To a Beer Geek, beer is not simply something to drink, but a lifestyle. Just as tennis players would never consider their sport simply exercise, or sports-car buffs view a Ferrari as mere transportation, Beer Geeks see beer not as a means to get drunk but as something to be analyzed, researched, discussed, photographed, cataloged, and then, finally, consumed (see the first Beer Geek Commandment). Beer books fill their shelves, rare glassware is displayed proudly, and pennies are pinched to save up for a trip to Belgium.
While your Uncle Roy can immediately tell you that his favorite beer is Bud Light, when asked the same question a Beer Geek will struggle, asking qualifiers like country of origin, applicable weather, hop content, and sessionability before eventually settling on 12 definitive answers with an accompanying flow chart. Beer seeps into all aspects of life, resulting in dogs named Hunahpu and children named Simcoe.
Whether it’s felling timber or slaying whales (rare beers), the Jacks and Jills of the PacNW always bring it.
The midwestern Beer Geek knows the value of hard work and uses it to promote the region’s brews to epic proportions.
The fearless southern Beer Geek would wrestle an alligator for that rare one-off DIPA.
This hardy sort survives the brutal nor’easters with the help of the region’s juicy, tropical IPAs.
After shredding the slopes, only the finest session beers will do for this outdoorsy breed.
This relaxed, ocean-loving variety is particularly adept at whale spotting (and drinking).
It is important to understand that not all who obsess over beer are Beer Geeks. A fine but definitive line exists in the beery arena that separates the Beer Geeks from the Beer Snobs. While Beer Geeks will give the impression of knowing all (and not recalling a time when they didn’t), they don’t gloat or impose their knowledge like Beer Snobs do. Information is given gladly, but never in a condescending fashion.
Additionally, although the world of beer certainly has its specialized lingo (see The Beer Geek Dictionary), when a Beer Snob tries to impress the uninitiated with highfalutin language it only serves to isolate. Beer Geeks, on the other hand, learn to effortlessly tailor their vocabulary to the geekiness level of the person to whom they are speaking. For example, if you asked veteran Beer Geeks if they wanted a pour of “CBS,” they would immediately know that you are referring to Founder’s Brewing Breakfast Stout that has been aged in used maple syrup bourbon barrels. If asking a non–Beer Geek the same question, you’d instead simply ask if they wanted to try a “strong stout.” A Beer Geek is aware that the beer will speak for itself. If the non–Beer Geek enjoys it (and they damn well better — it is CBS for crying out loud), a Beer Geek will use the opportunity to explain that it was aged in whiskey barrels, how that lends a vanilla-like presence, and so on.
To a Beer Geek, the more beer activism in the world, the better a place it will be.
To a Beer Snob, beer knowledge is something to be hoarded, and pulled out only to put a newbie in his place. A Beer Geek uses that same knowledge to show the uninitiated the light.
This all stems from a shared understanding within the Beer Geek community. Call it a list of commandments, if you will. This value system of sorts is something of an unspoken code, never really discussed but rather absorbed through interaction with fellow Beer Geeks, internet forums, and the like. Veteran Beer Geeks would have a hard time verbalizing them if pressed, but these tenets are second nature, like always serving a barleywine in a snifter.
An intimate understanding of the various styles of beer is a must for all Beer Geeks. Before even drinking a beer, they already have a certain amount of knowledge that allows them to develop an expectation from which they can more deeply analyze the beer. When drinking, the aroma and taste of a beer are evaluated constantly, but not without pleasure. Their breadth of expertise and experience would allow them to easily write a 500-word review of a 1-ounce sample of beer. Taking tasting notes at a bar is a normal thing. Without thinking it odd, a Beer Geek uses the terms horse blanket and cob webs when describing a beer.
While Beer Geeks may take pride in their skill and proficiency, they aren’t apt to flaunt it. Instead, they parse wisdom when necessary to correct a situation (such as a bar using frozen mugs), or when they see an opportunity to encourage a burgeoning beer lover. It’s not unusual for them to be mistaken as an employee at their favorite liquor store, or even to have the store’s beer buyer ask their advice. An act as simple as stopping a guy from buying bottled Heineken — and letting him know that the canned version won’t have the dreaded “skunky” flavor — might very well bring another convert into the ranks of Beer Geek.
Unfortunately, good beer often comes at a premium, and some degree of disposable income is required to fully revel in the Beer Geek lifestyle. If circumstances dictate that your disposable income has to come from eating ramen alongside your vintage Cantillon gueuze, so be it. A Beer Geek has surely had at least one three-digit liquor store purchase and has probably used the word bargain when describing certain beers over twenty dollars. Money is still used wisely, though, and metrics like dollars-per-ounce are applied when considering beer purchases.
To properly evaluate the end product, a Beer Geek relies on his understanding of the various processes used to create beer. For example, knowing the difference between a turbid and a single infusion mash enables one to recognize that the former will retain a superior mouthfeel if cellared. And if that sentence made no sense, beyond making you chuckle at the word mouthfeel, have no fear; we’ll make a Beer Geek out of you yet.
While Beer Geeks are certainly enticed by the rarity of a bottle, they also understand that it’s a product that ultimately begs to be enjoyed. The Beer Geek community is one of sharing and generosity, where bottle shares are common and nothing (well, except for that one bottle . . . ) is held back. In the spirit of converting the enthusiastic, Beer Geeks will happily open a whale for those who might appreciate it.
Whether it’s the crisper drawer of a refrigerator or a 2,000-bottle offsite storage unit, a Beer Geek recognizes that beer is a time-sensitive product that sometimes requires a month or a decade to mature. Potential domiciles are carefully evaluated for their beer storage and temperature control capabilities.
Beer-centric vacations (beercations) — focused on visiting breweries, bars, and general regions that specialize in sought-after beer — are the norm. Beer is always brought back for in-home consumption and sharing, and a Beer Geek is intimately familiar with an airline’s baggage policy. To facilitate hotel-room quaffing (and expand drinking time), a Beer Geek typically travels with a tulip glass.
There is a social aspect to being a Beer Geek. Attending tastings, frequenting brewery taprooms, camping outside of liquor stores, etc. not only permit a Beer Geek to stay in the loop of local happenings, but also provide opportunities to share knowledge of the latest beery news. Inevitably, a Beer Geek’s circle of friends will be made up of fellow Beer Geeks.
Budding Beer Geeks quickly realize that the best and most-desired beer happens to be that which is not distributed to one’s home state. It is essential that Beer Geeks know which breweries are in their local beer distribution system, but also the distribution portfolio of other areas so they can best determine how to acquire that must-have beer.
The craft beer scene changes rapidly, and one must stay vigilant to keep informed. In addition to being locally involved, a Beer Geek regularly cruises internet beer forums, follows breweries’ social media feeds, maintains beer magazine subscriptions, and reads the latest beer books. A month or two out of touch will cause a Beer Geek to miss out on limited releases or epic tappings, causing a downward spiral that will surely lead to misery and desolation.
While Beer Geeks love their brews, they’re also stewards of the craft and, as such, have a responsibility to enlighten those less fortunate than themselves. The following scenarios are designed to help clarify some of the finer points of Beer Geekery when it comes to interacting with non-geeks.
1. You’re on your way to a ball game with some friends. After parking a mile away in an effort to save a couple bucks, you decide to pop into a neighborhood pub for a quick round. Saddling up to the bar, you’re confronted with the following. Which do you choose?
2. Your friend is throwing a big BBQ bash for his birthday. You show up and after you hand the host his gift, he pops open the cooler and asks what you’d like to drink. With a quick survey of the following, which do you choose?
3. You’re heading to your annual family get-together and your aunt has asked everyone to bring beer or wine to share. After swinging by your favorite bottle shop, what six-pack is buckled safely into your dedicated beer car seat?
Beer Geeks don’t typically fit into an easily recognizable mold, at least not in a physical sense. They come in skinny, rotund, old, and young. Outside of a Toppling Goliath shirt or a BREW OR DIE tattoo, there are not many ways to pick them out of a crowd. Instead, behavioral cues based on the Beer Geek Ten Commandments will tip you off to a person’s affinity for fancy suds.
Unsurprisingly, the non–Beer Geek populous often mistakenly thinks that anybody who drinks great amounts of craft beer is automatically a Beer Geek. Meet the usual suspects . . .
Craft Drunk. Knowledgeable about craft beer, particularly when it comes to high-ABV bruisers. An expert on the expected amount of alcohol in beers with names that include “double,” “imperial,” or “extreme.” Considers an entire bomber a single beer and is the life of the beer tasting.
Ticker. If it ain’t rare, it doesn’t exist. The Ticker’s only desire is to obtain and display the most hyped, rare beer. Once the beer has been drunk, there is no point in ever trying it again (hence the name, as the beer has been “ticked” off a list). Frequently posts beer “haul” photos on social media sites and makes snide remarks on beer trading websites. Has never drunk a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Also, often a Glass Snob (see Glassware: Always a Proper Vessel).
The Old Guy. Fell in love with craft beer during the ’90s brewery boom and still refers to all craft beer as either “microbrews” or “imports.” Avoids overly hoppy or funky beers but has a deep appreciation for the Euro classics. Has a best friend who used to own or work at a brewery, usually Charlie Papazian or Larry Bell. Often seen at chain brewpubs drinking mugs of kolsch and wearing a Pete’s Wicked Ale T-shirt.
The Foodie. Has a profound love of culinary adjectives. Does not eat vanilla pudding but rather French-made, hand-curdled blancmange made from heirloom miniature Dutch cow milk. Applies same gusto to beers. Asks unsuspecting servers ingredient-sourcing questions such as Did they use whole leaf hibiscus in this saison? Is the coffee in this stout shade-grown? Tell me about the upbringing of these New Zealand hops . . .
Beer Hipster. Longing for nostalgia (and broke from buying hundred-dollar hand-stenciled neck scarves), the average hipster often opts for retro-labeled canned adjunct lagers (perhaps not knowing they’re just rebranded and brewed by industrial conglomerates). Identified by their combination of a waxed moustache and an affinity for beers or breweries with literary names (preferably nineteenth-century Russian authors).
Granola Junkie. Loves mountain-centric activities (hiking, skiing, biking) and beer. Opts for breweries that have at least one collaboration beer with a musician whose apparel portfolio includes tie-dye (preferably a bluegrass or jam band musician). Prefers low-ABV, balanced beers that lend themselves to activity-based imbibing.
Check yes or no to indicate whether the following apply to you. Total your yes responses to see how much of a Beer Geek you already are.
| YES | NO | Have you ever . . . |
| ❏ | ❏ | 1. been caught swirling and sniffing a glass of tap water prior to drinking it |
| ❏ | ❏ | 2. brought your own glass to a beer tasting? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 3. transferred your beer from a pint glass to a wine glass while at a bar? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 4. provided beer suggestions to a stranger at a liquor store? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 5. had a liquor store set beer aside for you without asking? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 6. been on a beercation? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 7. flown Southwest purely because of their “two free bags” policy (both of yours were cases of beer)? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 8. camped outside a brewery or liquor store? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 9. asked what vintage a beer is? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 10. hosted a “cellar cleaning” party and genuinely hoped that people didn’t bring more beer? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 11. used the term barnyard to describe a beer you enjoyed? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 12. worn two pairs of pants on the plane to make more room for beer in your luggage? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 13. given a cellar-worthy beer as a baby-shower present with instructions for it to be opened on the kid’s 21st birthday. |
| ❏ | ❏ | 14. returned a beer served in a frozen glass, along with an explanation of the temperature-sensitive nature of aromatic hop oils and yeast esters? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 15. called someone by their BeerAdvocate.com or RateBeer.com username? |
| Do you . . . | ||
| ❏ | ❏ | 16. know who Tomme Arthur is? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 17. know the difference between hoppy and bitter? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 18. have a beer cellar? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 19. know what the acronym ISO stands for? |
| ❏ | ❏ | 20. have the number of your store’s beer guy saved in your phone? |