* A working routine is essential for any household to run smoothly. Establish a routine as soon as possible, whether it is to resettle a baby or accommodate a young adult.
* House rules vary between households but all households need them. They are there for the benefit of all family members; make sure everyone in the house knows what is expected of them, and that the house rules are adhered to by all.
* Acceptable behaviour is the only behaviour that you will accept, and is put in place and upheld by using the 3Rs.
* Children need to learn that cause leads to effect; that they are responsible for their actions. This is achieved through rewarding positive behaviour and sanctioning negative behaviour; but remember, a reward need only be verbal praise.
* Boundaries and guidelines for acceptable behaviour must be clear and consistent at all times and in all situations.
* Never give in to a child’s demands. You can compromise later if you feel it is appropriate, but once you have reasonably requested your child to do something or not to do something, or made a decision, stand by it.
* Assume positive behaviour, and start each day afresh.
* Assert enough control over your children to discipline and guide them, but not so much that it squashes individuality and character.
* Never refer to yourself in the third person; when talking to your child use ‘I’, not ‘Mummy/Daddy’.
* Never shout, smack or fly into a tantrum – you will set a bad example and one that will be followed by your child. Remain calm when dealing with negative behaviour, and if necessary take time out to calm down.
* Remember it is the behaviour that is at fault and not the child – ‘That was a silly thing to do.’ However, praise the child personally for positive behaviour – ‘Well done, Tom. How sensible of you.’
* Don’t avoid disciplining your child because you don’t want to be in his or her bad books. Being disliked by our children sometimes is part of parenting, so don’t take it personally.
* Be sensitive to any factors that might be affecting your child’s behaviour, but do not let those factors become an excuse for unacceptable behaviour.
* Treat all siblings equally and fairly, and never make comparisons between one child and another, regarding either their failings or their achievements.
* Make full use of the closed choice for gaining your child’s cooperation.
* Be on the lookout for hidden worries. If your child’s behaviour dramatically deteriorates, investigate.
* Teach your child respect for others and property, both within the family and the community at large. Respect is the backbone of all societies; without it lawlessness and anarchy result.
* Spend quality time with your son or daughter whatever their age, and make sure your child has ‘free’ time when he or she amuses themselves.
* Respect your child’s right to privacy, particularly with the older child, as he or she must respect yours.
* Don’t criticise, satirise or make fun of your child; many adults can’t cope with being laughed at, and your child won’t be able to.
* Give your child age-appropriate responsibility for looking after his or her own needs, as well as their own decision making, but not so much that they feel overburdened or anxious.
* Keep the lines of communication open by talking to your child, teen or young adult, as well as actively listening. Take their views seriously, although you don’t need to agree with them.
* Give your child a good diet with plenty of fresh food. Children need to eat regularly and have plenty of fluids. If your child has a behavioural problem, pay particular attention to additives.
* Make sure your child has enough sleep; a tired child is a fractious one.