CHAPTER 9

Tovi’s hands rested on her knees as she caught her breath. Another dream about Tali, another run to the ridge, another morning filled with anger and disappointment. She sat down, smoothed her hair away from her face and made her daily examination of the distant horizon. No movement. No sign of Tali.

An image from when they were young popped into her mind. They were about thirteen years old, and Silas had excitedly told them to come see something he had discovered in the woods. It took them an hour, but the hike was worth it. A wide, shallow creek meandered lazily through the forest, and four enormous trees grew on the banks, two on each side. Their branches reached across the water, tangled and woven together. By swimming in the creek and diving below the lowest limbs, the trio emerged inside the tangle of branches. Sunlight escaped between the leaves and sparkled on the water below, reflections dancing all around them. Tovi remembered being so in awe that she had trouble catching her breath.

Tali threw his arm over her soggy shoulders and sighed happily. “Things like this couldn’t come from nothing. Someone thought this up. Someone made this. I’m going to spend the rest of my life looking for places like this. Then I’ll find Adwin. I just know it.”

In that moment, she could almost believe like him. She could almost feel the way Tali did, hope in something that she had been taught but had never seen. Almost.

A throat cleared behind Tovi, interrupting her thoughts, and she turned away from the ridge expecting Silas. A dark-haired stranger stood close behind her, and her heart thudded in sudden fear. She scrambled to her feet, sending loose rocks plummeting toward the boulders below.

“I’m so sorry to startle you,” he apologized, holding his hands out as if to prove he meant no harm. Even in her terrified state, the first thing she noticed was there was no heart on his palm. “I was walking by, and you looked upset. Are you all right?”

Tovi was nervous and on high alert, but one eyebrow rose in curiosity. He looked to be about her age, maybe a few years older. Her eyes darted to each feature, trying to get used to his unfamiliar face. She took a step backwards. One of her heels was now over empty space. A few inches further and she would teeter over the edge.

He had black hair just long enough to ripple in the breeze and eyes that looked like they were wells of thick ink. His soft lips shouldn’t belong to such a masculine face. His jawline was distinct, leading her eyes to the small cleft in his chin.

Silent for too long, Tovi shook herself. “Who are you?”

“Calix,” he said, his smile revealing straight, white teeth.

He sat down and made himself comfortable, and Tovi’s heart skipped a beat. “You’re wearing shoes,” she accused, circling around him toward the safety of solid ground.

“Yes. And why do you look so afraid of them?” He chuckled. “I promise they are perfectly harmless.”

“I’m not afraid!” she said with more bravado than she felt. “You’re from Mount Damien.”

For a moment his eyes hardened, and his displeasure was evident, but he quickly smiled with delight. “You’ve heard of it? That’s wonderful!” Calix held out his palm in a gesture of openness. Where the heart should have been, his skin was criss-crossed by dark veins just below the surface. “I know there’s been some bad blood between our kingdoms, but surely you’re not one of those people who blindly believes the old tales.”

Tovi crossed her arms and pursed her lips. “I don’t blindly believe anything.”

“Hey, now, I’m not accusing you of anything. I think we started off all wrong. My name is Calix,” he said slowly, as if he was introducing himself to a child. “I’m from Mount Damien. I decided to spend a few days exploring a little more of the world below the cloud to see what adventures I could find.”

“And have you found any?”

He paused for a brief second, twirling a piece of grass between his fingers. “No,” he drawled, looking at the blade, then smoothly glancing up to catch her eye, “But I think that’s about to change.” He gave Tovi a half smile full of intention.

Her pulse quickened. The implied danger of this man from the mountain intrigued her. Thrilled her. Made her feel alive. Hiding this sudden excitement, she sat beside him and picked flowers from the grass, stealing furtive glances every few seconds. “So, tell me about Mount Damien,” she commanded, nodding toward the distant granite walls.

He looked toward the wide, low mountain silhouetted against much larger ones behind it. “We live at the very top. You can’t see it from here, but the city is beautiful.”

“More beautiful than Adia?”

Calix cocked a condescending eyebrow. “This place isn’t even close.”

“Amazing that the great Adwin would want to leave the mountain then,” she said with disdain.

Calix tilted his head to one side. “So you do believe all that Adwin nonsense.”

“Of course,” Tovi said. “Well, kind of. A little.”

“Why?”

“Someone has to be in charge of it all, right?”

“Have you ever met him?”

“No. I haven’t found him yet.”

“Let me make sure I’m understanding. You believe in an invisible god who’s going to pop out of nowhere when he thinks you’re good enough to deserve it? Has it ever crossed your mind that it could all be made up? Or that there once was a man named Adwin, but he is long gone now?”

Tovi’s eyes narrowed. “I believe there might be a defeated king who has hidden himself so that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for what he has done. If he exists, I will find him.”

Calix whistled and sat back against his elbows. “King Damien doesn’t hide, and he’s incredibly powerful,” he gushed. Tovi’s eyes were drawn to a dark vein in his neck that began to visibly pulse.

He suddenly changed the subject again, giving her a soft, melting look. “You know, Tovi, I bet you don’t even know how pretty you are. It was no accident that I was here today. I’ve seen you many times, and something about you kept drawing me back. Today was the first time I had the courage to come out and speak to you.”

Between the warmth of his words and the closeness of his face, Tovi found herself lost and befuddled.

“If it was just that I thought you were pretty, there is a chance that I could have forced myself to move on without approaching you . . . but there was something more. You always look so deeply sad. Why is that?”

“I’m not sad.”

“Are you sure?” he prodded.

“Sad isn’t the word I would use for it.”

“How would you describe it then?”

She was silent, not ready to share her secrets with this stranger.

“If I took a stab at it, I would say you feel lonely, not because there is a lack of love in your life, but because there is a lack of true love. You are looking for something deeper than they can give you. Your family can’t give it to you. Your friends can’t. This hidden Adwin definitely can’t give it to you. But it’s out there, and when you came here this morning, you felt that this love was getting so close that you could feel it.”

By the end of this speech, Calix’s face was so close to hers that she felt she should back away. Instead, she sat very still, entranced by the danger of their proximity and the way his voice caressed the words.

Tovi had never thought any of those things about romantic love before. In fact, Calix’s words weren’t true in any way. Yet, they were hypnotic and found a way to connect with her yearning spirit. She whispered, “How did you know?”

“I have felt the same for a very long time,” he whispered back. “I’d really like to see you again, but we might have to keep it a secret for a while.”

“Why?”

He scratched his head, looking frustrated, and then dropped his hand into his lap. “Your people are afraid of anybody from the mountain. They won’t understand our . . . friendship . . . at first, so we will have to be careful.”

He jumped to his feet, startling her again. He held out his hand, and she instinctively reached out with her own, allowing him to help her up.

“Well, Tovi, I’d better get going. I’ll make sure we see each other again soon.” He squeezed her hand and shot her one last brilliant smile before striding along the ridge. Tovi stood speechless.

Before he was out of eyesight, the bushes behind her rustled and Silas stepped out into the clearing. In the distance, Calix turned around. The two men made eye contact, and Tovi’s gaze bounced back and forth between them. There seemed to be a spark of recognition, or at least there was something that held their attention. Calix was smiling, but in a dangerous way. Silas had neither a smile nor a scowl. He was just very, very serious.

When Calix turned and disappeared into the forest, Silas looked at Tovi with the same intensity and hard-to-interpret expression that he had given Calix.

Tovi crossed her arms and pursed her lips. She was under no obligation to tell Silas about her new acquaintance. He had no right to tell her who to befriend or how to live her life.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

It wasn’t at all what she expected. “That’s really what you’re going to ask right now?”

“What else would I say?”

“I don’t know. Something about him,” she said, jerking her head and shoulder toward the place where Calix had made his exit. “Or a lecture about my decisions.”

“We have been friends all of our lives. When have I ever lectured you? When have I ever been concerned with anything but your wellbeing?” he asked, undertones of anger slipping through. “If you’re feeling guilty over who you spend time with, that’s a totally different discussion. All I asked is if you’re all right.”

“Guilt?” she spat, and walked away from the edge, closer to him, looking him square in the eye. “Guilt? I don’t feel any guilt. Why do you feel like you can say things like that to me? I’ve done nothing wrong.”

Silas held her gaze. “You’re right, you haven’t done anything wrong. And I ask you again: Are you all right?”

“Stop accusing me!”

“I just said you haven’t done anything wrong,” he said, nearly yelling.

“But you, but your tone, but . . . ” She let out an aggressive, frustrated growl and stomped her foot. “You just don’t understand.”

“You cried into my shoulder in this very spot, just yesterday. And today you act as though I have some agenda, some motive, behind my concern for you. What changed between last night and this morning?”

Tovi wanted to cry out, “I don’t know! Help me!” Instead, as she always did, she buried her desperation beneath the rubble of her anger and independence. She marched around him, skirting the edge of the cliff, and left him there. She heard him following, but her stubbornness kept her from turning. If he really wanted to continue the conversation, she knew he was more than capable of catching up to her.

When she reached home, she went inside and slammed the half door.

“Well, good morning to you, you bundle of sunshine and rainbows,” Ganya greeted. “What happened? Are you all right?”

Tovi had already made her way back to her bedroom and was throwing a few of her belongings into a small satchel. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m fine!”

“Yes, clearly.”

Tovi paused long enough to frown at Ganya, who now stood in her doorway, and then continued packing.

“Where are you going?”

Tovi sighed. “I need to get out of here for a few days. I’m going to go search some of those caves that Tali and I found a year or so ago.”

“Have you forgotten you promised to help Granny Leora with her berry picking and pie baking for the festival?”

Tovi threw down her bundle and said several nasty words. Ganya bit her lip, but a few chuckles escaped. Tovi was not amused.

“I guess I’ll just be gone for the day. I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest.” Tovi picked up the satchel and left the house, irritated to see Silas waiting on the porch. Before he could say a word, she said, “I’m going to look for Adwin. Don’t follow me. I want to be alone.”

He seemed like he wanted to say something, but he nodded and remained quiet, a shadow of sadness and exhaustion shrouding his usually-twinkling eyes.

As Tovi ventured into the forest, the vision of the woven trees over the water came back into her mind. She turned completely around, heading southwest, away from the mountains. She, Tali, and Silas had been back to their magical little hideaway many times as youngsters. Even though it had been several years since she last visited, it was easy to find.

The stream that used to meander between the trees had run completely dry, its bed now a dusty, rocky path. She ducked under the lowest branches.

She stood motionless, taking in the beauty that she found. The entire floor of the enclosure—once just water, roots, and mossy banks—was completely covered in the dark blue flowers she had seen at the ridge. There were hundreds clustered together so tightly that she couldn’t see the ground. The brief sparkles of sun that used to reflect on the water now danced across the blooms.

She climbed onto one of the branches. She was high enough that she could not reach the flowers, but low enough that she could smell their sweetness and see the details of their orange pollen and green ruffled leaves.

Tovi allowed her mind to roam from question to painful question. Most of it was the same as always, a constant cycle of Tali, parents, Avi, Tali, parents, Avi. This time, however, there was a new part of the mix. Just as she began to despair, she would see Calix’s face, and for a moment she would be distracted from it all.

Calix. She thought about his words and his smile. Her heart raced with the excitement and danger of it. What would the other Adians think of it? What about Ganya and Avi? What would Tali think? Her heart constricted, and the cycle began again: Tali, parents, Avi. Tali, parents, Avi.