Zeke lay in the grass, Morgan’s soft, hot body cushioning his, struggling to breathe. He felt outside himself. As if he’d shucked his skin somehow, become something else, been reborn.
He was aware of the movement of air over his skin, every particle of it, and of the sun on his back, warming him. The crisp scent of crushed grass and earth was all around him, underlain with the musky, vanilla sweetness that was all Morgan.
Morgan.
The aftershocks of the most intense climax he’d ever had were echoing through him and he could barely think. But he had enough presence of mind to shift so his full weight wasn’t pressing down on her. Then he looked down into her face.
Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes brilliant, her beautiful mouth curving as she looked up at him.
Hell, he’d gone at her like an animal and she was smiling.
“Are you okay?” he managed to force out, his voice rougher than the bottom of a riverbed.
Morgan stretched beneath him like a sleepy cat and already his body was starting to get interested again. “What do you think?” Her smile had a sensual, smoky quality to it that made his heart beat faster. “I. Am. Spectacular.”
That was true. She certainly was.
Strange, though. He should be shocked at himself for the way he’d taken her, pushing her down into the grass without even a word. Especially when he’d been telling himself all morning that they were only supposed to have a night.
Yet he didn’t feel shocked. He just felt…happy. The way he did at the beginning of a long expedition, with the prospect of wild, untamed country ahead of him and absolutely zero interaction with anyone for days.
He’d gone back to his campsite after Izzy had left because he’d craved some time alone. He’d needed some silence to think through what had happened in the Moose and how his friends had reacted to finding out he was the son of the same oil magnate who’d been interested in Deep River’s reserves.
They hadn’t been angry with him for not telling them. They’d been angry with him for thinking he could handle it on his own. And he’d been on the point of realizing they were angry not because they thought he couldn’t handle it due to his own limitations, but because army buddies had your back no matter who you were. And then Morgan had come crashing into his camp.
Instantly he’d felt the way he had back at the Moose with everyone looking at him like he was someone to pity. Because of course she was only here for one thing: to look after him, make sure he was okay. Treating him as if he was someone who needed her protection, a lost kid or a derelict drunk.
Someone defective, not a grown-ass man who could look after himself.
He shouldn’t have been so angry with her. He shouldn’t have confronted her. But she’d sat across the fire from him, just watching and giving him the silence he desperately craved. Yet he was so aware that’s not what he wanted from her. Or at least that wasn’t only what he wanted from her.
He’d wanted her to find him not because she wanted to take care of him but because she needed him to take care of her.
And she had. She really had.
He shifted again, putting one elbow beside her head, leaning on one hand and looking down into her eyes. Then with the other, he gently pushed one lock back from her forehead before running the tip of his finger down the little curve of her nose. Her skin was soft and warm and damp, and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and brushing his mouth over hers. Didn’t want to stop himself, if he was honest.
He didn’t want to think about anything but this—not the future or the past. Right now, those two things didn’t exist. There was only this moment and the two of them, naked under the sun.
“You are spectacular,” he replied, agreeing as he lifted his head. “The prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Her smile was even more brilliant than the sun above them. She touched his cheek, stroking down his jaw to his neck, then trailing down to his shoulder. “Back at you,” she said, her voice a little scratchy.
“Am I really the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen?” He hadn’t meant it as a joke, but her laugh made all the blood in his veins fizz like champagne.
“If you want to be pretty, then you’re pretty,” she allowed. “I’m not judging. Phenomenal also fits.”
Smiling didn’t come naturally to him, but he could feel the corners of his mouth turn up now, because she was irresistible and the lightness inside him was just sitting there, making him feel better than he had in months, if not years. “I’m certainly phenomenal at making you come.”
Morgan’s eyes widened. “Zeke Montgomery, are you smiling? Is this a miracle?”
The lightness spread out inside him, illuminating the dark places inside him. He gave a laugh and bent to kiss her again. “I’ve been known to smile.” He kissed her again, deeper this time. “Sometimes.”
She kissed him back, her hands moving over his chest and down, stroking him with trembling fingers as if she wanted him just as badly as she had before they’d made love.
He really liked that. He really liked how she needed him and how he could fulfill that need, because it had been so long since anyone had wanted things from him that he could give. Too often they wanted things he couldn’t. Either that or they just didn’t want anything at all.
But Morgan did, which meant he’d give her all he had and more.
She’s making you feel better after all.
Yeah, she was. But he could live with that.
She sighed into his mouth, her kiss getting hungrier, so for a time he let her take what she wanted from him, let her explore and taste, holding back nothing. Then he rolled over onto his back, taking her with him so she straddled him, naked and beautiful, her hair a red glory in the sun. And he showed her how to ride him in a way that would give them both the most pleasure and lost himself in her once again.
Sometime later, when they were both sated for the moment, Zeke went into the tent, got his sleeping mat and sleeping bag, brought them out, and laid the sleeping mat down beside the fire so she could sit on it, while draping the sleeping bag around her to keep her warm.
She didn’t protest or tell him that she was fine. And she didn’t start asking after him or fussing around with getting him food. She simply sat there and let him take care of her, which pleased both of them intensely.
He moved around the campsite finding what was left of his supplies—a couple of energy bars, some dried fruit, and some chocolate—then bringing them over to her. Then he sat and pulled her into his arms, settling her comfortably in his lap and pulling the sleeping bag around them, before presenting her with bits of chocolate and dried fruit to eat.
She sighed, leaning back into him, her body warm and silky against his. “I like this. This is perfect.”
He nuzzled the side of her neck, inhaling her delicious scent. “You have work to do though, right? You can go if you need to.”
“Do you see me desperate to get away?” She ate a piece of dried apple. “I haven’t got anything that can’t wait. Although, now that I say that…” She rested her head against his shoulder, then glanced up at him. “Do you want to hear what we decided?”
It took him a few moments to realize she was talking about the offer Izzy had brought, which made him feel extremely grumpy. He didn’t want to think about that right now. He didn’t want to think about it at all.
But it didn’t matter what he wanted. Shit kept happening, regardless of his feelings about it, and the quicker they dealt with this particular crappy situation, the better.
“Yeah, go on,” he said, shoving away his bad temper and tightening his hold on her instead. “Tell me.”
“We’re planning on a town meeting tomorrow night to tell everyone about the offer. Then we’ll need to hear what the offer actually is and then vote on whether to take it.” She paused. “Since you’re an owner, they’ll probably need to know about you and your links to your father’s oil company.”
“Okay,” he said easily. He was done with secrets and if the town knew he’d be happier. “I’ve got no issues with that.”
Morgan touched the side of his face briefly, a comforting touch that he thought was instinctive, and it made him feel warm. He wasn’t into casual touches, but he could see himself liking Morgan’s.
“There’s something else,” she murmured slowly.
“What?”
She hesitated, then said, “I think you should tell them yourself, Zeke.”
A thread of cold wound through him despite Morgan’s warmth. “What? You mean get up in front everyone?”
“Yes. Tell them who you are. Tell them how you went all the way down to Houston to stop your father from taking Deep River. Tell them how important the wilderness, the environment is to you. Tell them—”
“No,” he interrupted, only just stopping himself from putting her away from him, getting up, and walking away. “I can’t. You know I’m not good at all that people stuff. I get up in front of everyone…I won’t make anything better. I’ll just make it worse.”
But a fierce light shone in her eyes. “You won’t. Everyone here prefers honesty and they like it when people are straight up, and you have that in spades. And they prefer action to talk, just like you.”
“No,” he repeated. “Silas and Damon should—”
“Silas and Damon don’t know anything about how that oil stuff works. But you do. You can tell them what will happen if they decide the money’s more important than this town. You can tell them why they shouldn’t want an oil company coming in and tearing up the land. You can answer their questions because you have firsthand experience.”
She thought this was a brilliant idea, he could see that. She thought it was important.
“Why?” he asked. “Why is that important?”
“Well, what if someone decides to take the offer?”
“You told me they wouldn’t. That no one wanted the oil company here.”
“Well, you said it’d be a lot of money.” She pulled at the sleeping bag that was slipping off her shoulders. “I’d like to think most people would refuse it, but I don’t know for sure. There may be some who don’t understand what they’re letting themselves in for. Who can only see the dollar signs. You could tell them, make it clear what’ll happen to this place if they decide to take the money.”
He felt a pang at that, a tugging at his heart. This beautiful country dug up for oil. Rigs and machinery everywhere, the silence of this clearing gone. The moose and squirrels vanished. The river turned brown with sludge…
Zeke looked away, his heartbeat thudding. This was important to her, he could hear it in her voice. Hell, it was important to him too—he’d never liked the industry his family was a part of, and he had never wanted to involve himself in it.
But he knew his own limitations, and if she was counting on him to somehow convince people not to take millions of dollars in oil cash? Well, she was asking the wrong person.
He looked back at her. “Morgan, when I say I can’t do that people stuff, it’s not because I don’t like it. Or because I just won’t do it. It’s because I can’t.” He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t like thinking about what he could and couldn’t do, the reminders of his own weaknesses. Telling himself that other people were the issue was much easier than having to admit that the issue was him. But there was no help for it. She had to know.
“I’ve never been able to,” he went on. “All that…social crap, being nice, being approachable. Being friendly. Small talk. Chatting. Conversation… It’s not just something I find difficult—I can’t actually do it. Even when I’m trying, I can’t. I don’t read social cues well, and I can’t lie. I’ve never been able to. You need someone good at that crap, like Damon. You can’t put me up in front of people because I won’t do anything but alienate them.”
“No, you won’t.” She shook her head. “We don’t need nice and approachable, Zeke. We don’t need friendly. What we need is someone who’s going to tell the truth.”
Frustration coiled inside him, the urge to get up and leave getting stronger.
But she must have been able to sense it because she put a hand on his chest, her palm warm on his skin. “Is that really the issue though, Zeke? What’s actually bothering you?” She rubbed her thumb over him. “Take your time.”
The warmth from her palm flowed into him, and strangely, the tight coil of frustration began to ease. She meant what she said. She wasn’t going to rush him. She could wait until he got his thoughts in order.
He let out a breath, trying to figure out the tangle of emotion knotting in his gut. “There’s a reason Dad lied to me about Deep River,” he said after a moment. “Because he knew I’d never be able to tell. He knew I’d take him at face value. He…” Zeke stopped, an old familiar shame twisting inside him. “He didn’t give a shit about me. And I always knew that about him—hell, I was never the son he wanted, he made that obvious enough, telling me I was stupid and defective. That I wasn’t normal. But I couldn’t stop thinking that maybe…maybe I was wrong. Maybe he did give a shit after all. Except he didn’t. He really didn’t.”
Morgan’s gaze was full of concern, a deep crease between her brows. “Zeke—”
“No,” he interrupted, tension gathering inside him again. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not some little kid—”
“I know you’re not.” Her palm pressed flat to his chest all of a sudden. “I’m not pitying you, okay? I’m being sympathetic. Your father sounds awful and there’s no excuse for it. A parent should love their child no matter what.”
Zeke looked away, unable to bear the look in her eyes, sympathy or otherwise.
The pressure of Morgan’s hand increased, pressing against him like a small warm stone, and again, though he had no idea why, the sensation felt relaxing rather than making him even more tense.
“I can’t change what your father did or how he made you feel,” she said quietly. “But for what it’s worth, I think he’s wrong. You’re not stupid or defective, and as for normal, what’s normal anyway? There’s no normal here. Only people. And people are all different.” She rubbed her thumb over him again. “You’re blunt and you’re stubborn and yes, you’re frustrating as hell sometimes. But you’re also kind and caring and protective. You let those friends of yours drag you around introducing you to people, even though you hated it, because it was important to them. I mean, the whole reason you’re here in the first place is because you cared about Caleb. Looking out for his little sister mustn’t have been high on your list of priorities, right?”
He could hear that note in her voice, the one that told him she was gently teasing him, and the tension inside him eased still further.
He glanced down at her, met her warm blue gaze. “No. It wasn’t.”
She smiled. “But you did it anyway. And I have to tell you, you’re doing an excellent job.”
“Morgan—”
“I know you don’t want to do this, bear,” she went on with gentle insistence. “But it would mean a lot to me if you did. Because I think right now, Deep River needs you.”
Yet he couldn’t help saying, “If my own father didn’t care what I had to say, why would the people of Deep River?”
Her hands slid up his chest, leaving little trails of fire on his skin. “Well, I’m a person of Deep River and I care what you have to say.” There was no sign of the no-nonsense cop now. Her expression was all earnestness and belief. “I think you can do this, Zeke. And I think you could make a difference.”
The words struck echoes inside him whether he wanted them to or not. She needed him. She thought he could make a difference.
“I can’t promise anything,” he finally said gruffly. “But I’ll think about it.”
She didn’t push. Only gave him a long look and then nodded. “That’s fair.” Her attention dropped to her hands on his chest, long fingered and pale against his tanned skin. “And I just want you to know that I understand what it’s like to have a few…family issues.”
He generally wasn’t interested in people’s emotional lives, not when he could barely deal with his own, but he found that he very much wanted to know about Morgan’s, to have some insight into her.
Plus, he wouldn’t complain about a change of subject because he was sick of talking about himself.
Zeke settled her more comfortably into the crook of his arm. “You want to tell me about them?”
“No.” Morgan’s mouth curved in a wry smile. “But you talked about yours, so it’s only fair. Plus, I did bring it up, so I guess a part of me does.”
He leaned forward and picked up another piece of chocolate. “Need an incentive?”
“Okay,” Morgan said in long suffering tones. “Twist my rubber arm.”
He fed her the chocolate. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you.”
“I know. It’s my own sense of fairness that’s doing the forcing, damn it.”
She looked annoyed with herself, which was so endearing he had to lean down and kiss her. “Here’s another incentive,” he murmured against her mouth.
Morgan sighed. “That rubber arm just keeps twisting. Mmmm.”
“So, what about your family?”
She sighed again, a rueful expression on her face. “I guess distraction won’t work?”
“Hey, you brought it up.”
“True.”
She snuggled against him, her bright hair brushing against his skin, and he tightened his arm around her, enjoying the feeling of holding her close, of sheltering her. Of keeping her safe.
Yeah, that’s probably not something you should be getting used to.
He shoved the thought away. He wasn’t getting used to it. He was just enjoying it.
“I told you my mom left, right? Well, Dad was angry and bitter after that. Cal was always the apple of his eye, and he didn’t really know what to do with a daughter.”
Zeke frowned at that. “Why wouldn’t he know? A kid is a kid.”
A ripple of expression passed over Morgan’s face, as if she liked what he’d said, which was odd since he was just stating the obvious.
“You would think,” she said. “But no. Cal was his favorite and I suppose he thought that I was Mom’s.”
This time he heard the echo of pain in Morgan’s voice loud and clear. He focused on her face, trying to read the shifting currents of her emotions. “Except you weren’t?”
She let out a long breath, her lashes falling as she looked down at her hands now folded on top of the sleeping bag wrapped around her. “I suppose, if I have to be honest, it wasn’t all about Dad.”
No, he could see that. “Tell me about your mom then.”
Her expression twisted. “Mom hated Deep River. She was a city girl through and through. She hated the isolation. Hated the mountains. Hated how it was so small and ‘mean,’ or at least that’s what she called it. But I didn’t hate it. I loved it and I thought…well, I thought she’d be much happier if I could make her love it too.”
That didn’t surprise him. That seemed to be Morgan all the way. He tightened his arm a fraction more since she seemed to like being held. “It didn’t work?”
“No.” Morgan leaned her head against his chest, as if searching instinctively for comfort, and it made his heart catch. “I worried about her all the time. I liked to be near her, doing things for her. I was quite emotionally sensitive as a kid and I always knew when she was unhappy, which was pretty much all the time. I hated it. I wanted to make her feel better. But she said I was too clingy, too suffocating. She wanted me to leave her alone and that was…hard.”
Zeke could see that. He could also see her mother’s perspective too. “It must have been tough,” he said. “For both of you.”
She sighed. “Yes, it was. I don’t blame Mom. It couldn’t have been easy to be so unhappy and always having me in her face constantly needing reassurance. Anyway, she finally decided to leave Dad when I was about ten. I could sense that she’d been building up to it so I…I tried to change her mind. Brought her flowers, sang her songs, drew her pictures, just tried to be as aggressively caregiving as possible.”
Zeke grunted. “She didn’t like that?”
“Big understatement. No, she did not. Basically she got very angry and then confronted Dad, telling him she was leaving.”
Morgan’s attention was still on her hands, and all he could see was the bright fall of her hair. But he didn’t need to see her face to understand what she was telling him.
“You thought you made her leave,” he said, since that seemed the obvious conclusion.
She looked up at him suddenly and he caught a glimpse of old pain in her gaze. “I heard them arguing that night. Dad wanted her to take me with her, since he didn’t know what to do with me, but Mom…” She stopped abruptly and turned her head away. “Mom said she couldn’t take me, that I was too much. That I was too needy and clingy and it was driving her crazy.” She hesitated. “And then a few years after that, Cal left. And then Dad just…kind of lost interest in anything, including me. And there’s a part of me that wonders sometimes if…the problem was me. If I drove them away.”
* * *
The words were out before she could stop them, a secret fear she’d never voiced to anyone, that she’d barely even acknowledged to herself.
And once they were out, Morgan wished she hadn’t said anything because they sounded as needy and as desperate as her mother once accused her of being.
She’d only been going to tell Zeke about her dad since he’d been so honest with her, wanting to let him know he wasn’t alone in having a parent who didn’t seem to care.
But she hadn’t expected to start telling him about her mother or about her deeper secret fears and now she felt vulnerable and exposed.
She didn’t know why she’d looked up at him when she’d told him that. She didn’t want to see the expression on his face, a part of her—the little girl who’d sat on the stairs listening to her parents argue about who got stuck looking after her—afraid she would somehow see agreement. Or maybe confirmation. Or perhaps he’d even see what it was that her parents saw whenever they looked at her: a needy, clingy, emotional little girl who neither of them knew what to do with.
But Zeke’s dark gaze betrayed nothing but curiosity. “How could you have done that? You just said your mom left because she hated Deep River, not you. I don’t know why Caleb left, but he never said anything about you and I don’t think it could have been. He wouldn’t have left just because he didn’t like his sister. And as for your dad, well, it sounds like he was angry about Cal. It wasn’t you.”
He said everything so flatly and logically, without any of the emotion she’d always attached to it, and somehow that helped.
Yet she couldn’t help saying, “I looked after Dad a lot after Mom left. I wanted to show him that he didn’t need to do a thing for me, that he didn’t have to take care of me. That I’d take care of myself and him too. He never protested, but he was never all that thankful either. Perhaps he found that too suffocating too.”
Zeke frowned. “If he didn’t tell you to stop, then he can’t have found it too suffocating. What about Cal? What makes you think you drove him away?”
“Being an annoying little sister, I guess. I used to follow him around after Mom left. Worrying about him too.” And she had, always hanging around him, even when he was with his friends. Always being told to go away.
But Zeke shook his head. “No. Cal left for other reasons. It wasn’t you.”
“How would you know? You said he never mentioned it.”
“Because I have a little sister,” Zeke said as if it was perfectly obvious. “And I didn’t leave Houston because of her. In fact, I worried about her a lot after I left. Cal would have been the same.”
He seemed so sure, and why wouldn’t he be? He was Cal’s friend and even though they hadn’t talked about why Cal had left Deep River, Zeke would still have known him. Zeke probably knew him better than Morgan did.
“But Mom—” she began.
“Why are you arguing?” Zeke interrupted. “You don’t want it to be true. You don’t want them really to have left because of you, do you?”
“No.” She relaxed against him, all the resistance bleeding out of her. “I don’t.”
“So why are you wanting to take the blame?”
Well, now he put it like that…
“I don’t know,” she sighed. “I guess maybe I’m looking for some reasons why they all left me. For why I’m—” She broke off all of a sudden, not wanting to say it out loud.
Zeke had no such qualms. “For why you’re alone?”
She flushed, dropping her gaze to his bare chest, the chiseled planes and angles lovingly outlined by the sun. His skin was warm and velvety, with the light prickle of hair, and she couldn’t resist touching it, tracing little circles there.
“I suppose so,” she admitted.
“Being alone isn’t bad,” Zeke said, his voice a reassuring rumble of sound. “It’s only bad if you don’t want to be alone. And anyway, you’re not alone. You have a whole town looking out for you. They were all trying to warn me off you.”
“I do have them. And they’re great, but…” She trailed off, not knowing if he’d even be able to understand that no, while being alone wasn’t bad, being lonely sure as hell was.
Then a finger caught her beneath the chin, tilting her head back gently, leaving her with no choice but to meet his dark eyes. It felt like he could see right inside her. “You want more than the town, don’t you?”
Her throat tightened.
He’s right—you want someone even though you’re telling yourself you don’t.
“They’re great,” she repeated, her voice unsteady. “They look out for me.”
“Sure, but not in the way I think you want them to, right?”
How did he know that? How could he see? When she hadn’t been aware of it herself until right in this moment?
“You say you’re not good with emotional stuff, Zeke Montgomery, but I call bullshit on that.”
He didn’t smile, his thumb stroking her chin gently, his steady gaze searching hers. “The town looks out for Officer West, that’s true. And for Morgan West, Cal’s sister. But who looks out for just Morgan?”
Her eyes prickled. She had no answer to that, none at all.
“It’s okay,” Zeke said softly. “I can do that for you, sunshine girl. If you need someone to look out for you, to take care of you, I can do that.”
And just like that, leaning against his heat, feeling the strength of him surrounding her and seeing the certainty in his eyes, the tightness in her chest seemed to relax and disappear entirely. All her resistance fading away.
There were doubts inside her, many doubts, but right in this moment, she didn’t want to listen to them. What she wanted was to feel as if she had someone to take care of her, someone of her very own.
“But if you want that, you’re going to have to let me,” Zeke added, his gaze serious. “And you’re going to have to be honest about what you want.”
She could hear it in his voice, a deep vibrating note. This was important to him. Well, she’d promised she wouldn’t lie to him, hadn’t she?
“Okay,” she said. “But are you sure you want to—”
“Yes,” he interrupted without hesitation, and there was no doubting the fierce light in his eyes now. “I want to. I want to do this for you, Morgan.”
She couldn’t deny him. Not when it was what she wanted too.
“Okay,” she said simply. “I’d like that very much.”
The look in his eyes flared, brighter than the flames of the fire beside them, and she knew she’d given him something precious that he’d wanted. It made the warmth in her chest spread out, streaming like light through her.
She couldn’t resist reaching up to touch his face, running her fingers along the length of his strong jaw, tracing the curve of his beautifully carved mouth.
He was special, this man. Special in ways that only made themselves apparent as she’d gotten to know him. He was like the wilderness, wild and uncompromising. Yet full of beauty and a rough kindness, like the soft touch of warm sun on her skin.
“You’re a wonderful man,” she said softly, looking into his dark eyes. “You know that, don’t you?”
He caught her fingers in his and gently kissed her fingertips. “No. But when you look at me like that, I sure feel like one.”
“Believe it.” She gazed solemnly at him. “Remember I told you that I wouldn’t lie to you? Well, I’m not lying now. If I believe you’re a wonderful man, then it’s true.”
He smiled then, that rare smile of his, slow and sweet, and her heart smoldered, then caught fire, glowing like an ember in her chest.
“Do you have anywhere to go this afternoon, Officer West?”
She’d changed somehow, she could feel it. Her skin felt sensitized and a little raw, and her heart was burning inside her, but she didn’t want to think too deeply about it, so she only smiled back at him. “Hmmm. I’m not sure. I’ll have to check my schedule.”
“Make time for me, sunshine girl.” He gently bit the tip of one finger, heat building in his gaze. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
“Oh, well, in that case.” Morgan reached for him and pulled his mouth down on hers.