until then I think it would be best if we didn’t talk or text so that neither of us says something we might regret.
I don’t know what to tell him. If I tell Logan that I’m not going back to Salem, at least not until we finish filming, he’s never going to believe me. I set my phone down and drop my head into my hands as my whole body shakes with each sob. I have to tell Logan, he deserves to know. I grab my phone and text him back.
I got cast in a movie, so I’m not sure when I’m coming back… but I know that it won’t be before the start of the school year.
Really Amy? You expect me to believe that nothing's going on between you and that guy, but you’re not coming back? You’re a piece of work. Seriously. Have a nice life.
I throw my phone to the floor and it bounces and hits the wall. I’m pretty sure I broke it and I don’t care. There’s nothing else I could say to Logan, not in a text or a phone call.
I feel so alone. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again.
Thank you for reading Tainted Love. I hope you enjoyed the story and that you will want to read the next book. If you want to join my mailing list, I will send out an email when I release new books.
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